(Author's note: This chapter's song is "Take me Away" by Avril Lavigne. Listen before you start reading. 😊 )

…

I fell asleep with a love haze and I woke up to fear. I just can't believe it… How can I be so stupid? Of course, no one can feel at will.

But why him? Why Negan?

Am I in love? Or is this just some kind of strange attraction?

I wanted to bang my head against the wall. The whole situation was so unbelievable.

I was scared too. What if Maggie finds out? Will she want to kill me too?

I could understand her. I would definitely kill the lover of the man who murdered my husband. An eye for an eye. I buried my face into my hands. Is it worth it?

I felt like I couldn't think straight. I couldn't breathe. What should I do? No one has control over their feelings. No one.

How did I feel about Daryl? I wasn't sure.

I went out to tend to my garden, deep in thoughts. Michonne stepped next to me, I jumped a little, I got scared.

"Are you alright, Quinn?" she asked.

"Ah, yes, sorry. I was just deep in thoughts."

"I didn't mean that. Sorry, I scared you, though."

"It's okay," my heart almost jumped out. Does she suspect anything?

"I mean, how are you? You don't seem to be talking to anyone."

"I never talk to anyone. Just Carol, but she moved to the Kingdom."

"Wouldn't it be better for you to follow her? You seem depressed lately."

She wants to send me away? Then I'll never be able to see Negan and find out what's going on! I got scared. Also, she suspects something, but not the actual thing.

"No, everything's fine." She frowned her eyebrows.

"Did something happen with Negan? Did he harm you in any way?"

"No, of course not. He is harmless. I mean since he is locked up. I'm just… scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know. Maybe apocalypse depression. I could die tomorrow."

I didn't lie, actually, I thought this, but the chances of me dying were higher since I fell in love with the devil.

"Maybe you should talk to Gabriel or Siddiq about this."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you for asking," I smiled at her like everything was fine and I didn't fall in love with Negan.

"Okay…" she nodded, but I could see it in her eyes she was suspecting something was going on.

I thought I will ask her to come in, but I was afraid someone important like her wouldn't have time, so I didn't even bother her. It's nice that she asked how I was, though. I smiled a little.

I was going crazy. I talk to myself, I smile when no one's around.

I should bring Negan breakfast. But I was too embarrassed to go down there. He must be hungry…

I sighed and went inside to prepare his meal.

I stopped on the street for a moment. I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to expect from him.

I went down, my hands were shaking.

He leaped to his feet when he saw me, came right to the iron bars.

"Hey," he said with a wide smile. How could he be so handsome? Murderers should be ugly. It's a crime already.

"Hi," I said and handed him his breakfast. I think he noticed my hands were shaking when he took the plate.

"Are you alright?" he asked with an impish look. He definitely knew I was shaking because of him. What an asshole. I wanted to turn around, to run away. I felt awkward, so I did exactly that.

I heard him giggle as I left.

It was so embarrassing. I felt like a thirteen-year-old girl. Of course, I had boyfriends before, but not after this shit started. I didn't know what to do, how to act. It was comfortable that I could run away because he was locked. I should behave like an adult. I took deep breathes, then I went back down.

He was sitting on his bed, eating. He smiled when he saw me come back.

"Do not say a word," I said. He was just giggling. I rolled my eyes.

"You are so cute, you know," he said, still smiling.

"I said don't say anything."

"Don't worry. I don't bite."

"Bet you do."

He was laughing again. He finished his meal and came to the bars, gave back the plate.

"Your hands are not shaking," he pointed out.

"They weren't shaking."

"Yeah, they were," he took my hand and caressed it. I felt my face was turning red. He smiled widely, I was looking at the ceiling and the walls anything but him. He is such a handsome devil. Finally, I looked at him.

"What?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulder.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No," I said no so fast I surprised myself.

He frowned his eyebrows, stopped caressing my hand. He thought I was playing with him.

"I meant it," I said quickly. He continued caressing my hand.

"Then why…?"

"Why did you kiss me?" I finally asked it. I looked him in the eye. He seemed to be embarrassed.

"Just… why not?" he said laughing nervously it wasn't believable at all.

"I'm scared. Of Maggie," I said.

He looked at me seriously.

"I understand," he let go of my hand and backed away from the bars.

"We can't do this… I don't want them to kill you. Michonne already asked me in the morning if I wanted to go after Carol and move to the Kingdom… If someone finds out… Maybe we will never see each other again."

He turned his back on me as I was talking to him. He looked at the ceiling, his hands in his pocket.

"Then go. It will be suspicious if you stayed down here for so long."

I nodded my head and left.

He was right.

And I knew he knew I was right.

I breathed heavily. Just as I got back to my house I started to cry. I collapsed, sat down on the floor.

Carol is right, he is right and I'm right.

This won't work out. And now he is disappointed in me.

I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how I felt. I was scared. For his life and my own. I didn't know what to do. Maybe, I should stay away from him…

…

(Author's notes: Listen to "Let you love me" by Rita Ora. Thank You for reading! 3 )