(Author's notes: For this chapter, I would like to recommend "Perfect Illusion" by Lady Gaga. Start listening when you reach this part: "I looked at him fiercely…" /3)

…

The next day I was gardening so angrily, Judith stopped by and looked curiously.

"So, you talked to him," she said.

"Don't even remind me. He is… a horrible person," I said angrily. I wasn't angry at Judith of course and she knew that.

"I think I can help you."

"Don't do anything, sweetie, you shouldn't be talking to him either. Your mom will be angry."

"I know, I know," she sighed, rolling her eyes.

"By the way, how do you know that Maggie is about to leave?" I asked her.

"I heard Aaron and Siddiq talking, but mom doesn't know."

"Okay, I get it. Thank you for helping, honey."

Michonne appeared out of nowhere. I hope she didn't hear anything.

"Come on Judith, you have a history lesson. Hi, Quinn!" she said.

"Hi!" I greeted her too.

"Coming," said Judith and left.

…

We haven't talked since that night I yelled at him. Which was two months ago. I brought him dinner. We looked at each other for a moment, then I left again without a word.

I felt like I could explode. I was still mad at him. Why did he kiss me if he didn't want anything? He didn't think about the consequences? I was so angry.

I hated myself for feeling this. I don't want to love him. I felt like I could punch someone, so, I did.

I went out into the woods, found some walkers. I picked up a log and punched one so hard its face shattered. My hands were covered in dead blood.

I felt like someone was watching me. I looked around but I couldn't see anyone. Not dead, nor living. When I finally calmed down a little, I headed back to Alexandria.

I washed my hands in the rainwater I gathered earlier. I sighed.

I was gardening the whole afternoon, then I brought dinner for Negan. He was sitting on his bed, reading something.

When I was about to head upstairs, he said:

"How long are we going to do this?"

I looked at him.

"Do what?" I returned the question. We stared at each other for a long moment. I nodded my head and wanted to leave, but then he slapped the book on his bed angrily, leaped to his feet, and came to the bars.

"Enough of this!" he said. I turned to him, looked him in the eye angrily.

"What?!" I asked. "I don't do anything!"

"I'm tired of this bullshit! Get someone else who brings me food!"

"No one wants to feed you because you murdered their friends," I said through gritted teeth.

"Then why do you want?!"

"Because I have nothing to lose!"

He looked at me angrily.

"Ask that Jesus freak to do it then!"

He didn't want to see me anymore. I nodded my head and left.

It was getting dark outside. I went to my house but I felt again as if someone was watching me. I looked around and I saw Daryl leaning against the wall of my house on my porch. I gasped.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I quickly wiped away the tears from my face.

"Hey," he said, nodding his head slightly. His crossbow on his shoulder. He took a step towards me. "Can I come in?"

I shrugged my shoulder.

"Sure," I opened the door and let him in. It was extremely strange. What the hell is he doing here? And why was I not feeling anything?

He walked into the living room, put down the crossbow, and turned to me.

"I was talking to Carol. She told me something."

My eyes widened. What the actual fuck?! Carol told Daryl that I fell in love with Negan?! Why would she do that?! I started to feel uneasy, then I realized… I got scared.

"You… you came to kill me?" I asked. My voice was shaking. Now Daryl made a surprised face.

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"Because… Nevermind… Why are you here?" I asked, my voice still shaking.

"Quinn, I'm not gonna hurt ya," he said showing me his hands, that he has no weapon. Well, you did hurt me for long years, I thought. But that wasn't his fault, it was mine.

"Why are you here?" I asked again this time a little more confidently.

"Is it true? That you fell in love with Negan?" he asked.

I was right. Carol told him. My only friend betrayed me.

"She… she betrayed me," I said through gritted teeth, tears in my eyes because of anger and disappointment.

"No one betrayed you. Carol was worried. She asked me to check on you."

"Why didn't she come? She…" I knew the answer as soon as I asked it. She sent Daryl because she thought if I talk to him, maybe I will get distracted from Negan, start feeling something when I see Daryl or something like that. I held my forehead, I closed my eyes. Tears rolled down my cheek.

"Look, I know I was a jerk to you. I know I should have noticed how you felt… but I… I don't think about… romance… ever," he said it like he was thinking hard about each word or it caused him pain to say that.

"This has nothing to do with you, Daryl!" I said irritably.

"I know I said you should find someone better than me, but that's bullshit!" he said. "You can't be in love with that bastard!"

I looked at him fiercely with tears in my eyes because of anger.

"You have nothing to do with this," I repeated myself through gritted teeth. He took a step towards me awkwardly.

"Don't do this, Quinn," he said. Negan said exactly the same thing.

"What am I doing that everyone says this to me?! I don't do anything!"

I took a step back.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wish I had feelings for you, but… I still care about you… like family."

"This was Carol's idea, wasn't it? The whole thing. You thought if you come here and talk to me, I would forget about Negan?" I asked yelling at him. "I know you have zero feelings for me, Daryl! How could you think that I would fall for this trick?!" I was so furious I could punch him in the face. But I didn't. I took a deep breath instead. His face couldn't be read. Maybe he didn't know it was Carol's plan, he just came to talk to me.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You are right about everything. But I thought about what you said back in the forest, and I thought… I felt like I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything, I was a fool, but it's over!"

"But you can't be in love with Negan!" he raised his voice just a bit.

"I didn't choose this!" I was crying. "Okay? I didn't want to feel this. I didn't want to fall in love with you and I didn't want to fall in love with him! It just happened!"

"But he killed Glenn and Abraham and many of our people!" now he raised his voice too.

"I KNOW!" I shouted. "But… he is changing! At least I thought… Whatever it's not important because he rejected me! Just like you did!"

I sat down on the couch, sobbing quietly. Someone knocked on the door. Great. We were yelling too loudly. Daryl opened the door.

"Hello…" it was Eugene. "What's going on? Were you yelling at each other?"

He was surprised that Daryl opened the door. He saw me crying.

"Quinn, are you alright?" he asked.

"Get lost, Eugene," said Daryl and slammed the door. Poor Eugene. I will apologize to him later.

"You are an asshole," I told Daryl.

"Whatever. So, you won't let go of that bastard?"

"Just leave me alone. I told you in the forest that I will never bring this up to you again. So, I'm expecting you to do the same. I wouldn't think you would humiliate me like this!"

"I didn't want to… that wasn't…" he stopped talking. He sighed.

"I know you are in love with Carol. Are we even now?"

He suddenly grabbed his crossbow and turned around to leave, but he stopped at the door. He looked back at me.

"Take care," he said and left. I was sobbing even harder. A couple of years ago I would dream about this happening, Daryl coming into my living room, but Negan ruined this too.

I wouldn't think Daryl would do this. He does everything Carol tells him to do.

At least now I know for sure, that I don't feel anything for him anymore. Just anger and disappointment.

I wiped my face and went out. I had to find Eugene. I owe him an apology.

I knocked on his door, he opened it.

"May I come in?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"Of course."

I stepped in.

"I'm so sorry about earlier. Daryl is a jerk. I wanted to let you in."

"I'm used to this kind of treatment here."

"You shouldn't be."

"So… Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I gulped… What else could I lose? I have no friends, I'm humiliated, I'm broken, I'm sad and angry…

"We were arguing because Carol sent Daryl to trick me, so he would distract me from… Negan."

Eugene's eyes widened.

"You mean…?"

"Yes, I fell in love with Negan."

"Who else knows?" he asked.

"Well… I told Carol, who told Daryl and Negan told Judith."

"That's quite a lot of people to know a secret."

"It won't be a secret anymore. But I don't care. I feel so miserable I would rather die."

"Don't say that. We can't control who we fall in love with."

"Yeah, we just know that too well, right?"

"Right…"

I suddenly heard a noise. Yelling? Eugene heard it too.

"And what's that supposed to be?" he asked. We ran out the front door.

We didn't see anything on the streets.

"I think it's coming from down there," said Eugene pointing at Negan's basement cell. We hurried there. Daryl was down there.

"I should just kill you now," said Daryl viciously.

"You harmed her for years and humiliated her! You know that she was crying for months after you met in the forest?!" Negan yelled at him.

"You have no business with that!" said Daryl angrily. "If you look at her, I'll kill you! How could you trick her to fall in love with you?!"

"Trick her?! I didn't do anything! It just happened!"

"Stop!" I yelled at them. Eugene was waiting outside. He didn't want to meet Negan. "I'm so fucking tired of this! Daryl, just go back to the forest and don't talk to me ever again," I told him. He was pacing in front of Negan's cell, like a pissed-off lion. He looked at me nodded his head, then glared viciously at Negan and left.

I looked at Negan. We looked at each other in the eye for a long minute.

"And you…" I said quietly. "Just go to hell."

I turned around and left.

I stormed out. Eugene joined me.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I told them to go to hell. I'm so tired of this. I'm going to visit Carol tomorrow."

"I think you shouldn't. Gabriel is busy. He can't feed Negan."

"And I guess you won't do the honors."

"I would rather not."

I nodded my head.

"Thank you for listening, but I didn't want to bother you with this bullshit. Just forget about the whole thing. And please don't tell anyone."

"I think it's too late for that," he said looking behind me. I turned around and I saw Michonne standing right there.

…

(Author's notes: Listen to: "Russian roulette" by Rihanna. Thank You for reading! 3)