(Author's notes: Since I'm an overly musical person I would like to recommend some songs to listen to while reading this fanfiction. I'm not sure I'm allowed to link anything here, so I'm just writing them down: One of the songs is "Everytime" by Britney Spears. I was listening to this song while writing a specific scene, you'll see. Listen to this song when Quinn is in the forest.)

…

How did I end up falling in love with Negan?

I'm asking myself this question all the time.

Back then, when Daryl was living in the woods alone, I tried to find him. I waited of course, I understood he had to mourn Rick. And I'm still sure he was also down because Carol gave a chance to Ezekiel.

But I decided. I waited for 2 years.

One day, I went to give Negan his breakfast.

We haven't spoken since I let him wash himself, but he seemed to be slightly better.

And we didn't speak that morning either. I left his breakfast and I went out. I had to find Daryl. I owe myself a chance, so I could say that I tried at least and won't have to wonder "what could have happened".

I decided. I will basically throw myself at him. No matter what. If he says no, I give up on him forever. If he says yes, well that would be the best thing to happen to me since the apocalypse started.

I knew he was good at tracing. Maybe I could give it a try. I ventured into the forest. I didn't keep track of time. I didn't care if Negan won't get lunch today.

I found some corpses, maybe Daryl put those walkers out. I hope he is still nearby and well.

I tried as hard as I could, but I was very bad at tracing. I didn't see anything special. Just trees and leaves and plants. I was wandering aimlessly.

I was concentrating so much on tracing that I guess I walked into a swamp.

I panicked.

What the hell?!

I thought it was just a muddy surface.

And here we go. A random walker out of nowhere. Of course. How could it be anything else? Just like in fairy tales. What were the chances, really?

I reached for my knife, but I kept sinking.

Suddenly, an arrow shot through the walker's head. It was him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Daryl asked.

"I accidentally walked into a swamp."

He threw a rope at me, I grabbed it and he pulled me out. I felt embarrassed. How could I act confident around him after this?

"And what are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Actually, I was looking for you."

"Really? Why?"

"I wanted to talk about something."

Was it the right time for this?

He looked at me curiously. He looked weary. He must have been crying a lot, because of Rick.

"Are you alright?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"I'm alive. I was searching for Rick's body," he said. I frowned my eyebrows. "What?" he asked.

"I didn't know that was the reason you left."

"I didn't leave, I will go back when I'm ready." I'm not sure what he meant, when he finds Rick or when he is mentally ready. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

I took a deep breath.

"You probably don't even know my name…"

"I do. You're Quinn." he interrupted. I was surprised again.

"Do you know what I want to talk about, too?"

"No idea."

He looked honest. I started to feel uneasy.

"I will just say it and get on with it. I'm in love with you."

It seemed he found this strange as he frowned his eyebrows questioningly.

"What? Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, it isn't." I gulped.

"But… You don't even know me. And I look like crap." he said.

"So, this means you definitely have zero feelings for me." I nod my head and turn around to leave.

"Hey!" he said. I stopped, looked at him.

"What?"

He seemed to be searching for the right words while staring into my eyes.

"You can't be in love with me, because you don't know me."

"I know a lot of things about you. And I'm friends with Carol." maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Carol. His face winced.

"Carol talked about me with you?" he asked. I should have known he would be more interested in Carol.

"It's not like she gossiped or told deep secrets about you. She said little, meaningless things and she did that because I asked for it."

He didn't say anything. I shouldn't have brought up Carol.

"I don't think you really are in love with… me," he said it like it caused pain to form the words.

I looked into his eyes. I stepped closer and kissed him. He didn't pull away. When I stopped, I looked at him. I think he just wanted to be a gentleman.

"You don't want anything with me, do you?" I asked quietly, looking into his eyes. He seemed surprised and confused.

"I… I'm sorry," he murmured. "I don't think about this kind of stuff. We have more important…"

"More important things to do. Right. I know. But there are several couples in every community. I thought maybe I can have happiness too…"

"You can just… not with me. I'm sure you deserve better."

"Better? Like who?"

"I don't know."

I looked deep into his eyes, just for this one time, before I gave up on him.

"I understand, I won't bother you anymore."

I took a step back while looking into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You don't have to be. It's all my fault. I won't ever bring this up to you."

I turned around and left him.

"Do you even know where are you going?" he asked.

I stopped. I didn't turn around.

"I don't," I murmured.

"I accompany you back to Alexandria."

"No, thank you. Just show me the direction."

He stepped next to me.

"Do you see the edge of the swamp?" I nodded. "You have to follow it back. But be careful, don't step into the mud again."

"Okay. Thank You."

I left him, not looking back. I have to forget him.

I have to forget his blue eyes, his voice… He should have just shot me with his crossbow, right through my heart. I have to forget the cute angel wings on his vest, which always made me feel like he was an angel.

Maybe he was. He saved me from the swamp.

At least I got to kiss him once. I touched my lips as I walked back to Alexandria, tears rolling down on my cheek.

Soon I arrived, I went straight to my house. I felt humiliated. I will never be able to look Daryl in the eye again.

I started to cry again. I washed my hands and my face. Wiped away my tears. I have to feed Negan, he didn't get lunch and the sun is already going down.

I made some sandwiches quickly and went down to his cell.

My eyes were red and puffy.

I stepped to the bars, I didn't look at him. I put down the plate and turned around.

"Have you been crying?" Negan asked suddenly. I didn't expect him to speak to me, not to mention to notice my misery.

"None of your business." I turned away and wiped my eyes. I heard him getting up and walking to the bars. He got the plate, sat down on his bed. and started to eat.

"Guy problem?" he asked. I think he was so bored he just wanted something to entertain him. What can I lose? Carol is in the Kingdom, I have no friends here. I was always kind of a loner.

"I told Daryl that I was in love with him, but he wasn't interested. Happy now?"

He didn't say a word at first. I turned around to see his expression. He was smiling.

"You confessed your love to Daryl Dixon?" he started to giggle.

"What's so funny?" I asked. He started to irritate me with that grin.

"He doesn't seem to be a romantic type."

"He is not."

"Well, I guess that's the problem. At least he should have fucked you."

"Would you just shut up?!" I yelled at him. "You are disgusting! Not every male in the world want to fuck all the time!"

His smile faded. He was just eating the sandwich. He swallowed, then said:

"When I kept him as a hostage, I fed him dog food." he giggled like a little kid who did something wrong.

I looked at him.

"You thought this is going to cheer me up?" his smile faded once again.

"Sorry. And you are right, not every man want to fuck all the time."

"Just you."

He giggled.

"I cheated on my wife once. I regret it so much. But the apocalypse ruined me. I'm a wreck. I thought I won't engage myself with anyone, so I can be with everyone. But those wives I had at the Sanctuary… It wasn't good. I didn't enjoy it. It was a tool to intimidate people, so they would fear me."

"Are you trying to imply that you are a good person?"

"No. I'm a bad person, I know that."

"Are you aware of the fact that you basically raped those women at the Sanctuary? "

"Hey!" he looked seriously and stood up from his bed. "I didn't rape anyone. They had a choice."

"Yeeees, they could let you fuck them or they could die. What a gentleman."

"Stop it. – his face was very serious now."

"You are telling yourself this bullshit to feel better, but you are just a murderer and a rapist! I would have chosen death over letting you touch me!"

He was mad. Really mad. He could have killed me with his eyes. I guess I got the point right again. I continued.

"Why are you even talking to me? Are you bored so much that you are interested in my non-existent love life?"

"You are right. It must hurt that doggy didn't doggy you."

I rushed to the cell and smashed my hands at it.

"You are disgusting and childish!" I yelled at him. He walked to the bars. I took a step back. He leaned his head against the bar and stared at me, with a faint, mad smile. His eyes were furious during the whole time.

"I know," he said and gave back his plate.

I took the plate and stormed out.

"Thank you for the food!" he shouted after me. I stopped. He was mocking me. I was so angry, I took a deep breath. I stormed back to my house and slammed the door behind me.

…

Author's notes: Listen to: "Head Enough" by Breaking Benjamin. (Since it's about Quinn's feelings I recommend listening a female cover.)

Thank You for reading this fanfiction!