General Badaxe- Well folks, it brings me great pleasure, and sorrow, to introduce to you, the last chapter in Resident Squirrel, Right R.E.-Wolf? R.E.-Wolf? Damn it all, not again. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!
R.E.-Wolf-I'm playing Splinter Cell. I'll be there in a couple of minutes.
General Badaxe- Well, there goes the moment. Dude, just once, get out here without me dragging you. This is our last chapter, before we ride out into the sunset.
R.E.-Wolf- Ride into the sunset? You do that. I think I'll ride into the Mansion and create another RE fic.
General Badaxe- Anyway, this fic might not be up for a bit, because SOMEONE forgot to pay the internet bill, so it might be a while before this actually gets posted. (Glares at R.E.-Wolf)
R.E.-Wolf-why are you saying stuff like that? When this gets posted the people who read this will think…okay, now I'm confused with what I was going to say…
General Badaxe- It happens, and to those of you interested in my axe, don't worry, I got a new one, and sent my old one to Tokyo. Unfortunately, it is now fighting Godzilla for territory. It is a little strange, but I would like to say, that my axes could block a light saber. Not something that is assuring for Godzilla…
R.E.-Wolf-YOU CAN'T SAY GODZILLA BECAUSE OF INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT LAWS!
General Badaxe- Remember the disclaimer earlier, the one that says I don't own anything we decide to use? Well that stops you from getting me with this international copyrighted crap!
R.E.-Wolf-not necessarily. I can still use my mutated raptors on your ass. It's either them or Bubba.
General Badaxe- I already used Bubba in an earlier chapter; you can't reuse jokes damn it! Anyway, remember last time you ordered your raptors to attack (Pulls out new shiny axe) I dealt with them.
Shiny Axe- What are you doing? Peace is the answer, not mindless violence.
General Badaxe-…. Damn it, my axe is a hippie. I almost prefer my axe of slaughter and chaos…ALMOST! I can still use this thing.
R.E.-Wolf- Hey! I have an idea!
General Badaxe- I'm afraid to ask, but what is it?
R.E.-Wolf-okay. Done.
General Badaxe- What the hell did you do? I don't see any difference.
R.E.-Wolf-I gave your new axe long blond hair with a goatee.
Shiny Axe with hippie hair and goatee- I AM GONNA SLAUGHTER THE WOLF CUB! GET BACK HERE COWARD!
R.E.-Wolf-shit. Badaxe, start the fic while I run a couple laps around the house.
General Badaxe- I'll start the fic, but I would like to explain something to whoever asked. We won't give Leon his full arsenal for a couple reasons. One: some of the weapons he gets are overpowered. I am not giving him the infinite rocket launcher, Chicago typewriter, or hand cannon. Two: We gave him his kick, and his suplex, and a customized hand gun. What more could we give him to kick ass? Three: Do you have any idea how much we would have to pay him for his full arsenal! Right now, the check we sent him is high enough; I am NOT paying for the "Supreme Leon" package. Anyway, on with the fic.
A long time ago in a land far far away, seven heroes banded together to vanquish a terrible evil. We have no idea where this is, but we are pretty sure it isn't these seven heroes, because they have some problems to work out first.
"DAMN YOU WESKER!" screams Chris "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP BEING A COMMENTATOR? WE ARE HAVING A BAD ENOUGH TIME AS IT IS!"
The "problem" as Chris put it, was about 39 zombie rats, 14 spiders, and 8 gerbils. Why those numbers you ask? Because when you add them together, we didn't want an even number, so sue us. Gunshots rang out of the small cluster of people, as they try to fend off the growing menace. Every once in a while, we would hear Leon unleashing a kick or a suplex on an unsuspecting enemy. All the while, a voice coming from General Badaxe's back was yelling out "Love and Peace! Love and Peace!"
"For the love of God!" Screamed Billy "Would you please shut that voice up?"
"Billy!" screamed General Badaxe as he shot a spider in between the eyes, and dropping it. "If I could shut this thing up, I would have done it a long time ago. Who has ever heard of a hippie axe anyway?"
"I heard of one," says Jill as she kicks a zombie into the air, and shoots it three times to send it flying into a gerbil. "I think a guy was selling one on E-Bay"
"Well, that was nice of them to give it to General Badaxe free of charge!" Said
Leon, his voice dripping in sarcasm. After saying this, he runs up to a gerbil, shoots it in the face, and as it rears up, grabs it by the waist, and slams it head first into the ground, snapping it's neck.
"That is right folks!" Said Wesker in a commentators voice "Leon Kennedy is proceeding to kick ass. Right now, he leads this with 12 zombie rats, 2 spiders, and he just added a gerbil to the list. Leon is doing well, for his second chapter, wouldn't you agree Redfield?"
"Wesker!" screams Chris as he shoves his knife into the face of another zombie. "If you don't get your ass out of that commentator's booth, and help us, I will shove this knife so far up your ass that your sister will have to pull it out!"
Billy is surrounded, and he just smirks. He takes the handcuff without anyone on it, and attaches it to the leg of a spider. Then he spins around really fast, lifts the spider off of the ground, and slams it into 2 gerbil's heads, and kills them instantly. All of a sudden, the spider's leg rips off, sending the spider flying through the air. Billy just lifts up the hand cuff with the spider leg in it, and shoots a bullet into the leg. The spider leg, shoots out of the cup, bottom first, and impales itself through the spiders body, and pins it to a wall, killing it.
"GOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!" Screams Wesker from the booth. "Billy has just proven to us, that he is not just a wannabe army man, he is a wannabe army man who knows how to use handcuffs. And lady's, He is single!"
"Damn you Wesker!" screams Rebecca "You are starting to piss me off! Get out here and help us!" With saying that, Rebecca shoots a spider on the ceiling, and makes it drop onto a cluster of zombies.
"Apparently," said Wesker "Everyone is getting pissed at me for commentating. Except Rebecca, who is pissed at me for saying Billy is single. If you want him, all you have to do is talk to him girl."
Rebecca blushes a furious shade of red. "You brought this on yourself Wesker…" said Rebecca. Rebecca walks over to the commentator's booth, opens the door, and slams her foot right into Wesker's Crotch. All the guys reading this fanfiction, all the male zombies, spiders, gerbils, and the two authors along with the other guys in the party, hold their crotch in sympathy, as Wesker slides slowly and painfully out of the booth and onto the floor.
"That is going to leave a mark…" said General Badaxe in a hushed voice.
"Oh God!" said Wesker "I am never going to have children am I? Geez, you didn't have to take it so personally! My poor crotch…"
(Yeah, I know I said I hate repeat jokes, but crotch shots ARE pretty funny, and nothing beats it like a bad ass that can take a load of crap, and not die, being sent to the ground with a single kick. Pretty funny to think about in my opinion.)
A zombie looms over Wesker's hunched figure, which is the last thing you want to do to a guy who just got nailed. Wesker goes berserk and rips off the zombies paw, and repeatedly beats him with it.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Screams Wesker at the top of his lungs "I'LL BEAT YOU INTO THE GROUND WITH YOUR OWN ARM! YOU CAN'T SNEAK UP ON ME!"
(Yes, guys DO go berserk if you mean them harm after they just got hit in the crotch. If you do hit one in the crotch, run in the opposite direction, or you will feel pain soon.)
"Ummm…Wesker…" Said Jill in an uneasy voice "I think it is dead…well…you killed it again."
Wesker stops beating the corpse with the paw, and just looks around to see everyone staring at him. "OHHHH…...Ummmmmm...well, this is embarrassing…" Said Wesker as his cheeks flush a little.
All of the enemies are dead, as the group looks around; they see nothing but corpses and themselves. "O.K. guys," said Leon "We have cleared this room. Let's move on. The only way to go is forward, so we should probably take an ammo count, people count, and weapon count."
Chris puts on a pair of glasses, and pulls out a list from somewhere in him. We have no idea where he got it from, but sources indicate it was a Dunkin Donuts. "All right, we have Me, Wesker, General Badaxe, Billy, Leon, Rebecca, and Jill." He looks around and says "Check. Ok, we have 7 pistols, and one customized one. We have one shotgun, four knives, an axe, and of course a loofa."
"Question!" says General Badaxe "Where did we get a loofa?"
Chris just looks at General Badaxe with an annoyed look on his face. "We got the loofa when we found that stash of ammo in the bathtub. We brought the loofa, because you thought it was a really cute pink color, remember now?" Chris asked.
"Oh." Said General Badaxe, his orange furred face turning red. "Why are you all staring at me, it IS a cute pink color." He looks around to see some strange expressions, especially on the guys. "OK, I AM NOT GAY!" General Badaxe screams at them.
All the others start snickering, when Leon says out loud, "Even if you are not gay, you have an axe, which I remind you are supposed to be weapons of destruction, shouting phrases like 'Love and Peace'."
The others can't hold it in any longer, they just burst out laughing. General Badaxe face just turns red with anger, as the others laugh at him. He pulls out his axe, which just says "Remember, you shouldn't use me to settle disagreements, you should always negotiate first. Peace is the answer, not mindless violence." The rest of the group just starts laughing harder; some of them have their knees buckle. General Badaxe just starts shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
(Scene Change! We will now visit the bad guys.)
"Well, is the traitor among them?" asked a mysterious voice
?- Yes he is. He will keep giving us information, with that camera attached to him. Funny thing is that it is so obvious who it is, after all, all RE Veterans should suspect who it is.
"May I ask you one question though?" said the Mysterious voice, "Why is it that you don't need quotation marks, but I do? That is really starting to piss me off."
?- I don't need quotation marks, because I am the BAD ASS final boss. That and I paid the authors with a sneak peak at RE5.
"That…" said the mysterious voice "Was a really cheap thing to do. Isn't there a law against that or something?"
?- There is, but I won't tell if you won't.
(Scene change! Back to our victims….I mean heroes! Yeah, that is what we meant….)
"OK," Said General Badaxe "If we are done taking potshots at me…" he glares at all of them. "Then we should get moving. By the way, be careful of the traitor."
"How do you know there is a traitor among us?" asked Billy
General Badaxe gives a 'what do you mean how do I know' look. "Because dumbass, if you read about the villains in the scene change up above, you would know that there is a traitor among us. Duh!"
"Well come on," said Billy "For all we know, they could be lying. After all, nothing could confuse us more than saying there is a traitor among us, so that we will all be at Wesker's throat. I mean, come on, if there is a traitor among us, it IS probably that back-stabbing bastard."
All of the people look at Wesker, who just gives them all a level look. "All right! Quit staring at me!" Screams Wesker. "If I was going to betray you, I would have done it when me and Redfield were alone, and claim a zombie, or a spider killed him!"
"That is exactly what a traitor would say." Said Chris as he aimed his gun at Wesker "After all, the perfect traitor DOES have a cover up story. Give us one good reason why we should let you go?"
"I will tell you why…." Said a mysterious voice "Because Wesker is my favorite Character in the RE series!" screams a girl as she appears out of nowhere.
"Who are you?" asks Jill
The girl just grins and replies "My name is Wesker Chick, and I am an author on fanfiction! I know he is innocent, because I read ahead of the story, and found out who the REAL traitor is! It is not Wesker, but I can't tell you who it is, because it will probably be a big surprise to you. Anyway, bye, I just wanted to clear Wesker's name." After saying that, Wesker Chick disappears.
(Oh yeah, Wesker Chick, if you DO decide to read this fic, We am sorry for posting your name, but we wanted to do something a little different, and face it, you are one of the most devoted followers of Wesker. If you found any offence in us using your name, we apologize from the bottom of our heart, and await chastisement. Until then we would like to thank you for clearing Wesker's name. He is R.E.-Wolfs favorite character too.)
"All right…" said Rebecca "That was a strange twist. Well, Wesker, looks like you have a big fan, who is willing to interrupt another authors fic, just to save you. Well, Wesker is not the traitor. So, who is it?"
"I don't know who it is, but I would like to clarify one thing!" said Wesker " Even though she saved my life, I know What my 'fan' as you called her, is going to do to me, if she ever catches me alone…" Wesker just shudders, and begins to walk away.
(Those of you who have Read Wesker Chicks work, knows exactly what I am talking about. You have to feel for the evil back stabbing bastard sometimes.)
None of the group can come up with an answer, so they decide to just continue on. They travel through the tree, noticing that there are no enemies down this hallway. At the end of the hall way, there is a ramp that leads into nothing but darkness. All of them look at each other, trying to decide who should go first.
"Maybe we should draw straws again…" said Jill
"NO!" scream all of the guys, then all of them say "Remember what happened last time? We ended up getting the worst pairing ever!" Everyone looks at Leon. "Leon," they all say "Why did you yell out too? You didn't suffer at all."
Leon looks at each and everyone of them, and simply says "I was reading the fic online, and I have to say, I never EVER want to see those pairing ever again. (Especially you stupid yaoi girls! Personally, BOTH of us HATE that stupid crap. Why do you people like to imagine people like Chris and Wesker making out? That is just disgusting! And don't you dare get me started on those Yuri writers! You people should know, that MOST video game characters are straight! Well, that concludes the author bashing session…for now anyways.)
The group descends into the dark passage, with Leon taking the front, because "I am used to babysitting a bunch of sissy's, who can't do a thing."
The rest of the group was pissed, but they also had to admit, they wouldn't want to take on a psycho chainsaw person, who can take a direct shotgun shell to the face. As they headed down, they noticed that it separated into two passageways. One went straight, and the other one went left. The group looks at each other, and decide that Jill, Rebecca, Chris, and Wesker would go left. The rest of the group would go straight. "May the power of peace and love protect you!" says The Shiny New Axe. "Shut up damn it!" screams General Badaxe. Everyone just sweat drops, and continues on.
Chris and the rest of his group continue heading down the dark passage. Chris pulls out a lighter, and starts it up. Immediately, a bunch of bats fly through, heading back into the darkness. The group hears a moaning coming from the darker part of the tunnel. They hear the shuffling of feat. Chris pulls out a knife, Wesker pulls out a pistol, and so does Rebecca, but Jill pulls out the shotgun. As the figure comes into view, Chris and Wesker's faces whiten.
Coming down the passageway, was a squirrel who was deformed all over the body. It was impossible to tell where the head and neck met, and it had a pair of really old wooden manacles holding the hands together. It let out a creepy moan that surpassed all of the other zombies. It was an old friend…Lisa.
"Oh SHIT!" says Wesker and Chris at the same time. Well, at least we all know where that dark abyss goes too. It was a portal of darkness, which transported her to the tree, and made her a deformed squirrel. Surprisingly, she was even uglier than Wesker.
"Damn it Wesker, I thought we lost her at the mansion." Said Chris in a scared voice. "I know Redfield, but technically, we didn't KILL her." Said Wesker in an understanding voice. "She must have been transported when we knocked her off that one cliff."
"Chris." Said Jill in a very controlled voice, but the kind where you 'accidentally' can hear the smoldering rage behind it. "Is this someone I should know about?"
Chris, after hearing this kind of voice, decides who the true threat is. "What do you mean by that Jill?" Asked Chris in an "I am gonna piss my pants" kind of scared voice.
"You know what I mean Chris Redfield." Said Jill in the same kind of voice.
OK, NOW Chris knew he was in trouble, after all, she used his LAST name, with his first, and that is NEVER a good thing. "Well, Jill, you see, ummm…One time when I met up with Wesker in the mansion, we ran into a really mean zombie like creature. This was Lisa, and bullets could not hurt her. I tried a shotgun, pistol, magnum, butt of a fire extinguisher, a shovel, a loofa, heck; I even hit her with the kitchen sink. She would not go down. So I ran away, until I ran into Wesker, where we sent here spiraling into a dark abyss. That was the last I saw of her, until now as you can see."
"Ummm……Guys?" said Rebecca in a nervous voice "That one strange zombie…Lisa? Is getting closer to us. Maybe we should run."
They all look at each other, nod, and then run away. "Chris Redfield," said Jill in the same kind of voice as before "We will talk about this later." Needless to say, Chris knew he was dead.
Back to the group with Leon. They kept going in a straight passageway, that didn't seem to have any enemies, and no traps. The group wondered what was going on, but they kept their lips shut, and continued on. All of a sudden, a mysterious voice rang out from nowhere.
"I see you fools have made it this far." Said a smug voice. Out from the shadows came a brown squirrel, with army pants and vest on, and a red beret. "Havn't seen you since RE4 have I Leon?"
"How are you doing Krauser?" said Leon "Last time I saw you, you had a giant hole in your chest, right were I put a nice broken butterfly shell, remember?"
"Oh yeah, I remember Leon," said Krauser in a voice that was cool as ice. "We have to finish where we left off."
"I would like to Krauser," said Leon in a smug voice "But my friends wouldn't like it, if they had to just sit here would they?" As he said it, General Badaxe pulled out his axe, and Billy pulled out his handcuffs. "Well," they both said "I would like to do something…" Then they both gave an evil grin.
"That is very admirable…" said Krauser "But how will you fight me with a traitor among you three?" All three of the companions look at one another. Then they look back at Krauser. "You are bluffing," Says General Badaxe "None of us here would betray the other, because we have had to suffer with them too long to hate them."
Krauser just let out a bark of a laugh. "Oh yeah there is definitely a traitor among you, but it is the last person you would expect." Krauser then gets a microphone, get behind a podium, and says in an announcer voice "Will the traitor please identify themselves?" Silence for a few moment, then a voice in General Badaxe's direction says, "I am the traitor."
Stunned silence as everyone looks at General Badaxe. "No…"Says Leon in a really slow and amazed voice. "This cannot be…" said Billy in an amazed voice. General Badaxe has a very guilty look on his face. "To think, he said, all this time, my new axe was the traitor…It is a sad day when I have to get angry at the thing that gives me my namesake…" said General Badaxe in a sad tone.
If axes could have a look of shame on them, this axe would have a big one. "I am sorry for betraying you, but they wouldn't stop forcing me to read Yaoi fanfics online, until I agreed to betray you." General Badaxe brightens as he realizes something. "Yeah, that would suck, except, Krauser, there is one flaw in your plan." Said General Badaxe in a smug voice.
"Oh really?" said Krauser in an unbelieving tone "Then what did I miss?" General Badaxe just smiles as he says "You forgot to give the axe orders after it betrays us, so it just becomes a regular axe! I still get to kick your ass bitch!" Screaming this, General Badaxe rushes Krauser, only to hear a bang, as a hole appears in Krauser's chest. "What the hell?" said General Badaxe "You…Betrayed…ME…" said Krauser before he drops to the floor, dead, with a hole exactly where Leon shot him earlier.
They all look up, to see a giant…Bunny? General Badaxe just bursts out laughing. "I was expecting an intimidating enemy, and what do I get? Peter Cottontail, except that you have a black nose, and not a pink one. All of a sudden, the rest of the group runs in. All of them look at the new enemy, and burst out laughing. "Wouldn't you expect the final boss to be a little more intimidating.
Final Boss- You had better not underestimate me.
General Badaxe stiffens. "Shit, guys, full alert on this guy. He is definitely strong, the force is really powerful in him, that, and he doesn't need quotation marks. That just Screams 'I am God, fear me'."
Final Boss- And your orange color screams "Kill me," so I will oblige, you will be the first to die.
Saying that, the giant rabbit rushes the group, only to trip, and fall into a vat of giant green goop. All of the heroes just stare, then General Badaxe says "That's it! I was expecting a giant battle, with lots of explosions, and us barely pulling a win out of our ass. Not him falling into a vat of green goop, to finish him early on."
The rest of the group nods in agreement, when they hear a moaning behind them. The entire group turns around to see Lisa, stumbling down the hallway. Chris and Wesker pale, while Jill gets a very pissed look on her face. "WHAT IS SHE STILL DOING HERE?" all three of them yell. Everyone looks around, for a quick way to kill her, but none are in sight. "Well General Badaxe," says Leon "Looks like you got your battle, from now on, you had better shut up." Everyone prepares, when a giant 'goosh' is heard behind them.
All of a sudden, a strange creature jumps out of the green vat, lands on Lisa, and tears her apart. The entire group looks on in awe, trying to comprehend what just happened. The creature looks back at them, ad they realize that it was the final boss, except, in a more badass form. "OK," says Wesker "We now have to deal with the final boss again? Why can't the stupid authors decide who we will fight?"
Supreme Final Boss- I am not a 'final boss' anymore. I am a 'SUPREME FINAL BOSS!'
"So," said Billy "The green vat changed your skin, and your NAME? What makes you 'Supreme'?" After saying that, the boss shoots a pair of lasers from his eyes, and into the green vat behind them, completely disintegrating it. "You had to ask, didn't you Billy?" said Rebecca, in a voice lined with fear.
"COVER!" yells Leon, as the entire group takes advantage of all the conveniently placed boxes. They all pull out some guns, shotguns, an axe, and a couple knives. Leon dives from the side, managing to fire a couple shots when he lands, but they bounce off of the creature's tough hide. "SHIT!" yells Leon, as he rolls away, dodging a pair of lasers.
Jill rushes the creature, with Wesker and Billy providing cover fire, gets right next to the creature, and fires two shotgun shells point blank into the creature. These manage to penetrate the tough hide, and wound it. The creature slashes at them with its claw, smacking Jill across the room.
"JILL!" Screams Chris, as he charges the creature. The creature shoots lasers at Chris, who dodges them with ease, as he runs straight at the creature. Right before he reaches the edge, he jumps high into the air, about as high as a basketball player, and slams the knife into the skull of the creature. Chris is panting on the head, when he notices one of the eyes staring at him. Before he can react, a weird whip-like tail comes from the back of the creature, and smacks Chris across the room.
Chris hits the wall hard, and temporarily has the breathe knocked out of him. The rest of the group sees this, and move to cover him, and support him. General Badaxe runs distraction, by charging the creature. The creature rears up on its hind legs, just to see General Badaxe slide under its legs, and slice off something vital. That is right, he lost his tail. Looking at his handiwork, General Badaxe sees something strange. The tail he cut off, grew back, except, there were two now. "Damn it," says General Badaxe "The tails remind me of a fucking hydra!"
One of the tails lifts General Badaxe into the air, and the other one gives a really harsh pimp slap to General Badaxe, and sends him flying across the room. Slamming into the wall, he rolls, to dodge the pair of lasers that follow the slap. Leon whips out a Broken Butterfly, fully upgraded, and says "I brought a special present for you." Saying that, he unloads a single shell. The creature fly's across the room because of the impact. Following, were the rest of the rounds, sending the creature farther up the wall with each shot. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and Leon ran out of ammo.
"Damn." Was all Leon said, as he realized he forgot to pack extra ammo. When he looks up, he notices that a pair of lasers were going straight for him. Thinking quickly, he tosses the Broken Butterfly in the way, and it takes the full force of the blow. The Broken Butterfly disintegrates, crumbling into ashes. "Do you have ANY idea how much it costs to upgrade one of those?" Screamed Leon "More than your stupid Lab, I am willing to bet!"
A tail just slams itself into Leon's chest, as he gets sent flying across the room. As soon as he hits the wall, he flips off of it, to minimize the damage done to him. 'This is turning out to be harder than I thought.' Was all he thought, before finding a better place to hurt this thing. Wesker appears on a crate, with a sniper rifle in his paw. "Eat this." Was all he said, before he unloaded fifteen rounds into the forehead of the creature. The creature stumbled backward, but still stood his ground. When he saw this, Wesker chucked the rifle, and pulls out a Killer 7. Unloading the full clip into the thing, the creature gets really pissed.
"Wesker!" screamed Chris "Where the hell are you getting those weapons?" Wesker looks over at Chris and says "Rebecca is back there handing out weapons in these crates." Said Wesker indicating the crates that mysteriously appear. "Go get some stronger weapons." Saying that, Wesker pulls out a flash acorn and slams it into the ground to blind the creature. The creature covers its eyes with its tail, as Chris goes behind a couple crates, to find Rebecca.
"Rebecca, hook me up." Rebecca tosses him a box, and then he moves to a different spot, and opens it. The title said "Coconut Launcher" and in fine print said "some assembly required." Looking down, Chris sees a bunch of parts and instructions. He pulls out the instructions, and notices something very strange about them. "What the Hell!" says Chris "These instructions are on how to set a VCR clock, not build a Coconut Launcher!" Looking at all the parts, Chris decides to wing it; after all, it is their only hope.
General Badaxe runs out of the place, strapped like Rambo. "OK you undead piece of shit!" said General Badaxe "Take some of this!" after saying that, he pulls out an M60, and repeatedly smacks the creature in the skull. "General Badaxe, you idiot!" screams Billy "It is a GUN, not a fancy club, shoot it at the creature!" Heeding his advice, General Badaxe flips the gun so the nuzzle is pointing down, and pulls the trigger.
A bunch of bullets shoot out of the nuzzle, until he empties the entire 150 round clip. Unfortunately, this just annoyed the creature, who bucked General Badaxe off of him, and into a giant chocolate bunny. "How on Earth did a chocolate bunny get here?" asked General Badaxe. "That isn't important!" said Billy as he runs up to the creature with a flamethrower strapped to his back, and torches the creature. What have we learned today class? Squirrels are planning an international takeover with all the weapons they have. Oh yes, and strange mutated creature are VERY susceptible to fire.
The creature rears up on its hind feet, as it roars in pain. "It all end here!" says Chris with a Coconut Launcher on him, and he launches it at the creature. What Chris learned, is that he put something on backwards, as the shell flies in the wrong direction. It hits a pipe, and flies into the hole, goes up the tube, in a curve, and flies right back out into the chest of the creature, which explodes in a really cool fashion.
"Chris…" said Wesker "You put something in backwards. You almost made us have to work even harder, and THAT would have sucked." Then a giant blinding flash happens, and the entire group is outside, in their human forms. All look around, trying to find an explanation, but to no avail.
"General Badaxe," says Jill "You are an author, so what the hell turned us into squirrels?"
"I am afraid that I can't answer that question." Said General Badaxe "You see, I already put an amnesia spell on all of you, so you will forget this entire adventure. I do this, because, well I won't lie, I have NO idea how to explain us being turned into squirrels and back. So I will just make you forget the adventure, so I don't have to explain it to others reading this story. I am sorry."
After saying this, the entire group, except Leon and General Badaxe, falls unconscious as the spell takes over. "You only did that," said Leon "Because you are a pair of lazy bastards, and don't want to think of a reason do you?" "Well," says General Badaxe "That is the truth, but we needed to end it, plus I am paying you, so stop complaining."
"What you say is true," said Leon "So I will see you later, or probably until the next RE fic you two make. See you around." After saying that, Leon walks away, in a really cool leather jacket. I want one…
General Badaxe- I really do want one, that thing just looks so friggin cool.
R.E.-Wolf-too bad. If anyone gets it its me because I called dibbs.
General Badaxe- Oh well, I am happy we completed a series. Anyway, time for my favorite thing, AUTHOR BASHING TIME! You, the Author of "Pink Squirrel Orgy," What the hell? What is wrong with you? You had to call it the gayest name I have ever heard, and it really pisses me off. Next time you write a fic, pick a name that ATLEAST makes partial sense of the name. Not something you came up with while you were caught drunk driving, and had to do time in prison for. We don't need that BS.
R.E,-Wolf-I second that thought. The next fic will also have the main characters turned into animals. Why? Because I want them to.
General Badaxe- Why do you keep insisting on turning them into animals? I mean, come on, it would get old rally fast.
R.E.-Wolf-the next one will probably be the last RE animal fic I do.
General Badaxe- Thank God. I really have a hard time imagining them as animals. Anyway, thank you to Evil Fang for helping me get rid of my possessed axe, right now, Godzilla is kicking its ass, so no more worries!
R.E.-Wolf-screw the animal fic. I'll screw them over when they're human. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
General Badaxe- Your evil laugh still sucks.