Same Difference

I awoke, on her leather couch and facing the ceiling.

My head hurt, a lot.

Groaning, I rolled over on my side, the small blanket falling from my shoulders as I took in my surroundings.

It was dark and quiet in the house, the lights were off and the refrigerator was making a low humming noise.

I could barely make any forms in the room, but I could sense someone's energy.

Botan's.

Well, this was her house.

"You're awake," she said slowly, and I noticed that she was sitting on the armchair across to the left of me.

I tilted me head towards her direction and chose not to answer.

Besides, I think she knew the answer anyway.

"We found you... Kurama and me in the bathroom, under the sink. He said that you took too much Tylenol and that caused a minor blackout."

I nodded, closing my eyes slightly and continued to look at her.

I know she was uncomfortable, being in this specific room with me.

I remember the first time it happened, it was an accident but she always blamed herself.

She came home, on the fourth day that I was staying here, and I was angry.

I don't know why I was angry, just that I was and I was throwing stuff around.

Botan stopped me, by grabbing hold of my arms and pushing me down onto the couch.

I was growling and telling her to let me go, but she didn't.

"Calm down," she said softly. "Get some rest, just calm down."

I did, after awhile and then, it happened.

I was kissing her.

Not one of those soft, sweet, love filled ones.

I wasn't gentle, it wasn't my nature.

I was rough; my tongue scratching over hers like a cat's as my nails ran across her back.

Botan didn't protest one bit.

She willingly kissed me back, rather shyly, but with just as enough intensity to make me want more.

I pushed her below me, my hands working their way under her blouse as my tongue moved across her jaw line.

Botan cried out at times as my nails pierced her skin, but moaned at other times as they hit a sensitive area.

It wasn't over fast, lasting an hour or two, and ending with me collapsed on top of her, reeking of sake and sweat.

Her hands were moving across my back in a loving notion as she snuggled closer to me, like a cat.

It was her first time, she told me so, and she also said that she was happy it was with me.

"I trust you," Botan murmured.

"But what about Koenma," I had asked, no hint of jealousy in my voice because there was none.

"I love him, but trust you," was her answer, her lips soft on my shoulder.

"That's the same thing," I answered, growling slightly and pulling her close.

She purred.

"Maybe..."

And I recalled what she had cried out at one point during our lovemaking.

"I don't deserve this!"

I asked her what she meant, and she only chuckled.

"I don't deserve you..."

"No, you meant that you don't deserve what just happened..."

"Same difference."

And now, as I sat there in the same place, making out her silhouette, I realize that she was right.

It was the same difference.

"I have a headache," I groaned, rubbing my head. Botan sighed.

"You would, your still suffering from your hangover."

"I thought it would be over by now... What did the others say?"

"Nothing much, just thought you hit your head..." She giggled girlishly and I rolled my eyes.

"Great..." I rolled back on my side and faced the ceiling once again.

"Would you like any food?"

"That's what got me here in the first place, genius."

"For some reason, Hiei, I seriously doubt that."

Oh, I hate it when someone throws a comment I used right back at me.

Perhaps, that's why she did it.

To get back at me for that day.

It's wasn't Botan's fault, I don't even think that it was mine.

Or maybe it was.

But, does it really matter.

"So... are you thirsty?"

Now, you're talking.

"No, Hiei. No alcohol."

So, we're not on the same page, then?

"No, thank you. I'll live."

"With the way you act, I don't think so."

"Who ever said that you could think?"

"No one..."

"Good. Then don't."

Silence followed and I sighed, curling myself into a ball so that I may become warmer.

I may be a fire demon, but there comes a time when even one such as myself gets cold.

Botan's energy moved from the seat to beside me, sitting on the edge and looking at me like a mother would.

"You know, when Koenma comes back tomorrow you won't be able to stay here..."

"Why not, " I asked stubbornly, watching as her pink eyes became unfocused slightly.

"He doesn't want you here. He says that you don't do your work as well when you're not sober."

I growled.

"So, he's come to the use of petty excuses?"

"No, I just made his statement sound nicer."

"Hn, what did he really say?"

But she didn't answer, just stared at me, intrigued.

"That's the first time I heard you say that in two weeks," Botan said slowly, smiling slightly.

"Said what?"

"Your anti-social onomatopoeia noise, that's what!"

It was my turn to stare at her, for she had just said a rather big and creepy word.

Not that I didn't know what it meant, it just sounded weird coming out of her mouth.

So, I chose not to answer, just scoff slightly.

She continued to smile, her hand brushing some of my hair.

I growled now, warning her to stay away.

Do you want it to be your fault, I though distantly.

Apparently, Botan did.

"I trust you, you do know that, right?"

"Yes, you told me so..."

She shook her head.

"No, I said I trusted you when you took my virginity. There are two different kinds of trust, Hiei."

I shook my head this time, my eyes narrowing.

"No, there are not."

"There are. I trust you, now, for some unknown reason that I can't explain," Botan responded, pink eyes uncertain.

I was just as uncertain, pulling away from her slightly. Her hand left the sanctions of my hair and dropping to her side.

"Do you trust me...?"

Botan sounded frightened, like the first time we met and I found that I hated that sound.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, though I wasn't sure it was the truth.

It probably was.

It probably wasn't.

It doesn't matter, really.

She did something I never thought that she would do; wrapped her arms around my waste and maneuvered her body so that she was in front of me and her face was on my shoulder.

"I trust you, you know that. I know you do," Botan whispered as she buried her face in the crook of my neck.

I had nothing to say, so I didn't say anything. I just pulled her closer and breathed in her scent.

"Koenma comes home tomorrow; what happens if he sees us like this," I whispered, not really caring if he did or not.

She shrugged.

"We won't stay like this for that long, Hiei, just for a little while..."

But I could tell that that little while would last longer, considering that fact that her breathing dropped slightly and her heartbeat slowed.

I sighed and relaxed slightly.

She was right when it came to trust and not deserving things and or people.

Same difference.

Author's Notes: This chapter is dedicated to RitSuYue for bein' the first person to review this story. Thanks, your review was much inspiration!

Total # of Pages: 27

Total # of Pages for this Chapter: 6

Ja ne ICBINA