Quinn, Hilltop

Two months later

I was standing on the meadow facing Jesus, several meters between us. He nodded and we started to walk in a hurry towards each other. He tried to hit me with his fist, but I successfully dodged and kicked his calf from behind. He turned around quickly and tried again, and I dodged again. I couldn't help but smile.

"You are really fast," he said breathing heavily. "We have been practicing only for two weeks, what the hell?"

"Thank you," I laughed.

"Now let's see if you can attack," he said while straightening up. I calmed my breathing, then I started to run towards him. I jumped on his thigh, kicking myself upwards, while I grabbed his neck and pulled him to the ground. We both fell, but I arrived in a half-kneeling, half crouching position while he was on his back completely.

"Wow," he said chuckling as he gathered himself. "I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, Jesus. You're a good teacher."

"You are learning fast".

We both smiled. I took his hand and pulled him up from the ground.

"I'm really determined."

"I can see that. How's your stomach?" he asked.

"Hurts a little, but tolerable."

"Okay, don't push it just yet. We should head back to Hilltop anyway. Kingdom residents might arrive in any minute."

I nodded. We headed back towards the gate.

I felt sorry for the Kingdom's fate, but I was also excited to meet everyone again.

Not long after we got back, the gate opened, with Ezekiel leading his people. I was searching for Carol and Daryl with my eyes.

I saw Henry and Lydia walking hand in hand. I wish I could see Carol and Daryl in the same way. Soon, I found them, but unfortunately, they weren't holding hands. I hurried towards them and I hugged Carol.

"It's been a while again," I smiled at her.

"Yeah," she smiled back at me.

"I'm sorry about the Kingdom."

"Me too."

She seemed strange. Something was off. I hugged Daryl as well.

"Hi," I said. Daryl just nodded.

I turned back to Carol.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Let's talk inside, shall we? I'm freezing," she said. I nodded and led them to the hall. Henry and Lydia followed us in silence. I waited for them to settle down a little. In the meantime, I greeted Henry too.

"This is Lydia, I don't think you met yet," he introduced us.

"Nice to meet you, Lydia, I'm Quinn. We actually met, I was there when she was captured, but we never talked to each other."

"I haven't seen you at Hilltop back then," she said.

"Yes, I was locked in the infirmary. But now I'm okay, completely healed."

"I'm sorry, I didn't visit you back then, but… I was busy," said Henry glancing at Lydia.

"Yeah, I get it. Don't worry. Go sit by the fire," I smiled at them, patted Henry's shoulder, then I started to look for Carol. I saw her going somewhere with Ezekiel. I didn't want to interrupt them, so I sat down in a corner. Daryl approached me.

"Good to see you back to your old self," he said with a faint smile. Carol cheered him up, it was pretty obvious. He always talked more and smiled more, when he got to be around Carol. I'm glad he could help them. I smiled too.

"It's so good to walk freely again. How are you?"

"I'm fine," he shrugged his shoulder and sat next to me.

"So what's the plan?"

"We're going to Alexandria tomorrow morning."

I frowned my eyebrows, he said "we".

"What? I mean, I know you divide people between Hilltop and Alexandria, but you and Carol are going to Alexandria too?"

"Yes. Henry decided to come with us."

I was speechless.

"Are you going to leave me here all alone again?" I snapped at him. He seemed surprised like he woke up from a dream.

"You can't come to Alexandria," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and unfortunately, it was.

"But… I thought Carol would stay."

Just as I said it, Carol appeared in front of me.

"What's going on?" she asked. She seemed even gloomier.

"I thought you were going to stay here. Daryl said you're going to Alexandria. You're leaving me?" I asked disappointed.

"You can't come to Alexandria, you are banished. The council has to vote first to let you back, and they have bigger problems right now," said Carol with slight aggression in her voice.

"You will be there, all of you… those I care about, all will be in Alexandria. You and you…" I pointed at Carol and Daryl. "…and Henry and Eugene and… Negan…"

Daryl flinched as I said Negan's name. Carol looked guilty.

"I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about your banishment when we decided…" said Carol embarrassed, now a little bit calmer.

"I don't blame you… the Kingdom just fell and you… whatever," I wanted to mention Ezekiel, but I didn't want, in front of Daryl. "So what now?"

"We can't bring you, I'm sorry," said Daryl.

I shook my head, I was really frustrated. Daryl escaped quickly though, he used the first silent minute to run away.

"I'm gonna check on the kids," he said and headed to Henry and Lydia.

I stared at his back, then I looked Carol in the eye.

"Are you really doing this to me?"

"You will be safe here. And Hilltop needs fighters."

"They got Jesus and you brought fighters from the Kingdom as well," Carol was staring at the ground, I was suspicious.

"What? Carol, look at me!"

She slowly looked me in the eye.

"Jesus is going to Alexandria too. Ezekiel's going to lead Hilltop from now on. They already agreed," she stated.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I yelled at her. Everyone in the room stared at me. I saw Jesus hurry towards us.

"What's wrong, Quinn?" he asked.

"When were you going to tell me?!" I snapped at him.

"Let's discuss it upstairs, okay?" he said quietly, glanced around then the three of us headed upstairs.

"So?" I asked as I faced them.

"I wanted to tell you and I wanted to ask you to come, but I just remembered that you were banished from Alexandria and I couldn't bring myself to tell you, that I'm leaving," said Jesus, sadness, and helplessness in his eyes.

I exhaled furiously.

"I'm going to explode… You all knew that I want to go back to Negan and yet… but at the same time, I can't blame any of you, because you were all busy and a lot of people relied on you, so I wasn't your problem… I'm just gonna go and kill something." I said and headed outside. They wanted to say something, but both of them stayed silent. I ran downstairs. I saw Michonne deep in conversation with Ezekiel, so I didn't want to confront her now. Or ever…

I grabbed my knives and headed out to find some walkers. Daryl touched my shoulder and stopped me.

"Where're you goin'?" he growled.

"To kill something."

"Look, I'm sorry. Carol said she won't stop you from being with Negan… He seems to be changing… I don't think so. I don't trust him at all. I would be glad if you stayed here," when he saw how mad I was, he continued. "But I guess it's not up to me anymore…" he sighed.

"Yeah, well, I just waited for three years, almost four. And it was never up to you…" I pressed the word "never", so he would feel the weight of what he did when he separated me from Negan. I was grateful to Daryl for saving me and helping me, but still, he shouldn't have interfered with Negan and me…

Daryl had a strange, guilty look on his face, but he didn't say anything for a while, then he continued:

"I'm gonna ask Michonne. I'm sure they'll vote for you and I'm gonna come back and take you to Alexandria. Okay?"

"No. You are busy enough, it's not your problem to deal with my personal life. Just… take care of yourself and Carol and the kids."

He examined my face for a moment, then nodded. "Alright," he put his hand back on my shoulder and squeezed it a little. I exhaled furiously again, put my hands on my hips.

"Why did you change your mind? About Negan? You just said you hate him, why would you make a vote about my banishment?"

"Judith is convinced that he has changed. And he really didn't make trouble when he got out."

"What are you talking about? Negan got out of the cell?" I snapped at him. Clearly, he wasn't aware that I didn't know about this.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"When did that happen?"

"When we went out to get Eugene. When you got injured."

I felt like I was punched in the stomach. I gasped for air. I was out and he was out, we could have met…

It was hard to breathe.

"Are you alright?" Daryl asked.

"I'm fine!" I yelled at him. I took a deep breath, then let it out. I shook his hand off my shoulder. It felt like the whole world was standing between me and Negan. Felt like I hated everyone and everything. "I want to be alone," I said and left him there.

I walked away, then I started to run. I felt warm tears on my cold skin. I wanted to run into the woods to kill some walkers, but before I reached the gates, I remembered the whisperers. I exhaled furiously, then I hid behind a building and sat down. The snow was falling slowly, without a sound. The only sound was my sobbing.

I couldn't expect them to consider me when they made those decisions… They had enough problems already, the whisperers, the fall of the Kingdom… I understand I wasn't their first thought when they arranged everything. I wasn't a priority, the citizens, people's safety was the priority. And survival.

Not to mention if I got the chance to live with Negan, I would leave Jesus here, too.

I can't blame any of them for making their decisions, yet I was so angry, I could explode. I wasn't mad at them… I was mad at the situation, I was mad at the fact of how lonely I will be.

Carol, Daryl, and Jesus are going to leave me here. Everyone I care about will be at Alexandria. Even Eugene and Negan…

Negan…

He was out… even outside of Alexandria… I could have met him…

It felt like I could cry forever at that point.

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Haunted" by Taylor Swift.

Thank You for reading! ❤