Quinn, Kingdom

I didn't feel any better in the next few days. Then two weeks later I still didn't feel a change. Carol was thinking very hard about how to manage my state. One evening I was laying on the couch, reading. I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," I yelled. Carol came in.

"You should lock your door. It's not safe," she said.

"I always lock it for the night. I was just too lazy to get up just yet to do it."

Carol rolled her eyes.

"I came up with an idea on how to cheer you up," she smiled with a little twinkle in her eyes.

"What?" I was curious what could she come up with.

She held up two bottles of something.

"Red wine? Wow. Do you think it will help?" I asked her. I used to drink now and then, but I didn't drink since the dead started to walk around and eat the living.

"Come on. It'll be fun," she smiled at me. "I told Ezekiel I stay here for the night. Girls' night?"

"Wow… okay. Girls' night."

She quickly got to the kitchen and popped open the bottle. I thought immediately she needed this more than I did. She was heartbroken. I wonder if Ezekiel noticed anything about it. Carol served two plastic cups and sat beside me on the couch.

"To being alive," she said suddenly and clinked our plastic cups. I couldn't help but smile. I haven't smiled for a long time, but it was also a sad smile. We were both miserable, but I felt sorry for Carol now even more than for myself.

"Now that's it, we are getting somewhere," she said, referring to my faint smile.

"Let me guess, this was Daryl's idea, wasn't it? You never drank any alcohol."

Carol looked at me like a little child who has been busted for doing mischief.

"Alright, he gave me this idea, last time he was here. So what?" she poured another round. "I just didn't want to do it immediately."

"Carol… you can be honest with me. You didn't want to get drunk, because you were afraid Ezekiel might suspect something about Daryl."

She stared at me, her smile faded away. She nodded.

"You're right. I just don't know what to do. I messed up my life again. Whatever. I think we both need this drink."

"Alright, then go on."

We drank another round.

"I know you're messed up, but you chose Ezekiel," I reminded her.

"I know… It's just… It's so hard to imagine Daryl with someone else."

"Imagine then, that he had to watch you being with Tobin and then with Ezekiel."

She shrugged.

"I know… I'm so self-centered… I just… I needed love," she said with a sad smile. "First, with Tobin… I was just trying to get him jealous… I know, it's childish and it backfired because he reacted in the opposite way. He just accepted defeat. He is always too busy with saving everyone and I guess he didn't have any strength left for his personal emotions."

"Yeah, that sounds a lot like him. But you were pretty cruel, you know. You knew all along that he was in love with you and I knew that too, but still, you let me try with him. I mean… why did you let me kiss him? Why did you encourage me in the first place? You wanted him to tell me that he chooses you?"

Carol was staring at the plastic cup in her hands, then looked me in the eye.

"Yes… I'm sorry. I was just… messed up. I am messed up. I always am."

I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She was really selfish, but she just wanted to get Daryl's attention. I hugged her then we drank another round.

"So you used me…" I sighed. "Don't worry about it, I get it. And it doesn't matter anymore. I have no feelings for Daryl."

"I'm sorry…" mumbled Carol, she was staring at the plastic cup in her hands again.

"Didn't Daryl give you this idea, to get drunk, sarcastically?"

"I don't know. But I didn't have any other idea."

"It's alright."

We drank another round.

"Let's talk about something else. What's up with Henry?"

Carol's face lighted up at once. She looked at me, smiling widely.

"He is practicing his fighting skills, he is getting really good at it. And he says he wants to be a useful member of the community," she said proudly.

"You raised him well."

"He is still a baby," she said smiling.

Since we weren't used to drinking alcohol, we quickly became tipsy. We were laughing at nothing basically, but as we drank more and more, we became more wasted. I wasn't in control of my thoughts anymore. Neither of my words I spoke.

"Would ya leave Ezekkkiel… if Daryl wanted to be with ya?" I could hardly talk at that point. Carol looked at me, her eyes sparkling, her face red.

"I duuunnnnnoooo…" she said. "We have a child with Ezekiel. Henry."

"Tha's not an answer," I said.

We were drinking the last drops. Suddenly she turned to me.

"Tell me 'bout Negan."

"Wha'?" I asked.

Negan… Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat.

"Maybe you should tell me… eeeeeverything, so ya can get 'ver it," she said.

"Nah… I don't wanna get over 'im," I said.

Carol buried her face in her hands, then looked at me again.

"Wha' do ya love abou' 'im?" she asked.

We could hardly speak at that moment, we were so drunk.

I sighed.

"Do ya rememb'r the movie… beauty 'nd tha beast?"

She nodded.

"'t's like tha movie. He's a beast. But he's changin'. He wants to be good."

"How d' ya know?"

"He was tryin'. I can tell. If you would let 'im out now… he wouln' cause' trouble."

Carol seemed to be thinking about it. I continued.

"And he's sexy as hell," I said, then we chuckled.

"Ya're attracted to bad guys," she said.

"'t's not just that," I sighed. "I love 'im 'cause he's a good person. He's just messed up by the apoclps…" I couldn't pronounce the word apocalypse. Carol giggled then she suddenly became very serious.

"But he killed our friends… He killed Abraham and Glenn… I know ya were friends with Abraham…"

I sighed. I don't even want to think about it. I liked Abraham as a friend, he was hilarious, I laughed my ass off, every time he started to speak. Maybe we could have been friends like I started to become friends with Eugene… But I'll never know.

"He's changin'… Negan…" I said after a little while. "Ya could rely on 'im now. If ya asked 'im… he would help with anythin'."

I meant it, I really thought Negan was changing. He made a huge, enormous mistake, but he was still human. Carol seemed to be thinking about this. She nodded.

I don't remember what happened after this conversation. I woke up in the morning, on the couch. Carol was next to me still sleeping. We fell asleep sitting on the couch. I tried to stand up but had to sit back. I had a terrible headache. I slowly tried again and I went to the bathroom.

I washed my face, then I went to the kitchen and drank a lot of water. I felt like I might throw up, but I didn't.

Someone knocked on the door.

I opened it. I was blinded by the sunlight.

His majesty, the King himself. Ezekiel.

"Good morning, Quinn," he said with a gentle smile. "I came to take my Queen home."

"That's your queen?" I stepped aside so Ezekiel could come in. I pointed at Carol who was asleep on the couch, sitting, her mouth open. We glanced at each other and burst into laughter.

"I see you had a good time," said Ezekiel, smiling.

"Yeah, you could say that," I said and took another sip of my plastic cup of water.

Ezekiel stepped to Carol and took her in his arms. Carol woke up.

"Wha'…?"

"Don't worry, my queen, I'm just taking you home," said Ezekiel gently. His smile was so cute and they looked at each other so adorably.

"Don't call me that…" said Carol, yawning. I felt like I shouldn't be there. Carol sighed and leaned her head on Ezekiel's shoulder, hugging his neck.

"Goodbye, Quinn," said Ezekiel and stepped through the door. I closed it after them. I felt embarrassed. They really love each other. I shouldn't have pushed Carol with Daryl. But I was still sure she loves Daryl as well.

Maybe one can be in love with two people after all?

I drank the rest of my water.

I tried to recall what happened at night. I was kind of remembering a conversation. I didn't know.

Whatever.

I took milk and cereal to eat breakfast. That's the only meal I can prepare myself nowadays.

When I finished, I sat on my porch and enjoyed the sun.

I let out a huge sigh.

I closed my eyes.

I saw Negan in flashbacks again. But it was all confusing. I saw him wearing a leather jacket when they brought him to Alexandria.

I shook my head.

I wasn't sure… should I try to really get over him?

Or should I try to go with my idea of sneaking into Alexandria?

I had a headache, I couldn't think.

I tried to empty my head, for once.

Just for this once.

…

(Author's notes: Listen to "Last Hurrah" by Bebe Rexha.

Much love ❤ Thank You for reading! ❤)