After a few months running errands for a pissed off Church and crossing paths with Sandra, who told Amelia all about the heroic American man that helped her save her country and his friends, she decided she was tired of the tropics. She pulled off the kill easily, and took the ring finger of his right hand to toss at Church so he would be satisfied. He was pleased- though, of course, he was also angry that she had chosen such a disgusting way of telling him. None of that mattered though. She fell onto her couch in her apartment for the first time in nearly a year and tried to breathe in any semblance of normalcy. It didn't come like she expected it would. What did come were nightmares, since she was finally able to sneak to sleep without the threat of a mission going south. She couldn't sleep without a few shots of whatever she had laying around to drown out the cries of those women.

She was sitting on her bike outside of Tool's shop. She saw that everybody else was gathered there, probably shooting the shit and drinking. She waited for a long time before she built up the courage to get off the bike and approach the building, grasping at one last chance of going back to how things were before she ever left. She shuddered a little in the breeze and pushed open the door. A little chime went off. A few people shuffled in the back.

"We're closed," Tool called from around the corner, laughing with the guys. The sound of them all together was like music to her ears. She'd thought about this moment for a long time- what she would say to them all, if she would start working with them again, if anything had changed. She drew in a deep breath and rounded the corner, crossing her arms timidly and looking over the lot of them sitting around a table playing poker with cigars and pretzels.

"Even for me?" She asked, light as air, shrugging up her shoulders. Barney looked up at her and did a double take, his mouth falling open a little when he realized who it was. She wondered if she looked as different on the outside as she felt on the inside.

Tool looked up next and smiled. He held out his hands and laughed as he stood. "Well, look who it is!" He said, hurrying around the table, arms still stretched out to the sides. "I thought maybe you'd gone and run away on us." He pulled her into a warm hug, rocking her slightly back and forth and she tried to laugh and hug him back. He smelled like tobacco and sweat and grease. Kind of off-putting. Kind of like home.

He pulled away and looked back at all the guys, pulling her forward a bit, "ain't anyone else excited?"

They were all looking at her like they had just seen a ghost. Considering how long it had been since she left, and how long they had expected her to be gone, she figured that was more than fair. She wondered for a second if they dismissed her as dead or missing, and felt a ping of hurt at the thought of them not going after her if that's what they thought.

Barney stood and shook his head and looked her up and down. He took her by the shoulders and looked over her face, swallowing as he took her in.

"Look at you," he said finally, pulling her into a tight hug. She closed her eyes as she fell against his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of his cigars and expensive musky cologne. He pulled back and looked at her again, "what's it been, a year?"

She nodded, trying to crack a smile even though her heart was still heavy. Toll, Caesar, and Gunner all stood, hurrying over to her and taking turns pulling her into their chests. Gunner placed a kiss to the top of her head and held her for a long minute.

"You've been gone a long time," he said into her hair. "You look different."

She pulled back and looked up at him, towering over her. She knew he understood. He'd been there too. The job had gotten to him in ways he didn't think it could. She'd heard a little bit about his episode from Church, but decided to take everything he said with a grain of salt.

"I've been busy," she said eventually, hoping he'd be content with that answer. He let out a breath. Did she really look that different? Was it that bad?

From the way the guys were trying hard to avoid looking her up and down, she figured she must've changed a lot. She carried herself differently. She was much more toned, her weight distributed differently after months of just making it by. Not to mention a couple scars that had popped up, and maybe the lack of a twinkle in her eye.

"Hey," Lee said, scanning her body with furrowed brows as Gunner moved out of the way. She felt a ping of anger when she saw him, only because he had been her scapegoat for so long. "You look good," he said, lowering his voice.

She raised her eyebrows at him and he sighed and pulled her into a tight, relieved hug. She sunk into him, if only for a second, and felt her heart flutter in her chest. He pulled away much more quickly than the others had, looking her over again and taking a step back. He had always teased her about her childish crush on him, but looking at her then, even though it had only been a year- he suddenly felt very stupid for ever making fun of her at all. She carried herself like a killer, her shoulders pushed back and eyes twitching around the room. He noticed her muscles, much more prominent than what he remembered, and the crisp tan of her skin, which left little freckles in places he didn't feel right looking at, though he found he couldn't help himself. Something stirred within him, something he had toyed with before she left but shoved aside because of his frustration with her happy-go-lucky-go-get-'em attitude. He didn't have to look far to know that attitude had faded away and was replaced by something much more sinister and pessimistic. It made her face looked hardened, a bit cold. Her eyes were set and she studied him differently than she did a year ago- not all sneaky glances when she thought nobody was looking, or pink cheeks when he'd chuckle in her direction. She looked him up and down, sizing him up like he was her prey and she was just starving. If he was meeting her for the first time right then, maybe he'd buy her a drink. Maybe he'd do more than that, he thought for a second, eyes drifting over the droop of her skin under her cheekbones. Maybe, if he weren't so distracted with trying to fix a broken relationship, he'd lift her right up and steal her away. He was embarrassed at his own thoughts and worried that his eyes would betray him.

"What's the matter boys?" She teased half-heartedly, looking around the room. "It looks like you've seen a ghost or something."

Caesar laughed suddenly and that seemed to lighten the mood.

After a few minutes Tool passed around a fresh round of beers and gave Amelia a pat on the back and smiled down at her, the only one unaffected by the changes in her demeanor. He noticed it, certainly, but had spent enough of his own life with that pitch-black look in his eye to think anything of it. Maybe he had taken her optimism for granted before she left, but he couldn't let himself believe it was really gone.

"To Amelia," he said, lifting his bottle and looking down at her again, "for coming home."

"For coming home," they all said, lifting their bottles and taking a long sip. She did the same, glad to drink and loosen up. The beer wouldn't have much of a hold over her, but just having the bottle in her hand felt better than sobriety.

Lee pulled out a blade and held it out for her, raising an eyebrow. "Care to show us what you learned while you were away?"

She looked him up and down and raised an eyebrow, snatching the blade from his hand and walking away from the dart board. Her fingers grazed his, and for the first time, he noticed more than she did. They watched her, smiles playing on their faces, all except for Barney, who seemed confused and uncertain. After a few more steps she drew in a breath and turned, breathing out as the knife went flying right into the bullseye. It was something she hadn't been terribly good at before, but Lee offered her an impressed frown and held up a hand for a high five.

"Not a kid anymore, huh?" He teased.

"Nah," Gunner said, pulling her into his side. "This here's a woman, Christmas."

She felt her face start to burn and she turned to look up at Gunner. He shrugged and laughed.

"You guys realize I was only gone for a year, right? It's not like the last time you saw me I was some prepubescent-"

"Sh," Gunner said, squeezing his arm tighter around her and swaying to the faint music playing. "Come on. May I have this dance?" He slurred his words into a mock British accent and held out a pretentious hand for her to take.

She laughed, letting Gunner guide her to the middle of the room and twirl her around a bit, drunkenly giggling as he did. Lee leaned back and watched her, still thinking over how she had changed. It wasn't an obvious change, but it affected her whole energy. The room vibrated differently. Barney leaned next to him and sighed.

"It's good she's back," Lee said, not bothering to look at Barney.

"Yeah," Barney grunted. "It was only supposed to be a couple months."

"What, you thought she was MIA or something?"

"Nah," Barney said, watching as she helped Gunner keep his balance. "I don't know what it is. Something happened on that OP and they wouldn't tell me. I was definitely not expecting to see her anytime soon. Maybe not for a long, long time. It was a gut feeling."

Lee hummed, sipping his beer.

"My gut feelings are never wrong, Lee."

"Usually," he said, finally looking over at the man. "You could always try asking her what happened."

Barney watched as Lee made his way over to her and Gunner and knocking him a bit on the chest before taking Amelia's hand in his. He put one of her hands on his shoulder and held onto the other one, rocking her dramatically back and forth to the music with a smile. Her cheeks were red, but her eyes were dark and cold. Barney didn't like it at all. He looked down at his phone and hovered over Church's number for a second before he sighed and put it away. He had a certain distaste in his mouth, mostly for Lee's newfound excitement over her. That, and she just looked so goddamned aged and defeated. For all of those reasons, Barney felt like her father was going to have his head on a platter.

—-

It did not take long for Dusty to take out some guards and hurry in, catching sight of that damned man just ahead of her. She ducked away from the spray of some bullets, not hesitating when they loudly ricocheted off the cold wall behind her. She pulled out her handgun and aimed, hitting a pole just above his head as he hurried along.

"Fucking coward!" She shrieked, tossing her gun into her offhand and palming a blade. She tore through whoever got in her way, not paying any mind to the bloody mess she was making. Fuck those guys, she thought. Fuck them all.

All she saw was red. The memories of that year, of those women, all tinted red. His stupid, smirking face grinning at her, raising his eyebrows as he peaked down her shirt: red. Disgust rose in her throat and she yelled, throwing the blade as hard as she could and landing it just over his shoulder at the door he was about to reach for. He paused, lifting his arms and turning to watch her approach.

"Ah," he said, looking her up and down, "beautiful, like it was yesterday I saw you last."

"Don't you fucking say a word to me," she said, spit flying from her mouth as she pulled out another, bigger knife and held it to his throat, his pulse bouncing against the sharpened edge.

She was flashing between here and there. One second she had the upper hand and were about to kill him, the next second she was undercover and letting him run his hands over her.

"Too good to sell," he said, and she couldn't tell if it had been him or the memory. She blinked hard, trying to shake herself back to reality.

"Dorogaya," he said, shrugging slightly and turning his hands in the air with a frown, "why so angry, huh? Curiosity killed the cat, did it not? Are you still bitter about that, kitten? I will tell you, I am bitter that you played me so hard."

She dropped the blade and scowled, clenching her fists around his shirt and pulling him from against the door. She threw him towards the metallic staircase she had sprinted up not long ago and without letting go, they both tumbled down, grunting and groaning on the way.

"I told you not to fucking talk to me," she hissed, straddling him, closing her hands around his neck. "How does it feel to be the bitch, huh?" Spit and blood pooled on her chin. He looked up at her, almost laughing. He wasn't in control anymore. Why was he still laughing?

She lifted him by the neck and slammed his head down into the hard ground, tears burning and flowing from her eyes. She couldn't tell what was real or not anymore. She could hear shouts and gunshots, but if they were next to her or in her head, she had no idea. Sitting on top of him, she didn't know if she was killing him or appeasing him. Her reality was critically warped between past and present, and she squeezed harder, screaming out, trying to ground herself in something.

"Oh, I got her, I got her!" Gunner yelled as he broke through a locked door. She didn't hear or see him.

He went to take her by the shoulders but she screamed and reached for another throwing blade, slicing it across his arm. Blood poured from the wound and he stumbled back, covering it with his hand and squinting down at her. She held the knife tight in her fist, half of the blade pressing into her palm. She didn't care. She punched the man below her over and over again, his blood and her own mixing together in a sick mess on the ground. The image of those women helpless beneath her as she hung from the ceiling flashing before her, his blood becoming theirs and vice versa.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She hollered, pulling her fist back and sliding the blade from where it was stuck in her palm. She plunged it into his chest over and over again, crying.

"Amelia, come on," Gunner tried, approaching her carefully. "That's it, it's over. We gotta go." He was being soft, careful, uncertain. He didn't recognize the animal in front of him.

She snapped her handgun back out and aimed it up at him, her eyes darting around hectically. Gunner held up his hands and flinched away.

"I said don't touch me!" She yelled, her words echoing around her. She hit herself on the side of the head a few times, trying to straighten herself out. Real or not real. Real or not real.

"I won't," Gunner tried, desperate. "Please, babe. It's me. It's Gunner."

She covered her ears and cried out, looking down at the mess in front of her. When she focused on his face, she saw one of the women from that room, motionless and cold. She screamed, fumbling away from him and tightening her grip on her gun. She held it out weakly, the world spinning around her. Had you done that? It wasn't her. It couldn't be her.

"Put it down, please," Gunner tried again, stepping ever so slightly closer. "You're with me. It's Gunner. The guys are coming, alright? Lee- Lee is coming."

The sound of Lee's name sent an anger through her that she hadn't felt in a long time.

"Don't come any closer," she growled, her head ringing. She could've sworn she saw the man's body twitch and she aimed down and sent a few shots into him, cringing away from the sound. Gunner looked defeated as he watched her lose herself like that. He could recognize PTSD- hell, that was something that had lead him to using- but he didn't know how to stop it. He felt helpless.

Lee and Barney galloped in and froze at the scene before them. There were bodies everywhere, and there she was holding a gun in a trembling hand towards Gunner, whose arm was bleeding as he held it up in surrender.

"What-" Barney tried, but she jumped at the sound of his voice and sent out a shot, the bullet just narrowly missing Gunner's foot. He jumped, shooting a harsh look over at Barney.

"Don't come any fucking closer!" She screamed, and instead of seeing Gunner and Barney and Lee, she saw the henchmen that dragged those women's bodies out from under her. "I'll fucking kill you! The same way you killed them! I'll-"

"Amelia," Lee tried, his heart sinking. He didn't recognize her like that. She was a shadow of a person, standing like a cornered animal ready to pounce. "Please, it's okay now. Please. It's me."

She turned the gun in his direction, though her aim was off entirely. She was shaking too hard to hit anything, but still she recognized his voice.

"What're you-" she tried, but the pain from throwing herself down the metal staircase hit her and she doubled over, groaning in pain. She still held the gun up, the world a spinning mess around her.

"Let us take you home," Lee tried, desperately looking over at Barney.

"This is your fucking fault," she said, her voice cracking as more blood and spit dripped from her chin, "I left because of you!"

Lee held his breath, unsure of who she was talking to.

"Couldn't trust me!" She yelled, the scream breaking midair, her throat sore and scratched. "Not ready, too young, can't trust me! I left because I couldn't fucking stand you!"

Lee had no doubt in his mind who she was talking about now. He felt his face grow pale and his heart skip a beat, his hands hanging at his sides. All the same, he still couldn't recognize her standing there, that darkened look on her face.

"Come on, babe," Gunner tried again. "It's Gunner. You know me, right?"

She hesitated, glancing over to Gunner, and for a split second the real world weighed down on her. He was standing there, nursing his bloody arm, raising his eyebrows in her direction.

"Let's go home," he said, glancing anxiously towards Lee, who watched him sadly. "Get some good sleep."

She trembled, sinking against the wall, her gun still drawn. Nothing felt real. If she had to explain it, she'd say she was floating above it all, watching it happen like it was some twisted movie. There was nothing concrete to hold onto.

Barney took a few tentative steps towards her, arms outstretched, "come on, kid. It's time to go. To go back to Tool's, right? You know Tool. New Orleans. Home."

She was hardly breathing. The only solid thing she could feel was the gun pressed to her palm. When she closed her eyes, she saw those bodies being dragged and all the other women she had sat idly by and watched get sent away forever. When she opened her eyes, their ghosts hung around her with lifeless eyes. The men in front of her flickered between friends and foes, and she just did not know what was real.

Barney looked between Gunner and Lee. He knew he had to get the weapons away from her, for everybody else's safety, but also (and mostly) for her own. He saw the way her finger trembled on the trigger. He thought back to the story Tool had once told him of the woman he'd neglected to save from jumping to her own death, and he shuddered.

"You know who I am?" Barney tried again, stepping closer still. She twitched, reaching back for an arrow and holding it in her shaking fist, ready to claw her way out if she had to.

"Don't come any closer. I'm warning you," she said weakly, leaning back against the wall. "Not another move."

Barney took another step and she raised the handgun, squeezing down on the trigger just as a shot rang out and knocked it from her hand. She pulled her hand back and looked around, frantic, the world spinning a million miles an hour all of a sudden. Sweat was beading up on her forehead, dripping down her cheeks and hairline.

Barney made a beeline for her as she stumbled to try and run, and Gunner joined him as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back.

"It's me! It's Barney- it's Barney-" He tried.

"Let me go!" She shrieked, and the sound made all three of them hesitate. She sounded like an animal caught in a trap, caged up and facing slaughter. A squealing pig, maybe. She squirmed and cried against Barney, fingering her vest for another gun or knife or anything she could get her hands on. Barney pushed her over to Gunner and he held her, much larger and heavier than she was. She struggled less against him, his chest harder and heavier than Barney's. Lee watched on, confused.

"Barney, what-" he tried.

"Not now, Lee," Barney snapped, pulling out a zip-tie and fastening it around her wrists. "We gotta go. Get her shit."

She struggled still, crying as Gunner lifted her over his shoulder and started after Barney. She squeezed her eyes shut, and the smell of Gunner's vodka and cologne seeped into her nose. She sighed, trembling, as they brought her back to the plane.

Barney went in first and told them all to keep their mouths shut and get the damn plane in the air. Lee glided through the narrow aisle and took Barney's seat in the cockpit, entirely too disturbed by what he had just seen and heard to do anything else. Gunner brought her onto the plane, chest heaving and arms tied behind her back, and placed her gently down on the floor where he had once been tied up too. She looked exhausted, her face sunken and grey. She eyed the flask on his hip, and he noticed, but figured he should wait till they were all in the air before he thought about giving her anything.

Barney knelt in front of her and looked her over with a sigh.

"Any of this blood yours, kid?" He asked.

Her eyes drifted up to his, still vague and distant, but beginning coming back down to earth.

"Probably not, right?" He said, shaking his head. "Why didn't you listen? I said to stay outside."

"He should've been dead," she said desperately, focusing incredibly hard on staying as present as she could.

"Whys that?" Barney asked. He didn't know all the details, only what he had managed to squeeze from Church and had heard in her stories.

"I killed him," she said, no shadow of a doubt in her voice. "I killed him. He killed them. He was gonna kill me, too. Or- no... no, he wasn't gonna kill me, Barney."

Barney studied her, confused. "What do you mean, kid?"

"He was gonna sell me," she said, finding his eyes again. "But he might have killed me."

Barney swallowed and felt the sudden urge to a punch a hole through the wall of his plane. He resisted, drawing in a deep breath. "He's dead now."

"How can you be sure?" She asked, rattled. "These people, you think they're dead, but then they rise from the dead and-"

Barney put a hand on her shoulder as he watched her panic set in. She flinched away for a second, but he insisted, and slowly she calmed down.

"You are safe," he said emphatically.

She blinked, exhausted, and looked around. Gunner was behind Barney, still holding his bloody arm, looking down at her with those big, sad, dumb eyes. Toll and Caesar sat just behind him, looking on with strained expressions. She felt more tears seep from her eyes.

"Barney?" She asked, looking back to him.

"Right here," he said, giving her a squeeze. "You're tied up for your own good, okay? Why don't you try and sleep."

She nodded, sinking down uncomfortably and trying to center herself. She had never had such an extreme bout of PTSD, and she was suddenly hurt and embarrassed. Gunner looked down at her once more before he walked away, muttering to the other guys about cleaning up his arm. The heavy weight of guilt pressed onto her chest, and finally she fell asleep.

Barney nudged Lee out of his seat and Lee moved over to his usual copilot chair. He looked forward, replaying the scene in his mind. He thought about what Tool had said to him, about not getting anyone killed, and he wondered if he'd be able to do that. He figured it wouldn't be a problem, but seeing you there, lost in your own headspace, twitching and crying and yelling, he felt weak for the first time in his life. Truly weak, helpless.

"Earth to Christmas," Barney said, raising his eyebrows at him. He'd been trying to talk to him since he sat down.

"Yeah?" Lee asked, sinking into his chair and sparing him a glance.

"It's just the life. It's what it does," Barney said.

"First Gunner, now-" Lee cleared his throat and turned his attention to his lap. "What are we supposed to do?"

Barney knew he meant to ask "what am I supposed to do," so he just sat back and checked the controls as the plane leveled out in the air. He didn't have all the answers, but he didn't want to not offer up anything to his friend.

"Be there for her," he said with a sigh. "Keep her safe until it passes."

"That was a blood bath," Lee said suddenly, "and what she said-"

"Wasn't her," Barney added, looking over at Lee whose face was twisted and sad. "It wasn't her. It was adrenaline. Fight or flight. It wasn't our kid."

"What happened that year?" Lee asked. "Between what she said in that barn, and today..." His voice faded and some dark images flashed in his mind. He tried to shake them away, but they were sticky and quick.

"I don't know all the details," Barney said. "I only have bits and pieces. The whole thing was supposed to be two months, max. One thing lead to another, and the situation got a lot more serious, so she stayed. She got mixed up with them, and they were... bad people."

Lee bit his lip. He felt a sudden wave of anger wash over him towards Barney for ever letting her go, but he knew it was unfair and irrational.

"She came back to us though. She came home. She got out, and they took down most of the crew. She did good, Lee."

Lee scoffed a little, looking at his hands. She may have done good by other people, but what about by herself? She was tied up in the back of the plane, knocked out against the cold metal floor. He turned his attention back to flying the plane, sighing into his seat, defeated.

—-

She was stirring in her uneasy sleep. The guys were quiet, glancing sadly in her direction, Caesar and Toll filled in by what Gunner explained he'd seen.

Gunner sat closest to her, watching her writhe against some nightmare or other. He thought about when she was younger, before she had left them, when he would dance around with her, sometimes a little drunk or high, and how she would laugh at his slurred jokes and hold him up. He looked down at the flask on his hip and sighed. Since the episode he had in the warehouse with Yin and Barney, he'd been doing his best to lay off the drugs. He remembered Amelia trying to talk to him about it once, but he had gotten angry and irrational. Said she wouldn't understand.

He was sad now, because he knew that she did understand. After that year away, she understood why he did what he did. He was angry, because all he wanted to do was keep his family safe. She was his family.

After a few more minutes of watching her twitch and whisper to herself, he stood up and sunk down next to her with a sigh. Caesar and Toll glanced in his direction.

"Hey," he said, giving her a little shove, "wake up."

She stirred, her lower lip quivering as she faded in and out of consciousness.

"Wakey wakey, kid," he said, nudging her a bit harder. She crashed back into the real world hard, chest heaving, eyes darting around. He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"Gun- Gunner?" She asked, slowly catching her breath and resting against him.

"Just me," he said, looking down at her. "You seemed uncomfortable."

"Gunner," she said, biting back her tears, "I'm so sorry, Gunner. I'm so-"

"It's nothing," Gunner said quickly, adjusting himself, "don't be sorry. It's alright. What's going on with you, huh?"

"I was fine," she said, swallowing over a dry throat, "until I saw... him."

Gunner sighed and nodded, giving her shoulder a little squeeze. She loved Gunner. He was a gentle giant at heart, though he wouldn't let anyone know that at first. He had his struggles, but he was a good man. A solid man.

"We're going home now," Gunner said after a second. "I need my dance partner back, you hear me?"

She chuckled a little, curling up next to him and enjoying his warmth. She was nodding in and out of sleep, too scared to leave her mind to its own devices, but desperately exhausted.

Toll and Caesar looked over at Gunner and raised their eyebrows. He waved them off, lifting up one leg to rest his free arm on as she started to doze back off.

"Lee..." She whispered, head falling forward as she fell asleep.

Gunner furrowed his brows and turned his attention back down to her, twitching gently against him.

"What?" He asked, his voice low to match her own.

"Lee..." She whispered again, and Gunner glanced up to see if anyone else had heard it. Toll and Caesar had turned their attention back to their own things, and Barney and Lee were quiet in the cockpit. When he looked back down at her, he was sure he saw a tear slip over her cheek. She curled up into him, as close as she could physically get as her lips fell around the word soundlessly, over and over again.

He carefully rested her back against the wall, her head lulling to one side as he did. He bumbled quietly towards the cockpit, leaning in and ducking so his head wouldn't touch the ceiling.

"Lee," he said, glancing between him and Barney.

"Yeah."

"I think she... She's saying something about you," he said, unsure.

"What do you mean?" He asked, glancing over at Barney, who had turned to look at Gunner in the doorway.

"Well, she's asleep, but-" Gunner hesitated and swallowed. "She keeps saying your name. Like, sleep talking, I guess. I was sitting with her and she was curled up against me, saying your name."

Lee clenched his jaw, his face warming as Barney turned and raised an eyebrow at him. He motioned back to Gunner with his head, insinuating that Lee should go see what it was about.

"She's calmed down. Maybe you should... sit next to her, instead of me."

Gunner, for all his bumbling and too-big looks, was actually really smart. It took a long time to really understand that about him.

"Go, Lee," Barney said, motioning back with his head again.

Lee's lips parted and he glanced between Barney and Gunner. He wasn't sure what they were thinking, but he wanted to hold her and kiss her like he had that morning before the recon. He wanted to make it better and apologize for everything with all that he had. After a second he stood, and Gunner took his place in the copilot chair.

Toll and Caesar barely paid him any mind as he shifted by them, towards where she were laying against the wall at the back of the plane. He pulled out one of his knives and knelt in front of her, slicing open the zip tie so that her hands fell free. He tucked the knife away and situated himself beside her and pulled her carefully and slowly into his lap.

"Lee..." She said, stirring.

"I'm here," he said, looking down at her, lowering his forehead to her own. He wrapped his fingers around one of her hands, adjusting her so he could hold her closer to him.

"I'm sorry, Lee," she whispered, half-awake.

"No, don't be," he said, lowering his mouth to her ear. "I'm here. It's alright, just sleep."

She hummed and tucked her head happily into his chest. He drew in a shaky breath and pressed his lips to the side of her forehead at the edge of her hairline. She smiled to herself, sleep falling back over her.

Lee glanced up and saw the guys looking on, confused. Barney and Gunner were even glancing back through the cockpit. Lee shifted uncomfortably, holding her close to him and turning his attention back to her sleeping face. The guys just shrugged and looked back to whatever they were doing, figuring Lee would explain eventually.

Lee lowered himself to her ear again, breathing in the smell of her hair.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, breathing out and running the tip of his nose along her skin. "I'm sorry I was such an ass... I didn't want you to go. You confused me. Life was simple before you showed up, and then... I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to run away. Please, please don't go again."

She stirred, looking up at him with tired eyes. She pulled a hand up, tracing her thumb along his lips for a moment.

"Lee," she whispered. "What are you talking about?"

He shook his head and searched her eyes. "Don't worry about it, yeah? Just close your eyes and rest. I'll be right here."

She did as he said and closed her eyes, breathing him in with a heavy sigh.

He swallowed and looked down at her, content against him. He had a lot to figure out still, but he knew one thing, at least, in that moment.

He dropped his face so that the tip of her nose touched the tip of his. He closed his eyes and sighed, longing to kiss her.

"I love you," he said, his voice so low he wasn't sure he would've heard it himself had he not been the one saying it.

The corners of her lips twitched up, and she let herself sink back to sleep, not afraid.