Quinn, on the road

We were riding for a long time. I felt Aaron's and Jesus' eyes on my back. I didn't think they would react so shocked to my almost death. They looked like they might care about me? Maybe I was too deep in depression to notice how wonderful people were around me. I only cared about myself. I was disgusted with myself.

I was still in the same position, hugging Daryl from behind on the motorcycle. It was awful. Years ago, I would have given anything to see Daryl shirtless and then travel with him like this, and now… it just didn't matter. It was completely neutral. Except for Daryl… well… he wasn't smelling like roses. I don't know when he washed himself last time. It wasn't horrible, but I couldn't ignore it. I smiled at this thought and accidentally banged my forehead against his back.

"What're ya doin'?" asked Daryl above his shoulder.

"Sorry," I laughed. "I just banged my head against your back."

"Careful. Don't fall," he said seriously.

He was talking to me sometimes like I was a child. Just because I wanted to die two years ago doesn't mean I'm a baby…

Finally, we arrived. As I stood up, I almost fall. Daryl caught my elbow.

"Are ya drunk?" he asked with a faint smile. He knew exactly it was because of the motorcycle.

"My ass went numb," I told him, but Aaron and Jesus heard it too and they all started to giggle. Daryl let go of my elbow and smiled widely, then turned back to the motorcycle. This was the first time in a very long time I saw him smile like that, really smile. I couldn't help but smile too, while I massaged my thighs. We got the horses and the motorcycle to safety, then we entered a huge field.

We went to the only tree nearby and crouched into the grass. I was terrified by ticks, so I tried to ignore the fact of how many possibly could be in that huge grass. When I got over the fact of the tall grass problem I looked up. We saw walkers, but they were behaving strangely. We never saw them walking around in a circle before. Why would they do that? We watched them. The bad feeling, I had earlier, started to become more intense.

Daryl waved his hand in a direction, to show us where we are going.

We continued our way through the field, we went around, to avoid the walker horde.

Aaron and Jesus were coming behind us, but several meters behind. I was walking with Daryl. I glanced at them above my shoulder. They were pretty deep in conversation. And then it occurred to me. They are both…

I started to smile. I glanced back again, I was pretty sure.

"What're ya smiling about?" Daryl asked.

"I think they like each other. In a romantic way," I told him, still smiling. Daryl glanced at them too.

"Don't see anythin'," he said, confused. I laughed at him.

"What kind of an observer are you?" but then I realized he didn't notice my feelings either for years, I stopped smiling. Romance's opposite was Daryl Dixon himself. I would be curious how he got together with his mysterious woman, but I suspect the woman initiated the thing. I think Daryl did sense something about the topic of romance and me because he changed the subject.

"I'm glad you came along," said Daryl after a little while. I didn't expect anything like this from him. He looked me in the eye for a moment.

"Well, I want to help Eugene," I said awkwardly. Daryl nodded.

I also wanted to keep an eye on Daryl. I never thought he would be so upset. Maybe that woman really meant something to him.

Daryl stopped, he was listening. He and dog found out the herd was coming for us because the wind was carrying our voices. He suddenly got an alarm clock from his pocket, turned the alarm on, and threw it in the opposite direction. We jogged through the field.

"Are you really carrying alarm clocks in your pockets?" I asked surprised. He nodded slightly, with a faint smile.

We went behind some trees. Waited for the horde to chase the alarm clock, but when they came, they were far more than we saw earlier.

Jesus and Aaron seemed terrified. Daryl seemed like he had a plan, though. My stomach started to shrink. There was a lot, I mean a lot of walkers… I was afraid one of us might get injured, or worse… and I was worried, I hope Eugene is alive… I knew the others might be thinking the same. I should have practiced fighting earlier… I stepped to Daryl.

"What are we gonna do?" I asked him. He hesitated for a moment, glanced at the horde, then looked me in the eye again.

"We swipe the area, Eugene must be here somewhere," he growled. I nodded, then I turned back to watch the horde.

"I just can't understand why they are going in circles," said Aaron, thinking very hard.

"Me neither. So strange," said Jesus. Both of them stared at the horde. We stayed hidden and we ate quickly, we brought some food with us. We might need our strength. I was hoping it wouldn't be needed, though. I wished we could sneak away from the horde.

"I still can't comprehend that you tried to kill yourself, Quinn," said Jesus while we were about to finish eating. I shrugged my shoulder. I saw Daryl become tense at the topic.

"I didn't think anyone would care."

"How could they not care? You were with the group for a pretty long time as I know," Jesus said.

"Yes, but… I only got to be friends with Carol. I'm kind of an introvert."

"That's just stupid, Quinn… I'm sorry to say that," said Aaron. "Everyone cares about you. They know that you are quiet and you like to be alone, that's the only reason they don't bother you. I remember, once I invited you over for a meal and you said no, for no particular reason."

I was taken by surprise and to be honest, I don't even remember that invitation. I'm a terrible person. I felt my face go red.

"I'm sorry… If your invitation still stands, I would gladly go over."

Aaron smiled.

"Don't be so shy," he said, still smiling. Jesus smiled at me too.

"You can't," said Daryl quietly. I glanced at him. "You're banished from Alexandria," he reminded me. He clearly didn't want me to go to Alexandria. To be close to Negan. Aaron nodded understandingly, he knew about the situation, but how? Jesus looked surprised.

"How come?" he asked.

"I… uh…" I laughed nervously.

"Don't worry, you can trust Jesus," said Aaron encouragingly. If Aaron knew about my suicide attempt and my banishment, maybe he knew about me and Negan? Maybe Negan knew everything too, about my suicide attempt? Who else knew about me and Negan?

"Do you know what happened?" I asked him, now I was really curious.

"Let's move. Eugene might be in danger," said Daryl, to distract us, just when Aaron opened his mouth to answer. We packed our stuff and continued our search. I had so many questions, but this wasn't the time to ask them. We had to be careful and completely focused. We continued our journey in silence, so we wouldn't attract more walkers.

The evening was coming fast. We finally found a barn between the trees, that's a good spot to hide, so we headed there to check it out. Soon it was already dark, we got out our flashlights. Not just that it was dark, mist appeared too. I didn't like it at all. I went closer to Daryl. I felt safer with him nearby. I wanted to help him, to show him that he can count on me, yet I was the one who used him to feel safe. I know, it sounds funny, since everything happened, but somehow, I felt safer with him. I kept my distance though, I was just a meter away from him. Daryl went ahead, dog found something. We followed him, we entered the barn. There was a lot of hay, which appeared to have a door underneath.

"Eugene?" I called quietly.

He answered and we quickly removed the hay and the door above him. He was trembling, raising his blade at us.

"Eugene!" I greeted him cheerfully. I was so happy we found him alive.

"Quinn?" he was shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"We came for you. Are you bit?" I asked him quietly.

He shook his head. The guys helped him out. His knee was dislocated, he could barely walk. Daryl said he can set it back, but we had to go, we heard walkers right outside the barn. Eugene was in shock, but not because of seeing me, he was scared shitless. He told us about the herd, how they followed him and Rosita and they heard them whispering.

"But their brain is dead how could they whisper?" I asked, taken aback. Eugene shook his head.

"I have no idea, but they were. I swear we heard them," he said, almost crying. I couldn't help it anymore seeing him like this, I hugged him tightly. He was surprised but hugged me back. The herd already reached the barn. We quickly got up, Aaron and Daryl helped Eugene stand up. Jesus led the way out. We got out as fast as we could, but Eugene slowed us down pretty much. Walkers emerged from the mist it was terrifying. I started to tremble, because of both cold and fear. Adrenaline pumped in my veins. We managed to get behind a couple of trees. Eugene was jumping on one leg, growling from pain. We reached the road, there was an abandoned car, Eugene sat on it for a minute. He told us he thinks the walkers are evolving, but Daryl and Jesus disagreed immediately.

"I wouldn't think they could talk either," I said. "It makes no sense. Their brain is dead, they only growl. There has to be another explanation for this."

Aaron came caught up to us. He stopped earlier for a while to keep watching, but he told us the herd was right behind the trees.

"We have to go," said Daryl.

Eugene wanted us to leave him behind.

"Stop this immediately!" I shut him before he could end his sentence. "You are not staying behind!" I told him, I felt my eyes were burning, I was about to cry just at the thought. Aaron and Jesus were arguing about a plan like an old couple, but I couldn't think about how cute they were right now, because we were about to get torn apart. Daryl ended their argument by stating he is the one who should lure the herd away. I shook my head.

"We should stick together and run," I told him.

"It would be easier, this way," he growled. I stepped to him.

"You don't have to do this, please stay with us and run."

He shook his head.

"I have to," he murmured. I tried to speak in a suppressed voice, so the others wouldn't hear me. I grabbed his shirt.

"I know what it's like, what you're feeling, you are suicidal and you don't even realize it. I've been there! Trust me, I know. You think nothing matters because she is gone, but you have to move on! You don't have to risk your life!

He listened to me looking into my eyes the whole time, then he slowly took my hand and removed it from his shirt.

"No… please…" I said, tears stinging my eyes. He looked me in the eye all along, squeezed my hand gently, then nodded, let go of my hand, and jogged away with dog.

I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I had to bow down, I put my hands on my knees. I tried to breathe. I still felt the warmth of his hand on my hand. I was staring at his back as he left us. I should be protecting him for Carol and I can't.

He cannot die. Not after he saved me, not after what we've been through together all these years. I knew exactly how he felt. I was scared, I had a really bad feeling.

He cannot die.

…

Author's note: Listen to "Head above water" by Avril Lavigne. Thank You for reading! ❤