If Only I Could Turn Back Time
Can the Doctor make the ultimate sacrifice to save Rose?
One shot
Rating: k+
The Doctor lay slumped against the wall of the Tardis, he was still wearing his torn blood stained shirt, his face was unwashed and his stubble had grown. In his hands lay Roses pink jacket – he held it to his face, it was all he had left of her now. He'd just been lying here for days, he didn't care about anything anymore – he'd sat here and cried since the moment he had lost her. The Doctor stood up and ran his fingers through his hair – he knew what he was going to do – he knew it went against everything he believed in but he'd gone over and over it in his mind and there was no other way. He made his way towards the control panel, his legs wobbly beneath him. He started to hit buttons as he wiped his blood shot eyes, he was pale and his cheek bones stuck out gaunt through his skin – he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep – all he could do was think. His trembling fingers started to hit the buttons harder and the Tardis began to whine as she started to fly. He knew she was protesting – she knew it was wrong – but he didn't care, he had to do this.
The Tardis came to a thud and the Doctor slowly walked towards the doors. He pulled his jacket around him blocking the view of Rose's blood and the rips in his shirt, he put his glasses on as he was unable to see due to the tears that stung in his eyes blurring his vision. He knew he had to do it – if he didn't then life wouldn't be worth living. Here he was, Earth 2005, and he was about to change history.
The Doctor began to walk through alleyways carefully scouring the neighborhood – he froze when he heard a female laugh. It was Rose's laugh – he'd know it anywhere – he took several jagged breaths in as her screams rang in his ears he could picture her dying again, he tried to block out the sound of her laughter because it revived every memory within him – everything he was trying so desperately to forget. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in, everything inside was telling him not to do this; to follow the rules, but his heart wouldn't let him. The Doctor watched as Rose walked by talking to a tall man in a black leather coat with a Northern accent – she was talking to him. He watched her and longed to reach out and hold her in his arms, but he knew he couldn't. Instead he slowly walked towards her flat.
Rose heard the letter box and ran to the door leaving the Doctor with her mum, there was a letter on scruffy notepaper – on the front it said Rose in elegant hand writing. Bemused Rose lent against the wall and opened the note,
My dearest Rose,
You don't know me – well not yet, and maybe you never will. There is a man in your flat right now – he calls himself the Doctor. I have to ask you one thing – please do this for me. Make him leave, send him away, never see him again, if you do you will only end up dead. Dead. You may think I'm crazy, you may think I'm lying, but please trust me. If you go with this man things will happen that should never happen – not to you.
Live – for me Rose – live
Rose looked at the note over and over again, no one had signed it and the writer seemed to think they knew her very well. She walked over to the window and looked out, there was a man dressed in a pin stripe suit with a long brown jacket on, his hair was a mess and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. He looked up and met her eyes, she gasped but kept the eye contact, she watched as small tears begun to fall from his eyes and he made no attempt to wipe them away. Rose looked at this man, he looked so alone and so fragile, but there was something familiar about him - something about him that made her want to trust him.
'Rose' the northern man called out, she didn't move but just watched the man who stood outside – he looked at her one last time and nodded.
The Doctor lent against the wall and watched Rose, his Rose, studying him – he knew he must sound crazy – look crazy – but as far as he was concerned he might as well be crazy. He didn't care how many paradoxes he may have set up, he didn't care that he'd broken every rule that he as a Time Lord had set, he didn't even care that his past had now changed. All that mattered was Rose was safe – she wouldn't die 20 billion years into the future, she wouldn't scream as she was slowly tortured as she tried to protect him, she would no longer have to sob in his arms as she slowly bled to death, nor would she have to sob hysterically as she realized she would never see him ever again – she would no longer have to watch the Doctor as he realized the inevitable ending; she wouldn't have to see him cry. The Doctor regretted Rose not being able to see the things she would have seen, knowing the wonders of the universe, becoming his closest and best friend, she would never be able to feel his love – but now she would never have to feel the pain of his lifestyle anymore. She could be normal, wake up, go to work, eat chips and go to bed – she would live to be an old lady.
The Doctor watched as his former self was thrown out of her flat, he watched her as she lent against the doorway questioning him with her eyes, he watched his regular Rose return to her life.
He slowly walked towards his Tardis and saw his heroic Rose in his mind, he saw her saving the day and the world. He may have to live with the pain and knowledge of her death, but at least she didn't – she would never know what it was like to die slowly in the arms of the man you love – and for that he was willing to destroy the universe in his attempt to protect her. He would give up all of his memories of her and their life together just for her safety, he would rip the universe apart for her and he knew that in preventing her death he had made the ultimate sacrifice - his life with her.
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