Quinn, Hilltop

I was still angry the next morning. I went down to the tree and helped Eugene without saying a word all day. He kept glancing at me. At night I lay awake, I was thinking about Negan. He lived in the belief that I was dead. He must have been through hell. He lost his wife and then… he lost me. I had to get back to him.

I also realized I didn't give a shit about Alexandria, now that he wasn't there. I wanted to be wherever he was. I wanted to go out so badly to look for him, maybe it wouldn't be too late, but I remembered Henry every time. I couldn't put him in danger. The poor kid had nothing to do with all this.

…

That night Jesus called me through the radio.

"Hey, Quinn. I wanted to apologize too. I know you learned the truth," he said in a grave voice.

"Jesus… I don't know what to say. Everyone's apologising for Daryl and Carol's mistake. And yet not one of you thought it might be something I wanted to know. It didn't occur to any of you to stop this?"

"I'm sorry. I think… we all wanted Negan to suffer."

"And now he is out there, maybe the whisperers already killed him…"

"Don't think like that. He wouldn't go down easily. I still think you will meet again one day."

"How pink dusty you are…" I said bitterly.

"You know… he saved me and Aaron. When we were clearing walkers outside of Alexandria."

"Yeah, why wouldn't he, right? I am the only one who sees that he only killed Glenn and Abraham because he wanted to survive and protect people. Just like we did. He made mistakes but he just wanted to stay alive. He regretted it all and as far as I know, he is trying really hard to make up for it."

"You're right."

"Why did you call me?"

"I wanted to apologize. Also, I wanted to tell you that Aaron and I… we are a couple now."

"Congratulations," I said it, but I couldn't feel anything right now even though I cheered for them.

"But it's not just that…" Jesus continued. "I called you because I need your help."

"With what?"

"Carol and Daryl are going crazy. Carol is unpredictable, she is so worried about Henry, and Daryl's messed up because of you. You really attacked him?"

"I did. I slapped his face as hard as I could. My hand still hurts."

"Wow. I hope you only wanted to do that to Daryl…"

"Don't worry. I got my anger out. He is the one to blame. I'm still pissed off though... So what do you want me to do?"

"I need you to come to Alexandria and do something about Carol and Daryl. We're in danger because of them. They're reckless. They brought a whisperer here and accidentally killed him. Alpha can be coming for our heads any minute."

"What the hell?!" I gasped. "That doesn't sound like them."

"That's what I'm talking about. I know we disappointed you, but I think they need you now. And I need you too. I would be glad if you came."

"I'll think about it. I have to fix the wall first."

"Alright. But don't think for too long, it might be too late before Carol does something stupid again."

I sighed.

"Okay. When we are finished with the wall, I'll head to Alexandria," I said bitterly.

"Just come, please, put aside your personal anger now, for the greater good."

"Like it would be that easy. No one ever puts aside their personal feelings for the greater good, but it's always expected from me! Not so fair," I said angrily. "I'll try… I don't want Henry to be the victim of this."

"Thank you, Quinn. Really. I'm looking forward to seeing you again."

We said goodbye and signed off.

Eugene came in.

"Are you finished? I'd like to use the radio," he said.

"Are you still tinkering with it?"

"No… uh…" he came and sat by me. "I made contact with someone. A woman."

"Really? Someone from outside?"

"Positive."

"I didn't think that would be possible. You are not spilling anything important to her about our communities, right?"

"No, we're talking about not important, childish things, like favorite ice cream and such."

"Alright, I'll leave you to it."

"Thanks."

I left Eugene and headed to my room. I couldn't think about Eugene's radio girl right now, I had so much shit going on inside my head. Negan, Carol, Daryl, fixing the wall, the whisperers… I still felt like I could explode. I sat by the window and watched the stars.

After like an hour I left Eugene alone, someone knocked on my door. It was him.

"May I?" he asked. I let him in and closed the door.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"Nothing, she didn't answer. She doesn't answer all the time, maybe she is busy with something."

"I see."

I sat back by the window and continued watching the stars.

"Do you want to sit?" I asked Eugene. He came and sat down in front of me he joined in watching the stars.

We sat there in silence for a while, then I glanced at him.

"What happened with Rosita? You said you had a fight, but you didn't tell me the whole story."

"There's no story really. She told me we are never going to be a couple. That's it, in a simple version."

"And what is the complex version?"

"I ran out crying."

"Oh. I'm so sorry, Eugene," I took his hand and squeezed it a little. He sighed.

"I got used to it. I will try to give up on her. But it's hard when I see her every day."

We stayed silent for a little while.

"Are you still angry?" he asked.

"I'm trying to get by. It's hard. And it's not helping that I can't think about anything else, only that Negan is out there somewhere. Maybe he is not even alive anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy."

We were still holding hands, this time Eugene squeezed mine gently.

"I'm sure he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself."

"What if he is outnumbered? What if Alpha killed him the minute she saw him?"

"Stop, Quinn. This is not getting you anywhere."

"I tried to think about him less, I was almost giving up on him, almost… but then I was so close to get out and meet him and now he is gone…"

"This is not getting you anywhere, either. Stop it. Look at me."

I looked him in the eye, while mine was full of tears. Eugene continued.

"We finish the wall here and then you are coming with me back to Alexandria. If Negan decides to come back, you will be there, waiting for him. I promised you. I will help you meet him one way or another."

"What if he is already dead?" I asked again quietly.

"He is not dead. You have to believe in him."

I nodded silently and wiped my tears away. Eugene positioned himself next to me and hugged me. We continued watching the stars in silence.

…

Negan, Alpha's camp

Negan thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest as he was kneeling in front of Alpha. He was tired because he did every task Beta wanted him to do all day and then he fought walkers all night to prove he is not weak. He was still scared for his life, but Alpha seemed to be taking him into the group.

She spared his life, at least for now, but she didn't say anything. Negan finally got to go to sleep. He lay down by a tree and fell asleep immediately. He woke up after a couple of hours and went to look for food. That's when he heard Alpha and Beta talking about a possible traitor.

Negan grasped the opportunity and figured the traitor might be Gamma. But he didn't care if she really was or not, he just wanted to cause mayhem, so they would be distracted. He was looking for an opportunity to talk to Alpha about his suspicion. Alpha might trust him better if he accidentally turns out to be right about Gamma.

When he finally got the chance, the conversation ended with Alpha threatening his nuts and pushing him into the latrine.

Negan gathered himself and climbed out of the stream of shit. He was disgusted, so he looked around for some fallen leaves and tried to wipe off his clothes.

When he kind of finished he went back to the camp and sat down next to a man.

"Yo, I'm Negan," he said smiling. The whisperer frowned at him grumpily, didn't say a word. Negan continued. "You guys don't talk much."

"The dead do not speak," whispered the man slowly, pressing every word. Negan kept smiling.

"I like that attitude. So what are you doing in the camp when you have nothing to do?"

"We do nothing."

Negan chuckled, he was pretty much entertained by this situation. Just when he was about to enjoy himself more, Alpha asked him to follow her into the forest.

Negan did so. His heart started to tremble. If he was wrong about Gamma, he will be killed. He was sure. But… after all… that's why Carol asked him to do this. He was expendable.

He started to cry and was about to plead for his life when Alpha asked him to take off his clothes. He kept crying, he was scared shitless. He thought Alpha was going to humiliate him before she kills him, but then it turned out to be an entirely different situation.

The next moment, he found himself face to face with a naked Alpha, who kissed him. Negan was confronted by his feelings. He was still scared for his life, he questioned if Alexandria was worth it, to do anything for it. Also, he hasn't seen a woman in a long time, not like this… He eventually gave in and went along with Alpha. This was the price, he had to pay, to earn Alpha's trust and to save Alexandria, to save his own life.

I'm sorry, Lucille… I'm sorry, Quinn… Please, forgive me…

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Never going back" by Skillet.

Thank You for reading! ❤