Um, yeah. Warnings for... sap. At least a little. And... nothing else. No cliffhangers yet! And I dunno about my characterization of Watari and Tatsumi... I tried to imitate the bits of the manga they're in, but ::shrugs:: Thingy.

Chapter One

"The countryside is so pretty up here," Tsuzuki mused. He had pulled a chair up to the window of their hotel room and was staring outside dreamily. "I wish we worked in this region all the time."

"No you don't," Hisoka said impatiently. "As soon as winter came you'd be whining about how cold you were."

Tsuzuki pouted. "I don't whine . . ."

Hisoka made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. He had sorted out the paperwork from the eight deaths chronologically, and was working on finding their addresses. There was a map sitting on the bed with the three he'd found marked in red.

Their method was familiar in this sort of case. People tended not to trust a sixteen year old detective, so Tsuzuki asked the questions while Hisoka remained invisible and poked around the house for anything of interest. Hisoka had already informed him he would have to pretend to be someone from the hospital or health department; people didn't send detectives to investigate illnesses.

Tsuzuki let out a little sigh and continued to look out the window. Hisoka glanced up at him, then down just as quickly. His one goal lately was not to let Tsuzuki know how he felt about anything.

While he had still been in the infirmary, Tsuzuki had been different, vulnerable. But getting out, getting back to work, had been like someone had flipped a switch. He was back to the old Tsuzuki, just like that. Hisoka would have rather died than admitted it, but he had been hurt by Tsuzuki's behavior.

Tsuzuki didn't trust him, it was as simple as that. If he did, he would let Hisoka see how he was hurting. But he hid it from his partner like he hid it from everyone.

Hisoka jabbed at the map with red marker, scowling. Despite Tsuzuki asking if they could stay together, despite everything they had gone through in Kyoto and in the hospital afterwards, Tsuzuki still didn't trust him. It gave him a strange pang in his heart, and as Hisoka usually was when confronted with that sort of emotion, he was angry. Angry at Tsuzuki for refusing to change. Angry at himself for caring.

"Two of these men lived alone," he informed Tsuzuki. "So we won't have anyone to question. There's no information about a girlfriend or anything."

"All right," Tsuzuki said, still looking out the window. Hisoka wanted to know what he was thinking, but didn't look. Tsuzuki was alternately terrible at hiding his emotions or fanatic about it. This was one of the latter times.

Hisoka could have gotten past Tsuzuki's shields if he had wanted to, but he didn't. He was so careful about guarding his own privacy that he didn't want to invade Tsuzuki's without good reason. And wanting to know how Tsuzuki felt about him was not, in his opinion, a good enough reason.

So Hisoka did his best to ignore Tsuzuki's briefer-than-usual sentences, tried not to notice that Tsuzuki never looked directly at him. Refused point blank to wonder why it hurt.

He simply stood up. "Let's go."

~~~~

Tsuzuki and Hisoka walked to the first house in silence. It seemed awkward, even to the normally uncommunicative empath. Though he wasn't talkative even at the best of times, he thought he had gotten to the point where he could have conversations with Tsuzuki. But apparently those times were over.

I never should have told him, he thought miserably. I ruined everything when I admitted that I needed him.

"Here we are," Tsuzuki said.

Hisoka jumped, startled out of his reverie. When around the others, Tsuzuki was hyper-genki, but when it was just the two of them, he didn't talk anywhere near as much as he used to. He hid his emotions well, but only Tatsumi had enough Reikan ability to totally block Hisoka out.

On the rare occasions when they touched, the contact was enough for Hisoka to sense Tsuzuki's emotions. He could feel the fear that Tsuzuki still felt, the lingering pain and misery. He did his best to avoid ever touching Tsuzuki, but even in his current frame of mind, the older Shinigami was still very touchy-feely.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "Okay." He faded out of vision, letting Tsuzuki take over.

Tsuzuki went up and rang the doorbell. It was a minute before a blond woman answered. Tsuzuki took a few seconds to recall the basic facts of the case before speaking. "Ohayo, Imazaki-san. I'm from the public health department. Do you have a few minutes?"

"Oh . . . of course," she said, and stood back to let him in.

"I'm sorry to trouble you with this," Tsuzuki said. "But we think that your husband may have died of a rare virus, and we're investigating."

Hisoka wandered around the house, looking for anything that may have been a clue, giving half an ear to the conversation. Tsuzuki was getting a detailed description of the progression of the man's illness. Hisoka, who still recalled his time in the hospital vividly, found it rather uncomfortable.

Every house was the same way, and everyone gave the same story. Tsuzuki and Hisoka spent lunch adding all the facts together.

"So, let me get this straight," Hisoka said, watching Tsuzuki plow his way through a plate of chicken lo mein. "The memory loss took place before death."

Tsuzuki nodded. "Every time."

"Theoretically, amnesiacs have died before," Hisoka said, picking at his lunch. "What happens then?"

"They're supposed to regain their memory when they die," Tsuzuki said. "You know, 'cause they're not dependent on their brains anymore. Or something. That's what Watari said when I asked him, anyway."

Hisoka tapped his chopsticks against the side of his plate absently.

"But you know what else is really weird?" Tsuzuki asked through a mouthful of noodles. Hisoka fixed a glare on him and he chewed and swallowed before speaking again. "They all said that the people stopped acting like themselves before they died. That they didn't have any personality at all, really."

Hisoka frowned. "First they lose their memories . . . then their personalities . . . and finally their lives."

"But there was no reason for any of them to have died," Tsuzuki pointed out. "They didn't have any recognizable disease. It was like something was just draining away their life force."

"Great," Hisoka said. "So now we've got a malicious . . . whatsit . . . to think about."

"We don't know that it's malicious," Tsuzuki pointed out.

Hisoka shrugged. "In my opinion, anything that kills people is malicious. Maybe that's just my own personal bias, though."

Tsuzuki looked chagrined. "You knew what I meant," he muttered.

"And there's no obvious link between any of them," Hisoka mused, ignoring Tsuzuki. "Nothing work related, family related . . ."

Tsuzuki just sighed, finishing up his lunch. "We should ask Watari and the Gushoshin if there's been any sort of precedent for this kind of thing," he suggested.

"Not a bad idea," Hisoka said.

"And until we hear back from them . . ." Tsuzuki looked at him with big eyes. "Festival? Pleeeeease? The parade of the lanterns is tonight and I've always always always wanted to see it, and -- "

"We can go."

"And I've never had a chance to come before because I've always been on duty and this isn't normally my district and -- "

"Tsuzuki. I said we can go."

"And the lanterns are in the shape of samurai and -- oh." Tsuzuki blinked at him, startled. "We can go? Really?"

Hisoka's lips twitched. "Yeah, we can go. We don't have anything to do until the Gushoshin get back to us."

"You smiled!" Tsuzuki's face split into a mile-wide grin. "You just smiled!"

"I did not!" Hisoka quickly reshaped his features into his usual scowl. "Idiot. Let's go, we have work to do."

"You just said that we didn't have anything to do until -- "

"Let's go see the Gushoshin."

"Aw, Hisooookaaaa . . ."

~~~~

Hisoka had to admit that the parade of lanterns was impressive. Tsuzuki was blissful, and Hisoka enjoyed that as well. It seemed like a long time since he had seen Tsuzuki so unguardedly happy.

"Hisoka! I'll win you a prize!" Tsuzuki bounded for the booths as soon as the parade was over.

"I don't recall that going well last time you tried it," Hisoka said, recalling when Tsuzuki had attempted to win a prize for the girls in Kyoto.

Tsuzuki's face fell, but he rebounded quickly. "Maybe you should win me a prize!"

Hisoka immediately turned pink. "Why would I do that?" he asked.

"Because I asked you to?" Tsuzuki said, giving Hisoka his best puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeeease?"

"What if I want to win a prize for myself?" Hisoka asked.

"You can win two! I'll give you the money!"

"We'll see," Hisoka said, though he already knew he was going to. As promised, five minutes later, Tsuzuki was snuggling a large stuffed bear. Hisoka watched in amusement, and tried to ignore the ache in his heart.

"You should win one for yourself," Tsuzuki said. "Everyone needs something to cuddle."

"Hn," Hisoka said, and walked away from the booth. He privately thought that maybe Tsuzuki was right, and that maybe he could use a stuffed animal. But he certainly wasn't going to admit it in front of Tsuzuki. Of course, what he really would have liked to be cuddling was Tsuzuki himself, but he certainly wasn't going to say that to anyone. Ever.

"Hisoka, wait for meeeeee," Tsuzuki said, jogging to catch up to him.

Hisoka continued to stalk through the festival, his hands buried in his pockets. He had perfected sulking a long time ago, before even becoming a Shinigami. He had it down so well that he thought he ought to have a patent.

"Hisokaaaaaa . . . you're ignoring me." Tsuzuki caught him by the arm, but Hisoka pulled away quickly.

"Look, just leave me alone," he said.

Tsuzuki blinked. "Is your empathy bothering you?" he asked, picking up on the fact that Hisoka hadn't wanted to be touched. "Ah, gomen! I didn't think that being in a crowd would bother you! I completely forgot! Here, sit down for a minute . . ."

Before Hisoka could protest or correct him, Tsuzuki had ushered him over to a bench and made him sit down.

"I'll go get you a drink," Tsuzuki said, and scampered away.

Hisoka sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. He didn't want to contradict Tsuzuki; his empathy had been giving him trouble. He didn't like crowds, and while Tatsumi had been able to teach him about shielding, it didn't always work among large groups of people.

"Here!" Tsuzuki offered Hisoka a cup of tea.

Hisoka accepted it and sipped. Tsuzuki's concern was seeping through his shields, but he didn't mind. It was a pleasant change from the Shinigami's usual fear and doubt, and helped him shield from the other people there.

"Feeling better?" Tsuzuki asked, his face looming only inches from Hisoka's.

"Aa . . ." Hisoka said, wondering absently what Tsuzuki would do if he just leaned up the few necessary inches and kissed him.

"Great! I'm gonna go get some snacks!"

"Tsuzuki! We don't have the money for -- " Hisoka sighed, seeing that Tsuzuki had already disappeared into the crowd. "Idiot," he muttered underneath his breath. "Stupid, stupid idiot." Without Tsuzuki's reassuring presence there, all the others pushed in at his frail shields.

/can't believe she actually wanted to come to this stupid festival again/

/this is so romantic, I wonder if he'll actually propose tonight/

/couldn't we at least have gone to dinner first? I'm starving and all the food here is so expensive/

Hisoka took a deep breath and sipped at the tea. And Tsuzuki wondered why he preferred to be alone all the time, really. Could he be any more dense?

". . . wish you'd worn a kimono."

Hisoka jumped. "Ts-Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki blinked at him. "Aa. You okay?"

"I'm fine," Hisoka snapped, not wanting to admit that his empathy had been bothering him. He had to learn to take care of himself. He had always known that. Becoming a Shinigami had at least taught him that he wasn't a monster, but it didn't stop him from feeling like a freak. And if he couldn't control it, that only made him feel worse.

Tsuzuki, for the moment, seemed content to just sit and stare up into the sky. His eyes had gotten that fuzzy, unfocused look that they got whenever he was deep in thought.

"What're you thinking about?" Hisoka asked.

"Just that's it's nice . . . to sit for a while, and not think about much of anything," Tsuzuki said.

Hisoka wondered for the thousandth time what had happened in Kyoto, during that brief time that Muraki had been alone with Tsuzuki. He could remember their conversations about whether or not Tsuzuki was 'human'; those had been brought on by Muraki too. Hisoka wasn't one for prying into someone's life, but he would have given a lot to understand his partner.

"I wouldn't know," Hisoka finally said.

Tsuzuki grinned. "You need to try not thinking sometimes."

Hisoka snorted. "Well, you're certainly good enough at it."

"Mou, Hisoka, you're so mean to me . . ."

~~~~

"You're working late tonight," Tatsumi said, peering into Watari's office. "Everyone else has gone home."

"Really?" Watari asked absently. "I hadn't noticed."

"What are you working on?" Tatsumi asked.

Watari looked up and grinned suddenly. "Why the sudden curiosity? Usually you're running away from my office."

Tatsumi arched an eyebrow at him. "The nights that you stay late, there's usually some sort of potion in the coffee the next morning. I just want to know what I should be avoiding."

"Harsh," Watari said. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just going through old case files for Tsuzuki and Bon. They gave me the details of the case and want to know if there's been anything like it before."

"Ah, so you're doing actual work," Tatsumi said dryly. "I should call someone down to witness this, or else nobody will believe me in the morning."

Watari ignored him, typing determinedly away on his computer.

"I thought they asked the Gushoshin," Tatsumi finally said.

"They did," Watari said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ears. "I've got all the cases on the computer, though, so I'm checking the old files. The Gushoshin are looking through the books." He grinned up at Tatsumi. "So you did know what I was doing."

Tatsumi coughed. "I suspected."

"Aw, that's so cute, you're worried about Tsuzuki . . ."

Tatsumi turned a graitfying shade of pink, but only for a few seconds. "You say that as if you aren't."

Watari shrugged. "It was early for them to be put on a case, and you know it. I'm not sure Tsuzuki was ready . . . I would have taken the case if you'd asked, you know."

"I would have taken it myself," Tatsumi said. "But Tsuzuki insisted that he wanted to be back on duty as soon as possible. If he wants to distract himself, I'm not going to say anything. Besides, some time alone with Kurosaki-kun might be good for both of them."

Watari stopped typing and picked up a pen, twirling it between his fingers. "I wonder what happened between them when Bon went into the lab for him . . . whatever it was changed both of them."

"I'm sure we'll never know," Tatsumi said, with considerable reserve.

"You know," Watari said, looking at Tatsumi with a rather amused expression, "you're a really good liar. I bet everyone here is convinced by you. But not me. What did you see when you went in to get them?"

Tatsumi took off his glasses and started to polish them. "It's really not your business, Watari."

"Wasn't yours, either," Watari said with a large grin.

"I didn't hear them on purpose."

"So you did hear them!"

"I -- " Tatsumi gave Watari his best glare. Normally, even the bravest would shrink away. Watari just grinned and started to suck on the pen he'd been playing with. "Watari," Tatsumi said coldly. "I'm not going to discuss this with you." He turned to go back to his office.

"All right," Watari said, turning back to his computer. He glanced up. "Ne, Tatsumi . . . they're going to be okay."

Tatsumi looked back, and gave Watari one of his rare smiles. "Aa," he said. "You're probably right."

~~~~

Tsuzuki woke as Hisoka nudged him sharply in the side. He blinked sleepily up at his partner. "Five more minutes . . ." he finally managed to mumble, rolling back over and burying his head in his pillow.

Hisoka gave an exasperated sigh. "You always say that and then you never get up anyway. We told Watari and the Gushoshin that we'd be back to check with them in the morning, didn't we? It's morning. Now get up."

"But I didn't sleep well at all," Tsuzuki said, pulling the covers over his head.

"You had too much sake and sugar. Up."

"Mou, Hisoka . . ."

"Come on, Tsuzuki. I've been up for an hour now. I let you sleep that much longer than me. Stop putting it off. Another five minutes won't make you feel any better."

Tsuzuki groaned and sat up. For a minute he just sat there with the blankets pooled in his lap, looking blankly at the far well. Then he rubbed his eyes and pushed his sleep-mussed hair out of his face. "I dreamed about the fire again."

Hisoka stopped in his tracks. He gave Tsuzuki a long look before turning away. "Aa," was all he managed to say. Then, after a pause, "I still dream about it too."

Tsuzuki got out of bed, dressed in the same T-shirt and loose flannel pants he always wore to bed. Or at least that he always wore when they were together on missions. Hisoka looked away, hoping that Tsuzuki wouldn't notice his blush. He tried to tell himself that it was perfectly normal to wonder what Tsuzuki wore to bed when he wasn't around, but his conscience wasn't buying it.

If there was one thing he couldn't stand about their current situation, more than anything else, it was the uncertainty. He had grown to the point that he was at ease around his partner, even during Tsuzuki's serious moments. He hated not knowing what to say, how to act, how to comfort him. He hated wondering.

Tsuzuki walked into the bathroom, after gathering his clothes, without another word. Hisoka waited in silence. It was only a few minutes before Tsuzuki came back out, fully dressed (though his tie was only half-done, as usual) and looking at least mostly alert.

"It's so strange," he said thoughtfully, combing his hair out of his eyes with his fingers. "So much of it is blurry . . . when it was happening, it was like I wasn't even there. But it's perfectly clear when I dream it."

Hisoka sat on the edge of the bed, not knowing what to say and hating it. It was the first time since they had left the hospital that Tsuzuki had referred to the events in Kyoto at all, even indirectly.

"And then when I wake up, it's all a blur again," Tsuzuki said softly, his eyes unfocused and staring at something unknown. Something inside himself. "I barely even remember what Muraki did to me. I know it, intellectually, but I don't -- "

"Stop . . ."

Tsuzuki's eyes snapped back into focus and he stared at his partner. Hisoka was still sitting, but his head was cradled in his hands.

"When you talk about, I . . ." Hisoka drew in a gasping breath. "It hurts you so much . . . if it hurts so much, please don't talk about it . . ."

Tsuzuki leaned against the wall and slowly slid down until he was sitting. He sat silently with his hands folded in his lap, waiting for Hisoka to pull himself together. If it had been anyone else in such distress, he would have made some attempt to comfort them -- but not Hisoka, for whom touch usually meant more pain. "Sorry," he offered, when Hisoka seemed to be in control of himself again. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Hisoka shook his head. "I'm all right . . ."

"Sometimes in my dreams, you don't come for me," Tsuzuki said softly, and winced as Hisoka shuddered. "And I burn and burn and burn . . ."

"Wouldn't you have been happier that way?" Hisoka asked suddenly, looking up at Tsuzuki. "Don't you ever hate me for saving you?"

Tsuzuki stared at him, surprised. Then he smiled a little. "Tatsumi apologized for saving me . . . but I never thought I'd hear you doing the same. But it's all right. It would have been selfish to abandon you. I've just . . . I've never been needed before . . ."

Hisoka looked down at the floor, and in a moment of brutal self-honesty, stated, "Sometimes I hate myself for needing you. But that doesn't make it not happen."

"Why?" Tsuzuki asked curiously.

Hisoka shrugged, his thin shoulders hunching forward, inward. "Because all my life, I had to take care of myself. It's strange . . . even for a few seconds, to want someone else to take care of me. It makes me think less of myself."

"Oh," Tsuzuki said, and looked at the floor.

"In my dreams," Hisoka said softly, "you won't come with me. And we both burn."

They sat in silence, neither of them knowing what to say.

"You asked if you could stay with me," Hisoka whispered. "But I don't know what that means."

"I don't either," Tsuzuki admitted softly. "Just . . . that I don't want you to stop caring about me. I don't want you to stop needing me . . . even when I think I don't deserve it, I can't stand the thought of you not needing me . . ."

Hisoka's hands clenched nervously in the bottom of his shirt. "So . . . what now?" He laughed shakily. "I feel like something important just happened, and I missed it."

Tsuzuki gave him a lopsided smile. "Don't worry. I think I missed it too."

"Then let's go see Watari." Hisoka stood up. "We have a case to solve." He extended his hand to Tsuzuki to help him up. Tsuzuki accepted, and didn't let go even after he was on his feet.

~~~~