A/N: Helloooo. Back :) Managing to write a bit more for now which is good. Hopefully not too long a gap between chapters. Sensing a little grumpiness coming though. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad :P
Thanks for all you reviews, please keep them coming and thanks to calim for the beta :)
On we go…..
Chapter 23
Out of the corner of his eye, Grissom watched Sara push her dinner around her plate. She'd barely eaten anything and was grumpy. Numerous factors contributed to that fact – the pain of getting her back into bed (which she didn't really want to do) and getting zero go home information for the twins from NICU. He'd not wanted to mention that he'd been expecting that since he knew she felt so helpless anyway and didn't want to make it worse.
Working his jaw, he put down his own unfinished – half full plate. Getting up, he sat on the edge of the bed but she didn't look up.
"Sara?" he finally said quietly. Sighing, her head rose to look at him. "Tell me what I can do to cheer you up."
The blank stare she returned gave him an easy feeling and he regretted the question almost immediately.
"Can you give me my legs back?"
Sighing, Grissom looked down, a blast of guilt washing over him. Even though there'd been no blame thrown about he still knew it was his fault and it was only a matter of time before Sara started getting angry. And she had every right to.
After a few moments, his head rose and he looked back at her, his eyes now sad and slightly glazed.
"You know I would if I could," he said in a quiet pained voice.
And they just stared at each other until they were disturbed by Christine stepping into the room.
"Feels a little tense in here," the nurse said, looking at them both. "Everything all right?"
Clearing, his throat, Grissom got off the bed. "We're finished with dinner, thank you," he replied, avoiding the question.
Christine's eyes narrowed but she didn't push and moved to clear their plates. "Well, a little good news for you," she said, reaching for Sara's tray.
"Oh?" Sara asked.
"We are going to check your wrist again tomorrow and see if we can leave the cast off. After your last check, the doctor is more confident we may be able to do so this time."
"I guess that's something," Sara replied.
Slipping hands into his pockets, Grissom quietly sighed again, watching Christine as she loaded up the trolley.
"How's your pain, Sara?" she asked. "Feeling a little more settled now?"
"I guess," she breathed unenthusiastically. "Just tired."
After a quick exchange of eyes with Grissom, Christine nodded. "Then I'll leave you to rest. If you need any more pain relief just shout."
"Thanks," Grissom said flatly.
As she set off towards the door, Christine stopped. "One of my colleagues has a magazine out here you might be interested in, Gil. Would you like to have a look? Might be something new for you to read."
First, he frowned at her and then, when her eyes flicked to the door, he understood she was trying to get his attention. Thankfully, Sara had closed her eyes and didn't seem to be paying attention.
"Eh, sure." He looked at Sara. "Be one minute, honey, okay?"
"Fine," she mumbled, not even bothering to open her eyes.
Biting on his lip, he followed Christine out of the room.
"Something is telling me Sara isn't actually all right," Christine said to him as they stopped by the nurse's station.
Grissom sighed again. "No, she isn't," he admitted. "She's frustrated and feeling pretty down."
"I thought so," Christine returned. "But it's always good to check these things to ensure we don't have any additional physical issues going on that we're not admitting to."
"I don't know if she can get any more physical issues, can she?" he retorted.
"And now you sound frustrated."
Shaking his head, Grissom shrugged. "I don't know how to deal with this. She has so many reasons to be angry and a right to be so. And I know this is only the beginning. I knew a time would come when things would get harder but…"
"You can't fix everything," Christine said. "And you're doing your best. We do need to keep a close eye on Sara's mental state though. We have people to help with that if it's needed as well as her physical needs."
He snorted. "Good luck with that." Christine frowned. "She isn't much of a talker when it comes to her personal issues. I should know."
"That may be the case but we need to be serious about this. With a recovery as full on as she is going to need, if she isn't their mentally we will be in a whole world of trouble."
"Yeah," he breathed, his worry only increasing knowing things may very well only get worse.
"Just keep doing what you're doing," she encouraged. "Keep supporting her and if you need to take a time out then you must. Sometimes being around someone constantly doesn't help a situation. And, inform us if you have concerns. Whatever they may be we're here to help."
Now Grissom nodded. "Okay."
"Good," she said squeezing his arm. "I will make sure we keep close contact with the NICU as well. If any news comes about the twin's possible discharge I will make sure you know straight away."
Grissom managed to smile. "I appreciate that. Thank you."
Nodding, she stepped away leaving him alone in the corridor. Trying not to think too hard on anything, he headed back into the room, stopping dead in his tracks when Sara opened her eyes and frowned at him.
"What?" he asked nervously noticing the confused look on her face.
"Didn't you go out there to get a magazine?"
Oh, she did hear…
"Um, yeah," he replied, his nose twitching. "Already read it so…"
Her eyes narrowed at him. "I know when you're lying, Gil."
Now he frowned at her and cleared his throat. "How do you know I'm lying?" he challenged.
"Because your ears go pink."
Working his eyes around in a circle, he reached up to touch his right ear.
"I actually made that up but you just proved me right."
Nipping on his lip he moved to pour a glass of water.
"Could I have some please?" Sara asked.
Looking at her, he nodded. "Sure."
"I'm sorry," she said quickly.
Stopping in mid-pour, he looked at her. "Why? You don't need to be sorry."
She shook her head. "I shouldn't take it out on you. I'm just…so tired of being like this."
Topping off the glass, he held it out to her. "Take a breath and have a drink." Exhaling heavily, she took the water and swigged it down. "Better?" he asked, taking the now empty glass from her.
"Yeah. Don't have any vodka anywhere do we?"
Smirking, he drank some water for himself, sat down on the bed and reached for her hand. "If I find any I'll let you know, okay?"
Bashfully smiling, she nodded. "So why did you really go outside?"
Would telling her the truth upset her even more? She did always seem to know when he was lying though.
"Christine was concerned about you. She wanted to see if you were really okay."
"Guess I'm not as good a liar as I thought either," Sara returned and he smiled. "So, what did you say?"
"Honestly?"
Her eyes narrowed but her lips pursed with a hint of amusement. "Preferably."
"Honestly, we didn't say much. I mentioned you generally weren't one to open your arms to people regarding your personal emotions."
"You know me so well."
Squeezing her hand, he smiled again. "I try. But of course, they are going to be concerned. None of this is going to be easy so keeping you in the right frame of mind is important."
"Well," she began, her thumb rubbing against his, "that's one thing that probably won't always be easy."
"We can do this," he said. "I promise you we can."
Half of her wanted to argue. What if she never walked again? How would they cope with three children? How would he work? She certainly never would if she didn't get her legs back and there was no guarantee she even would with them. They yet had no idea how much physically she would suffer. Yes, they had savings but not enough to support three children up until a time they would be running their own lives.
"What are you thinking?" he questioned as she seemed to drift off.
"About Mike's birthday."
His right eye twitched. "I think your ears have just gone pink."
She smirked. "Let's drop it, okay?"
Slowly, he nodded. "If that's what you want."
"Yeah," she breathed. "Let's actually talk about Mike's birthday and think of how we can make something special happen for him."
Grissom's eyebrows soared. "O…kay," he said unsurely. "Slight challenge there I think."
"Well then, I guess we have to put our heads together," she argued. "And we're not sleeping until we have something close to resembling a plan."
CSICSICSICSICSICSICSI
Watching Sara as she slept, Grissom glanced at his watch. 10pm. It was still reasonably early but she was exhausted. He couldn't blame her, not after all she'd done today and, if he was honest, he felt pretty tired, too.
It had been a day with mixed emotions. At least that's the best way he could put it. The conversation they'd had regarding Michael's birthday had left him feeling torn. Sara insisted Michael be given the party and celebration he deserved and, in all reality, that could only happen away from the hospital. He could tell by her eyes, no matter how much she tried to be strong that the thought of being away from her son for his birthday was ripping at her heart.
What mother wouldn't be distraught by that thought?
But, she didn't once admit she was upset and helped him compile a list of ideas. Now he had to decide what he wanted for Michael and get it organized.
He had to decide? He knew then it was really getting to her when she handed him the pen and paper and said she had a headache.
After that he by no means pushed for anything, simply helped her lie down, kissed her on the cheek and sat. It didn't take her long to fall asleep but he had a feeling he may not be sleeping so well.
What was he going to do?
How could it be a celebration without Sara there? Even Michael wouldn't be happy with that no matter how many gifts he got or unlimited cake to eat or dozens of clowns to entertain him. Michael would want his mother just like Grissom wanted his wife. They were a family.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, Grissom rubbed his chin then got up and stretched. He ached from top to bottom. Constant worry, he was sure. It wasn't like he could avoid it.
Hearing the door open, he turned around to see Christine stepping in.
"Just thought I'd check to see if things were okay," she whispered as she neared, seeing that Sara was asleep.
"I…suppose," he mumbled unenthusiastically.
"So, not really then," she returned. "Has she been sleeping long?"
"About half an hour."
"Is she still upset?" Christine asked.
"Let's go over there," he whispered, nodding towards the bathroom. Nodding, Christine followed him.
"Yeah," he said, folding his arms. "Although she's trying not to show it I know she's still upset."
"Because of the twins?"
"Partly but also because it's Michael's birthday soon."
"Ah," Christine said in realization. "And she's feeling a little helpless."
A long sigh left his lips. "Yeah. The idea of missing your son's birthday isn't a good one for any mother."
"She won't miss it," Christine argued.
"She wants me to organize a party away from the hospital. Not exactly possible here, is it?"
Christine looked at the bed as Sara moaned, her arm flopping off the bed and then her head lifted from the pillow. Unable to answer Grissom's question, she stepped away.
Sara blinked at her as she neared. "My legs hurt," she complained sleepily.
Grissom was right there looking concerned.
"I'll get you some medication," Christine immediately replied. "First time out of bed this is not unexpected."
"Thanks," Sara breathed before yawning and looking at Grissom. "Stop looking so worried it's just the usual pain."
"Once you're back up and running around then I'll stop worrying, okay?"
She smiled, holding out her hand and he took it. "Bit annoyed I woke up," she complained.
"Oh?" His eyes worked a little wondering if she'd overheard his conversation with Christine.
"Hmmm. I was having such a lovely dream."
His head tipped to the side in curiosity. At least it wasn't anything bad. "What about?" he asked and when she wriggled her eyebrows he couldn't help but grin. "Was it good?" he teased.
Her lips pursed with amusement. "It was getting good."
Sadly, Christine interrupted their moment. "Are you okay with tablets?" she asked. "Or, if you need something faster, I can give you an injection."
The IV had come out a few days previous and so far, they were doing okay with oral medication. Injections were available if she needed quicker relief.
"Tablets are fine," Sara answered. "If I need anything stronger I'll let you know."
"I'll sort her out," Grissom said holding out his hand.
Nodding, Christine handed him the pill pot. "Goodnight. Again."
Nodding back, Grissom poured some water and sat next to his wife. "Open," he requested, taking the first pill between finger and thumb.
"I thought you were going to sort me out," Sara challenged.
Throwing her a raised eyebrow, his hand hung in midair. "Damn, that must have been a good dream."
Snorting, Sara stuck out her tongue, waiting for the tablet. Once she'd taken it she kept her eyes on Grissom. "Do you know how long it's been since you sorted me out?"
With a twitch in his lips, he put the water glass down. "3 weeks, 2 days…" He looked at his watch. "…2 hours, 5 minutes and 42 seconds."
Her mouth dropped open. "Wow. I had no idea you were keeping such close tabs."
"I keep tabs after a day, honey, let alone 3 weeks," he said taking her hand.
She laughed but then it faded and she sighed. "You do realize it's probably going to be triple that maybe even longer before we…" She stopped as he squeezed her hand.
"Let's not go there, okay? Relationships aren't always about that."
"Considering your inner timekeeping clock, are you sure?"
Leaning close, he placed a soft kiss on her lips. "We can make up for it when you're better," he reassured once their lips parted.
"That'll be a fun day," she chided. He smiled but she sighed again, running her thumb over his and looking at his hand. "I miss us."
Feeling his gut tighten, he kissed her again. "Me, too," he whispered.
Sara's eyes began to get heavy and she dazedly blinked.
"Sleep," he urged.
"Hmmm," she mumbled, her eyes closing. It wasn't long before she was sleeping again.
"Sweet dreams," Grissom whispered, kissing her on the forehead and watching her sleep for a while before heading off to bed.
A/N: Are things really starting to sink in now? I feel things will only get harder….