A/N : I finished writing this chapter yesterday, but the wi-fi connection at my hometown was lousy. I am currently using the mobile version of fanfiction to publish this chapter, so please let me know if there's any problem with it. (I've never used mobile fanfiction to publish any chapters.) So sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 19 : Confession
Snape had been pacing in Harry's room for more than half an hour. It was only 5am in the morning, three hours after Harry's scream gave Snape access to his room. At this time of the morning, a sleeping Harry was positively normal, but the fever Harry was having wasn't. As if waking up from his daydream, Snape ran a diagnostics spell on Harry for the fifth time of the hour. The scan shows a body temperature of 39 degree Celcius. This temperature had maintained for two hours, and Snape finally made up his mind to brew a fever-reducing potion for Harry. Casting a charm so that he would be notified once Harry wakes up, Snape moved to the lab to work.
The fever-reducing potion was actually an easy potion to brew. It's just that wizards don't normally get fever that needs to be calmed by a potion, so Snape had left his supply at Hogwarts when he and Harry took off to Prince Manor. He regretted that now, but some part of him was relieved that at least he had something meaningful to do instead of waiting aimlessly in Harry's room for him to wake up. Gathering the ingredients, Snape started to work. The potion was completed in less than one hour.
When Snape returned to Harry's room, he saw a distressed Harry laying on the bed, taking short and raspy breaths as if he had just finished a marathon. Cold sweat could be seen trickling down from his forehead and his shirt was obviously drenched in perspiration. In short, Harry was in a state of agony, giving Snape an insight of how dreadful the last nightmare Harry had been.
Snape reached Harry's side in two brisk steps and put a calming hand on Harry's shoulders. To his delight, Harry didn't shrink away from his touch. Instead, he leaned slightly towards Snape, desperate for comfort. Snape allowed himself to indulge in the satisfaction of being trusted by Harry before fishing out a flask of calming draught for his patient. "Here, Harry, drink this." By Harry's state of mind, Snape was positive that Harry had no idea what potion the flask contained, but he downed it anyway. Needless to say, Harry's new trust towards Snape was flourishing.
The effect of the calming draught was instantaneous. The tension within Harry's shoulders visibly dissipated. "Harry, control your breathing. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…" After a few routines, Harry exited from the state of panic. Not wanting to trigger further panic attacks, Snape decided to leave the issue of nightmares for another day and leave Harry to sleep. "This is a fever-reducing potion, take it, and sleep." Seeing that Harry's eyelids were about to shut, that wasn't a particular difficult instruction to obey. Gulping down the potion, Harry fell asleep almost immediately.
Snape tucked Harry to bed, barely resisting the urge to kiss Harry gently on his forehead. As he watched the periodic rise and fall of Harry's chest, he couldn't deny the overwhelming feeling of parental protection he had over Harry. "I'm not his father. I only feel so because he is my student. I would do the same for any of my Slytherins." He tried to convince himself, but a small part in him knew that it was a downright lie. However, he chose to ignore that rational voice in him for the time being. Slowly, he succumbed to exhaustion and dropped asleep too on a comfortable chair beside Harry's bed.
Lily was standing on a swing, with a lily petal clipped to her hair. She was using her magic to make the swing move without pushing it. Her smile was infectious, and it was proven when a younger Snape was seen laughing happily sitting on a tree. However, another girl, slightly older than Lily, was scowling at the scene before her. Staring at Lily for a few moments, the girl turned to leave, and Lily rushed after her, leaving Snape standing alone under the tree.
Lily was crying on Snape's shoulders. "Tuney was furious that she did not receive the letter to Hogwarts. She called me a freak and refused to acknowledge my presence since then. Am I going to lose a sister for being a witch?" "Shhh…I will accompany you to talk to Tuney. We will talk sense into her. And keep in mind that I will always be with you no matter what happens."
Lily put on the Sorting Hat eagerly. "Gryffindor!" the hat announced. She trotted happily to the Gryffindor table. Her new housemates were cheering for her. They enjoyed having the prettiest witch of the year in their house. Several students later, Snape paced towards the Sorting Hat and put it on. He was nervous. He knew he would most likely be sorted into Slytherin, but he didn't want to lose Lily's friendship. "Slytherin!" He took a glimpse at Lily and saw her smile gently at him, assuring him that their friendship could survive this inter-house rivalry.
Snape and Lily were indulging in chocolates at Honeydukes. It was Lily's birthday. Snape produced a present from his pockets. Lily opened it happily to reveal a bracelet with her initial carved. "Thanks Severus, I love this. I will keep it with me until I die." Snape blushed furiously when Lily kissed his palm.
"Mudblood!" Snape regretted the moment the words left his mouth. Lily turned away from him, the hurt in her eyes too obvious to be ignored. "Lily…" Lily walked to her dormitory without another backward glance."
My Lord, please, could you spare Harry's mother? She…she once helped me when I was abused by my father and bullied by the Gryffindors." "No promises, but I will not kill her unless needed. She's only a mudblood, Severus. She doesn't deserve your care." "No, I don't deserve her." Snape clenched his fist to prevent himself from breaking down in front of the Dark 's body laid dead on the floor. She was clutching something in her hand. Snape knelt down and gently prised open her hand. A bracelet. The bracelet Snape gave her for her thirteen birthday. "Severus, there's a letter for you from Lily." Snape opened the letter carefully, as if any movement might cause it to turn into ashes. "Severus, I forgive you. Please forgive yourself, and take care of Harry for me. I trust you." Tears streamed down Snape's cheeks, blurring his vision.
Harry was walking into the Great Hall, a scrawny first year with a nest of black hair, so alike his father. Snape scowled at the boy that reminded him of his childhood tormentor. But when the boy looked up, it was Lily's eyes that bore into Snape, leaving his feelings in his feelings in turmoil.
Snape was taunting Harry in the potions lesson. A brief hurt and self-loathing was reflected in his eyes before a defiant mask slipped up. "You always pick on me, I hate you, dungeon bat," Harry muttered under his breath. "Detention."
"I'm a burden." A sobbing Harry told Snape.
"Lily… I'm sorry… I never…never want you dead, and I didn't take good care of Harry…I let you down…Sorry…And Harry…it's my fault…it's my fault you lost your parents…it was me…me…" Harry was just waking up when he heard Snape muttering under his breath. His face was contorted and tears were flowing down his cheeks. Concerned, Harry edged closer to his professor, trying to make sense out of his words. That was when he heard the confession. It's my fault you lost your parents. The words rang in his head and he knew he was going to black out any time soon.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S YOUR FAULT I LOST MY PARENTS?" Harry had completely forgotten that Snape was asleep when he yelled at him. It didn't matter though for Snape woke that moment, as any person would when being yelled at. "WHAT… DO YOU MEAN WITH IT'S YOUR FAULT I LOST MY PARENTS?" Harry repeated the question when Snape didn't reply to him. Snape blinked, then it dawned on him. What had he done?
Peering into the emerald eyes boring into his, he suddenly realized that there was no way he could deny Harry the truth. Inhaling sharply, he braced himself for the rage. "I was the one who told the Dark Lord the prophecy." Snape, death eater, prophecy, Voldemort. Yes, Harry knew it was the truth. He should have known. There was only one death eater that Dumbledore would protect.
Laughter, hysterical laughter threatened to engulf Harry. So he laughed and cackled madly like a madman, but he didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to care. Of course, the ones that he cared for either died or betrayed him. That was his life, it was nothing special. He regretted it that he had developed feelings towards Snape for the past month. And he thought it was mutual. Such a fool.
Snape knew Harry would be angry, and he didn't blame him. He had every right to be. Even Snape was furious with himself, so why won't be Harry? But still, he couldn't help the heartbreak when Harry ordered him out. He took one last look at the emerald eyes that were once Lily's and now Harry's, the two people that he let down most in his life. "I said OUT!" Harry screamed. Snape forced himself to break eye contact, and leave the eyes behind. That moment, he thought he would never see them again.
A/N : This chapter is more about Severus. I think it's time for him to put down some of his burden and darkest secret. Truth and understanding is the core to a stable and close relationship. Feedbacks?