Quinn, Hilltop

Another day when I was bored to death. It was almost noon when I finally heard the click of the lock on the door. It was Enid, with a huge smile on her face.

"Hi! I'm so sorry I made you wait for so long, but Alden came back."

"Don't worry, I didn't expect you to show up this early," I said smiling. "Jesus told me last night you got him back."

"Yeah… Sorry. I'll check the wound, wash you and put another infusion on," she said and quickly grabbed fresh gauze, water, and sponge, and an infusion bag. Then she started washing me. "How's your jaw?"

"It's better. Starts to hurt when I talk a lot."

"Then don't talk a lot just yet," she said smiling.

"So Alden's okay? They didn't hurt him?"

"No, he's fine, they just tied his hands, but otherwise, they didn't hurt them. Luke's okay too."

"Right. I haven't met him yet."

"They say he's a nice guy, he used to be a music teacher. I bet they got to be friends with Alden on the spot because he likes to sing."

"Alden can sing? I didn't know that."

"Yeah, he is handsome and a good singer."

"Good catch," I said with an impish smile, Enid giggled.

I bet she was busy during the night, but I thought it was worth a try, so I asked:

"Do you happen to know what Daryl's up to?"

"No, I haven't seen him since the trade."

"He visited me last night, he was really upset. Wish I could do something for him. I couldn't even follow him when he rushed out."

"Yeah, bedridden injuries are really nerve-wracking. In a couple of days, we can start physiotherapy, but we must be slow. One wrong move and the sutures will tear and that would be painful."

"I know…" I sighed. "And when can I at least turn around in bed? I started to go numb."

"On your own, after two weeks. But I can turn you around a little now."

"That would be nice."

"Okay, just don't squeeze your muscles, be completely relaxed," she said and pushed me to my right side, then slowly to the other side. I felt the suture already tighten. Enid moved me back to my original position, on my back.

"That's all. You can't do anything yet, sorry," she said. I nodded.

"Thank you."

"Alright, I put on the infusion, and then I have to go."

"Okay, thanks."

She did so, smiled at me, said goodbye, and left.

I let out a sigh. It was nice to roll around a little in bed. I wished someone would visit me, who had time. Unfortunately, everyone had a job and those who didn't, were busy saving others… Daryl and Jesus I mean…

I remember the past two years, I was looking out for some time alone to think about Negan because Carol kept babysitting me… and now, I have all the time in the world, alone… I have never thought that this moment would come, but… I miss Carol. I miss our girl talks.

Henry hasn't visited me at all. Rude.

I closed my eyes, then opened them and stared at the ceiling.

It reminded me of when I first met Negan and he kept staring at the ceiling, it was really creepy. And he was still handsome… I remembered his brown eyes, his smile…

Just as I was about to dwell on Negan, I heard the door open.

"Hi Quinn!" it was Jesus.

"Hey. What's up?" I was dragged back to reality.

"Err… I don't have good news," he said, walking up next to my bed.

"What happened?" I felt my stomach shrink immediately. What happened to who?

"Well, Henry ran away last night to find the girl, whose name is Lydia by the way, and Daryl went after him with Connie."

I did a facepalm.

"Oh my god…. Why? Poor thing finds his first girl and gets into a situation like this."

"Are you talking about Henry or Daryl?" said Jesus with a huge smile. Right, he doesn't know about Daryl's mysterious girlfriend… I giggled.

"What now Daryl is courting Connie?" I asked giggling.

"Nah, I was just kidding. Tara saw Connie going with Daryl last night to get Henry."

My smile faded away.

"Carol's gonna kill me. If I haven't been so lame, I wouldn't have got injured and I could have kept Henry safe."

"If you haven't been so lame, I would be dead," said Jesus seriously.

"I could have been better."

"Daryl's a bad influence on you."

"What?"

"You're blaming yourself for things that you can't control."

I realized he was right, I felt my face go hot, which meant it went visibly red. He sat next to me on my bed and took my hand.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Daryl will bring him back and both of them are going to be okay."

"I hope so," I said, but I felt my stomach shrink.

Jesus made an expression like he just remembered something and reached into his pocket on his huge coat and pulled out a book.

"I didn't have much time to figure out entertainment for you, so I just picked up a book. Better than nothing," he said.

"Jesus! That's awesome! Thank you!" I grabbed the book excitedly.

"You didn't even see what it was."

"It can be anything as long as I can read something."

"Alright then. And how's your wound?"

I put the book on the nightstand, then looked back at him.

"It's getting better, but it hurts."

Jesus nodded and as he took my hand, he glanced down and saw the scar on my wrist. He frowned his eyebrows, then looked me in the eye.

"You said you didn't want to commit suicide because of Negan… there was more to it. What did you mean? If you don't mind talking about it."

I took a deep breath then let it out slowly.

"I don't know. I hated my life before the apocalypse, then I lived in fear and then I was miserable. I had a crush on Daryl, he rejected me and Carol moved to the Kingdom, I was completely alone in Alexandria. I never talked to anybody, which was my fault, but I always thought everyone is too busy to chat with me. Or be friends with me. I felt like I wasn't good enough. I was depressed my whole life. I volunteered to feed Negan because of all of this in the first place. I didn't mind the danger. And then happened what happened… I got close to Negan, I didn't expect to fall for him. Then Michonne banished me, because Daryl made a scene because Carol asked him to. They wanted to keep me away from Negan, to protect me. And that's it. A lot of rejection and loneliness."

Jesus listened carefully while looking me in the eye the whole time, with concern all over his face. He started to caress the back of my hand.

"I had no idea…" he said in a grave voice. "I thought you were just shy, it never occurred to me that something like this was going on in your head."

"I'm a joke. I didn't have a life before the apocalypse, nor after it. I finally had an aim to go for, which was sneaking out to visit Negan, but now that's not possible, with these masked people out there."

"I understand. I hope you give up on that idea, at least for a while. It wouldn't be safe to go out alone. Maybe your injury came at the right time, to keep you here."

"Yeah, not that I could go anywhere. I can't even sit up yet."

"Just imagine, what would have happened if you haven't injured yourself. You would sneak out and get caught by those skins, like Luke and Alden. Everything has a purpose."

"Now you sounded just like Gabriel."

We both laughed. He continued.

"You might feel like it's taking forever, but you'll heal quickly and you'll be on your feet in no time," he said smiling.

"I never thought you were so nice," I said smiling too, thinking out loud. "I wasn't brave enough to befriend you either."

Jesus giggled.

"I'm a nice guy," he said, still smiling. "But, unfortunately, I have to go. I won't be able to visit you for a while," he let go of my hand and slowly stood up. "Enjoy the book" he pointed at the book on my nightstand.

"Why won't you be able to come? Where are you going?" I asked, I was scared he is going to leave me alone too.

"I'm going to the fair."

"Oh, right… I completely forgot about it. Wish I could go too. Carol was preparing for it for so long and now I can't attend."

He smiled at me sadly.

"I'll bring you a souvenir."

"Thanks," I smiled weakly.

"Okay, then, I'll come again, after the fair."

He said goodbye and left.

I heard the door closing. Jesus had some kind of positive vibe, that people would just feel better when he was around, but when he said he is not coming for a while I felt like someone sucked the life out of me.

I reached for the book and opened it.

I frowned my eyebrows as I was thinking. I hope Henry and Daryl are safe. I closed the book and put it back on the nightstand. I had a bad feeling since the masks' leader showed up. Something's really bad. And I can't get up to help my friends. I'm a sack of potatoes for two months.

If something happens to Henry or Daryl, Carol will break. So will I. And I'll also blame myself for not being able to help them. I clenched my fist in anger and hit it on the bed.

The worse feeling is when your loved ones are in danger and you literally can't do anything for them.

…

Author's note:

Listen to "again&again" by Against the Current. Thank You for reading! ❤