Quinn, Hilltop

I was trying to read the book Jesus brought me, but I couldn't. My thoughts kept wandering away from the story. I was thinking about Henry and Daryl, I still didn't know anything about them. I was also thinking about Carol and Jesus, I was so lonely. And then I was thinking about Negan…

I let out a sigh and wiped my face. The girl who was taking care of me instead of Enid was very shy, she wouldn't say a word to me. It made me think, maybe I was just like her before. Maybe the others thought about me the same way I think about this girl. She was so serious, concentrated very hard every time she came to change the gauze.

Four days passed since I last saw Enid. Jesus left even earlier. I haven't seen Daryl for almost a whole week. I should have been calm and relaxed to heal faster, but I couldn't calm down. It didn't help that I couldn't get up from bed yet, so I couldn't even pace around the room to relieve some of the stress.

Finally, I heard the lock on the door click. Someone came in. I thought it was that girl but turned out to be a very weary Jesus and Daryl. I wanted to jump to my feet to greet them, I was so happy, but I couldn't of course. They came to my bed silently. I knew immediately something has happened.

"What happened? Where's Henry?" I asked in shock, I thought Daryl couldn't bring him back.

"Henry's fine. He is in the Kingdom with his parents and his new girlfriend, Lydia," said Jesus, his voice was hoarse. I was glancing back and forth between the two of them.

"Tell me what happened. Are you two okay?" I asked. They glanced at each other, then Jesus sat on the bed next to mine.

"Enid and Tara died," he said in a grave voice. I gasped for air, I couldn't breathe for a moment. Tears started to pour from my eyes instantly. I saw Jesus tear up too. Daryl turned his face away.

"Wha… what happened?" I asked quietly.

Daryl told me about how they fled from Alpha with Henry, then he got into a fight with Beta, then Jesus told me about the fair, the spikes, Henry's kidnapping, Siddiq's injury.

I listened carefully, breathing heavily, tears pouring down my cheeks. I didn't even know which event I should react to, so many things happened.

"So… Carol and Ezekiel now guarding Henry and Lydia?" I asked quietly, summarising.

"Yes," nodded Jesus. I looked at the two of them again.

"Are you sure you two are alright? Daryl, what happened with Beta? Did you got injured? Jesus, what happened with the skins?" I asked them worried glancing back and forth between the two of them. Daryl shook his head, shrugged his shoulder. I turned to Jesus, he shook his head too.

"I think we're both fine. Physically," he added. I nodded understandingly. I held out my right hand towards Jesus and he took it. Daryl was pacing in front of my bed.

"What… what is going to happen to me?" I asked quietly. I didn't mean to be selfish, but without Enid… how am I going to recover?

"We are taking turns with Daryl to help you. Enid told me a little about physiotherapy and I know about it since I learned martial arts, so… I think you'll be fine with us. We are also capable of changing gauze."

I nodded silently. I glanced at Daryl, he seemed very troubled. Jesus was just sad and grieving.

"I have to go and check on things. I also have to say a few words to Hilltop residents," Jesus sighed, while he slowly stood up and let go of my hand. I nodded. He turned around and left. Daryl stayed where he was.

"Come and sit," I told him. He was hesitating for a moment, but then he sat on the bed next to mine. I held out my right hand towards him too, and he took it. I squeezed it gently.

"You look troubled. What's going on? Is there something you didn't tell me?" I asked him carefully. He looked me in the eye, shrugged his shoulder. Then I got it.

"You would rather be with Carol, to guard her and Henry," I said, I let go of his hand. I realized I am the trouble.

"It's not that," he murmured, but I couldn't believe him.

"Yes, that's it. Isn't there someone in Hilltop who could help me? A nice old lady or anyone? I don't want to keep you here if you would rather be in the Kingdom. I understand."

He shook his head.

"No. Carol can take care of herself. And she can protect her son. You need me here."

"No, Daryl, I can't ask you to…"

"You don't have to. I already decided."

"No. You have to go to Carol."

"She is with Ezekiel, she doesn't need me!" he raised his voice a little. I was speechless for a moment, he never raised his voice with me before. Daryl stood up and started pacing again. Something must have happened, maybe he saw Carol and Ezekiel together at the fair and it made him jealous or something. I let out a sigh slowly.

"Okay, fine. You can take care of me if that helps you in any way," I told him. I thought he was still blaming himself for my injury, that's why he wanted to help me. My tears were still pouring silently.

Enid… She was so nice to me. And Tara…

I wiped away my tears once again.

Daryl stopped pacing and turned to me.

"What should I do?" he murmured. First, I didn't understand the question, but he was trying to ask what Enid was doing here with me… I gulped.

"Err… First, she washed me, then changed gauze and put on a new infusion," when I realized what I just said, I quickly added: "I would rather like Jesus to do this. I don't want you to wash me."

I could see he was embarrassed too, he nodded with red cheeks.

"Okay, I'll call Jesus to wash you," he said and hurried outside.

I exhaled sharply. There was nothing I wanted less right now than Daryl to see me naked. But then I realized what that means… Jesus's gonna see me naked…

I felt my face go hot, which meant I was red. Don't worry, he is attracted to men… It's not going to be sexual at all… I was trying to calm myself, but for fuck's sake, he was a man! I felt like a shy little girl. I didn't want to be selfish, I just couldn't help to feel embarrassed. I heard the door open. I saw Jesus. My face was still red, so I tried to change the subject immediately.

"Did you deliver the speech?"

"Yes. It wasn't a merry one," he said gloomily. He took off his huge coat, throw it on the bed next to mine, then rolled up his sleeves.

"Are you really going to wash me?" I asked, I felt my face go even redder. He glanced at me, while he tied up his hair.

"Are you uncomfortable with that?" he asked.

"Well… yes. A little," I said nervously.

"You know that I'm attracted to men, right?" he said with a slight smile.

"I know, but… you ARE a man!" I said with red cheeks. "You know what, I can do it myself, to my private parts, then you can help me out with my legs, arms, and my back, okay?"

"If you are sure, fine by me," he said and went to the other room to look for water and a sponge. Shortly he came back.

"Okay, so, I'll turn around, I guess," he said awkwardly and did so. I quickly lifted my nightgown and washed. I felt the sutures tighten, I was careful. When I finished, I put the sponge back into the water.

"You can turn around," I told him. He did so and stepped closer, grabbed the sponge. I was looking at his face while he washed my arms.

"I can't even imagine how you must be feeling," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry about Tara and Enid," I whispered, my voice was shaky. He nodded.

"Thank you…" after a little silence he continued. "You know… I went to the fair to keep an eye out for the skins. I was sitting on a tree for two days and I didn't see a damn thing. They must have taken them at the same time and I only realized Henry was being kidnapped. I don't know… I should have interrogated those skins, but… I didn't know what to do. I wanted to take the kid back to his parents."

"You did the right thing. There was nothing more you could do. Don't be like Daryl. Don't blame yourself," I told him. Jesus glanced at me, then turned me on my left side carefully, to wash my back.

"I don't know… I just… This keeps happening. Negan, then Alpha… will it ever end?" he asked.

My heart skipped a beat when he mentioned Negan… we were feeling the same fear and losses because of Negan…

I closed my eyes and slowly exhaled.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to…" he said quietly.

"No problem. You are completely right."

He turned me back on my back and looked me in the eye.

"This is going to be a very hard phase again. We got too soft after defeating Negan. We have to prepare. Both emotionally and physically."

I nodded in agreement.

"I hope nothing happens for two months because I want to help. I have to get back on my feet."

"You can help us by talking, too. I feel better after talking with you."

"I'm glad you feel that way," I smiled at him slightly.

He took the water and sponge to the other room, then came back to me and held my hand.

"We are going to get through this, just like we did with Negan."

I nodded. He continued.

"I have to go. Duty calls. Daryl's going to visit later to change the gauze.

I nodded, he said goodbye, and left. I exhaled sharply. I couldn't believe what they told me. The room fell completely silent. I was listening to my own heartbeat.

Tara and Enid died.

I didn't know the rest of them, but it's still terrifying…

And Henry almost got taken.

Siddiq beaten.

I closed my eyes tight, exhaled sharply, and let out all the sobbing.

I got Jesus and Daryl back, but I lost Enid and Tara… I was so sad and angry… I have to get better, to help my friends, they need me. I couldn't sleep that night.

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Bury a friend" by Billie Eilish. Thank You for reading! ❤