Author's notes: Listen to "My immortal" by Evanescence before reading. ❤

…

Quinn, Kingdom

I was sitting on my porch, staring at my wrist. I put a finger on the scar and traced it along. It healed completely, as two years already passed, only a thin white line was visible. I didn't even have a sense of time anymore. It was like it all happened yesterday. In front of Carol, I acted like I was alright. But I wasn't. I think she saw right through me, but I didn't care.

I haven't seen Negan for two years…

We didn't even talk about him since the night we got drunk with Carol. I think she thought we got over it.

Daryl showed up from time to time and checked on me, to see how I was. I acted in front of him too. I was a good excuse for him to visit Carol too. The time period between his visits became longer and longer, though. At this point, we haven't heard about him for a little more than a year. Carol tried to act like normal, but I could tell she was going mad from worrying.

I also had nightmares since I was brought to the Kingdom. I wasn't allowed to carry weapons. Carol was accompanying me everywhere.

I didn't want to die anymore. I've decided, I'm going to sneak into Alexandria, to see Negan.

I knew it was a bad idea… But I wanted to try. Except Carol followed me everywhere. I had no chance.

One day, she told me Henry wanted to go to Hilltop to learn and she ordered me to come with them, because "change would do some good for me". So, I was almost like forced to go with them.

I was suddenly sitting in the back of the carriage and we left the Kingdom. I couldn't decide whether I liked the idea or not. Change would do some good for sure, but I will be even further away from Negan. I didn't even know whether he was still alive or not… I tried to shake this thought out of my head, when Henry distracted me, by asking Carol whether we are going the right way. I frowned my eyebrows. Carol told him we are not going to Hilltop just yet.

"Then where are we going?" I asked impatiently.

"Relax back there," said Carol above her shoulder. I sighed.

Suddenly we heard someone yelling, asking for help. Henry immediately took off, despite Carol telling him not to go. I jumped off the carriage and followed them.

We ran into a lot of people. It was a trap. Another lot of people appeared behind us too, we turned around quickly. Shit, I don't have any weapon on me, I'm still not allowed…

A man who seemed to be their leader greeted Carol. Did they know each other? I never met this man before, I glanced at Carol questioningly.

"What do you want?" she asked the man.

"You know how it goes," he smiled. "Your stuff."

Carol went to the carriage and showed them what we had. The man apologized for this ambush, but he told us they are living like this since the Sanctuary fell.

I felt like my heart dropped out of my chest.

These were Negan's people. Carol glanced at me, then turned to the man.

She gave them everything we had, but the guy wanted something else too. Carol's ring, which she got from Ezekiel and… he wanted me. He told us we can keep our lives, but he never said we can all leave.

"People are resource, after all," he said, spreading his arms apologetically. This was Negan's idea… "We could use some help with the ambushes," he continued.

I couldn't breathe for a moment. Henry's face distorted into anger, he grabbed his stick and attacked the man.

"Henry, don't!" Carol yelled. Henry was kicked to the ground, people suddenly surrounded us. Carol jumped on Henry to defend him. "Take it," she said through gritted teeth and handed over her ring. "Take it! It's yours!" she yelled, then continued in a calmer way. "But she is staying with us. She is my sister, please," she lied with fake tears in her eyes. I was amazed by how much Carol could act, especially in dangerous situations like this.

"No, she is staying with us," he said. It didn't work. Two people came to me and grabbed my arms, tied them behind my back.

Their leader told us it was a pleasure doing business with us, then he touched Carol's hair and complimented it, but Carol pushed him away irritatedly. They took me to the building.

"Carol!" I yelled at her. She looked at me steadily and nodded slightly. I was scared, but it was a little relief to see her nod. Carol will come for me.

But how can I get back to Negan, if his own men will hold me captive? I tried to shake them off, but they grabbed my arms stronger.

"Well, well, well… what do we have here?" asked the man smiling.

"Let me go!" I yelled at him.

"Oooh relax," he said. "I'm gonna deal with you later. Take her away," he said. Maybe he wanted to sort something out first, so Carol will have time to save me.

It started to get dark, and I started to worry even more. I tried to free my hands, but I couldn't. Now everything came back to my head because he mentioned the Sanctuary…

I didn't participate in the fights myself, because I thought I was useless. I helped the others at home to get weapons and I tried to help out at the infirmary. I didn't even see Negan until they brought him to Alexandria, defeated. These were his men. These were his ways… He dealt with things in this manner.

He was the devil.

I closed my eyes tightly for several minutes. I was so angry at Negan. How could he be like these people? I was sure he was changing when I got to know him. Does it matter now? I sighed. There wasn't a day passing by without me thinking of him, but we didn't talk about him, Carol tried as hard as she could to avoid the topic. Then these people show up, talking about the Sanctuary. I felt like a switch has been turned on inside me. Like I woke up from a dream. Negan. I had to get back to him. Whatever it takes. I waited long enough.

The moon was already out, the sky darker and darker. I started to really panic. Where is Carol? She wouldn't leave me here, I was sure of it. People around me started to go to sleep. What the hell? It was like they forgot about me. But then the man came back, their leader.

"Well, I'm sorry babe, but I'm too tired, so I will deal with you tomorrow. How about that?" he said smiling and kissed my cheek. I turned away my face as much as I could. He left me, giggling. I was so disgusted, I tried to wipe my cheek with my shoulder.

I was lucky, I got until tomorrow, at least. I was scared he would rape me or something. Well, that was definitely his intention, but thank god Henry kicked him over, maybe he was injured or something. I hope Henry managed to kick him in the balls.

I couldn't stop thinking about Negan. How could he lead these people, how could he be like them? How could he be so ruthless? He is a monster, after all. Everyone was right about tearing me away from him. I understood their point. But he was changing, I'm sure that he became a better person.

I couldn't shake him out of my mind… his eyes, his smile… How he helped me when I had that panic attack… These jerks would be surprised how kind he could be.

Suddenly, I saw a very bright light, I didn't know what it was. Everything went up in flames, people were screaming. Carol ran to me and untied my hands. All happened in a minute.

"What took so long?" I asked, ironically. She glanced at me, smiling. I saw her ring on her finger again. So, she got it back. She freed me and we walked back to the carriage like nothing happened.

But before we could reach it, she stopped, so Henry wouldn't hear us.

"I know you are thinking about him," she turned to me. "Because they reminded you by talking about the Sanctuary."

"If someone told you, you can't see Ezekiel ever again, would you stop thinking about him?" I didn't dare to mention Daryl, because we didn't know what happened to him.

"I know. But you know, you shouldn't torture yourself like this," she said seriously.

"What do you suggest?" I asked.

"You have to let him go."

"I can't. And I won't. Let's go now," I said simply and headed to the carriage. Carol shook her head disapprovingly, then followed me.

I couldn't sleep that night either, but this time, because of the adrenaline. The next day, I heard Henry and Carol were talking, but I wasn't paying attention at all. I was looking at the trees, thinking about him… I didn't even see the Sanctuary, ever.

This evening was a great wake-up call for me. I was living in the safety of the Kingdom for two years, guarded by Carol. I had to be more aware and cautious of my surroundings. I had to practice my fighting skills again. I became weak. I will have to work out as soon as we get back to the Kingdom after we took Henry to Hilltop.

Suddenly we stopped. I looked to see what happened, I saw Daryl standing right in front of us. I felt relief and slight anger at the same time. I was pretty irritated by Daryl since everything. I know, he saved my life, I thanked him, but he also participated in ruining it. And he made Carol cry because he hooked up with someone in the forest. I was just trying to be distant. Of course, Carol was with Ezekiel, so Daryl had every right to live his own life, but he still irritated me. I was glad that he was alive, though.

"Need a ride, stranger?" Carol asked him, smiling wildly. I could tell how happy and relieved she was, that we found him. So that was the point. She wanted to find Daryl, without being too obvious.

Daryl smiled too and came to greet us.

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Die another day" by Madonna. Thank You for reading! ❤