Quinn, Hilltop

"We should retreat! There are too many!" yelled Luke. Yumiko and I agreed and we started to head back to the wall. Connie got Magna and pulled her away from the fight.

I sensed there was something going on with Yumiko and Magna, but I wasn't in the mood for their personal drama when I already had mine.

I hurried inside and washed my arms and face. I was covered in dead blood. It was already morning. I bumped into Jerry in the corridor.

"Where's Ezekiel?" I asked him.

"I don't know, he said he has something to do and he headed to the stable to get his horse."

I rolled my eyes. He chose the perfect time to deal with his emotions too. Am I the only one who can put it aside when something terrible happens, like the fell of the wall?

I drank a lot of water, then I headed out to continue killing walkers. After a while, Magna joined me. We glanced at each other, then we were taking them down one by one without saying a word.

Around afternoon we stopped.

"Are you angry about something?" I asked her. She nodded.

"Yeah. You too?" she asked. I nodded as well. We headed back to wash and drink again, then we went back outside to continue clearing walkers. I didn't want to ask Magna about her struggle and she didn't ask about mine either. We were just two women, equally angry and frustrated, killing walkers. People came to help us, someone gathered the corpses on a pile and burned them.

We continued into the night. I felt now what Alexandrians had to go through. I haven't slept either. Night fell and we were still clearing them when I heard the noise of the gate.

Michonne arrived with Eugene and Judith to help us. I didn't greet them, I turned my back on them and kept killing walkers.

It went on for a while when finally, it seemed we got them all. I was glancing around in the dark, panting. I saw Michonne, Judith, and Eugene in the distance doing the same. My eyes locked with Eugene's for a moment, then I turned around and headed back to my room, but they came after me and stopped me before I reached the building.

"Hi, Quinn," said Michonne.

"Leave me alone," I growled and tried to continue my way, but they didn't let me.

"I want to apologize," started Michonne, but Ezekiel who turned out to be okay now came to us in a hurry.

"Michonne, Daryl's on the radio. Something happened with Negan," he said. My heart skipped a beat.

"I'm coming with you," I stated as Michonne looked at me. She nodded.

"Eugene, take Judith and help her wash her hands," she said. Eugene nodded, glanced at me then they left. I headed upstairs with Michonne without saying a word.

Michonne sat by the radio, but before she could press the button I spoke:

"Don't tell Daryl that I'm here. Let him speak to you," I said. Michonne nodded. Guilt all over her face.

"This is Michonne, what happened Daryl?" she asked. Daryl told her what happened to Lydia and the bullies and that Negan accidentally killed one of them by helping Lydia. I gasped for air. He acted like a hero again. Michonne glanced at me, I was smiling, spaced out, tears stinging my eyes.

Just when they ended the discussion Michonne turned to me. I was crouching by the wall, smiling and crying at the same time. Michonne stepped to me and crouched in front of me, then I felt she hug me.

"I am so sorry, Quinn. I truly am. I couldn't let Negan know… it was Daryl's idea."

"I know," I sobbed. "Eugene told me. I kind of get it… I don't know how he would react if he found out that you lied to him for years. I want to punch Daryl in the face so hard… and Carol… I just can't believe it, that she acted again on her own rules, just because she thinks she knows what's good for me. What was all this mess good for?"

I looked Michonne in the eye. She caressed my cheek.

"It wasn't good for anyone. You are completely right. But we hate Negan so much for what he did… honestly, I didn't care at that time what Daryl told him."

"What changed?" I asked.

"I… uh…" Michonne was lost for words. She shrugged her shoulder. "I don't know. What he did can't be forgiven, but… he really seems to be changing."

"You don't know him. You judge him for one thing he did. He wasn't like that before. I can tell because of the way he was talking to me, the way he was talking about his wife."

Michonne looked me in the eye the entire time, slowly shaking her head disapprovingly.

"I don't know what he was like, all I know is that he murdered our friends and yet, he is changing now. Daryl just wanted to get back at him. For what he did. Daryl wanted him to suffer like Maggie and Rosita and all of us did."

I gulped down the rest of my tears and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

"Did he suffer that much?" I asked bitterly. Michonne nodded.

"He was devastated when Daryl told him. He loves you so much. Siddiq had to sedate him one time, he went all crazy."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was happy that he loved me, but my heart was aching knowing how much he suffered because of me.

"I have to see him, to tell him I'm alive," I stated. Michonne nodded.

"Alright. I want to end this drama. You can come back to Alexandria. Maybe you can stop him from going crazy and get revenge on us for this lie."

Just when she said that the radio made noises again. It was Oceanside this time. I left the room as Michonne talked to them. Eugene and Judith waited downstairs.

"Hi Quinn!" said Judith and hugged my waist. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, my guardian angel," I smiled at her, wiping my tears away once again.

"Are you crying?" asked Judith.

"Yes, a little. I miss Negan," I told her.

"He misses you too. Very much," she said.

"Really?" I smiled and wiped away my never-ending tears. "I heard you became friends with him."

"Not really friends, but I like him. And he helped me during this winter," said Judith frowning.

"I heard that too."

"He would be so happy if you could come back with us," she said, smiling like a little angel.

"We will see about that. Depends on your mom. Can you go upstairs to her, please? I'd like to talk to Eugene for a second," I asked her. She nodded. When she left us, I turned to Eugene.

"You have every right to be mad at me…" started Eugene, but I hugged him very tightly and he stopped talking for a moment, then he continued in shock. "What? I thought you are mad at me," he said. I hugged him even more.

"I'm grateful you told me. No one else did. But you did."

He hugged me back and we stayed that way for a little while.

"I didn't expect this kind of reaction," he mumbled.

"I'm only mad at Carol and Daryl. This was their idea. They did this to me, again," I said, while burying my face into Eugene's shoulder, then I backed away and looked him in the eye. "What kind of friends they are, really?"

"I have no idea. I don't have much experience with friends," he mumbled. "I have no answer to your question, unfortunately. I don't understand this situation either."

"I know he hates Negan that much, but… I don't know. Really. I don't understand Daryl at all now."

"Who does?" he asked.

"Carol."

"You're probably right," Eugene frowned his eyebrows as he was thinking hard.

"I'm so mad at them right now…" I exhaled sharply.

"You should reconsider that. I know you are hurt, but you are friends with Daryl and Carol, they saved you and helped you a lot."

"And they separated me from Negan and lied to me several times."

"They thought you are going to benefit from that. And maybe you would find someone else."

"Yeah, well I lived in the Kingdom and now here, I didn't find anyone else. And I don't want anyone else, I want to be with Negan!"

"I understand. And you have every right to be angry. I have nothing to defend myself."

"You don't have to. You are the only one who bothered to tell me. So, thank you again, for telling me," I looked him in the eye. Eugene nodded and smiled at me. I exhaled furiously. Eugene patted my shoulder, then stroked my arm to calm me down.

I didn't know what to think or feel anymore.

The only thing I was sure about was I am going to punch Daryl Dixon in the face when I see him next time.

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Bring me to life" by Evanescence.

Thank You for reading! ❤