Chapter 4

THERE IS NO SPACE TIME CONTINUUM

Well, say hello to chapter four. HI CHAPTER FOUR!...in case you can't tell I am sugar hi. No I didn't eat too much candy or cake, I merely injected 14 quarts of sugar directly into my blood stream………now if you will excuse me I need to call the hospital.

valkyre's messenger: Silly rabbit, magical DS's don't need batteries. They run on pain! All you have to do is put Griff next to the DS and then…(the following part of this fic has been censored due to extreme violence and cruelty towards people named Griff)………or you can get double A batteries………..everything can run on double A. Except that robotic pink bunny clapping the drum that only runs on triple A that kills everyone with a machine gun. It just occurred to me I made an entire paragraph about pain, bunnies and batteries…I should probably get a therapist.

Linkmaster2832: Don't say that. You want to get on the DS's good side for when they help me take over the world. DS powns PSP! IT DOES I TELL YOU IT DOES! I AM NOT IN DENIAL! (Therapy is becoming an increasingly brighter option as the day goes by)

Don113: Of course you will. What kind of army would it be without a paycheck? By that I mean a hypothetical paycheck…Not hypothetical like my army, I am just talking about hypothetical…actually I am talking about fake. But fake checks are just as good as real ones. The paper costs just as much.

Clark Cradic: Don't worry you still have more reviews than anyone else. (partially because you have actually posted TWO reviews for some chapters ) and there will be more than one big battle.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: FOOL! THERE IS NO UNION! I AM THE UNION AND THE SENATE! Ahem…um…yah I was practicing my O'Malley impression…and my Palpatine impression….I'm not insane. But don't bother with the union. They are all dead……not that I killed them. O'Malley did it I SWEAR!

Isaac Malott: Really? I figured that I could take over the world of Halo by giving the grunts extra sugar, causing chaos until every race except the grunts surrenders….but your idea is good to. And does evil Isaac require a separate fake…I mean hypothetical paycheck?

Mister Frodo: Of course you still get cookies. Making fun of me in your fic is a GOOD thing. By the way why did you take down your chapter 5 and re-post it? At least that's what I think happened I could have just been slightly insane and thought your fic had the number four and not five in the description…things like that happen 2 me a little too much.

Last time on Red vs Blue

Goku powered up a really really big thingymubob of blue "energy" while Freeza gathered up a really big thing of energy that is for some reason red instead of blue, then they spent the next ten episodes yelling and making their attacks hit eacho-

Sorry wrong last time.

Last time on Red vs Blue

The priors are spreading a plague.

The country is in an epidemic, and Daniel died…again…and ascended…again…and went back to normal….again. And-

GOD DAMN IT! JUST SKIP THE LAST TIME THING

Sarge leaned down and picked up the DS.

Simmons: "What is it sir?"

Sarge: "This could be either two things. A device meant to suck souls out of people with flashing lights and cool sounds, thus addicting them, or it could be an entertainment device.

Griff: "It's both."

Sarge: "What? No one likes the DS. It's all about PSP. DS is for babies."

Griff: "Hey, PSP sucks. You would be surprised at how addictive Kirby games are. And DS also has Mario, it can play game boy games which means fire emblem galore…and."

Sarge: "Well this doesn't even have a Kirby game…or a Mario game…or a fire emblem game, whatever that is."

Fire emblem fans around the world leapt from their seats with the sudden urge of running to blood gulch with silver and killer ax's.

Sarge: "All it has is a game called, "Messing around with the space time continuum."

Griff: "Give me that."

Griff snatched the DS out of Sarge's hand.

Sarge: "DID YOU JUST TAKE SOMETHING FROM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICERS!"

Griff: "Shove off."

Donut: "Griff that's so unlike you! Even though you think those things about Sarge your too much of a wimp to actually do something about it."

Simmons: "Yah why is he suddenly more aggressive."

Griff looked over the touch screen. He pressed the touchy thingy, to the touch screen and dragged. Suddenly, a large rock flew into Simmons.

Donut: "What was that!"

Sarge: "A coincidence."

Griff started pressing random buttons and the rock spontaneously combusted.

Sarge: "DEAR GOD! THAT DEVICE CAN CONTROLL SPACE AND TIME!"

Simmons: "Griff, that thing contains unimaginable power. Give it to Sarge."

Donut: "Yah come on Griff."

Griff (dark voice): "My name isn't Griff."

Thunder clashed in the background and a million unnecessary anime style close ups appeared.

Griff (dark voice): "My name, is O'Malley!"

More thunder clashed. Random close up of Sarge, random close up of Griff. Close up of Donut followed by Griff again, then Simmons, then the pieces of the rock. Then the pink rabbit with a machine gun.

Donut: "This can't be…"

Griff: "Just kidding My name is Griff."

Donut: "Phew."

Griff (dark voice): "But that doesn't mean O'Malley isn't inside of me!"

Sarge: "That name sounds oddly familiar."

O'Malley: (I will call Griff O'Malley when O'Malley has taken over. Live with it.) FOOLS! When you turned on your radio I jumped bodies, however the author thought it would be too predictable if I went to Sarge so I went to Griff. Besides the author is obsessive about sticking to the RvB story line and if I was Sarge there AND here then something would be wrong.

Simmons: "What if rooster teeth makes you go into Griff in the actual series."

O'Malley: "Then the author will rant around saying he is psychic for a few months until we get sick of it and kill him."

Donut: "He's the author. We can't kill him."

O'Malley: "WITH THIS I CAN! Lets see, select square, ground. Effects, change ground into giant hole leading to nowhere."

The ground Simmons and Donut were standing on disappeared and they fell into what is known in Halo as, a really pointless and endless fall.

O'Malley: "Now the way I see it, my new host will be easier to control if he is satisfied, and I think he will be satisfied if he kills you in a very slow way to make up for years of abuse."

Suddenly O'Malley's head snapped down to look at the screen.

Griff: "OH MAN WE HAVE TO GO THERE!"

O'Malley: "SHUT UP! Don't you want to kill him more than you want to go there!"

Griff: "We can do that later. Just throw him down the hole until we get back to him."

O'Malley: "Why don't you throw him down the hole?"

Griff: "I'm too lazy. If someone else is going to live in my body I might as well make him do all of the hard work for me."

So O'Malley pushed a random button on the DS causing another giant rock to be lifted from the ground and this time crash into Sarge, knocking him into the pit.

Sarge: "EVEN AN ENDLESS DROP WILL NOT STOP ME FROM TORMENTING YOU! YA FILTHY DIRTBAG! AND IF YOU THINK THAT THIS FALL WILL KILL ME THAN YOUR WRONG! YOU"

Yah the idea is that as he falls down the hole he gets farther away and its harder to hear him. I think it makes sense.

Meanwhile….

Tucker pulled the warthog to a stop. Tex and Wyoming were on opposite sides of Zanzibar, both hiding behind heavy cover.

Tucker: "HEY TEX WHATS GOING ON!"

Tex: "QUIT YELLING AND TAKE COVER!"

Wyoming: "Tex I am not going to waste my last shot on him. Especially as long as you have another shot left."

Tucker ran up to Tex.

Tucker: "So you each only have one shot?"

Tex: "Yah it was his challenge. We each only get one shot in our sniper rifle and we have to kill the other."

Tucker: "And you accepted?"

Tex: "I said I accepted but I hid some ammo. I used it all though."

Tucker: "You used all of your shots but he didn't even use one!"

Tex: "No he cheated to."

Tucker: "Oh…"

Tex: "Well now that you're here you can help me. I need you to run across there and distract Wyoming."

Tucker: "That doesn't strike me as a good plan."

Tex: "Just do it."

Tucker: "Why should I?"

Tex: "I will let you see me naked if you do it."

Tucker: "Really?"

Tex: "No."

Tucker: "Well can I at least imagine…"

Tex: "Nope."

Tucker: "Well what's the point!"

Tex: "If you don't go. I SHOOT YOU!"

Tucker: "But you don't have any ammo left."

Tex: "Who says I can't reuse a bloody bullet?"

Tucker: "….."

Wyoming laughed as he saw Tucker run across the field.

Wyoming: "She's a fool if she thinks that is going to distract me!"

Wyoming focused is sniper rifle on Tex and waited.

Tucker ran up to Wyoming.

Tucker: "HI!"

Wyoming: "THAT FIEND! She KNEW that I would think that she would send you as a distraction so that I would focus on her and you could sneak up on me!"

Tucker: "No I was suppose to be a distraction."

Wyoming looked across the field and saw Tex performing the Zanzibar super jump to get on top of the tower.

Wyoming: "SHE KNEW I WOULD THINK THAT SHE TRICKED ME BY MAKING ME THINK THAT TUCKER WAS THE DISTRACTION BUT MAKING ME THINK HE WASN'T WHEN HE REALLY WAS! THE FIEND!"

Tucker: "Your over-thinking. I was just the distraction."

Tex fired at O'Malley, wounding his arm.

Wyoming: "Damn it."

Tex: "Damn that was my last bullet."

Wyoming: "YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF GLITCHES!"

Wyoming shot a nearby tank in such a way that it slowly drove over to one of the fan blades.

Tex: "Why didn't you just shoot me?"

Wyoming: "Evil people never do things the obvious way."

Tex noticed she wasn't the only one on the fan.

Marine 2: "Help me…I was in the first chapter…early death…barely escaped…something horrible is here…in a map called Waterworks….author still hasn't forgiven me…for ticking him off….don't know how I survived…if only Marine…had been as lucky.

Tex: "You poor man…HEY! Sniper ammo. Awesome that's convenient.

The tank finally hit the ramp and was sent flying and spinning in the air in such a way that defied the laws of physics. Tex leaped off the fan as the tank crashed into Marine 2.

The tank continued to spin around in the air until it landed in front of Wyoming. Wyoming got into the tank and pointed the tanks cannon towards Tex.

Tucker got into the warthog.

Tucker: "Everyone knows that the warthog is the best vehicle."

Tucker moved two inches and the warthog was stopped by a pebble.

Tucker: "Oh that's right. This is Halo TWO. Author a little help please."

Suddenly, everything turned into Halo 1 graphics.

Wyoming: "WHAT!"

Tucker: "Oh yah."

The warthog charged at the tank.

The tank shot the warthog and flew in the air.

Wyoming: "Impossible, how did he survive. And what's with all for all of those pointless spins!"

The warthog landed perfectly and continued to charge.

Tucker: "Vehicles can't be destroyed in Halo 1."

The warthog rammed into the tank and pushed it into a wall.

Tucker: "And in Halo 1, the warthog doesn't stop when it crashed into another vehicle."

Wyoming managed to fire a shot that knocked the warthog into the air once again.

Tucker automatically appeared outside of the warthog.

Tucker: "And most importantly, the most powerful weapon in Halo one!"

Everyone: (gasp)

Insert one million unnecessary close ups here

Tucker pulled out the double barrel beam cannon.

Relina: "HERO!"

Hero: "WHATS WRONG WITH ME!"

Oops…wrong thing again.

Tucker pulled out…THE PISTOL!"

Wyoming: "Are you insane that things useless!"

Tucker: "Maybe in Halo 2 but not in Halo 1."

Wyoming's shields disappeared.

Wyoming: "Damn it!"

Wyoming ran out of the tank and hid behind a rock.

Wyoming: "But your forgetting that in Halo 1 you die when you are too high in the air! And while I am impressed at your ability to float in the air for so long, your time is up."

The graphics changed back into Halo 2 graphics just in time for Tucker to land without damage.

Wyoming ran up to Tucker and hit him with his gun.

Tucker slumped to the ground.

Wyoming picked up Tucker's pistol.

Tex: "Give ma break, pistols do nothing in Halo 2."

Wyoming pointed his gun at Tucker.

Wyoming: "It will be more than enough to finish off hi-,"

Wyoming was silenced as Church ran him over with the ghost.

Church: "THERE YOU ARE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR….hey what happened to Wyoming?"

Meanwhile…..

Several Elites ran over to Darlmon.

Elite: "Sir! Reignor's brutes are attacking the ship. So far though we have lost no casualties."

Darlmon was suddenly alarmed.

Darlmon: "Are you sure!"

Elite: "Yes…why?"

Darlmon: "The author didn't make us lose anyone last chapter AND this chapter…no that doesn't make sense. Something bad is going to happen I can feel it."

Suddenly the roof of the space ship was ripped up by a giant (and fluffy) teddy bear.

Darlmon: "OH MY GOD! When the author made that joke about a teddy bear named Bobo, getting his head ripped off and then turning out to have never existed, it caused a rip in the space time continuum, making a giant fluffy teddy bear. That and the rip in the space time continuum from no body dieing in two chapters. Wow that's a lot of rips."

The bear grabbed a random grunt and ate him.

"HALT FLUFFY BEAST!"

Mangor stood on a cliff above the bear.

Mangor: "I know what you have come for…" Mangor activated his beam sword.

The bear finished eating the grunt and charged Mangor.

Mangor charged

The bear charged

OH THE SUSPENCE!

They hugged.

Mangor: "Who's a cute wittle teddy weddy who isn't suppose to exist. You are. Yes you are. Yes you are."

The bear, satisfied with the attention walked away towards the sunset.

Mangor: "What a cute little bear."

Elite: "That's…weird."

Darlmon: "You don't know the worst of it. Remember I lived with him."

Mangor: "BROTHER I HAVE IMPORTANT NEWS!"

Darlmon: "Why did you come here to tell me the news? You could have just called me."

Mangor: "That would be the intelligent thing to do. So obviously I wouldn't do that."

Darlmon: "Tell me after we resolve our current predicament."

Mangor: "What's wrong."

Darlmon: "The brutes are attacking."

Mangor: "Ah no problem just send some hunters to get them. HEY CAN I GET A HUNTER IN HERE!"

A hunter walked forward.

Hunter: "! 4/\/\ R34l)Y."

Mangor: "Wait…there's only one of you!"

The hunter looked to its left, as if expecting someone to be there.

Hunter: "1 6U355 50."

Darlmon: "That's impossible there has to be TWO hunters. There can never be only one."

The hunter realized this was true and exploded…quite randomly.

Grunt: "SIR! Let me fill in the hunters place."

Darlmon: "Sure, its always fun to watch grunts die."

Mangor: "How come you get angry when I kill them?"

Darlmon: "They are MY crew so only I can send them to their deaths."

The grunt walked outside, followed by a series of explosions.

Mangor: "The poor little guy."

Then there were more explosions.

Mangor: "Wow, overkill."

Then there were even more and screams of pain.

Darlmon: "Did it really take them that long to kill him?"

Then there were more explosions.

Darlmon: "I don't understand."

The explosions stopped.

The grunt walked back into the room.

Grunt: "The enemy has been terminated!"

Mangor: "WHAT! But you're a grunt! How did you…"

Grunt: "It was easy. I merely duel wielded needalers and shot the brutes until they charged me. Then I pulled out my beam sword and killed the ones that came to close and stuck the ones in back."

Mangor: "……………… grunts can't duel wield."

Darlmon: "Or carry beam swords."

Mangor: "Or carry backup weapons for that matter,"

Darlmon: "There must be a modder afoot."

Grunt: "Nope, simply a rip in the fabric of the space time continuum."

Darlmon: "THERE IS NO SPACE TIME CONTINUUM ANYMORE! THERE ARE TOO MANY RIPS!"

Elite: "You deserve to be honored for your deeds young grunt. What is your name?"

Grunt: "My name is…."

The grunt was picked up by Bo-bo the five story teddy bear and was eaten alive.

Darlmon: "Phew. Everything is back to normal."

Mangor: "Awwww. And I was just about to call him a heretic and kill him."

Darlmon: "There are more important matters brother. What news do you bring me?"

OMG THE SUSPENSE! Yah there are a bunch of converging story points and just in case you forgot waterworks is the place that red team fell down those endless drops Halo 1 is so famous for. Anyways R&R