Chapter 5

Marine 2

In the famous words of some wise man who once said something very wise that no one really cared about or bothered to remember…well no one really bothered to remember. W/e. Anyways this is chapter 5. My long term plan for this fic is to finish it before I go to away for summer, which I don't think will be too hard. I think it will be around ten chapters. It's really hard to tell with me because I keep thinking of random ideas. Anyways, R&R

Clark Cradic: What? A short review? (gasp) THE HORRORS! Reviews are suppose to be long and pointless who in their right mind would make short reviews? (looks at Cpt.ShaneSchofield) ok then never mind, I guess there are some people. Anyways…..yah not really much I can say in response to that so, just keep reading and reviewing.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: Indeed, the poor little grunt. The only grunt in halo history to ever kill another living thing without aid……too many heroes die. But at least the giant teddy bear isn't hungry. That makes up for everything.

Isaac Malott: Well, there is an answer to that mind bending question….an answer I do not happen to know so I will make something up. O'Malley gets his ideas from….reading my fics….yah….that makes sense….if you don't think about how that's impossible or anything it makes sense. And if you don't like that explanation, just say that he gets his ideas from wherever evil Isaac gets his.

Val of Clan valkyre: So this is your third screen name this week? That's just a BIT odd….just a bit. Anyways my comp screws me over sometime as well. I usually find that hitting it with a large blunt object fixes the problem. That or makes it worse. I usually find that it's worse. In fact it has never gotten better…..but I am sure that one of these days it will actually help.

Mister Frodo: Indeed, poor, poor, poor, unfortunate grunt. And to think that he was almost done writing his will where he leaves everything including his ten million dollars to you……hey did even more dust go into your eyes?

Church: Hey why am I talking to you? You never gave me a review!

Church: "That's because it's the story nimrod. Review time is over."

Oh, why am I still talking in bold font?

Church: "Because….you want to?"

YES! I ADMIT IT! TALKING IN BOLD FONT IS A WAY OF LIFE FOR ME!

Church: "……..seriously dude. THERAPY!"

Shut up.

Church: "What was talking in bold font beginning to bore you? What happened to your way of life?"

I adapted a new way of life where I kill every character that talks back to me.

Church: "………..oh……..wow…….nice come back."

Tex: "Who are you talking to?"

Church: "The author."

Tex: "You mean that magical person who you claim controls every aspects of our lives, and that we are actually characters in a fan fiction?"

Church: "ITS TRUE! FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT CRAZY!"

Tex: "Yah right. Next your going to tell me that Tucker had a baby."

Church: "Yah….about that…"

It was at this time that Wyoming decided to wake up.

Wyoming: "WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY HOW!"

Church: "Hey Wyoming. You've been asleep for a little while so here's what's going on."

Tex: "Basically the only reason your not dead is because a patrol of aliens came around, found this place, and claimed it to be of some holy significance. So we decided to keep you alive to keep you as bait."

Wyoming: "Bait for what?"

Church: "Well we killed the patrol but one got away so we're expecting a large army to come any second now."

Tex: "By we he means me."

Wyoming: "I see. At the very least I get to see you die as well."

Tex: "Nope. We laid hundreds of land mines just outside, and inside of the primary defensive parameters."

Wyoming: "Then why do you need me as bait?"

Tex: "We need them to charge through, into our line of fire and kill some off before we use the mines. And the only way to make sure they charge is if they see you in a tank."

Wyoming: "Don't you think I will use the tank to kill you?"

Tex: "The tank is pretty much dead. One shot from any weapon will tear it, and you apart."

Wyoming: "Then won't the covenant just make one shot?"

Tex: "Your at such an angle that they have to move in before shooting, while we always have a clean shot."

Wyoming: "And how long do you suppose until this patrol of theirs gets here?"

Church: "Oh it's here right now. We're just filling you in on the details so that you know why there is a huge swarm of aliens charging you."

Sure enough there was an army of brutes, jackles, and those cyborg bug thingys outside the outer wall.

Wyoming: "This is a bad day."

Tex: "I bet it is. Now get into the tank, or I will shoot you right here."

Wyoming, figuring that he had a better chance of living while in the tank, stepped in the drivers seat. Tex and Church retreated to the top level of Zanzibar.

Tucker: "So….how does this machine gun work?"

Tex: "It is simple. You aim the gun, press the trigger, and it shoots."

Tucker: "Which is the gun, and which is the trigger?"

Tex: "How can you not know?"

Tucker: "Tex, I had a fascinating child hood where instead of playing first person shooters like most kids, I played sims and online adult games. And I am proud to say that it has not messed me up in the least bit."

Tex: "……………I'm not sure if I should kill you or kick you in the balls and then kill you."

Church: "How about neither, it looks like the covenant army has decided upon their plan of action."

Brute: "So it is agreed, that as always we charge recklessly through enemy gun fire in some desperate hope that most of us will get out alive."

Jackle: "But The brutes are faster than the Jackles and the Jackles have shields. We should run in first so our shields are not wasted."

Bug: "squeert squar squeeee" (translation: (incoherent noises, most likely a heart attack))

Brute: "Yah, quit butting in. Since we're now a democracy we have to all agree about every aspect of our lives before we take any action."

Brute 2: "Are you sure that's how it works?"

Jackle: "I still say that no matter what you guys do, I won't brush my teeth with sulfuric acid."

Brute: "Aw come on! Now we can't brush our teeth either. And we can't do anything until you agree."

A smart brute decided at that point to simply step on the Jackle.

Smart brute: "There, now no one is against the idea. LETS CHARGE IN RECKLESSLY!"

Ok maybe he's not that smart.

Tex: "Church, you take as many out with the sniper rifle as you can. I will wait until the largest number of their forces possible, is on top of the land mines before remotely detonating them."

Tucker: "Are you sure you should let him have the sniper rifle?"

Tex: "With a crowd that big, not even Church could miss."

The covenant charged through the first gate.

Wyoming sat in his tank looking extremely bored.

Tucker began shooting with his machine gun, and missing every shot.

Church aimed his sniper rifle at the charging covenant.

Church: "Not even I could miss a shot like this."

Church fired.

Tex: "HOLY SHIT!"

The sniper bullet had shot, not the group of covenant, but the trigger in Tex's hand.

Tex: "HOW COULD YOU MISS!"

Church: "I DON'T KNOW I WAS AIMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! Unless the bullet came from the back of the gun it should be physically impossible!"

Tex: "I KNEW YOU WERE A BAD SHOT BUT THAT IS RIDDICULAS!"

Church: "I SWEAR THAT'S NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE IT JUST SHOULDN'T HAPPEN!"

Tex: "Great now we can't detonate the land mines."

Tex grabbed Church's sniper rifle and fired a single shot.

The bullet, passed through the skull of five brutes, ricocheted off a jackle shield, and began bouncing through the covenant forces in that manner.

When the sniper bullet finally hit a wall, all weird bugs, Jackles, and Brutes were dead.

Church: "Wow."

Tucker: "Wow."

Tex: "Lets see the author beat that."

Pft, a small feat. I snipe people with pistols.

Tex: "So?"

Halo TWO pistols.

Tex: "WHAT!"

Yup my skillz are that mad.

Tex: "Who the hell uses a pistol in Halo 2 honestly."

Oh just shut up.

Wyoming: "Well it would seem as though you killed their army."

Dead brute: "Oh no this isn't the army. This is the scout force."

Tex: "Wait then what was that other group we killed?"

Dead brute: "A bunch of brutes and jackles going to the bathroom."

Church: "Hey aren't you suppose to be dead?"

The brute exploded.

Church: "…ok then."

Tex: "We can't keep doing this. We will have to retreat."

Tucker: "Sure let me get the jeep."

Tex: "and as for you Wyoming, all I have to do is shoot that tank once and your dead."

Tucker: "Hey Tex, the jeep is gone."

Tex: "WHAT!"

Wyoming: "Well it would seem that your only way out is in this tank. And 'm not getting out, so the only way you are getting it is by shooting me, and if the bullet were to go through my head and hit the tank. You would have no means of escape."

Tex: "Well it seems we have to make a short truce. I will kill the person who stole the warthog."

Meanwhile in blue base.

Doc: "There, there Caboose. It's not that bad."

Between sobs Caboose managed to look up at Doc and respond

Caboose: "Yes it is."

Doc: "Just because the author didn't include us last chapter doesn't mean he hates us."

Caboose: "Yes it does."

Doc: "Come on turn that frown upside down."

Caboose: "I can't. I'm wearing a helmet I can't see my face."

Doc: "You mean you need to see your face in order for you to….ok never mind. I forgot how stupid you were."

Suddenly a warthog drove up to blue base.

Doc: "I guess Tucker is back."

A marine got out.

Caboose: "Hey look its Church."

Doc: "No its not it's a marine."

Marine 2: "Hello my name is marine 2. I was suppose to have died several times in this fic but I have managed to barely escape with my life. The author has something against me for calling him lazy in the first chapter. There's not much time left until he realizes that I am still alive."

Doc: "Wait, why wouldn't he realize that you were alive now?"

Marine: "I think I can best answer that question with a flash back."

FLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "That is one lazy author."

Pilot: "NO! Don't anger the author. Something bad will happen."

Suddenly the Spartans chest exploded. The flood had hollowed out the armor and several parasites managed to cram themselves inside.

Marine 2: "Awwwwww they're so cuuuuttttteeee."

The Flood apparently didn't like being called cute and jumped on the marine….

UNFLASHBACKIFY

After that the author said, and we all know what happens from there. But what really happens….

FLASHBACKIFY

Marine 2: "Aw your all so cute."

The marine tried to pet one of the flood making it explode, making the marine fall out of the drop ship.

Marine 2: "AHHHHHHH!"

Gandalf appeared out of no where and dived down at the marine.

Marine 2: "HURRAH I'M SAVED!"

Gandalf hit the marine with his sword.

Marine 2: "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!"

Gandalf: "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were the balrog."

Marine 2: "Sorry dude you got the wrong, dangerously long fall."

Gandalf: "Sorry for hitting you with my sword."

Gandalf disappeared leaving the marine to fall down alone.

The marine became aware of someone there other than him.

An elite was talking on his cell phone while falling down.

Mangor: "I know. I just had an encounter with those brutes. Long story short I'm kind of falling to my death here. Of course, this is a reeeeaaaalllly pointlessly long fall. The kind of fall that you would only see in Halo. I could starve to death before I hit the ground."

Suddenly, several covenant ships warped right below the marine. The marine landed without taking any falling damage.

Marine 2: "Wow, I'm alive. The split space rupture must have made a glitch that took away my fall damage."

Then another ship warped into a building next to the ship the marine was on. A segment of the building crashed into the other ship.

Marine 2: "EEP!"

The marine managed to crawl through a hatch and take shelter inside of the ship.

UNFLASHBACKIFY

Doc: "I don't see what that has to do with the author not being able to see what you do."

Marine 2: "I'm getting to that."

FLASHBACKIFY

As the covenant ship flew into orbit, the marine took advantage of the moment and took an escape pod towards the surface.

Computer: "Welcome to the covenant escape pod. Where would you like to go?"

Marine 2: "Blood gulch, red base."

Computer: "I am sorry but that is not an available location."

Marine 2: "Blood gulch blue base?"

Computer: "I am sorry, but the only place this can take you is to the great journey."

Marine 2: "Wait, but that means…."

The escape pod blew up right above Zanzibar.

UNFLASHBACKIFY!

Doc: "I still don't see how."

Marine 2: "I landed on the roof of Zanzibar, and I found THIS!"

The marine pulled out a black berry.

Doc: "But that's…a plot device."

Caboose: "No Doc, that's an I-pod."

Doc: "Caboose, just shut up and take care of the elite baby."

Marine 2: "This device can read other peoples minds. And can tell what people are doing. I must warn you about the orange one."

Doc: "The orange one?"

….Meanwhile….

Griff stared over the Religious fanatic Oreo mines.

Griff and O'Malley: "At last…the power to make everything mine….this will be but a small test of my power……..WHY THE HELL ARE WE TALKING IN SYNC!"

Yah I know I only got two parts of the story in on this chapter, but don't worry you will find out what happened to red team next chapter. Anyways R&R.