Collateral Damage

Summary: "Everyone else that it hits, that it gets to, is nothing more than collateral damage" Two numb persons find each other in the middle of a war. Nothing could make them happy. Maybe death could. Dramione one-shot. Angst, with a bit of romance sprinkled on top.

Rating: M for language and very depressing thoughts.

AN: I was in the mood for angst, what can I say?

The title is completely randomly chosen from "My heart is the worst kind of weapon".

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Big shock, isn't it!

Hermione Granger was a truly and completely fucked up person. If anyone would admit that, it would be her. She was in her bedroom, preparing for the war that was about to break out, praying she would make it out alive, yet not really wanting to.

That's right, Hermione Granger didn't want to do it anymore. She had enough of it, enough of the fighting against Voldemort, enough of the constant darkness in the world, enough of the horrors she had already seen on the quest for the Horcruxes, enough of the dying, enough of the curses flying through the air, hitting people she cared about.

Her parents were gone, killed in the beginning of her supposed seventh year at Hogwarts by a group of Death Eaters thinking they could catch Harry Potter's Mudblood friend with this. She thought they got it wrong, because Hermione locked herself in a closet, making herself watch the whole thing, but still escaping the course of death herself.

Of course, Dumbledore was long gone, killed by the very man he had believed in, the man he thought to be on his side. Snape had fled from Hogwarts after that, probably running to his beloved Dark Lord, telling him about the amazing victory.

Remus Lupin and Tonks, killed in a battle with Death Eaters when they were trying to protect Harry, Ron and herself halfway during seventh year. Lucius Malfoy had gotten to them, and Hermione couldn't do anything but watch helplessly as the couple was tortured to insanity, until they didn't even resemble anything human anymore, and one of the lower Death Eaters shouted the Killing Curse, to finally end their suffering. Hermione had not been able to stop throwing up after that, and the pictures still plagued her dream until this very day.

Fred and George Weasley, killed in an attack on their beloved shop by Snape and a group of Death Eaters. Nobody could be cheered up anymore after that, and Molly Weasley would never be the same without her twins. Hermione had seen the Weasleys only a week ago, and Molly was a complete wreck, and so was the rest of the family.

Neville and Luna Longbottom, killed by Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini. The couple had only been married for a week when they got caught by the Death Eater couple at the restaurant they were having dinner at. Hermione was glad she had not been there, because she had seen the pictures in the Daily Prophet, and the mangled faces of her friends still haunted her, though their hands were – strangely enough – still intertwined.

"Are you ready Hermione," Harry asked when he entered her bedroom, looking as if he was filled with the courage and bravery that was needed to fight Voldemort. He had been hoping they could end the war that very day, and Hermione had agreed. She just wanted it all to be over. But she had not realized how much more people should die that day.

"I can't fucking do it anymore Harry, I fucking can't," she yelled at her friend, finally giving in to her feelings or fear, finally having found the courage to let someone see she fell apart into a thousand pieces. The pieces were getting smaller with every death she had to witness, with every battle she had to fight in order to survive.

She lost her innocence a long time ago. She didn't have an exact moment to point its disappearance; it was more gradually than that. With every passing day, every passing battle, every death, every curse she spoke her innocence crept further away from her, until it disappeared completely, never to be found again.

"What about Ron Hermione," he asked her, and she couldn't have been more hurt. "He would have wanted us to continue to fight against them. He didn't give his life in vain."

Ron died also, only a month ago. He was killed by Voldemort himself, because he jumped in front of Harry, who the killing curse was aimed at. Hermione had been there, watching him fall to the ground way too fast, and he would never get up again. She had cried so much already, her source of tears had dried up long ago. She simply couldn't cry for Ron anymore; she missed him so much. He was her friend, used to be her lover; he meant so much to her.

"I can't do it anymore Harry, I can't," she simply replied, not wanting to dry her upcoming tears. "I have seen too much death and torture already. I just can't handle it anymore."

She started sobbing quietly, but it got louder every second it lasted. She was done with it, she had had it completely, she was completely fed up with the war and everything surrounding it, she just couldn't take anything anymore. One more death, and she would go insane in the middle of the battlefield, with everyone out to kill her. She couldn't take it anymore.

"So what, you think this was all a pleasant vacation for me," he yelled, sounding furious, and she stopped sobbing immediately. "Merlin, Hermione! I have a fiancée who only has a one percent chance to ever walk again, maybe even less. Ginny is probably going to be in one of those Muggle wheelchairs for the rest of her life. Ron died. I can't let that be in vain!"

She didn't even respond to that, afraid of the anger of her only friend left in the world. Harry was really the only thing she had left now, and he was mad at her. She couldn't take this anymore. She was lonely, completely lonely. Harry had Ginny, who he was always with lately, and she had nobody anymore. Nobody anymore, ever since Ron died.

He had been so much more than just a friend; he had been her world for a while. Even after they broke up – it was a mutual thing – they had stayed really close. They told each other just about everything, even about their – in Hermione's case lack of – love life. Ron had planned to marry Lavender Brown after the war was over. He never got the chance to ask her.

"Come on Hermione," Harry said, sounding more gently now, perhaps realizing how fed up he was with this war himself. "It will all be over soon. I promise you."

It will all be over soon, she thought, and took comfort in this. Though she knew Harry meant the war, it felt strangely like he said her life would be over soon, which was strangely comforting to her. It felt rather nice, she couldn't help but think.

She had never been the kind of girl to be suicidal, not the kind of girl to be a cutter, or anything remotely resembling depressed, but this war had changed so much. Every single thing she believed in was changing, and the only thing she could do now was waiting until everything was stable enough to believe in again. She thought that wouldn't happen.

"It will all be over soon," she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "It will all be over soon. It will all be over soon. It will all be over soon. It will all be over soon."

She felt as if she couldn't say this enough times. The more she said it, the more real it felt to her. She started believing it would really all be over soon. Her life or the war; it was going to be one of those two. Very depressing, but strangely comforting.

There they were, a group of the last remaining Order members. They were standing in an open field together, waiting for the inevitable war that would start once the Death Eaters would arrive. The minutes were slowly ticking away while they were waiting.

Harry Potter was standing by himself, one hand in his hair – to keep it as messy as it usually was – one hand simply by his side. This was the hand with the promise ring Ginny once gave him, before the war started. He hoped she would be alright.

Minerva McGonagall, seeming so fragile on the outside, ever since Albus Dumbledore was killed by a man he trusted. She was so determined to win this war, for him, for Albus.

Kingsley Shacklebolt, rubbing one of the many scars he had gotten during the last few battles, unconsciously checking out the environment, looking for possible Death Eaters.

Alastor – Mad Eye – Moody, with his frantic eye on the search for the enemy, yet at the same time looking out for his fellow order members. His eye stopped on Harry for a second, and his face became even more worried than it already was. He sighed, then continued searching.

Charlie Weasley, talking with his parents. The three of them were standing close to each other, because – who knows – it could be the last time they saw each other. Arthur and Molly couldn't be separated for the last weeks, and Charlie had always been around.

Bill and Fleur Weasley, both looking terribly worried. Fleur was crying, and Bill was trying to console his wife. These were terrible times for the both of them. Bill had not wanted his wife in the battle, but she had refused to stay home with Ginny. Now, Percy was tending to his sister, because he himself couldn't fight that well due to an arm wound.

And last, but certainly not least, Hermione Granger. She was fiddling with her clothes almost frantically. She seemed nervous, but she really wasn't. She was ready for anything that could possibly happen during this battle, even death. She was completely ready.

The war could start any minute now, she could feel it in the air. And when it would start, she would be ready. She would probably go down, but maybe she could take some people down with her. Finally some revenge for her parents, for Albus Dumbledore, for Lupin and Tonks, for Fred and George, for Neville and Luna, and for Ron.

It was in the middle of the war that all things changed on her. She had just found Pansy Parkinson, and killed her after a while of duelling. A part of her was glad she could at least take that bit of revenge for Luna and Neville. But then, things changed.

All of a sudden, someone decided to grab her arm. She was pulled into a secluded room, and she couldn't help but think that that would be the end of her. She didn't even feel that bad about it; she felt it was about damn time. She didn't care anymore.

"Malfoy, is that you," she asked the familiar looking Death Eater, while trying to remove his hood, and succeeding. "Oh, it's definitely you alright. Do you want to yell at me first or do you want to just go nuts and kill me right away? Malfoy?"

He was still simply standing there, looking at her, not even moving a muscle. She looked back at him, incredibly confused at his un-Malfoyish behaviour. If he would have acted anything like the Malfoy she knew in Hogwarts, he would have tried to kill her by now.

"Come on Malfoy, where's your Death Eater spirit," she asked him, practically begging him to hurt her, torture her, kill her. "There's a Mudblood in front of you. Why don't you kill her like a good boy Death Eater would do? You can do it Malfoy!"

She had never seen him look so empty, like a pale shell of the arrogant and annoying Hogwarts him. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore, and that looked so much like her that she could scream out of happiness right that second. She found someone who felt the same about this whole mess, even if that someone was from the other side.

"What's the point in killing you Granger," he asked, with a voice so dull that it could also pass for lifeless. "This war is over for me already. I know there is not a chance in hell I am going to make it out of here alive. I have no intention to take as many people down with me as possible. What would be the point in that? I'm just waiting to die now. So kill me."

What happened to the Draco Malfoy she knew in Hogwarts? What happened to the guy who would never pass the chance to hurt a Muggle or Mudblood in any way? Did the war do this to him? Did his absolutely horrible father do this to him? She wondered what had happened to him, almost wishing he became the annoying Malfoy he used to be.

"What's the point in killing you Malfoy," she asked him in return, her voice just as lifeless as his, the same dullness audible. "I can't take more deaths, more of this war. The killing and dieing is slowly driving me insane. You can kill me Malfoy, I wouldn't even care."

His face turned as pale as a sheet after that comment. She thought he wouldn't expect that from the Mudblood Granger he knew and bullied at Hogwarts. Nobody would expect this of her, not even her friends, like Ron and Harry. But then again, this war had brought so many unexpected things, a lot of horrible things and a few pleasant one she just couldn't remember.

"Granger, you are scaring me now," he said, not with his usual drawl, but in the same dull and small voice. "You can go and tell that to Potty if you just act normal now."

The feeling of triumph only lasted for a short while. It was interesting to see Malfoy afraid for once, but she didn't really care about it anymore. She had become completely numb, so numb nothing could ever change her back to the happy Hermione she used to be before the war had started. And Merlin knows everyone had tried to change her back.

"I don't care about you being scared Malfoy," she said, finally speaking her mind to someone, even if it was him of all people she was talking to. "I couldn't care less about you being scared. I couldn't care less about you. I couldn't care less about everything."

And these words she said were true; she truly didn't care about anything anymore. Not since everyone she cared about left her by herself, with nobody around to care for, and nobody left to care for her either. She had been so lonely since this war had started killing people.

After all of the deaths she witnessed and experienced, she was starting to feel more and more numb, slowly growing afraid she would never really feel anything ever again. Afraid she would never feel happy again, her fear growing stronger with every death. Afraid she would never feel sad again, even though there were deaths every week. Afraid she would never feel any emotion again; afraid she wouldn't be able to feel again. She was always afraid.

"So you're just as numb as I am Granger," he asked her, and if she could feel, she would have smiled while she nodded at him. "I guess it is nice not to be the only one. Strangely enough, no other Death Eater feels nothing, just like me. They're all too hyped up on the killing to care for all of the collateral damage of this damn war. Merlin knows they don't care."

The walls of numbness around her were sporting some cracks now Malfoy could describe exactly how she was feeling. You can't help but be surprised if your enemy – the guy who lived to make your life a living hell – felt exactly the same way as you, she thought.

"So you care about the collateral damage too Malfoy," she asked him, feeling strangely confused at this side of him that she never thought to exist at all. He never seemed to care about anything other than himself when she thought she had him all figured out back at Hogwarts. It was strange that he seemed to care now, but she just shrugged her shoulders, not letting her old curiosity ruin the walls of numbness she had worked so hard on to build.

"I never said I did care Granger," he said, sporting some signs of his old drawl, and she felt more cracks in the walls of numbness, and she also noticed some signs in him that he was slowly changing from the numbness. "I never said so, but I think I do, and it's wrong, because Death Eaters shouldn't care about stupid things like that. But I still care, I think."

Another crack in her walls made the corners of her mouth of tug up a little, just a fraction of an inch, but enough for the both of them to notice the fact she had almost smiled at him, just enough for the both of them to notice the numbness was starting to fade away.

"You know what Malfoy, you don't have to be embarrassed about that," she said, while the corners of her mouth tugged up a fraction of an inch more. "I'll admit it to you. I care about it too, about all the people who seem to be just collateral damage for the right cause. Because of this goddamn war I don't have anyone left in the whole damn world. Isn't it grand?"

Maybe the sarcasm would enable her to rebuild the walls, she thought in vain. She knew – instinctly – that it wouldn't work. It was weird that it was him of all people to start breaking her walls down, and she of all people was to be the one to do the same for him, but she decided not to care about it. It just felt so nice to at least feel something again.

"Fine Granger, I fucking care, I'll admit it," he said, and a bigger smile started gracing her lips at his comment. "And I'll join you in the clichés when I say that I don't have anyone in the whole world either. I don't even had anyone to start with, so it's not like I fucking care about it anyway. But don't you fucking give me sympathy Granger!"

And finally, for the first time since this war had really started, she could laugh again. She used to love to laugh, she remembered. It was nice to laugh again. Malfoy just had to keep the Malfoy pride in a situation like this; laughing was just plain necessary in this situation.

She felt surprised – even more at her sudden feelings – when he joined her in her loud laughter. She had never seen him really laugh before. Not until now.

It was a mighty strange situation to be laughing in. They were in a secluded room in a Death Eater mansion, in the middle of a humungous war between Dark and Light. They had been enemies for as long as they had known each other. They had been numb. But still, they were laughing together now, and they both felt happy for the first time in a very long time.

"You and your darn Malfoy pride," she managed to choke out in between her laughter. "At this time, of all times Malfoy, you choose to be proud and stubborn."

He scowled at her for just a little while, then just continued to laugh with her. She then decided she liked it when he was laughing with her. The whole situation was still strange, and it was very likely this was the last time she would ever laugh, but it was still nice.

"Once a Malfoy, always a Malfoy," he countered, and she smiled again, happy to see that some things would never change, whatever would happen in the world. Draco Malfoy would always behave like a sarcastic prick, even though he could also behave as a funny sarcastic prick, which was what he was doing at that time. She laughed at his mocking.

"Merlin, it's so nice to finally have the chance to really laugh again," she said, blurting the words out, coming completely out of nowhere. She didn't even want to tell him these things, but she did. She never told this to anyone, but she did tell him. Strange she chose to tell the former bane of her existence about her depressive moods lately. Really strange it was.

"I always accept compliments from hot Mudbloods whenever I get them," he said, and she didn't even flinch at his use of his pet name for her – Mudblood. She had gotten so used to it over the years that it didn't even hurt that much anymore. And besides, he had also called her hot, so it was basically his way of giving her a compliment. Not that he would admit it if she asked him about it. After all, he was still a Malfoy; proud and darn stubborn.

"Why Malfoy, are you calling me hot," she mocked him, smiling broadly at him, hoping to make him confused by all this, liking their banter immensely. "I didn't think you would like me like that. Maybe that is where that sweet pet name for me comes from."

This statement was followed by a wink at him, and the both of them started laughing again, while still in this immensely crazy situation together. Any moment, a Death Eater or an Order Member could burst through the door and kill one of them, or even both.

"Why Granger, I knew you liked me," he continued the mocking, still laughing loudly at his enemy's sense of humour. "It must be my dashingly handsome looks. I always knew you adore my gorgeous body Granger. Everybody does, you know."

If anyone had ever told her she would be joking with Draco Malfoy during the Final Battle, standing in a secluded room in a Death Eater mansion, she would have them sent to St. Mungo's immediately, dismissing the idea as ridiculous nonsense. If anyone would have told her this thing and added she would have a tremendous amount of fun while doing so, she would have questioned their sanity openly, declared them insane, and then sent them to St. Mungo's immediately. It was strange that it did happen after all.

"Of course Malfoy, you weren't named the Slytherin Sex God for nothing," she teased him, and laughed loudly when she actually noticed a hint of a blush on his pale cheeks. She couldn't believe he would be embarrassed even lightly about a thing like that. It was true: almost every girl had wanted him during their Hogwarts days. Maybe you could even scratch the almost part. Even his enemies – such as herself – had to admit the boy was hot.

Her stomach did a weird fluttery thingy when he started laughing; sporting such big of a grin that she was worried he was hurting some muscles. She looked him up and down, pretending to be looking for a verification for her Sex God statements, but really watching him for a different reason. After all, he had always been mighty fine on the eyes.

"You just have to hold that over my head now, don't you Granger," he said, still laughing loudly at her witty comebacks. She wished she knew what the fluttery thing in her stomach was, because it seemed to be connected to his – very nice – smile.

"Naturally Malfoy," she responded, the flutters making her incredibly nervous as he took a step closer to her, still smiling. "It's my job as know-it-all Granger to do so."

She smiled at him shyly as he stepped even closer to her. She didn't even know what the hell he was going to do – what the hell he was up to – but she felt the fluttery feeling again. A feeling she thought she would never feel again; the butterflies she thought she had lost when this all started; this feeling that used to make her so happy to be alive.

It just had to be him; he just had to be the one to make her feel alive again. He was a Death Eater for Merlin's sake, and still he was making her feel so alive. She knew she would have to get away from him if she wanted to leave unharmed, but she couldn't have moved even if she had wanted to. It just felt so amazing to finally feel almost alive again.

"Well, if you know everything Granger, tell me what I am going to do next," he said huskily, stepping even closer to her, so that their bodies were almost touching. She took a sharp intake of breath at his closeness. Something inside of her registered that this was Malfoy who was making her feel this way, but something else decided not to care about it at all.

"I don't know, but I think you should try it anyway," she spoke softly, lifting her head to look him straight in his now sparkling eyes. "I really like to learn Malfoy."

Was she flirting with him now, she wondered. It really couldn't be, but it sure seemed like she was doing it. As long as he didn't seem to mind, she wouldn't apologize for it. She decided she didn't care anymore, because it was most likely to be the last time she flirted.

"I think I can help you with that Granger," he said, moving his face closer to her, and she couldn't help but shiver at his flirting. She never thought she would be in this situation, with Draco Malfoy slowly leaning in to kiss her, while they were still in the middle of a war. But now his face was only an inch from hers, she waited in anticipation for things to come.

When his lips finally touched hers, she finally felt completely alive again. She felt like she could fly, and something was making flips inside her stomach. The kiss was far from perfect, and they both knew it. But at that moment, it felt just right to the both of them.

"I don't want you to kill me anymore Granger," he said, smiling widely as he broke the kiss, looking at her now blushing face. She couldn't even help it. These fluttery feelings just wouldn't leave her alone, and Merlin, it felt so bloody amazing!

"I think you've earned the right to call me by my first name Draco," she shyly flirted with him, hoping he wouldn't make some hurtful Mudblood comment at that moment.

"Well then Hermione, I don't want you to kill me anymore," he said, smirking ever so slightly, also trying to conceal a smile. She thought this must have been the strangest thing to find happiness in. Kissing with your enemy during a war, that had to be forbidden. But Merlin, it just felt so absolutely fucking fantastic. Another guilty pleasure.

She didn't even knew what the hell sparked this whole making out with your enemy in the middle of a fucking war thing. She didn't even know if he had really wanted to, if he had realized it was bookworm Granger he had been kissing. She decided not to care.

"Well, then I guess we can do something else now," she said breathlessly, hoping he would pick up on her flirting once again. Her heartbeat was racing, and she was nervous.

This was going to be her last kiss, her last crush, her last feelings of happiness, her last feelings period. Nothing was going to last, she knew that. Even if she wouldn't die in this war, someone would definitely make sure that at least one of them ended up in a prison. They both knew all too well that nothing between them could ever last, but they just wanted their last few moments of bliss before the inevitable end would arrive for them.

He just chuckled, moved closer to her and started kissing her once again. She couldn't help but think this kiss seemed to be even better than the one before. She poured everything she had in this one kiss, because – by Merlin – she knew it was going to be her last. She thought he knew it too, judging by the way he was kissing her as if there was no tomorrow, which was the truth in this case, she knew that much. It was the last pure bliss for the both of them.

When they both heard someone passing by, they knew the end was near. The kiss was still continuing, both of them trying to make it as long as possible without getting blasted to death for it. But maybe that wasn't that bad of an idea after all, she thought and smiled in the kiss.

"This is it Hermione, the end of it," he said when he broke the kiss.

"I'm glad to be with you, Draco Malfoy, here at the end of all things," she said, smiling widely. Today, everything would end, but it had been quite a nice day. Now, no more melodramatic nonsense for Hermione; it was getting to be too much. She wanted it to end on a happy note, naïve as she was being at this moment, knowing it wouldn't, of course.

When the door opened, revealing a fighting Harry Potter along with a still hooded Death Eater, she took a deep breath, as if knowing it would be her last. She stood close to him, wanting him to be the last thing she would ever look at. Mighty fine to look at, after all.

Their eyes didn't make any promises like lovers would do in this situation, they just sparkled with much more happiness than before this day. This was going to be the end of it.

"Avada Kedavra," the Death Eater bellowed loudly at Hermione, at the same time as Harry shot the deathly curse at Draco Malfoy. The hating couple fell to the ground almost too fast, as if they were both happy to be gone – which they were, of course.

The strangest thing was the way their bodies fell. They were so close to each other, and her hand fell straight into his. It was the strangest couple of deaths ever seen, Harry thought.

He looked at his dead best friend on the floor, holding hands with Draco Malfoy, the boy who used to be the bane of her existence. He couldn't help but hope that Hermione had finally found some well deserved peace, after all of the things she had been through.

And that was how the strangest couple ever to be – and the most impossible one – came to it's beginning and unfortunate end. They died during a battle, just when they wanted to go.

When the war was over, Harry Potter had the strange idea to bury the bodies next to each other, because of the way he had seen a twinkle in his friend's eyes when she was close to their former enemy. She seemed to be happy, a look he had not seen in a long time.

Besides Harry Potter, the boy who lived to defeat Lord Voldemort, nobody bothered to remember them. After all, they were just collateral damage.

AN: Dang, where did this all come from? I must say, I rather like the ending. I can never write endings well, but I think this one fits this fic nicely. At least, I hope so.

Anyway, hoped you liked it! Please read and review!

Inge