(Author's note: Feel free to listen to "Everytime" by Britney Spears again while reading this chapter. :D)

…

The next day I went down to Negan, I just throw the sandwich at him, without a word.

He caught it unfortunately, he has good reflexes.

"Hey, hey!" he said, but I was already on my way out of there. I didn't give him lunch that day either. I went back down in the evening.

I looked at him with despise and hatred. I didn't really think about it earlier, what exactly this man did. I realized I was too neutral towards him. He could have killed Daryl instead of Glenn. I should understand Maggie better. She said Negan was already in a worse state than death, but I think he got out of it. He was almost like enjoying the situation.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked when he saw my eyes. He got up from his bed and slowly came to the bars. I was breathing heavily because of my anger. I couldn't forget what he did, what he said about Daryl being a dog and the rest I wouldn't even want to think about. His eyes changed. He looked at me like he was feeling sorry for me? That can't be, this is a monster he only cares about my love life because he is bored and wants to laugh at me.

I throw the sandwich at his chest between the iron bars and turned around to leave.

"I'm sorry!" he shouted when I was already on the stairs. I stopped. I rushed back to the cell. He was standing there, where I left him.

"I don't believe you!" I said through gritted teeth. "You are not funny at all."

My eyes filled with tears again.

"Are you in love with him that much?" he asked. His voice didn't sound like earlier. I eased up a little.

"Yes," I answered shortly. He had no idea. Daryl was wrong about me not knowing him. I was with him since the Governor ruined the prison. I came with Tara to join Rick's group. Daryl never even glanced at me. I was just someone in the crowd. I shook my head maybe I can shake these feelings out but it didn't help. Negan was looking at me the whole time. I glanced at him for a moment, then I left again without a word.

…

I cried almost every day for about two or three months. Daryl's face was haunting me in my dreams. I kept seeing that one moment, his confusion, his resistance. How he didn't react at all. Like I was a tree or I don't know. Nothing.

I asked Gabriel if he could feed Negan for a month. I didn't want to see his face right now, it always reminded me about what he said. He is such a jerk.

I decided to visit Carol at the Kingdom. She was happy to see me. She showed me around, we were gardening almost all day. Ezekiel and Henry are so nice. Carol looked happy. I was there for a week already, when she asked me:

"Are you going to talk about it or not?"

I looked at her. I knew immediately what she was talking about.

"I found Daryl in the woods. I told him." my eyes filled with tears again. She put down the flower she was about to plant and hugged me.

"I'm so sorry. I told you he is not right for you."

"I'm… I was in love with him for long years."

"I know."

She was hugging me, I cried into her shoulder.

"Someone once told me, you have to mourn a relationship just like you mourn a passed away person. Because a part of your life is over and it's not going to be the same ever again. I guess that's true even if you didn't have a relationship with him."

"You are right. I'm sorry I'm bothering you with this silly bullshit."

"That's what friends are for." she hugged me tighter, stroked my head. I slowly backed away.

"Thank you…" I took a deep breath, then sighed.

"Just forget him. You will be better."

"You know, he said I should find someone better than him. Like I had so many options. All of the guys are falling for Rosita or they are gay."

"You like Eugene and Aaron too or what?" she asked laughing.

"No!" I started to laugh too. "I was just illustrating the range of guys."

I swept away my tears. I had to close this once and for all.

"Okay, enough of this," I said. "Sorry it took so long."

"Let's not talk about him anymore. What's up with Negan?"

"What do you mean? He is a jerk."

"Is he talking to you? When you visit him."

"Yes, sometimes. Unfortunately, more regularly."

"About what?"

"Nothing really. He is just mocking me."

Carol frowned her eyebrows but didn't ask anything else.

I spent the whole month with her at the Kingdom, then I went back to Alexandria.

I checked my garden, it survived with the rain, but I had many things to do. When I was tending to my garden Gabriel came over.

"Hi! I just wanted to ask if you could keep feeding Negan."

"Yes, I asked you to take over only for a month."

"Thank you. I don't feel good when I have to visit him."

"Why?"

"He is like the devil. Does he speak to you?"

"Yes, sometimes."

"He didn't say a word to me. I thought he was in depression."

Maybe he fell back? But why?

"I thought he was better. I'm going to visit him tonight, you don't have to."

"Alright, thank you."

"Thank you."

He left. Don't tell me Negan fell back into depression because he didn't get to laugh at my misery?

I finished gardening, washed my hands, made sandwiches for him and I went down to his cell.

When he saw me, he got up from his bed and came to the bars. His beard and hair grew out again, seems like Gabriel didn't want to shave him. But I saw something strange in his eyes. He was… happy?

"I thought you'll never come back," he said quietly. I was looking him in the eye.

"Would it matter?" I asked.

"Yes, I… I started to like you. I'm sorry I said that thing about Dixon. I shouldn't have laughed at you."

Was I dreaming? He truly apologized?

"You managed to grow magic mushroom in there or what?"

"No, I mean it. I am sorry."

"Okay." I could hardly believe him. "But I don't understand why would you like me."

"You are the only one who takes care of me. Gabriel was like… running out of here like I was the devil…"

"You are the devil."

He laughed.

"Maybe you are right."

I gave him the sandwiches.

"Do you want to shave?" I asked him.

"Yes, please."

"When did you get to wash last time?"

"Before you left."

I nodded and went back to my house. Prepared the washbasin and the scissors. He finished his meal when I got back to the cell.

"You seem to be more… active than your usual self," I told him. "I want to tie your hands before I enter the cell."

He stretched his arms between the iron bars without a word. I tied him then I opened the cell and put down the washbasin and the soap.

I left the cell, untied his hands, and waited for him to finish.

"Can I look somewhere else or are you suicidal again?"

He smiled at me as he took his shirt off.

"I don't want to die. Maggie was right. I deserve this, so I accepted my fate. I will rot in here."

"You won't if you wash properly."

I turned around when he started to get off his pants. I heard him splashing water.

"At least keep talking so I know you are not killing yourself," I said.

"Alright… I was thinking about our last conversation."

"Oh, no please… anything but that."

"I wanted to tell you something. The way you acted in here… It reminded me of my wife. When I lost her. You lost Dixon in a matter of sense. I just wanted to say that I understand you."

Splashing stopped, so I turned around. He was dressing up in the fresh clothes I brought. He was looking at me.

"I can't believe you are being… nice," I said.

"You are my only friend here, so I have to." he smiled.

"You are acting very strangely. Are you okay? Friends? You killed my neighbors. You almost killed the love of my life. And you consider yourself my friend?"

"You said neighbors…"

"What?"

"You didn't even know Glenn and Abraham."

"Well, we said hi to each other sometimes."

He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, the point is you are a murderer," I said confidently. "We are not friends."

He threw his hands helplessly.

"Come here, so I can tie your hands."

He did so. I opened the cell, got out the washbasin, then he sat on his bed and I started to get rid of his beard and hair.

"How can you grow so much hair in a month?" I asked. I didn't want to spend that much time down there.

"I meant it. That I'm sorry," he said, staring at the wall while I cut his hair.

"I appreciate it."

We didn't talk anymore. I finished and I left. This was strange. The whole situation. Like he was a different person. Maybe he is changing?