A/N: Hey guys. Very sorry for the delay but sadly things are still pretty rubbish and I'm not getting a great deal of brain power to write, although I am trying.
So, are we ready for a chappy full of emotion? I hope so, lol. But hopefully not all sad. Thank you, calim, for the great beta and suggestions and for all the reviews, please keep them coming.
Chapter 5
Watching his son disappear down the corridor with Catherine, Grissom worked his jaw before letting out a quiet sigh. Michael seemed to take the news well and that wasn't sitting all that great in his gut. But he didn't have much time to think about it. Hearing voices, he looked over his shoulder to see Alex talking with a nurse before entering Sara's room. Taking a breath, he followed after them a few moments later and approached his wife who was drearily staring at the two doctors while they chatted a few feet away.
"Hey," he whispered, whisking his knuckle over her cheek.
Slowly, her head tipped his way. "Hey," she breathed. "Is…he okay?"
Although he had his doubts, Grissom knew he had to be positive in front of her, at least for the time being. "Yeah," he said softly. "He's okay."
Licking her dry lips, Sara tipped her head back in the direction of the doctors just as they turned and stepped towards her.
"Do I…get some answers…now?" she asked quietly.
Swallowing hard, Grissom shot Steven a quick look before taking Sara's hand. She looked back at him, immediately noting the tears brewing in his eyes.
"I need…to know."
Although her voice was weak, the strength it held made Grissom suck up his fear. If she was brave enough to hear it then he had to be brave enough to let her.
"Sara," Steven began, "we need to do a few more checks but, after that, I'll tell you everything you want to know. It will be a fast version because we need to get you back into surgery as soon as possible so every minute counts."
Inhaling deeply and feeling a slight pull in her back, Sara bit down on her lip but nodded. "Okay," she mumbled. There was no strength inside her to argue.
"Okay," Steven continued. "First we're going to take a look at your stomach and change the dressing there. Then we'll take a quick look at your legs and see where we're at after that. Any questions?"
"Can I…see my babies?"
Grissom blinked. After what the doctor had just said that wasn't exactly the response he was expecting.
"I know you really want to see them but right now we have to think about you. They are doing okay, I promise." The nurse approached and pulled back the sheet covering Sara's lower body. "Let's get started."
Sara watched as her gown was unfastened and tightened her grip on Grissom's hand. She saw bruising in various places along with the top of a dressing that, no doubt, covered the stitching of her Cesarean.
"Any pain in your stomach, Sara?" Steven asked as the nurse slipped on gloves and peeled back the dressing.
"No," she mumbled flatly. "Not much…feeling…anywhere."
"Looking okay," the nurse said as she examined the wound before stepping away to grab wipes and a clean dressing.
Steven looked over Sara's wound and then up to her face as her eyes flicked to him. "The medication is keeping you pretty numb," he said softly. "Which right now isn't a bad thing."
Sara just blew out a breath and closed her eyes. Grissom just wanted to offer some words of comfort but, he didn't know what to say. Some good news right now would be a Godsend but he wasn't naive enough to expect any. He kept quiet and watched as the wound was cleaned and dressed then the gown was refastened. When they tugged it up to rest over her thighs, he rubbed his free hand over his mouth as his heartrate kicked up a notch.
We're they going to uncover her legs and feet? What if she saw them? What if one look sent her into a tailspin? What if he fell apart at the sight?
He'd seen many things in his time - horrible, horrible things - but this… this was his wife. The mother of this children. His soul. If he wasn't ready to see this how could she be?
"I'm going to have a little feel over your legs, Sara, okay?" Steven continued and her eyes opened. "I just need you to tell me if you can feel anything. Can you do that?"
"Where…are you feeling?"
"Just above your knees," he continued.
She gave a single nod. "Okay."
Sara squeezed Grissom's hand a little tighter as Steven leaned over her and pushed his fingertips into her right thigh, carefully pushing and prodding.
"Anything?" the doctor asked.
"A little…pressure," Sara answered. "But…not much."
"Good," Steven said swiftly. "A little pressure is good." He moved to the left thigh, repeating the action. "And here?" he questioned.
"Same," she mumbled.
"Okay." He nodded to the nurse and she pulled down the gown before pulling the bedsheet over Sara.
"Is that it?" Grissom asked surprised.
Steven nodded, glancing toward Alex.
"Most of the information we require came from the x-rays," he said. "But it's useful to know what feeling Sara has before we go back into surgery. If she couldn't feel above her knees than we would have a bigger problem than anticipated."
"Are you…going to tell me…exactly what's going on now?" Sara probed, her eyes starting to feel heavy again.
A lump formed in Grissom's throat as Alex nodded. He wasn't looking forward to this at all.
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Softly, Grissom wiped away the single tear that trickled down Sara's cheek, the news about her legs unsurprisingly leaving her in a state of shock. She didn't say anything for a while, just closed her eyes and clung onto her husband's hand.
Finally she spoke, her eyes slowly opening and finding the doctors. "Am I," she began, swallowing down on a dry throat, "going to be able…to walk?" she whimpered.
"Right now, we don't know, Sara," Steven said softly. "We will do everything we can. That promise you have. Once you've been through your next surgery we can think more about an answer to that question."
Tipping her head, Sara looked at Grissom as he fought back his tears. "It'll be okay," he choked trying his best to sound strong. To his surprise, Sara just nodded before looking back to the doctors.
"And…my babies? When…can I see them?"
"Maybe after surgery," Steven replied.
It was the only answer Steven could give. There was no way she could get out of bed at this point but taking away all her hope wasn't the best plan right now.
"Please," he implored, "just try and be patient. I know it's very tough but I'll do everything I can to make sure you see them as soon as it's practical to do so."
Sniffing, Sara returned her attention to Grissom. "You should…go see them." He frowned at her and she squeezed his hand. "You can…film them and then…show me. Let them know…I love them."
Grissom's lips trembled. The birth of a child should be something they do together but given the circumstances, that wasn't such a bad idea. At least then she'd get to see them even if she couldn't actually talk to them.
"Is that possible?" he asked the doctor.
Steven smiled. "I'm sure we can sort something out."
Nodding, Grissom gave a short smile. "When will she be going back into surgery?"
"Soon," Alex answered. "We're going to go back to X-ray shortly and then make a decision."
"Okay," Grissom breathed.
Steven approached him. "We'll give you two a few minutes and then we'll need to take her. I'll send the nurse in to speak with you about seeing your babies."
Giving another nod, Grissom watched as the medical staff left them and swallowed before glancing back at Sara.
"Promise…me something?" Sara whispered.
The lump in his throat got bigger. "Anything," he whispered back.
"Look after…Mike and…the babies."
With his chin trembling, he dropped his head toward hers, ignoring the burning in his stomach and pressed his cheek to hers, feeling her arm drop over his back.
"Don't you dare give up on me," he warned, feeling a tear from her drip onto his cheek. "I need you. They need you. Do you hear me?"
She nodded into him, clinging on just a little tighter and they held each other for a moment before he kissed her cheek and pulled back when he heard footsteps behind him.
"Time to go," the nurse said. "She'll be back in about an hour."
"Okay," he agreed, turning to kiss Sara on the forehead. "I'll see you in a little while."
"Yeah," she said quietly. "Try not to worry…too much. Be strong…for Mike."
He swallowed, kissing her again. "I will."
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Opening the door of the waiting room, Grissom stepped inside surprised to see Michael sitting quietly on a chair slowly swinging his legs. He'd expected him to be playing with the large amount of toys in the corner. He gave Catherine a quick wave as she glanced toward him just as Michael looked up.
Without a word, he shuffled off the chair and approached his father, hugging his legs once he got there. Grissom flashed Catherine a concerned look and she gave him a weak smile.
"He's been quiet ever since we got here," she said sadly.
Sighing, Grissom laid a hand on top of Michael's head. "Come and sit on Daddy's lap," he said.
Releasing his father's legs, Michael followed him to a chair and waited for him to sit. Catherine lifted him up and placed him gently in Grissom's lap, his small arms hugging him tightly.
Grissom wrapped his own arms about his son and held him as close to his chest as he could. "It's going to be okay," he soothed.
"Mommy's really sick," Michael whined. "Really hurt. I don't like it."
"I know," Grissom whispered, rubbing Michael's back. "But she's in the best place she can be and the doctors and nurses here will help her get better." Raising his head, Michael looked his father in the eye. "And she will get better. It's just going to take a little time." Cupping his son's cheek, he tried to smile. "Mommy needs you to help look after Daddy while she's sick. He needs lots of hugs and lots of love. Do you think you can do that?"
Catherine smiled as Michael nodded and dug his head back into his father's chest, hugging him once again.
Inhaling deeply, Grissom looked Catherine's way as he unconsciously began to slowly rock.
"How's she doing?" she asked.
"They've taken her back to X-ray," he replied. "Looks like the second surgery is imminent." Catherine nodded, then pulled out her cell as the sound of a text caught her ears. "Who's that?" Grissom asked.
"Brass," she replied. "He's on his way down."
With a twitch in his right eye, Grissom leaned over slightly to get a better look at Catherine's phone.
"Do you have video on that?"
Sending a reply to Brass, she nodded, looking back at him. "Yeah. Why?"
"I'm going to see the babies," he told her and her eyebrows rose.
"Oh," she mumbled. "I thought you we're going to wait."
Continuing to rub Michael's back, he let out a sigh. "I was. But…Sara wants to see them. We all know that's not going to happen anytime soon so…she suggested I film them so she can see them."
"Not a bad idea," Catherine returned. "Are you okay with that?"
He shrugged, head shaking a bit. "I'd rather we saw them together but if this is the way I have to do it to help her see our children then I'm okay with that."
Reaching out, Catherine squeezed his arm with a smile. "When is this going to happen?"
"Shortly," he replied. "Will you come with me? I could use the support and," he said nodding at her phone, "…a steady hand."
Her smile broadened. "Sure," she said softly. "I'm honored to be asked. Are they okay with that? Access to the unit is going to be pretty limited."
"I already asked and it's fine."
"Okay," she agreed with a nod. "What about…um…" She nodded to Michael.
"He can come, too. Would you like that, Mike?" Michael looked up. "Want to come and see your baby brother and sister with Daddy and Aunt Catherine?"
"Babies?"
Grissom smiled. "That's right. Mommy's babies. Your brother and sister. They are waiting for us to come see them. Would you like to do that?"
Michael nodded. "Yes," he said with a smile.
Grissom was so happy to see that smile and returned it. "Good." He looked at Catherine. "Shall we go now? Then I should be able to show Sara the footage when she gets out of X-ray."
Catherine pushed herself up. "Let's go."
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Inside the NICU, Grissom stood behind Michael as he washed his hands.
"That's it, Mike," he encouraged. "Get them nice and clean."
"Why washing hands, Daddy?" Michael asked.
Grissom's eyes flicked to Catherine as she smiled. "Because little babies need to be protected from germs. They are very small and we need to make sure they don't get sick."
Michael looked at his hands and then washed them a little harder. "Nasty germs," he said as Grissom smirked.
"Okay, that's good, Mike. Now rinse off the soap."
Doing just that, Michael rinsed his hands and Catherine helped him down from the stool he'd been standing on before Grissom dried him off.
"All clean," Michael announced proudly, holding up his hands. "We see my brother and sister now?"
"Yes, we can."
Taking his son's hand, the trio headed out of the changing room and into the corridor where a nurse was waiting for them outside of the NICU room.
"Ready guys?" she asked.
Inhaling deeply, Grissom nodded. They'd been through the rules before washing their hands. No sneezing or coughing, avoid touching your mouth and no eating.
"Follow me," she said softly, opening the door.
They followed her into the room and were immediately hit with the sounds of heart monitors emitting their usual beeping. She pointed to the incubator on her left.
"Your daughter is there and, on the right, is your son," she told Grissom.
Feeling his heart skip a beat, he swallowed and stepped closer to his daughter's incubator. When he saw the tiny form inside, he felt weak at the knees.
"So tiny," he whispered.
"She is," the nurse agreed. "But she's really strong and getting stronger with each hour that passes by."
"Can't see, Daddy," Michael said, standing on his tiptoes.
Looking down at his son, Grissom then shot a glance back to the nurse. "I'll get the stool."
Nodding his thanks, Grissom then looked at Catherine as she stepped towards the second incubator, smiling at what she saw inside.
"He's got your frown, Gil," she snickered.
Rolling his eyes, Grissom took a step to the side as the nurse returned with a stool and helped Michael up onto it. His eyes instantly fell upon his sister.
"Tiny baby," he said, looking over her small form with a great amount of curiosity.
Grissom smiled. "That's because she was early. Early babies are a lot smaller."
Michael frowned. "Why early?" he asked. "Was she in a hurry?"
Unsure of what to say, Grissom looked at Catherine as she returned to him with a grin.
"She was keen to come out and see you," Catherine said.
Smiling, Michael reached out and flattened his palm against the glass. "Why she have tubes in her nose?"
"That's to help her breathe," Grissom said. "Because she's very small, she needs a little help, that's all."
"She get bigger?"
"Yes, she will," Grissom replied. "In time."
"Would you like to hold her?" the nurse asked, regaining Grissom's attention.
"Um," he hesitated for a second. "Yeah. I guess."
Catherine squeezed his arm, moving Michel around the side before pulling out her cell. "You can do it," she encouraged. "Just take a breath."
Doing just that he nodded.
"Very carefully, okay?" the nurse advised. "Just slip your hands into the holes, support her head and back and lift. "But she's very light, so you won't need much pressure."
He nodded again as Catherine hit record on her phone and slid his hands though the holes of the incubator, instantly feeling the warmth inside. Being extremely careful, he slid his hands under his daughter and lifted. She was indeed very light but, at that point, he couldn't care less. She was in his hands and it felt so damn good.
"She's beautiful," he whimpered, looking at Catherine as she stepped a little closer. "Mommy sends her love," he whispered as a tiny pucker formed on his daughter's lips.
"And she pouts just like her," Catherine snickered.
Grissom's chest swelled at the sight. He smiled and, just as he did, his daughter let out the tiniest yawn he'd ever seen.
"How long will they stay in the incubators?" he asked, tenderly running his thumb over his daughter's cheek.
"We don't run off a time frame," the nurse advised, smiling as Michael tapped the glass. "Once we're happy that they are strong and stable enough not to need the care that the incubators provided then we will discuss taking them out. And, of course, you will be involved in that conversation."
Nodding, Grissom carefully placed his daughter down before looking over his shoulder to the other incubator.
"Want to say hello to your new son?" Catherine asked, helping Michael down as Grissom nodded.
"Yeah," he replied.
Snorting, she took his arm as the nurse led Michael across the room, along with the stool and helped him up.
"Another baby," Michael giggled with glee. "Tiny baby, too."
"He sure is," Grissom sighed upon laying eyes on his son for the first time. "A little smaller than his sister."
"He is a little weaker," the nurse admitted earning a concerned look from Grissom. "But, again, he's progressing well. You need to trust us."
"I do," Grissom sighed, looking back at his son. "Can I hold him?"
"Of course," the nurse answered. "But the same care, okay?"
Grissom fought back all the emotions suddenly falling on him and nodded. He'd expected this to be tough but it was harder than he'd imagined. But it was all worth it to be able to hold his children and give Sara the footage she needed. He just hoped it wouldn't make her sad. They didn't need any more sadness in their life right now.
Reaching for his son, he said a silent prayer for strength. For himself, his wife and all of his children.
A/N: *Sniff*