Heller eventually managed to get a hold of himself. When he did he realised he was still in Jack's arms, his tears dampening the mans thin sweater. He moved away to his feet and brushed himself off quickly but was disorientated and dizzy, without realising it Jack had led him to the living room and helped him down into a chair. He left the room and returned later with a glass of water and placed it down on the floor by the chair legs. Heller felt strange, his anger hadn't disappeared like he had imagined, instead it seemed to be converted into more guilt and anguish at himself for allowing his daughter to do what she did.
"She killed herself Jack," he repeated, breaking the silence. He studied Jack as he spoke who was leant against a wall with his arms folded defensively across his chest. A single lamp lit up the dim room and he could see sadness on the younger mans face, but nothing else. Jack was trying as hard as he could to hold his cards against his chest. Heller almost scoffed as he realised he had tried to do the same and instead had broke down. He was embarrassed by his earlier spectacle but somehow knew Jack and respected him well enough to feel okay about it.
"I was just so angry. With myself for missing the signs… I knew you, or at least thought," he said with a slight laugh, "that you and Paul were both dead. It was easy to direct my anger at the pair of you."
Jack shifted slightly against the wall and Heller knew he had to rectify his statement or Jack would personally suffer with what he had said. "I knew it was wrong to do so, nobody was really to blame," he added lamely, "but it was easier to blame you."
He looked at Jack who hadn't once broken eye contact with him and then continued, "so when my son told me he'd been hacking into CTU accounts, I couldn't help but be as suspicious as he was at first."
"Richard broke through the CTU firewalls?" Jack asked. It surprised him how easily he slipped back into his old mode as thoughts hurried into his mind about technicians and protocols that would need to be changed or activated. He shook his head as though physically steering the thoughts away and turned his attention back to Heller. CTU was none of his business now.
"It started off as some sort of revenge thing," Heller said with a smirk, "he was angry with what CTU put him through. He wanted to break in and cause some mayhem. I spoke to him and talked him into being satisfied with breaking through and to stay away. He knew he could get into serious trouble and agreed. But he'd already seen a few things and before I knew it I too was hooked on figuring out if you really were alive, and if you were, who you were."
"So you're the one who found me?" Jack didn't know if this was good or bad. Knowing it wasn't the Chinese who had hunted him down was a comfort but Heller represented the US government and that could be just as dangerous.
"Yeah," Heller said as he hung his head down. "I guess it was pretty damn stupid of me. I threw all of my anger towards two dead people, when I realised one of them was still alive it made sense for me to take some kind of action. So I came and saw you with some other woman and I guess that made me feel worse. Like you shouldn't have…-"
Gina, who had been stood outside the room listening in unable to help herself stormed in. "Like he shouldn't have what? Moved on? Fallen in love with me?"
Jack smirked slightly at how she challenged the secretary of defence. He moved over and took her hand slightly. "Honey I don't think you should get involved."
"Well I am involved," she said sternly, annoyed that Jack was trying to shut her out when he had only opened up to her that very day. "Don't you think?" She asked, tapping her stomach to illustrate her point. Heller couldn't help but smirk at the interaction as Jack slowly blushed and nodded his head.
"So you came here to find me?" Jack continued, allowing Gina to stay as she sat down in a stuffed chair by Heller's.
"I did. And here I am…" He said, holding his hands out and looking defeated.
"What kind of action, "Jack said carefully, "are you planning to take?" Gina's ears perked up and she found herself glaring at the older man who seemed to have disrupted the perfect life she had been planning with Jack.
Heller waited a moment to compose his thoughts. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again as he shook his head slightly. "I don't know Jack. You're supposed to be dead."
"Well I'm not. I'm alive and well, staring a new life. I don't want to waste anybody's time so if you are planning on turning me in just say so and we can run again. With my contacts, you wont find us." He felt strange, challenging the man he had always respected but he wasn't going to back down. This man potentially held his and Gina's future in his hands and Jack wouldn't allow him to throw it away.
Heller smirked, not at all unnerved by Jacks defiance. "If I alert secret service we will find you Jack. Eventually. Are you prepared to spend your life running from the authorities, with this woman and your child?"
Gina was annoyed with the way Heller rudely referred to her and interrupted again. "Well he isn't prepared to leave 'this woman' so I suggest you either do something or drop it. Now."
Jack was surprised to see the fire in her eyes, she looked ready to pounce with her bump and all. Heller knew this too and he felt like he was betraying Audrey's memory by silently noting how the two were both similar characters. Strong, determined and willing to fight for what was theirs.
"You came here for some sort of revenge," Gina continued bluntly as she pulled herself back up to her feet heavily, "at least that's what I managed to hear," she added with a smirk. "But this dead woman, who you both clearly cared about for whatever irrelevant reasons, is still dead. So just forget it. There is no point in trying to ruin Jack to make yourself feel better. You may as well just cut your nose off to spite your face," she added. She took a deep breath and decided to leave the room, it wasn't good for the baby for her to get so worked up.
"I'll wait for you upstairs babe," she said to Jack as she gently kissed him on the cheek, "let me know what the old mans up to once he's gone."
Jack almost paled at the reference to Heller and the secretary of defence himself almost snorted in laughter. Once upstairs and clearly out of earshot Jack let out a loud and deep sigh. "She doesn't realise who you are or what position you have in the government," he explained.
"To be frank," Heller said as he studied his hands, "I don't think she cares."
Jack smiled slightly to himself knowing Heller was right. "But what she said is true sir, either call me in or drop it. But I need you to keep Richard away. Not for me, but for Gina and the baby we are going to have."
Heller looked up at Jack feeling guilty again, guilty for Audrey and for disrupting Jack's life. "I'm always going to think of you when I think of my little girl, and knowing you're off somewhere living your life should make me angry. It did, for a while. But I think Audrey would be happy… that at least somebody got something good out of the madness that happened that day."
Jack swallowed hard. Heller rose to his feet and moved over. He went to shake Jacks hand and instead patted him on the shoulder. "I'm leaving now. I think it best that you and the lady move out, in case Richard tries to defy me again. It wouldn't be the first time," he said with a sigh. "I'm sorry I came here Jack," he said as he headed towards the door with Jack following. "I'm sorry for blaming you, and I hope you don't blame yourself."
Jack smiled guiltily feeling caught out. "I'm sorry for your loss," he mumbled as the older man pulled the door open.
"And I'm sorry for yours Jack," Heller said as he stepped outside into the cool dark air. He looked up at the house and then smiled at Jack nodding his head as he left, the door slowly closing in the breeze. Jack couldn't help but think the man had been referring to move than just the loss of Audrey and somehow, he found the thought comforting. Maybe he would make things right this time, then maybe he could forgive himself and face the regrets he had once cowered away from.