They had finished the nursery and Jack went back to work, and to their delight was given days off more frequently, which they used to spend time together. Gina had left her small part time job at Jacks insistence, he was worried about her overworking herself. She had found it silly but liked the idea of being a stay at home mother, even before the birth. The relief Jack had shown allowed Gina realise the extent of his worry, for her and the child.
Gina decided that she wanted to knit some clothes for the baby in her spare time, and so they spent an afternoon together laughing and joking as Gina tried to teach herself to knit. Jack unhelpfully tried to figure out the diagrams in the leaflet which came free with the needles, unable to understand why she wanted to bother making clothes when they had the money to buy them.
There was still a while to wait for the arrival of the child, they both agreed to wait for the birth to find out its gender, not wanting to be told by the doctors scans a moment before. Gina's bump was still relatively small but her curves had become more defined, and Jack loved it.
Two weeks after the first experiment with the knitting needles, Jack arrived home from work to see the first garment produced. Gina handled it with caution as though it was a delicate child itself, her sensitivity made him warm. After showering and dinner they sat together and at Gina's insistence Jack took the jacket from her to admire it, knowing she was pleased with her creation.
"Do you think it will really fit it, its so tiny," Jack said, handing her back the cardigan and watching as she carefully folded it up before sitting back down next to him.
"Ric," she laughed, getting comfortable in his arms, "I think you need to get out of the habit of calling our child it."
"But what do I say," Jack said seriously, "we can't call it he or she because we don't know, 'it' comes naturally after that," he added with a chuckle.
"How about, 'the baby,' or, 'our child,'" Gina suggested, sarcasm oozed from her voice, making Jacks smile grow.
"I prefer 'it,'" Jack sniggered mischievously as Gina tried to wriggle away from him before sitting back into his arms thoughtfully.
"We still haven't decided on any names," she said.
"Well how can we decide on a name when we don't know what its gonna be," Jack said, his attention on the television.
"Oh I don't know," Gina said with exaggeration, "how about we settle on names we like for a boy and a girl, I think its safe to say its going to be one of the two," she added, playfully elbowing him in the stomach.
"Okay… well I don't mind, so you pick."
"Ric," she said while rolling her eyes, "last time I suggested names you said you didn't like them."
"That's because they were stupid names," he laughed, getting a snicker from Gina too.
"Well how about we decide on the name we can be certain on giving it whether its girl or a boy."
"I'm not calling the kid Sam," Jack laughed, misunderstanding her.
"No you idiot," Gina said, holding her side as she laughed, "Johnson or Carter? I know we're not married but I like the idea of the child having their fathers name," she said, watching him carefully, seeing his discomfort easily.
"But we're not married," he said testily, hoping she wouldn't take this as an invitation of marriage. "I like the thought of it having your name," he said, trailing off, not being able to back up his statement.
"Why?" Gina asked coldly, getting aggravated.
"Well, I just do. I have my mothers name and my parents were married," he lied, knowing one day the little lies were going to add up and she'd start to figure something out.
"Are you sure that's why," she said, moving away so she couldn face him, "do you even want this child Ric?"
Jack looked up at her surprised, "of course I do, you know I do, I can't wait for it," he answered truthfully.
"Then why do I get the impression you're just making things easier on yourself to get away and leave us!"
Jack looked shocked, "what are you trying to say Gina, that I'm just gonna leave? Just leave my child! Is that what you think of me," he demanded, his temper matching hers, how could she even suggest that?
"I don't think that but it's the impression I'm starting to get! You're so evasive whenever we talk about naming this baby, I just wanna know why," she yelled.
Calming down some Jack took a breath, this wasn't her fault, and she was right, he was being evasive. But he had a damn good reason for being so, if only he could tell her…
"It's just a name," he said lamely, "that's all."
"That's not good enough Ric!" She yelled as she started to storm up the stairs. Jack started to follow her but was quickly stopped. Spinning around she yelled, "don't follow me Ric, I don't wanna see you tonight. Sleep on the damn couch," she ordered, before running up the rest of the stairs and slamming the bedroom door.
Slinking back down the stairs Jack retook his place on the sofa, his inside resolve crumbling, if only he could tell her the truth… Eyeing the tiny cardigan Jack held it to his face as he tried to stay in control, he couldn't break down, this was his fault, he had caused it, he didn't deserve to cry.