General Badaxe- Yeah, we know we completed the resident squirrel fic. This is just a small prototype of our next idea, and we want to know if you people think it would be a good idea. Right R.E.-Wolf? Wolf? Why aren't you ever around when we start one of these!
R.E.-Wolf-because you never look on top of your head
General Badaxe- How did you get on top of my head!
R.E.-Wolf-I took the stairs.
General Badaxe- I don't have any stairs leading up to my head!
R.E.-Wolf-fine fine. I took the elevator
General Badaxe- I don't have an elevator going to the top of my head either!
R.E.-Wolf-man you want to make this difficult. I used my pick and rope to climb up your spinal column then I shot my hook shot to the top of your head. Luckily the hook caught on to one of your knots in your hair so I was able to make it up here.
General Badaxe- That is ridiculous. I will accept it! Anyway, back to our problem. We are probably going to post our second Resident evil fic. The evil fang one doesn't count, we just made it for a fellow author.
R.E.-Wolf-do you have any ideas for it Badaxe?
General Badaxe- It is a long shot, it involves tootsie rolls, a sundae, three martinis, a Martian, a pound of peanut butter, a live trout, and a Ferris wheel. It is a really long shot, but we might pull it off.
R.E.-Wolf-ok, who are we going to torture today?
General Badaxe- Probably Godzilla, I haven't really decided. On with the fic!
R.E.-Wolf-what fic? This is only to get ideas.
General Badaxe- You know what I mean, on with it!
It all started, one sunny day in Leon's apartment. He had a couple of people over, who decided to stop in and say hi. Unfortunately for Leon, he didn't want these people at his house, mainly because most of them want to kill him, and the others just are too strange for him.
A doorbell rings, and Leon gets off of his favorite green chair. 'Wonder who that could be.' Then, another thought occurs to him. 'Damn it, I am in a fic that R.E.-Wolf and General Badaxe are writing. I read the intro, who did they invite over to my house?' He walks over to the door, and opens it.
Leon's eyes shoot wide open, and he mutters "Those two authors had better send me a nice paycheck." Inside the doorway, stood Wesker, Ada, Hunk, and Krauser.
"All right, what is the occasion?" Leon asks, as he reaches for his handgun, only to realize the two authors replaced it with a water pistol. 'Those two had better know I like a lot of zeros.' Leon thought to himself.
"Good evening Leon!" Ada said in a cheery voice. "We came over to play some cards, are you interested?"
"Wait, let me get this straight." Leon said to them "You guys looked for my house, which is an unlisted address, walked over here, I would have heard a car, and you do all of that, just to play cards?"
"You have a problem with that Kennedy?" Wesker asked.
Leon looked over at Wesker, and asked him, "Do you ever address someone by their first name?"
Wesker just reply's, "Everyone but Ada, and that is only because she won't tell me hers."
Leon looks at Ada, and then Wesker. "Wesker, you employ her, and you don't even know her last name is Wo-"
"Leon!" Ada yelled suddenly. "If you tell him, I will remember he wants me to kill you. You won't be getting off the hook then, will you?"
Leon really hates the two authors. 'You two send me these nuts, and you can't even give me a weapon while I am here?' He just mutters obscene curses at the authors, but we won't post them.
"Well, since you guys are here, you might as well come in, and we will play cards." Leon says, after a good few seconds of utter silence. The group walks in, and makes themselves comfortable in his apartment. Leon notices something right away, and yells out "HUNK! Get out of my good green chair!"
Hunk just turns and looks at Leon, you can't see his eyes because of the strange gas mask thing on his face. However, the mask just keeps staring at Leon, and Leon gets really creped out. "Ok, you can stay in the chair, just quit staring at me!" Leon says to him. Hunk turns around, and starts to deal out the cards.
Leon pulls up a seat, and looks at his cards. He has a queen of diamonds, a queen of spades, a three of clubs, a king of clubs, and a seven of hearts. 'Ok, I have a pair of queens, I have to hope for something better. I should keep the king, and hope for two pair.' Leon hands in two cards, and gets a queen of hearts, and a king of spades. 'Sweet, I have a full house!'
Leon looks up, and sees Wesker has a very pissed look on his face. "I have all, but one card for a royal flush…" Wesker says in a tight voice. Leon looks around for a second, and then jumps behind the couch. "I GOT STIFFED DAMN IT!" Wesker screams out, and Leon hears him lift up the table, and then he hears a window crash.
"Wesker!" Leon screamed jumping up. "You are going to pay for that window!" Leon said pointing at him.
"Kennedy, I didn't break the window." Wesker said indicating he still had the table in his hands.
"If you didn't break the window, then who did?" Leon said, as he looked at the window. Then he looks below the window, and sees a dead goose. Everyone else is staring at the thing too. "Well…" Leon said in a slow voice, as he went over and picked the thing up. "I know what I am having for dinner tonight."
Everyone just stares at him, and Krauser says "You can't be serious, comrade. How can you eat that thing?"
Leon looks at him. "How can you become something less than human for power? Anyway, I had to eat those stupid crows and ravens when I went to rescue Ashley. Why do you think that I never got hungry there? An incineration grenade, some wood, and I can cook a good tasting bird."
The four others just stare at Leon, who goes over to his stove, and turns on the fire.
"Is he serious about eating that thing?" Ada asks as she holds her stomach.
"I think he is." Wesker said in a slow voice.
The group hears grunting coming from outside, and they look out the window. "Um Leon, we have company." Ada said.
Leon came over, and looked out the window. Below them, where a bunch of Granados. All yelling at them in Spanish. "Damn it!" Leon said.
"We are in trouble?" Ada offers.
"You need a good gun?" Krauser asked.
"You have some enemies?" Wesker asked
Hunk doesn't bother to say anything. "No." Leon told all of them.
"Then what is the problem?" Ada asks him.
"I think I turned my fire on too high, and I accidentally burnt my goose." Leon says in a sad tone. Then the group hears a fire alarm going off. "Yeah, I lost my goose." Leon said in a really sad tone.
"What about the endless wave of Granados outside!" Krauser asks in an annoyed tone.
Leon looks outside, and says "Yeah, that could be a problem too."
General Badaxe- Yeah, it is short, but take into mind that this is only a small preview, we just want to see if you people like the idea. If you don't, tell us and we will scrap the idea.
R.E.-Wolf-it feels like what CAPCOM is doing with RE5.
General Badaxe- What are you smoking? We have no idea what they are doing with RE5, we have to wait like the rest of the world.
R.E.-Wolf-I know but the story seems good so far and it's basically just a tease until we get reviews or more ideas.
General Badaxe- Ok, I will concede to you that point. But, if the people don't like it, we are scrapping the entire thing. Don't get too attached to this, like you did with your chocolate bunny right before you ate it. You cried for a day and a half.
R.E.-Wolf-so? Mr. Fluffy was a good bunny until the end and he even cleaned my room for me! How could anyone turn him down?
General Badaxe- I cleaned your room, not some magic chocolate bunny! Anyway, YOU were the one who ate him!
R.E.-Wolf-we were playing "Survivor" and I was hungry! It was the only way I could have survived the game.
General Badaxe- You two were playing that right next to the fridge! Mom told you to move I don't know how many times, but how did you get hungry? You could have popped open the fridge and had a snack or something.
R.E.-Wolf-my sweet tooth was craving something and the fridge was filled with nothing but apples and your leftover ramen casserole.
General Badaxe- (pulls out giant axe) You leave my casserole out of this.
R.E.-Wolf-by the way, it sucked one and a half ways to hell!
General Badaxe- Run. (Rushes R.E.-Wolf with axe in hand.)
R.E.-Wolf-(pulls the matrix while General Badaxe rushes him and goes Devil May Cry style with two pistols.)
General Badaxe- (While R.E.-Wolf is going in slow motion; I walk up and kick him in the nuts.)
R.E.-Wolf-(falls to the ground, crying in pain)
General Badaxe- The matrix is overrated, but I still like it.