I was disappointed. To say the least.
Growing up, the phrase "Superhero Hideout" was to me synonymous with super secret underground bases in secluded polar icecaps, or dark caves in an unknown locale with all the latest gadgets, technology, and fruit-bats. So just imagine my surprise when I finally realized I wasn't in a cool underground icecap (or a creepy bat cave). Proceed to imagine me finding out that I was actually in a super secret underground chamber…of a bank.
…a bank.
Of course, when I thought about banks that tuxedoed Monopoly guy with the goofy little mustache fiddling with the silly little cane riding in his golden anniversary automobile came to mind.
Short Monopoly guy. Secret bat cave.
You can understand why I was finding it difficult picturing the two together.
-
-
-
Plain Normality
Nerd at Heart
-
-
-
"Babysitter?"
The pompous mongrel with the to-die-for-hair scoffed, as if he was communicating with a kindergartener. What a douche bag. "Section one, line five of page three states that you are to accompany me throughout my daily r—"
I tuned him out.
It had only been 15 minutes since this mutt woke me from my slumber, and this said mutt happened to be the only other person other than yours truly in this room. Like a know-it-all jerk, he had handed me the clipboard and, at the moment, was sitting on a stool by my bedside, 'patiently' waiting for me to finish reading the entire packet. All seventeen pages of it.
"Done yet?"
"Hold on…" I grumbled, trying to be as polite as possible. Then again, how the heck was I supposed to be polite to a guy I've been holding a grudge against for more than a good year? He was an egotistical player that was into younger gals. So into them that he'd leave a poor 20-year old to limp home while he tended to the young and the restless. Or was he just a preadolescent demonic teenager going through an undeveloped midlife crisis?
If that was true, then I'd be forced to admit a kinship: He and I were missing our youthful days.
And if THAT was true, I'd have to accept his behaviors…
"You done yet?"
"I'm still reading…"
"When are you going to finish?" He said, aggravated.
I was getting mighty pissed. "I'm DONE, OK?" I threw the stupid clipboard onto his lap and crossed my arms, trying to stop myself from wringing his insignificant little neck.
That is, until he threw the clipboard back at me. On my forehead.
"OW!" I screamed. "What was THAT for?"
"You're not the only one who can act and whine like a baby." His smirk made my blood boil. And I mean boil.
"I was NOT—oh for the—yeah, you know what? I admit it. You are a baby."
"What? I couldn't hear through your stutters."
"I said—"
"What? Still can't here you!" he held his hand up to his ear and leaned in like a grandma. "What'd you say, Honey Bun?"
"SCREW YOU!" I screeched. He shot back with the most annoying pair of laughing eyes I'd ever seen.
"Oh, well please do!"
"Am I interrupting something?"
Inuyasha shot to his feet and turned around as I shut my mouth and stared wide-eyed at the doorway. It was the soccer mom, AKA, Izayoi… Looking as magnificent as ever, this time robed in a violet silken ensemble, glowing like cherry blossoms under the moonlit sky… and moving away from the unexpected philosophical description…
"I see that the two of you are getting along."
I said nothing. He said nothing. We said nothing.
"Well, Kagome," she looked me directly in the eyes, nearly stopping my heart. "May I call you Kagome?"
I nodded furiously.
"Have you finished reading the contract?"
I nodded furiously. Wait… contract?
"Then I suppose I should go see my husband off—"
"He's leaving again," Inuyasha, surprisingly, cut her off, "and he'll be coming back in due time, right?"
"Dear," she sighed. "He has a lot to do. The UN's been calling for him ever since Sector 42-K's incident."
"Sure." Inuyasha looked mad. Or sad. I couldn't tell. But when he sat down and turned away from his mother's gaze, I saw that he was slightly pouting. Can you say daddy issues?
Izayoi paused as gracefully as possible and faced me with two unwavering eyes. "Kagome, why don't I repeat the contractual agreement just in case you missed one of the terms?"
Terms?
She cleared her throat as Inuyasha rolled his stupid eyes. She was very professional, as she said, "Due to your classification as a civilian we were forced to legalize the current, or now the past, laws of this base of operations. However, because you have risked your life to save an officer's life in the line of action, you are hereby permitted to enter this territory under the full supervision of every officer on duty." She stopped and waited for my reaction.
"…oh…"
She continued to say, "Because of this, through an officer's personal request, you are now arranged to monitor the actions of one of the inactive deputy officers in order to grade his availability in the associating ranks and also to observe his current participation status."
"…"
Izayoi smiled; a kind and gentle smile that was not at all like her son's. "It means you have to follow Inuyasha and see if he's ready for action again."
"For the last time," Inuyasha intervened before I could, though still refusing to face his mother, "I don't need this!"
"If you didn't run off and leave your mother crying for the last 5 months, then yes, I'd have to wholeheartedly agree with that."
Buuuuuurrrn. That totally shut him up.
"And Kagome," she said my name (I still couldn't get over that fact that she was calling me by my first name like an old school chum). "I know it sounds like we're forcing you into this. But because you are still classified as a Civilian on local records… and because this way you'll be given the freedom to leave this room… I thought you would appreciate the terms of this arrangement."
So if I didn't agree, I was stuck in this room till who-knows-when. Well, how considerate of her. I looked to Inuyasha to see how he was dealing with this. He did NOT look fine.
"Yeah," he growled at me. "You're going to have a fun time with a freak like me, right?"
And, at that moment, I thought up the best, wittiest remark I could've ever come up with in a millisecond.
"I will; for you see, I seek the freaks because, as a weirdo myself, I am on the lookout for my brethrens."
-
Half an Hour Later…
-
"Are you even trying?"
"Can it," I grumbled and fiddled with the freakish controller. Whoever thought a Hanyou would be so good at Super Smash Bros. Melee? Or with a GameCube at that?
"I totally whooped your butt with my Pikachu."
"Yeah, well, my Kirby just ate you. No, wait, that's the computer…" I peeked from the corner of my eyes. "So, when am I supposed to start this monitoring business—"
"Mewtwo just killed you."
"What?"
"Time for teams," he smirked, completely absorbed in the game. "Alright, I'll be Mario and you'll be Luigi. We'll play against level 9 Princess Peach and level 9 Princess Daisy."
"Why am I Luigi?"
"We're starting," he said and promptly started button-mashing. "Back me up!"
"I'm trying!"
"You suck!"
"Shut up, shut up!"
Moment of silence (minus the button clicks) until…
"You STILL suck!
"ARMY OF ONE, ARMY OF ONE!"
He threw down the controller when the game finished, saying, "Man, you could've told me you couldn't play!"
"Don't blame me," I glared. "I haven't played in 6 years!"
"What a grandma," he rolled his eyes. "So useless and old."
I froze, my eyes bulging. WHAT. DID. HE. SAY?
"Hey!" he yelled when I leaned over and grabbed one of his forelocks. "Let go, wench!" he turned and raised his fisted hand, ready to knock my two front teeth out.
I flinched and immediately backed away on the bed (yes, I was still in the same room).
He smirked, fist still raised. "What, you know I can't hit you."
"I don't trust you." It was a fact. I stayed on the bed on all fours, cautiously eyeing Inuyasha's knuckles before turning to his mocking face.
"You're such a loser," he said.
"I'm a pacifist."
"You're a coward!"
"I'm avoiding a fight!"
"You're avoiding pain!"
I paused. "Touché. But you're a total nerd for being such a gamer."
"I'm too muscular to be a nerd."
"Then you must be one of the fabled creatures of mankind. A muscular nerd," I mused, thoughtfully placing a finger on my chin.
"A muscular nerd?" He sounded genuinely amused. Not that I liked it or anything—just putting it out there, you know.
I continued, pretending I didn't hear him. "So you're the super-nerd, the ultimate nerd made up of lesser nerds. A bionic nerd, if you will."
Another moment of silence.
And as two stereotypical white lab-coat scientists walked around the corner, one of them heard a faint scream of sheer unimaginable terror. The two men sauntered on until they saw an Asian 21-year old in a patient's outfit, screaming, "He's going to killllllllllll meeeeeeeee!" and as she zoomed past them, there on her tail they saw the inactive deputy officer, the Halfling, trailing after her, yelling, "Who's the bionic nerd now, FREAK!"
The two scientists watched the girl and the boy race away in silence, that is, until one of them turned to the other and said, "Didn't we tell him NOT to do that anymore?"
-
-
-
"Nazuna?"
Miroku spoke into his intercom for the fifth time. There was no response. Sighing, he opted to go and visit the woman fact-to-face. Not that, as it turned out, would do any good.
"My, my," Miroku held his forehead as he examined the secretary's table. It was uncharacteristically messy with scattered notes and packages. The leather chair was lying on its back, the wheels still spinning. It seemed like there had been a struggle just minutes before.
The day his best paparazzo was absent, his personal secretary decides to go missing.
Looking at his watch, he slowly moved to the fire alarm pull box. It was a little red box with the white words, Open then Pull Down Hook. Eyes still glued to his brand name watch, he casually pushed the red square in the middle of the box, opened the case, and then roughly pulled down the hook.
-
-
-
"Fire?"
Inuyasha sniffed his can of soup. "Yeah, there's been a fire in Sector 72. Got nothing to do with us, though. This is gross." He dumped his spoon into his cold lunch.
I frowned. "How can you be so careless? Aren't you a superhero?"
"It's a small fire. Give the firefighters some credit; they'll contain it. And they might even save some people."
We were in the nearly empty cafeteria now, eating our depressingly unsatisfying meals. This was supposedly underneath a bank, so I couldn't blame them. Still, alphabet soups couldn't be this chunky, right?
"There's a chicken bone in my tomato soup…" Inuyasha muttered.
"Why aren't you working?"
He looked up from his bone-filled soup and gave me a glare that reminded me of eagle eyes. "I don't work."
"No, I mean why aren't you acting like a hero?"
"I'm not the kind that wears capes, latex gloves and underwear that fits outside colorful tights."
"So, wait," I closed my eyes, trying to paraphrase his interesting answer. "You don't like saving people, but you're fine beating up the bad guys?" I said, remembering my first meeting with this heroic Halfling. He sure did look like he enjoyed fighting more than rescuing. Which reminded me; did he know I was the 20 year old he had ignored over a year ago?
Inuyasha spared a measly glance before concentrating on his soup again. "Wow, you understood me. Congratulations."
"Is this because you have a heroin for a mother and a villain for a—"
"Shut up, slut."
I didn't respond. If he had called me that an hour earlier, I might have gouged his eyes out. But by then I had figured out something he probably didn't share with a lot of people: He was disgusted with his parents.
"You know," I said, cleverly acting as if I hadn't been paying attention. "If you do a good deed they'll think you're in tiptop shape."
"Didn't you hear me?" he demanded. "I said SHUT UP."
I sighed. How can a demon be this thickheaded? Weren't they supposed to be naturally smarter than Homo sapiens? "If you save those people in the fire you might not need anyone to monitor you anymore."
"I don't do saving."
"What? Oh stop being so selfish!" I groaned. "Do you really want me hanging around you all the time?"
"No!"
"Then do something heroic so I can be on my way!" I slammed my two hands down on the sticky tabletop, feeling exhausted and defeated. That was when, I think, he lost it. With more ferocity than a trained pit bull, he stood up with his hands on the table, menacingly leaning over me with two blazing eyes. I stared, unable to do anything but gawk.
And gawk…
"You think you know everything just because you did some research?" he sneered. "You think you know who I am better than any old stalker, right?"
I frowned. "W-what do you—"
He pocketed his hand and dug out something that made me cringe, wince, and gasp all at once. He held the object daintily between his thumb and index finger, mockingly dangling the item like catnip over a feline.
"Look familiar?" his voice was insidiously mirthful. "Miss Paparazzo?"
It was my spare film.
"Where did you…?" I couldn't quite finish my question. There was no excuse to bail me out of this one. The films I used were specifically for big traveling lenses, commonly used by paparazzi and uncommon for anyone else. Just think; paparazzo Kagome found by camera-hating superhero Halfling, right in his HQ no less! I. Was. Finished.
"If I hadn't picked this out of your pocket my dear pappy would've kicked you to the curb. And if that had happened, the bad guys after my mother dearest would've come after you for interfering with their assassination plot," he smirked his toothy smirk. "What now, stalker?"
I uncomfortably shifted in my seat, under the scrutiny of his sharp judgmental eyes. "Ah…that's…that's not mine." (Insert shifty eyes.)
He laughed, cruelly so. "Now, now," he coolly came to my side of the table and stood behind me, wrapping one arm around my neck, intentionally flaunting the film next to my ear, "you don't have to play so dumb. You're totally busted." He rested his chin on my other shoulder. Can you say uncomfortably close?
I was busted. There was nothing I could do.
"Now, if you do everything I tell you to," he continued to say, "I might not have to report you."
Crud.
"You got that, Miss Paparazzo?" Stupid Inuyasha with his stupid smirk and his stupid superiority complex. Stupid Halfling. Stupid superhero. Stupid gamer…
"Stupid nerd."
-
-
-
AN: And because bloopers and outtakes are no longer allowed on ff dot net…Snowgirl presents: Miroku's Perspective!
Miroku looks around, confused. "Wait, this wasn't in the contract…"
Snowgirl blows bubbles out of her toy smoking pipe, for a real authoress must have one in order to be socially accepted. "You do this for me boy, and I guarantee you there's going to be a slanderous picture of Sango in your mailbox by the end of the day."
"Deal."
From somewhere far, far away, someone made a noise of maddening horror.
(5 minutes later.)
Miroku speaks, reading off a crinkled paper. "Even though most of us may seem irresistibly graceful in the finished product, some more than others, we are in the end gullible, obtuse, and brainless as all of you readers. Here are some bloo—"
Omniscient voice says, "THAT'S SCRATCHED OUT! SKIP IT! SKIP IT!"
"…" Miroku clears his throat. "Uh, yeah. Anyway, here are some—" he stares at the paper, confused. "—Faux pas?"
-
-
-
Chapter One; Scene One
Miroku starts off, saying, "A little blurry, don't you think?"
(Kagome's POV.) I sighed. I didn't even like cameras. Whenever I tried taking pictures my hands start shaking like I was having seizure and I'd lose my balance. It was my clumsiness at work.
Miroku pauses. Then he shuffles under his desk for his lines. Moments later he comes back up to say, "Is this the best picture you have?"
(Kagome pauses) Uh…I nodded meekly. Even to this day I remember cowering under his unholy gaze. It was unnerving to say the least.
The man took off his Armani glasses and gently rested the frames on the slick mahogany desktop. He pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, as if concentrating on a serious matter. Or maybe he was picturing me naked.
Miroku unexpectedly interrupts the flow of the story and stands up, holding a weird contraption. "One thing I've learned from Sam Fisher is the crafty use of high-tech super X-ray goggles!"
Kagome hurriedly covers her chest as he begins to strap the goggles to his eyes. "EEK! PERVERT!"
-
Miroku scratches his head. "Uh…yeah, well, I was playing Splinter Cell earlier that day and I just couldn't resist the temptation… wait a minute, this is a confessional isn't it?"
-
Chapter One; Scene Two
(Kagome's POV) I froze and witnessed an ongoing struggle. A pretty brunette, probably a high school cheerleader, was being assaulted by two huge brutes. They had shabby hats and scruffy coats on; they resembled hobos… but what kind of hobo wielded gold-handled machetes?
So I did the first thing I could think of.
I shot back the way I came and ran for the main road.
"MURDER!" I yelled. "BLOODY MURDER! ASSAULT! RAPE! RAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Miroku comes to the side of the open manhole, panicking. "Aw lord! Kagome! Kagome, don't breathe in! The sewers have toxic fumes! And don't forget about the alligators!"
-
Kagome glares. "Honestly, who leaves manhole covers in supermarket bathrooms? I STILL smell like the sewers."
-
Chapter One; Scene Three
"You okay?"
(Kagome's POV) I looked behind me and saw this Inuyasha guy kneel in front of the teenager. She blushed and gleefully nodded. I saw her pull up her skirt, ever so slightly.
Hussy, I thought. I knew better than to speak out loud around demons after that incident. But what really bugged me was how the 'hero' had past me. He ignored me as if I was a sac of potato and strolled right over to the teen.
I couldn't believe his arrogance. I was a victim too!
All of a sudden, Inuyasha snaps around and stares at 'Kagome'.
"Kikyou?"
Kagome…or Kikyou…freezes. And blinks. "Huh. I didn't think you'd be the first to notice."
Inuyasha steps back, hurt. "W-what?"
-
Kikyou clears her throat. "Well, Kagome said she needed a bathroom break so she asked me to take her place. I figured no one would notice…"
-
-
-
Miroku snorts, holding a laugh. Trying to be as impassive as possible, he reads from his paper, "I think I can say with all the readers' support that Miroku's Perspective is going to be a hit. Isn't that right, ladies? And, uh, gentlemen?"
Snowgirl comes in, still blowing bubbles from her toy smoking pipe. "Now review and tell me if you actually want more of Miroku's Perspective! Or I may have to stop in fear of rejection. So sad."
Review!