Negan, Alexandria
Negan was about to climb over the wall when he heard a tiny little, yet confident voice spoke to him.
"Thought you were smarter than this. Guess not."
Negan stopped climbing. It was Judith in cute pink pajamas, pointing a gun at him. He was busted, but still, he couldn't stop smiling, Judith was so adorable, despite the fact she was pointing her gun at him.
He got down, took off his cap, and convinced Judith, to let him go. She eventually gave in and did so. He promised her he won't hurt anybody. Negan smiled widely, then got back on the wall again to climb over.
"But if I see you again, I'll shoot," said Judith, completely seriously. Negan smiled again.
"Yeah, I would," he glanced at her, then disappeared over the wall.
He tried to climb down, but on the other side there were fewer things to grab, so he jumped off halfway. It hurt his feet and ankle a little, but he shook it off and continued his journey.
He looked around. He was out. He was really out, walking freely outside of Alexandria. The sun was up, it was morning. He walked faster, into the woods, so he wouldn't be spotted from Alexandria's walls. He kept smiling to himself. He was really out, he was walking as a free man.
He tried to shake off the memory of Quinn, but it kept hanging there in his unconscious. He walked faster like he could run away from his feelings.
He didn't have an aim now, so he decided to check on what became of the Sanctuary.
He put the shovel on his shoulder and continued with his journey. He was walking for an hour already when he found an old parking lot. He sat in a ruined car and got out the snack he stole from Alexandria. He started to eat.
He was disturbed by two walkers, he put them out with the shovel. He hasn't seen walkers in a long time, for years, he wasn't used to them anymore. He gasped after he finished them off. He looked around searching for his bag when he realized he accidentally destroyed his food while struggling against the walkers. He rolled his eyes.
Shit… - he thought, he shook his head disapprovingly. Now he had to look for drinkable water before he continues on.
He headed back to the forest, he remembered there was a river somewhere.
What should I do now?... The Sanctuary must be ruined, but I must check it out.
Approximately in an hour, he found the river. He crouched on the riverbank and started to drink. He washed his face too. He let out a huge sigh, then stood up. He knew exactly where the Sanctuary was. He headed there now.
He knew where he was going, but he didn't know the route so well, so he didn't remember…
He emerged from the trees and when he realized where he was, he stopped dead and breathed heavily.
It was the exact same spot where he killed Glenn and Abraham. He recalled that night immediately. It all appeared again in front of his eyes.
He fell onto his knees. He couldn't breathe.
No… It must be karma that I got here. - he thought. He closed his eyes tight.
Everything came back to him in a minute.
I was strolling around in front of Rick and his people. They were so scared. Maggie was ill, in pain, and in fear. Dixon was shot on his shoulder, trembling. I ordered Simon to beat up Eugene, his face was full of bruises and blood. Carl looked at me with such hatred and despise, I can still feel it…
He closed his eyes even tighter, he was on all fours.
He saw it again. How he bashed in Abraham's and Glenn's heads.
I'm gonna be sick…
He was breathing heavily, sweating… then he threw up.
He wasn't sure if it was because the river water was contaminated or because of his memories.
He wiped his mouth and then throw away his shirt, it got vomit on it.
He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He slowly stood up.
I have to live with it. I have to get going. I have to move on - he told himself.
He put one foot after another and left the site, unsteadily.
He took some deep breaths.
After a while, he got back some of his strength, he didn't feel as light-headed anymore. He stopped for a moment, shook his head, and closed his eyes tight. He wiped his face with his hand then continued walking.
He entered an abandoned town and saw a men's wear shop. Night's going to be chilly. - He thought and entered the shop. He saw a sign which said leather goods. He smiled faintly and followed the sign. He found a flashlight and found the leather jackets he was looking for. He put on one and smiled widely, but then a couple of dogs emerged from the other room, they chased him. He got out eventually, locked the dogs inside, and stopped to catch his breath, then continued with his journey.
He got his leather jacket from Lucille… he didn't know where it was. Probably Michonne locked it somewhere. It always felt like Lucille was still with him. He tried to replace his jacket, to replace Lucille. He was desperately trying to fill the holes in his heart, but there were too many of them.
The Sanctuary wasn't that far at that point. He saw a piece of iron pipe on the road. He ditched the shovel and grabbed the iron pipe. It was more comfortable to carry and it reminded him of his baseball bat, Lucille.
He arrived at the Sanctuary. He stopped and looked at the building. It was ruinous.
He put the iron pipe on his shoulder, like he used to do with his baseball bat, and smiled.
"Home sweet home," he growled. He walked past the area where they used to grow crops, it was overgrown. Everything was a mess.
He entered the building, just like he used to. He whistled the familiar tune he used to signal his men. No answer came.
There was no one. He was completely alone.
He never felt so lonely before. Not even in his cell in Alexandria. He was home, but it was a ruin, like a ghost town. He remembered he had a motorcycle hidden somewhere, he went to check it. He managed to find it surrounded by some rats.
Suddenly, he heard a noise at a windowed door. It was a walker. He went closer to check it out.
"Big Ritchie, is that you?" he asked. "Look at you… Loyal to the end."
He smiled sadly. He tried to keep up the role he used to play, but it didn't feel right anymore. Not that it felt right back then, but now it was even more remote from him.
He turned around and walked the place all over again. He sat at the table where he used to hold his meetings. He wasn't a leader anymore. It was just him, alone. It was just a table. Just an empty room. Just a ruinous building.
"Well, shit…" he whispered. He put his elbows on the table and buried his face into his hands. It felt like it was a previous life, like a dream. Or nightmare.
He put down his hands and let out a sigh. He stood up and continued with his strolling. He went downstairs and put furniture in a circle. He sat on a couch. He rested there for a little while. He remembered so many things at the same time. Felt like he was about to have a headache. He was living here like a king, he ruled people, he had followers, he had soldiers, he had servants, he had wives. He had everything except Lucille…
He was distracted by some noise, he glanced at the windowed door and saw Big Ritchie walk away. Maybe there was someone out there? He went to check. It was just a couple of walkers, he put them out. He lured Big Ritchie back to the door so he can see if it gets distracted again. Like a security alarm. He sat back on the couch and looked around one more time. Everything was a mess, a ruin. Just like his life. It was also equally hollow. He was glad it ended. If he met Quinn, when he was the leader here, he wouldn't even notice her. Maybe he would get her to be another wife, but he wouldn't care about her, just like he didn't care about the other wives. He was glad he met Quinn when he was able to listen. When he was able to pay attention. But then, he lost Quinn as well. He shook his head and wiped his eyes.
He grabbed the compass that he wore on his neck. He took it from Judith's room. He turned it around and saw Judith's monogram scratched onto the backside. Negan let out a sigh.
You were right, Judith. There's nothing here for me. Nothing for me anywhere…
He stood up, let in the walker Big Ritchie and bashed its head.
….
Author's notes: Listen to "Boulevard of broken dreams" by Green Day. This song suits Negan's journey so well, I just love it. ❤ Thank You for reading! ❤