R.E.-Wolf-hello and welcome to the new chapter of resident squirrel! Here is our special guest…oh. Wait a second. Its just Badaxe…
General Badaxe- ok, like I said in the last chapter only friends and people I respect can call me plain Badaxe. You still have to add the General to it. However, I would like to thank Sara A. Wesker for supporting my name, so I don't care if she just calls me plain Badaxe. HOWEVER! Everyone else still has to add the General, get it straight people!
R.E.-Wolf-I don't care. You could be a king and I will still call u Badaxe.
General Badaxe- ok, now you are treading in dangerous water, specifically, the water with Neptune in it dangerous. Anyway "King Badaxe" sounds stupid. lets just get on with the fic, unless you have anything more to add.
R.E.-Wolf-should we put the MKTS in this one?
General Badaxe-We should, we can, and we will, I just got a really good idea for it…
R.E.-Wolf-now that I get the final say…ON WITH THE FIC!
Group 3 (AKA: the zombie torturing group)
Rebecca asks, "Why were you carrying around a bottle of vinegar?"
"Ummm…Well…..it's an ancient Chinese secret!" Jill replies.
"ok, ok, no need to get defensive" says Rebecca. "anyway, we should continue on, we might need better weapons than seed pistols."
"How do you know we will get better weapons?" asks Jill
"Simple, this is like the mansion; we HAVE to find better weapons." Replies Rebecca
The two girls decide to go right in a hallway that split into 3 directions. Down the hall, was just one zombie rat. The girls decided to be nice, and just shoot the thing. As they prepared to enter the next room, they heard a horrible ear splitting screech, somewhere behind them and to the right. (AN- General Badaxe- if you want to hear something close to the horrible screech, just imagine R.E.–Wolf singing in the shower, you will have nightmares.)
"What the Hell is that?" asks Jill while she was clutching her ears.
"No idea," says Rebecca "But I'm not sticking around to find out, she says as she dashes into the next room, with Jill following close behind her.
Group 2 (AKA- General Badaxe's funeral)
"So Billy…" says General Badaxe with a sly tone "Is that a combat knife in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
"SHUT UP YOU OARNGE BASTARD!" Screams Billy still trying to find and antidote to the Viagra he took a little bit ago. "Couldn't you just whip out an antidote out of nowhere and help me?" asks Billy
"I could…" say's General Badaxe with an evil tone, "Or I could just let you suffer for trying to kill me a couple of times. Hmmm….Decisions, Decisions…" says General Badaxe with an evil grin
"You know what?" says Billy "I really hate you."
"You've told me a couple of times already, and I have no doubt that you will say it a couple more times in the future." Says General Badaxe "Until then, I'm going to taunt you for a while, and possibly blackmail you like the jerk I am."
A black vortex of death appears above General Badaxe, and a plastic bottle falls on his head, and rolls to Billy.
"Oww…" says General Badaxe "Why does everything land on me you pathetic excuse for an author?"
R.E.-Wolf-three reasons: 1. I want them to. 2. I usually want someone to get pissed when I come into the story. And 3. because I hate you.
"I hate you too," says General Badaxe "I just wish that squirrels have middle fingers so I could flick you off, you stupid man-whore."
R.E.-Wolf-take that back before I do something drastic.
General Badaxe reply's "Or you will do what? I can take anything you throw at me, especially because if I have to, I can take Billy as a squirrel shield!"
"wait WHAT!" screams Billy
R.E.-Wolf-now you've done it. Now you will have….DOUBLE QUOTATION MARKS!
General Badaxe says "" Why you dirty piece of crap, how long will this last?""
R.E.-Wolf- probably till the next chapter. Or until your contract wears out.
All General Badaxe mutters is ""Bastard.""
Group 1 (AKA troublesome duo)
Wesker walks out of the bathroom, how he found a bathroom in time, we will never know. "Redfield" says Wesker "how long was I in there?"
"About one hour" was the reply.
(Rare action scene time!)
All of a sudden about 10 zombie rats drop from the ceiling, 5 more jump through the window, and a very unlucky 1 crawls from the toilet.
"Crap," says Chris "How do we deal with this?" As he pulls out his seed pistol, only to have it knocked away by an advancing rat. The seed pistol lands near Wesker.
"There is only one way to deal with this situation Redfield." Reply's Wesker
"And how is that?" asks Chris
"Two words: MORTAL KOMBAT!" Screams Wesker as the MK Theme Song music begins playing from out of the blender in the kitchen.
"WHAT THE HELL?" yells Chris "Where is that music coming from?"
"The blender, but the time for talk is over!" Screams Wesker as he fly's at a zombie and kicks it out the window.
Immediately he grabs one of the zombies by the head, jams his knee into it's whiskered face, and flips it into another zombie. Then Wesker jumps into the air, and split kicks 2 more zombies away from him.
Another zombie backs away from Wesker, then a spear head with a rope fly's out of Wesker's sleeve "GET OVER HERE!" Wesker yells as he pulls the zombie toward him, throws him in the air, and uppercuts him through the ceiling into a bunch of spikes.
As soon as he lands, he rolls, front flips, and slams another zombie's head into the ground. Using his arm, he forces his body forward, and bicycle kicks another zombie through a door. He lands near Chris's pistol, and he kicks it into his hand, and pulls out his own pistol. "Eat this you undead cheese stealers!" Yells Wesker.
All the zombies gasp at such a low insult, only to see Wesker dual-wield them to death. Shots rang out around him as he held a gun behind his back, and one in front of them as he shot the rest of the zombies.
(Action scene done, probably won't have another for a couple chapters. Tell us if you like or hate it.)
"Wesker…" says Chris
"Yes Redfield, I know, I own." Says Wesker smugly
"Wesker, wake up" says Chris
"What did you say?" asks Wesker
"I said wake up, now hurry up and lets go already, you've been in that bathroom for an hour already!' yells Chris
Wesker then wakes up on the toilet, noticing that none of that stuff happened. He also noticed he plugged the toilet, and that it doesn't smell too good. Gagging, Wesker left the bathroom, feeling a little sad. And Wesker also thought 'I should have known it was a dream when I was dual-wielding… I also don't have a spear head with a rope attached in my sleeve…'
Group 3
"Rebecca," says Jill "I don't want to fight that thing out there without a better weapon than the seed pistol."
"I know." Reply's Rebecca "we should find one soon though, remember this will be a little like the mansion experience. My only question: who gets to carry the weapon around?"
The two ponder the question, as they travel down the hallway. All of a sudden, they chance across a door that has a bunch of nails on it, and some string next to it.
"What is a door like this doing here?" asks Jill
"It is probably one of those ridiculous doors we need to figure out to keep going on. If the mansion had them, so does this tree, in a twisted sense, have them too." As Rebecca says this, she tries to open the door, only to find out that it is locked. "Let's try to do this puzzle quickly."
Jill grabs the string, and winds it around the nails, and nothing happens. Rebecca then notices the shape the nails make, grabs the string, and uses it to make a star shape. Both of them hear a click, and the door opens.
"I hate the authors for making this seem a little TOO much like the mansion experience." Grumbles Jill.
As the two enter the room, they notice a dead squirrel, holding a bunch of leaves. The leaves have writing on it.
'To whoever is reading this, you probably notice there are a bunch of undead things in this tree, and I have to tell you, you chose the WORST tree to enter. This is where the infestation started, and is the strongest. I'm probably dead, suffering from wounds from a spider injected with the virus. Next to my corpse, you will notice a peanut spread shot (Shotgun) I would recommend you take it and the spare ammo in the room somewhere.'
'P.S. When you finish reading this note, I will probably be a zombie, so you might want to finish off the corpse.'
Then the guy's corpse's eyes open, and it tries to get up, only to find it is duct taped to the ground, and the mouth was closed with tape too.
"Let me get this straight," says Rebecca "While I was reading the leaves aloud, you taped the rat corpse to the ground?"
Jill nods her head and says "Don't ask why I carry around a roll of duct tape, and the reason I didn't destroy the corpse," She got a very dark look on her face. (You never want to see a woman with this kind of face scary) "Is that I still have some vinegar left…"
The zombies eyes snap wide open after hearing this statement, and tears form in it's eyes.
Group 2
Billy and General Badaxe look around the corner of the hallway, and notice 3 zombie rats around the corner. The two draw back, and try to form a plan.
"Man," says Billy "This could be a problem."
General Badaxe eyes Billy like he is insane as he says ""Billy, I played RE0, and during the entire game I only had to heal you 5 times, YOU ARE BUILT LIKE A TANK! I'm willing to bet you could knife them all to death, and still be fine.""
Billy sweat drops (I know it is an anime term, but we can't think of a better term for it.) "Well, do you have any herbs with you? No? Then I'm not knifing them all! We could both shoot them."
""There's an original plan…"" mutters General Badaxe ""I have a better idea…""
The zombies notice an orange leg around the corner, then they notice an orange hand reach the ankle of the foot, and pull slowly up. (like in those things where the woman lifts up her leg to hitch hike to a place.) The zombie rats walk toward the leg, as it withdraws around the corner, they follow around. All of a sudden you can hear Snap, slap, ding, ding, crunch, CRACK!
All three of the zombies had the crap beat out of them, all in a pile, with Billy on top waving his hands around like he just won the world championship of zombie beating.
""All right Billy,"" Says General Badaxe ""I know you beat them up, but you don't have to gloat about it.""
"he he," he says putting a hand behind his head "sorry, the moment kind of took me." All of a sudden his eyes snap wide open "Wait a second…Are you trying to tell me what to do?" He yells pulling out his 'knife' "Do you think I'm some hired lackey you can just order around!"
""I didn't say any of that!"" Yells General Badaxe
"Yeah, but you were thinking it!" Screams Billy as he jumps off of the corpses and starts chasing General Badaxe around with a knife while yelling "Get Back Here!"
""No way!"" Screams General Badaxe over his shoulder.
Group 1
"Wesker…" says Chris "Why did you try to kill all of us at the mansion."
"Do you really want to know the answer Redfield?" asks Wesker
"Yeah I do." Chris replies
"You see Redfield Umbrella has some of my family hostage."
Chris's eyes bolt wide open and he gasps
"Let me finish my sad story Redfield!" Snaps Wesker "Where was I…oh yeah. They had my family hostage, and the only way I could get them back was if I found a way to test their new weapons out in real battle experiences."
Chris could only stare at Wesker in shock, as a tear rolls down Wesker's cheek.
"So, in order to do that, I had to create a specialized unit made specifically for testing out the new weapons they created. That was when I got the idea for S.T.A.R.S. You should know the rest."
All of a sudden, Chris felt very bad for hating Wesker. If anyone took Jill as a hostage, Chris would do anything to free her, probably even sacrifice a bunch of people he didn't even know. "Wesker," Chris says with a sad tone "I'm so sorry…"
Wesker bursts out laughing, and clutching his stomach. "I can't believe you actually thought that was true!" Wesker gasps trying to get a good breath in.
"But I saw you cry!" Chris says suddenly
Then Chris saw the eye drops in Wesker's left hand, and gears clicked into place. Chris's face contorts into a mask of rage as he bellows out "YOU TWISTED BASTARD!"
All Wesker could do was laugh at Chris, and how gullible he was.
R.E.-Wolf-how do you like the double quotation marks?
General Badaxe- personally, I hate them. Before I forget though, I really should do a disclaimer. We don't own Resident Evil, MK, or any other theme we decide to use because we get an idea for it, so if any lawyer wants to find us (Pulls out Giant Axe off of his back) You can try too sue us, but it won't end pretty! This disclaimer goes for ALL chapters, I'm not doing another one!
R.E.-Wolf-what happened to the +5 flaming-burst Great Axe I got you for your birthday?
General Badaxe- Sold it to a D&D junkie on EBay for a lot of money. You know I like old fashioned anyway.
R.E.-Wolf-it doesn't matter anyway. I got it off the internet for $1…anything you want to add?
General Badaxe- Indeed, a couple of thing actually. 1: I'm sorry to any religious zealots we offended because we use the word Buddha instead of GOD or Jesus Christ. 2:If you want to, please hit that purple button below that says "review" and give us a nice one. We accept flames of how bad the chapter, or story is, IF you can give us the details as to why it sucks, so we can hopefully work on those parts of the story. R.E.-Wolf, could you please shoot me? I can't believe I was serious for an entire paragraph!
BANG! BANG! RATATATATATATATATATATATAT! NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED! Boom.
R.E.-Wolf-happy?
General Badaxe- no, I'm curios as to HOW you missed with all of that AND a nuclear weapon…