(Summary of the end of the previous chapter after the exclamation point in case you skipped it: Quinn was very deep in depression, she was thinking about her past life before the apocalypse and her life after it, then she finally came to the conclusion that she didn't deserve to live, she had no reason to be alive, so she attempted suicide, but not because of the guys, it was her depression that overcame her. The last thing she saw was a pair of blue eyes. 😉)

[From Negan's point of view]

I was lying awake in my bed, again.

My own words echoing in my mind: I just wanted to trick you into having sex with me! But you are such a frigid bitch, you are useless!

I closed my eyes, sighed. How could I have been such an ass to her? I wanted to keep her away from me, but I could have come up with a better idea… But she seemed to be falling deeper in it, I had no choice…

I broke her… That's the only thing I'm good at. Breaking people.

I never thought I would take interest in any woman this way, besides Lucille.
Quinn asked me when did this happen… I have no idea. Honestly, I didn't give a shit about her for like… two years. I was laughing at her when she told me about that dog… Dixon. I felt something strange when I saw her so sad that time. I think I wanted to… make her smile. I think I fucked up.

I started to like her as a friend first. I told her that.

But then… She was just so beautiful. And she was giving me real food, I could tell she spent a lot of time preparing them. Not like holy Gabriel, who slammed a fucking slice of bread against me. Quinn cared about me. She made me feel like a human, not trash like everyone else treated me here.

Of course, I deserved it, but still, it was a good feeling, that Quinn made me feel like a person again, not a monster.

I liked her like a friend, until the night of the storm. When I saw her getting a panic attack, I felt like I had to do something. I had to protect her. I wasn't thinking.

That was the night I realized our growing friendship was actually a little more from my side. My knees were trembling like a little kid's.

I wanted to kiss her so badly.

But I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

She disappeared for a week. That was when I realized how much I love her really. I was scared I will never see her again. And she just came down with my meal, like nothing happened.

I couldn't resist anymore. I had to kiss her.

Then I was a real jerk to her. I wanted to protect her. I didn't want to get her into trouble, yet she randomly kissed me one night. I was so happy and confused at the same time. Almost like it hurt to kiss her.

Eventually, I managed to get her into trouble. I was so conflicted, I wanted to keep her away, but at the same time, I wanted to hug her and kiss her all the time. I wanted to talk to her. But I couldn't. I fucked up a lot of time. We could have spent those times with each other, yet I was rejecting her and turning her away.

I love how Judith tried to help. She is a little angel. But I was just such an asshole.

Even today, I yelled at Quinn to get someone else who gives me food. I didn't want to do this to her, but I wanted to keep her safe.

It hurt to speak to her like that. I sat up on my bed, rubbing my chest. I didn't want to hurt her. Especially not after I saw how much she suffered because of Dixon.

I had no choice, I had to keep her at bay. I wanted her to hate me, so she would be safe. I know she told me the Widow was leaving and Dixon was out in the woods and Michonne giving a shit about me… but I couldn't risk it. It was foolish enough to kiss her, I didn't want it to be more complicated. I had to turn her away, no matter how much I fell in love with her. For her own safety.

Just as I was thinking about this, I heard footsteps. It wasn't Quinn, I knew her steps too well.

I stood up, I heard someone was coming down the stairs, then I saw that piece of shit Dixon.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked him. He was looking at me with such despise and hatred, the exact same way he was looking at me that night when I killed Abraham and Glenn. This look in his eyes never changed.

"You fucking bastard," he grumbled.

"What is your problem now?" I asked, irritated. He hit his fist against the iron bars.

"How could you do that to Quinn? You are fucking disgusting!" he said. What the hell?

"What are you talking about?!"

"You should be dead. You should be fucking dead," he said, very angrily staring me in the eye steadily." I should just kill you now," said Dixon viciously.

"You harmed her for years and humiliated her! You know that she was crying for months after you met in the forest?!" I yelled at him.

"You have no business with that!" said Dixon angrily. "If you look at her, I'll kill you! How could you trick her to fall in love with you?!"

"Trick her?! I didn't do anything! It just happened!" actually, I fell in love with her, I don't know anything about her feelings.

"Stop!" Quinn ran down the stairs, yelled at us. "I'm so fucking tired of this! Daryl just go back to the forest and don't talk to me ever again!"

Dixon was pacing in front of the cell, then stormed out angrily. Quinn looked at me, I held her stare for a long minute.

"And you…" she said quietly. "Just go to hell."

She turned around and left. I hit the iron bar with my fist. Her words went right through my heart, they hurt. Why did I feel this? I didn't even know much about Quinn, yet my emotions were burying me.

Fucking Dixon. What the hell is he doing here? And why does he care about Quinn so suddenly?

I looked through my window. I saw Quinn on the street talking to Eugene and Michonne was standing right behind her.

Felt like my heart dropped out of my chest. Did Michonne just realize what's going on? She took Quinn with her.

I was so angry and worried, I wanted to crash this whole place and break through the walls.

I looked out again, but I didn't see anyone. They went with Michonne.

I was so worried, I started pacing in my cell.

I was pacing for an hour or so, the fuck knows. Finally, I went to the window, leaned my head against the bars. Then I heard footsteps. I looked up immediately. It was Quinn. She was crying a lot, I could tell. What the fuck just happened, what did Michonne do to her? She came down, I went to the iron bars.

"What happened?" I asked. She sighed, looked me in the eye.

"Michonne sent me away. I have to move to the Kingdom. You backed away anyway, so I don't expect anything from you. I just came to say goodbye," she said.

My heart skipped a beat. I didn't think again, I took her hand.

"I didn't want this," I said quietly, staring at her steadily.

"I know you didn't want anything. I have bad luck with guys, I guess."

"I didn't mean that. I mean I didn't want to cause you pain. And I didn't want you to go. I know how much you suffered because of Dixon, I never wanted to hurt you like that."

"Well, you managed. You are just like him."

Fuck, I didn't want this to happen. I'm nothing like that fucking Dixon. She took her hand away, but I grabbed it again.

"Come in," I said.

"What?"

"Come into the cell."

She hesitated, she seemed confused. I pulled her closer and took the key from her pocket, pulled her in.

"I'm sorry I said terrible things to you. I wanted to push you away. That was the only reason. I didn't want to get you into trouble."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter now… Maybe we won't see each other ever again. Don't make it even harder," it seemed like she didn't even hear what I said. Like it really didn't matter anymore.

But she was right. every word felt like a knife in my heart. I couldn't resist. Maybe this is really the last time I see her. I put my finger under her chin and made her look at me. My heart wanted to jump out, it beat so fast. I could hardly breathe. Like a little kid who fell in love for the first time.

"I fell in love with you, Quinn. I'm sorry," I said finally, then I slowly kissed her. She didn't pull away, actually, she hugged me tightly. I didn't want this kiss to end, ever. I didn't even care about that she never told me how she felt… I didn't care if she was still falling for Dixon. I didn't care. I love her.

After a while, she slowly backed away.

"I don't know what to think anymore. I don't understand you," she said quietly.

"You don't have to. Just know that I will do anything to get out of here and find you," I really meant what I just said.

"What happened to the frigid bitch thing?" she asked, smiling sadly. It felt like I was punched in the stomach.

"For fuck's sake…" I sighed angrily, but I wasn't angry with her this time, I was angry with myself. "You know that I didn't mean that, I wanted to scare you away."

"Yeah, yeah… So, what has changed? You are acting like a completely different person," she sounded suspicious.

"I just realized how much time we wasted being angry with each other. And I regret it. All of it," I looked her in the eye steadily, I wanted her to know. I wanted to wipe away her doubts.

"You promise? To get out and find me," she asked.

"I promise."

I really meant it. As soon as she leaves, I will get Michonne to talk. Quinn nodded her head.

"Just… don't die," she said and started to back away. I squeezed her hand just a little, I didn't want to let her go, but she turned around, opened the cell, and stepped out. She locked it back. I went to the bars and looked her in the eye. She was so beautiful, even when she was crying.

"Goodbye," she said and left. When she disappeared from my sight I turned around and kicked my bed hard.

"FUCK! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" I yelled. I turned to the window, I saw her running away. I kicked my bed again, then I kicked over the chair. I throw the book against the wall. Finally, I collapsed on the floor, next to my bed and started to cry. I didn't even understand where all this emotion came from. I felt bad like I was cheating on Lucille again. Yet, Quinn was so important. I didn't want to let her go. I wanted her to hate me, so she could have stayed here. At least I could have seen her, but now… She was gone. Maybe I won't see her ever again.

I felt so angry and desperate. I knew this would happen, but I didn't realize it would happen so suddenly. Also, I thought I succeeded in keeping Quinn away from me, how did this happen anyway? Fucking Dixon, always ruining everything. I should have killed him when I had the chance… I took a deep breath. No… people are resources. I don't waste lives. I took a deep breath and let it out angrily.

My tears were still falling, I had no control over them. I buried my face into my hands.

"I'm sorry Lucille…" I whispered. "She is important."

I felt so guilty for cheating on Lucille again, but I just couldn't help it. She was dead for ten years already… Yet I felt like she was watching me from heaven and judging me again. I have been with other women in the Sanctuary, but I had no feelings for them at all. Now, I feel like I'm cheating on Lucille because I have feelings for Quinn.

I have to move on. I need Quinn. Even though she didn't believe me, that I would get out, I could tell, but I will do anything to fulfill my promise.

Anything.

(Author's notes: Listen to "I'd come for you" by Nickelback. Thank You for reading! 3

Sorry, I just had to make a Negan version, I hope you don't feel like it's a filler episode.)