For a super-duper-heroic superhero, Inuyasha sure was boring.
Three days and nothing whatsoever. Three days since I had been forced to confess in the conveniently empty cafeteria that I was indeed, as Inuyasha had said, a paparazzo. Three days passed with no word from Inuyasha. Three days void of any kind of human contact. Three days of wondering when I'd be freed into the outside world.
Inuyasha, as I began to suspect in one of my now routinely bland day-dreaming, was a pushover.
He blackmailed me with my spare film and left. Just like that; he pocketed the film, the only evidence of my crime, and left me in the cafeteria. Three days and I had yet to hear what he had in store for me. And, I repeat, I was beginning to suspect that this superhero was a pushover. I mean, if I had something to blackmail someone with I'd first calculate how to manipulate the situation to my every whim and then totally slam the evidence on my victim's face.
Inuyasha had done nothing of the sort. He had blackmailed me on the spur of the moment. No plan, no motive…
Now that I look back on it, it seemed like he had simply lost his temper. I was sure he was about to strike me down. Instead, all he did was strike me down…with guilt. Sort of a, "See this? Huh? I have something over your head! Now shut up!" Like a rolled-up newspaper, it was to intimidate the dog. Irony comes in many forms.
This place, this secret underground hideaway under this so-called bank, was turning out to be a bigger disappointment than I could've ever imagined.
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Plain Normality
Dog Mouth's Kissy Face
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What made Inuyasha likeable?
No, really, that's my question. I know certain, special people found him attractive. Some found him absolutely adorable, while others found him just plain sexy. But I was still trying to mull over the fact that a lot of people found him…very likeable.
For three days now, I've been trying to figure out what people saw in him. Even before I had personally met him, he seemed less interesting than the least known celebrities. After my first encounter with the Halfling, all I could see in him was this rotten core, dominated by a shallow kid from the most violent of elementary schools. It was disturbing.
It couldn't be the personality that made him popular to the public. The papers could barely come up with anything about his background, the tabloids rarely found any pictures or quotes to exploit, and the news was never fast enough to squeeze a short interview out of him.
So was it his appearance?
Was it his rugged, good looks? His natural beauty? The wild, tousled hair? His boyish features or maybe his demonic attributes?
…whatever the case, I wasn't seeing it. Or I wasn't letting myself see any of it.
Better to fly solo than ride in a crowded bandwagon, right?
I slouched in my seat, exhausted. The downside of being locked up in a maximum security underground HQ of a superhero was there couldn't be any windows. Windows made easy targets. Plus there was the whole underground thing, but I digress. The main point is there was no sunlight. So I couldn't tell whether it was sunup or sundown. To sleep or not to sleep, that is the question.
And the clocks didn't make much sense either. Quarter past 1100 hours? What could that possibly mean?
Here I sat in front of the few open computers available for a civilian like me, wondering if I should just go back to my constantly lit room and try to go to bed. Best part of being a grownup was you get to decide when to go to sleep. Everything else that came with being a grownup, well, to sum it up as follows: It sucked.
I stood up and stretched my back. I would've walked around to do some exercise, but most of the places were restricted for a civilian for me. Even though I was supposed to follow Inuyasha and monitor his every move, I couldn't very well annoy him since he had the film and all.
Oh. Speaking of the devil…
"You're looking lovely this evening," Inuyasha sneered as he sat down in my computer seat, pretty much brushing me off.
"Hey," I frowned. "I was sitting there."
"You weren't when I came in."
"I was stretching."
"Too bad."
My left eye involuntarily twitched; something that started three nights ago. "For a superhero you're very rude."
And out came the blackmail. Inuyasha promptly presented the film out of his pocket and waved it around, haughtily too. "Uh, uh, uh. Better take that back."
Something devilish, deviously sinister flashed past my baggy eyes. Maybe it was my sleep-deprived state, or maybe I hated Inuyasha that much; whatever it was, his last words twisted in my head and I made the spontaneous decision to follow his command.
"Oh I'll take it back!" I said and hastily jumped him, greedily snatching for the film. Sad to say, Inuyasha was a little too fast for little ole me. He shoved me away and moved his arm back, pulling the film out of my reach. He jumped out of his seat like his pants was on fire and with the nimbleness of a cat crouched on the floor.
"You're so slow you make turtles look like rabbits!"
I groaned, pulling my hair. "You are SUCH a jerk! I don't get why you have fan-girls!"
He grinned. "Well, I am too sexy for my shirt."
"You jerk! You're, like, 200 years old and you go around picking up high school girls whenever they're the damsels-in-distress!"
"Pfft," he scoffed. "And you should know, right? A paparazzo needs to make a lot of crap up to get paid, after all."
"I SAW you picking up a high school girl!"
"And I saw your MOM kissing Santa Claus!"
I glared, astonished. What an immature, pompous LOSER! "One year ago, you saved a high school cheerleader in an alleyway from two men wielding machetes. It was Sunday, near a supermarket."
Inuyasha didn't react. He just stared.
"Well, idiot, I happened to be there too! I was the one in the trench coat who had to LIMP all the way home because of you! Oh, which reminds me; did you have a nice time with the hussy? I mean, I saw her pull her skirt up JUST—FOR—YOU before I left!" I jeered, completely losing my marbles. "Do you do that every Sunday or did you happen to be lonely?"
"You little slut," he snarled. "Didn't we go over this? How you're the stupid little paparazzo who just goes on assuming she knows everything?"
"Well maybe I am, but this stupid little paparazzo doesn't appreciate the fact that she was ignored like trash!"
I REALLLLLLY shouldn't have said that.
Inuyasha threw the film on the table and sat back down, as if he had simply given up. Of course, when I saw the film unguarded on the tabletop I became a little distracted. My hands quickly slithered to the film faster than the blink of an eye.
But Inuyasha was faster.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me down, right on his lap. "Wha—" I managed to say before Inuyasha forced me around to face him. He snaked his arm around my shoulder, almost cradling me like a baby as his other hand found my chin. He leaned down, glaring with cold, deadly eyes. I could only stare, confused and, admittedly, terrified. I was on his freakin' lap, for crying out loud!
"Do you like the attention now?" He made sure he emphasized his last word. He shortened the gap between my face and his, tickling my nose with his warm breath. My heartbeat rang in my ears. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. I opened my mouth, struggling to speak as I watched his face come ever closer.
Finally, I managed to say, barely above a whisper, "No."
"Sir?"
I thought Inuyasha would let me go when we heard the third voice, but all it did was tighten Inuyasha's grip even more. I looked up (after I parted his breathtaking but messy hair apart) and saw that it was the same SD from three days ago.
"Uhh…what are you two doing?" He said, adjusting his glasses as he stared at us.
I opened my mouth. And then closed it.
But Inuyasha, the dramatic idiot, suddenly wrapped both his arms around my shoulders and brought me closer to his chest, romantically declaring, "I'm confessing my love to this revolting woman, can't you tell?"
Confessing his love? Revolting woman? (Insert one second delayed reaction.) "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"
"Oh, that's good," the SD man said after a climactic pause. "You're going to have to be in love for where you're going."
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"A mission?"
Izayoi laughed, something she hadn't done in a long time. "Yes. I thought those two could use a break."
The old woman Izayoi was talking to relaxed and leaned back on her chair, quietly sipping her decaf before saying, "You're very sneaky when it comes to your son."
"And you're very sociable for a scientist."
She shrugged. "You have to be to stay sane in this place. Now, about this mission…"
The soccer mom sighed, a dreamy smile touching her lips. "I made sure those two were put in the securest of transportations. I even brought in one of the top officers for this little undertaking."
"But if something was to go wrong?"
"My son is very strong," her smile grew larger. "In the end I'm sure he'll come back with his head on his shoulders. And I'll finally have a daughter-in-law," she tapped her chin. "And maybe some grandchildren."
"As long as something's getting accomplished."
Izayoi paused. "Well, they won't be directly involved in anything. But their actions will start a chain reaction. Everything else, I'm afraid, is classified," she slowly stood up. "It was nice talking to you, Kaede."
"As always, Miss."
Izayoi slowly walked out of the cafeteria, gracefully as always.
Kaede knew something was amiss, the moment Izayoi was out of sight. There was a forced sense of hope about her. This was because the soccer mom had seen her fate, and she knew Kaede was the last person she would see.
At least for a while.
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"A mission?"
"That's right," the SD dude said as he took out a clipboard. "The FBI asked us to send a couple posing as newlyweds to China. They were short on females, and it was also out of their jurisdiction."
"China?" Inuyasha said, finally loosening his grip. I took the chance to get off his disturbingly comfortable lap, also making a beeline for the film. SUCCESS, I thought as I pocketed the spare film before the SD man noticed.
He didn't notice a thing. "Yes, to a recently constructed resort in Shanghai, China. It was heavily funded by several Hong Kong Triads bosses, which obviously raised the authorities' suspicions. However, every single investigation ended in a failure because all their undercover agents, whatever they posed as, disappeared after one week. The Hong Kong Triads have been also linked to several demons, which may explain why the bodies of the agents were never found. Twelve agents have disappeared thus far."
"So they needed a superhero to combat the villains." Inuyasha smirked.
"Well, yes; that and they wanted a couple to infiltrate this time. Every agent they sent were sent individually, which may have been a factor in each of their downfall. As I've explained, the FBI was short on female agents, so…"
The two men looked at me. I blinked.
"But, wait, I'm a civilian!"
"Which makes it all the better. With your current status no one will think you're associated with the FBI…or us, for that matter. It's also very convenient, since you are supposed to monitor Inuyasha and all."
I crossed my arms. "But Inuyasha…they'll immediately recognize him."
"This is why we should talk in the briefing room. Come."
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"You can't smoke here!"
The man with the cigarette turned to his companion. From afar both men looked identical. Both wore a black outfit and shared a similar, slick black hairdo.
"The man's three hours late. We deserve a break."
His companion sighed. "Man, don't be like that. You know the guy coming used to be an ex-super-villain, right?"
"Whatever. It's just the UN."
The most sensible one sighed, defeated. The two continued to wait for twenty more minutes, impatiently tapping their foot as they occasionally walked around inside the desolate airport, until one of the security officers ran up to them, holding a document in one gloved hand.
"There's been an attack!"
The two suited men turned.
"A jet's been shot down!"
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I stared. It was awfully pretty for a jewel; but awfully ugly for a necklace.
"Shikon no Tama. Literally translated as—"
"Four soul's ball." Inuyasha and I said in unison.
The scientist blinked. "Oh. Really? The documents called it the Jewel of Four Souls."
Close enough.
"Well, whatever it's called, it's a mystical jewel that can grant any demon, or any corrupt human, their wishes. This can be used to amplify a source of power and energy, or dumb it down as to hide the wearer's aura. This can be used to turn you into a complete human, Inuyasha, as long as you wear it."
"But," Inuyasha's eyes suddenly grew dark, "if I were to use it to become a complete demon…"
"If you want to go crazy, then yes, you can," the SD man quickly interrupted. "Your father's great demon blood will be too much for your natural born body to handle, and it will eventually crumble. Along with your mind, in fact. You'll not only destroy everything around you, but also your soul in the long run."
I puckered my lips. Now that can't be good.
"Anyhow, both of you will be undercover with the disguise we give you. You will also be accompanied by one of our top officers. Inuyasha, I think you've met her once before."
I turned to see a pretty girl, 16 or 17, wordlessly walk in through the oak door, almost silently as a ninja. She wore a high ponytail with pink mascara over her ruby eyes. The girl looked very mature, as she was clothed in a professional business suit.
"Sango Mizuno, was it now? Yes, she assisted you in capturing Yura of the Hair by her codename, Mistress Exterminator, remember Inuyasha?"
Inuyasha cursed, though very quietly. I turned to see the girl's reaction. She had a smug look on her face.
"Well, Miss Mizuno here was also responsible for retrieving the Jewel of Four Souls."
"It was an heirloom." Her voice was mellowed and womanly, something I instantly envied.
"She will be posing as your best friend from college, Kagome, as Satsuki Morita. She will be staying in a separate hotel, four blocks away from the resort the newlyweds will be staying at. Their names will be," he paused, "Kazumi and Isamu Yamaguchi, wife and husband respectively."
Yamaguchi Kazumi. Hmm, at least they gave us realistic Japanese names.
"And just in case it should come up, Kazumi's maiden name is Hayashi," the SD man held out the necklace. "Isamu, I believe this is yours."
I watched the exchange take place, feeling disheartened. The exchange seemed to finalize the fact that I was actually accepting the mission, for wherever Inuyasha went, I followed. My only ticket out of here was an accurate report of Inuyasha doing anything heroic, and I had the feeling he wasn't planning on doing anything of the sort.
I could just make up a report… but they'd probably find out. (I mean, it was a top secret underground HQ.)
On the bright side, I would be constantly bugging him along the way, and, since I had snatched the film, he couldn't blackmail me. Still, he knew I was a paparazzo. I had to be more cautious from now on.
"You two will be staying in the newlywed suite for 4 weeks."
"Four weeks?" Inuyasha said as he slipped the necklace around his neck. "That's some honeymoon."
"It's not uncommon. You two are also on vacation from your respective jobs, so you're taking advantage of the time."
"What about their ages?" Sango, or Satsuki, asked.
The SD man blinked. "Oh, well, you see, most of us were biased in that Asian women adorned their teenage facial features late into adulthood. But if that's a problem, we can call this an arranged marriage establishing a merger between the two respective companies."
"That may have to do," Inuyasha said and looked around when he realized the three of us were staring at him. "What?"
I watched his hair suddenly darken from silver to grey, and finally into midnight black. His pupils seemed to swirl and mix with an unknown hue until his eyes were violet, almost like his mother's. His claws, as I noticed his hands on the armrests, retracted to form human nails. It was a transformation that took less than five seconds. Only five seconds from Halfling to Isamu Yamaguchi.
Amazing.
"Wow," Inuyasha said when he saw his reflection on the glass table. "That was short."
"I suppose you of all people should be surprised," the SD man said, trying to restore his composure. "This happens to you once a month, doesn't it? Well, now that you have the jewel you can decide when to turn into a human and vice versa."
"Is it possible to decide when not to turn into a human?"
"Yes, as long as you have the jewel on."
"Awesome."
"Indeed," the man adjusted his glasses. "Well, I think you should get going. Your flight is in 2 hours, and the limousine is waiting two blocks away. We have already packed your necessary outfits and included an envelope with undisclosed amount of cash in each of your suitcase, just in case something unexpected was to arise. Satsuki Morita will board a later flight to throw off suspicion."
I looked to Inuyasha. I guess I should say I was looking at my new husband, Isamu Yamaguchi.
"You are going to China to enjoy the honeymoon. You will not be doing any snooping or spying. Nothing suspicious. Be…realistically involved, for lack of better words. Report whatever you've gathered at the end of the month. Don't try and contact us—don't try to contact the authorities, unless it's a street crime, such as a mugging. Your only link to us is Satsuki Morita. In this mission the only way to fail is by failing to report at the end of the month."
"Come back alive to succeed," Inuyasha smirked. "Right?"
Right.
Come back after a month playing newlywed in a resort?
Come back after a month in a place 12 agents have already disappeared in?
Come back after a month of honeymooning with Inuyasha as my darling husband?
Right.
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AN: Miroku's Perspective!
Miroku steps in. "Where was I in this chapter? My dear Sango made an appearance and I couldn't come in? For shame!"
Omniscient voice says, "FOR THE LOVE OF—JUST FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!"
Miroku sighs, dully saying, "And now, for an all new take on things… it's SNOWCAM Exclusive! The hidden camera reveals how the actors are like behind the scenes! Footages never shown to the public until now!"
Miroku's Perspective presents: SNOWCAM Exclusive!
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Cafeteria
The hidden camera is placed behind a stack of old crispy donuts, covered in fake vanilla coating.
Inuyasha comes in with Kouga and Miroku in tow.
"—and THAT'S why apple pies are the key to a successful life," Miroku concludes with a finger wisely pointed in the air.
"That's bull and you know it," Inuyasha says with a foreign air about him. "You don't really believe in that BS, do you?"
Kouga sits down on one of the seats, stretching his legs far apart. "Dude, all this talk about success's making me hungry."
"I'll take you two on a bet, then." Miroku smiles, almost identical to the Cheshire Cat's.
Kouga and Inuyasha exchanges a quick glance before saying at the same time, "Go on."
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Miroku grins. "Notice how I am wearing a casual pair of slacks with a fashionably unbuttoned shirt, nicely widening the neckline? Look to Inuyasha and notice his loose trousers pulled all the way down to the bottom of his buttocks, carefully revealing his blue boxers that are cleverly covered by his large sweatshirt? Now examine Kouga's trademark tank top with his equally loose—"
Omniscient voice says, "SHUT UP!"
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Park
The hidden camera is secured in a tree standing at the bottom of a hill. At the top, we can see the three men talking and clearly make out their conversation.
"That's a steep hill." Kouga blows a low whistle, somewhat impressed.
"So you want all three of us to travel down this steep blacktop…on this?" Inuyasha points incredulously to the broken down family couch behind them. "You're kidding, right?"
"What, are you chickening out?" Miroku grinned. "That's a first. Or is it?"
Kouga smacks Inuyasha on the back with a knowing smirk. "That's my little puppy, all scared and helpless."
"Dingo!"
After some arguments the three agree to sit in this order: Miroku on the left, Kouga in the center, and Inuyasha on the right.
"Alright!" Miroku yells. "When I say go we all push off the ground and lean forward. Got it?"
"Yeah!" Kouga and Inuyasha yell back.
After a short pause…
"GO!"
All three push their feet off the ground and lean forward. The moment they did so the couch starts sliding, already wobbling at the edge of the hill. As the three weights shift forward the couch finally loses balance and slides down the hill, carrying the three men like a rollercoaster ride. As each second pass it gains even more momentum; something none of them had expected.
The couch slides all the way down like a falling sack of potato until it reaches the bottom. By then the three men knew something bad was going to happen, and Kouga looks like he's going to jump off. Problem was he was in-between two not-so-skinny people.
The couch hits the curb at nearly 40 mph and flips over, launching the three men into orbit. Miroku blasts off like a rocket and, since he had tucked into a ball, rolls off to the side. Kouga, in an awkward position since he had attempted to jump off, is sent to the right like he had jumped off a trampoline, eating dirt. Inuyasha's fall was cushioned thanks to Kouga, as he falls right on top of Kouga before coming to a stop in front of the tree.
"Man," Inuyasha says as Kouga and Miroku writhe in pain on the dirt. "Let's do that again!"
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Miroku pause the camera and rewinds. "As you see me tumble off the couch, notice that I am, being the only one aware of the camera, mouthing something before majestically flying into the air…" he gets to the spot on the screen and pause the camera. "See that? See me mouth something? That is me asking Sango to bear my child before I roll away like tumbleweed. Now Inuyasha here…yes, he's having a great time riding on Kouga's back like he was his toboggan. A great view of his eyes bulging out. OK, now, for Kouga. He dives right into the dirt like he was reaching for home base, right? Well as he fell off I noticed something. Look…" he points to the screen. "He's wearing briefs! Now we know… and as for the fall, even he must've realized he had the…cheeky view of this whole mess, no? What with Inuyasha's tush right there and all. And one more thing," Miroku turns to the camera and points to the background, somewhere off to the side of the hill. Miroku turns back with a glum look on his face, grimly saying, "That happened to be a graveyard."
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Miroku clears his throat. "Well, the graveyard was conveniently there. I just thought I should point that out."
Snowgirl comes in, blowing even bigger bubbles out of a new cherry-flavored toy smoking pipe. "All I have to say is review. Because Miroku's a recovering chocolate-addict and he needs those reviews to fund the expensive recovering process. I also need reviews because they're my life support."
"I am NOT a recovering chocolate…" he notices the table decorated with chocolate smoothies, donuts, biscuits, cookies, crackers, sandwiches, strawberries…even chocolate covered white chocolates! "Well, on second thought. But the life support bit was—" he notices the IV tube in her arm. "Oh."
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Next Chapter—The Life of a Newlywed