Quinn, on the road to Alexandria

After we fixed the wall, Eugene and I got on a horse and we headed to Alexandria. I was sitting behind him, hugging him, so I wouldn't fall off. It reminded me of when I was riding with Daryl on his motorcycle, but I felt much more comfortable with Eugene.

"I can't believe Siddiq's dead," he said quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Me neither," I let out a sigh.

"Rosita must be devastated," he said in a sad tone. I lay my head against his back.

"She chose Gabriel, but I'm sure she will be deeply concerned," I said.

Eugene let out a sigh this time. We didn't speak for a while, then Eugene changed the subject.

"How are you feeling about going back to Alexandria?" he asked above his shoulder.

"I… I don't know. I feel empty. He is not there. It's like… my heart is completely empty… just like his cell."

"I understand."

We stopped talking and we headed to Alexandria in silence. I kept watching the woods around us… I was searching for a whisperer threat, but also… I was secretly hoping to see Negan.

…

I stood by Eugene's side during the funeral. Gabriel spoke beautifully. I glanced at Daryl and Carol. Daryl did the same and our eyes met. I quickly turned away.

In the end, Rosita was the first one to leave in a hurry. Eugene followed her with his eyes.

"I'll go check if she is okay," he mumbled.

"Alright," I said and he left me. I was staring at the grave. I couldn't believe it. I touched my stomach involuntarily. I was alive because of Siddiq and Enid… and now they are both gone. A tear rolled down my cheek. As I was spaced out, Jesus approached me.

"Hi, Quinn," he said quietly. I quickly wiped away my tears. "How are you?"

"I'm not mad at you if you are curious about that."

"Then can I get a hug?" he asked with a nice and kind expression on his face that I couldn't resist, so I hugged him, but then I quickly backed away.

"How did this happen?" I asked him quietly. He told me about Dante, how he was an undercover whisperer and was living here for months.

I exhaled sharply. From the corner of my eye, I saw Carol and Ezekiel talking, while Daryl was watching them from afar. I rolled my eyes.

"What's going on with Carol and Daryl?" I asked Jesus.

"They are both frustrated. Carol's going nuts over Henry's safety and had a couple of disagreements with Daryl. And he… he is just on edge, because of Carol and you."

"He deserved it… I would slap his face all over again. Probably I should have punched him," I said confidently.

"That means you didn't really want to harm him. I practiced with you, even if it was just for a short while, but I know, if you wanted to break his nose, you would've done it."

We looked each other in the eye for a long minute, I didn't really like what he said, but then I answered.

"You're right. I'm hoping for Negan to return, so he can do that himself."

"Quinn… You really want Negan to break Daryl's nose?" asked Jesus bending his head slightly, like a puppy.

"He deserves it. Who would lie about someone's death? It's so inappropriate and an asshole thing to do."

"You're right, but try to understand Daryl. He wanted to get back at Negan for Glenn and Abraham. And now, he needs you. I need you, to calm him down because he can't think straight. And you are still friends. You saved each other…"

I shook my head.

"Yeah, we saved each other, so we are even now. He doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe him either."

"But he saved you twice as far as I know," he said quietly. I thought about it for a second.

"Shit. You're right…"

Jesus nodded, then continued.

"It's not like a race. Anyway, my point is, that you are friends."

"Friends don't do what Daryl and Carol did to me."

"They did it because they wanted to protect you. And Alexandria. I know it's too soon to think it through logically, but I know you can get over this. I really need your help with them."

"I'll talk to them," I let out a sigh, giving in.

"Thank you," said Jesus honestly. I nodded and headed towards them. I saw Ezekiel was talking to Henry who was… crying? I stepped to him instead.

"Henry, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Lydia ran away last night because she didn't want to get us into any more trouble," said Henry, sobbing.

"She thought she can help to protect Henry if she runs away," said Carol. I glanced at her very quickly, then I turned back to Henry. He was hugging Ezekiel, I stroked his back. I was intentionally avoiding Carol's eyes, then I turned around and took a deep breath. I had to face Daryl. I glanced at Henry one more time, my eyes met with Ezekiel's. I nodded at him and turned around to approach Daryl.

He took a step back when I reached him.

"Can we talk?" I asked, trying to gulp down all my disappointment and hatred.

He nodded yes, then he nodded with his head in a direction to indicate where to go. We headed to a quiet area behind an abandoned house, where no one would see us. When we stopped, I faced him.

"I'm still sorry," he said grumpily before I could open my mouth.

"I'm not going to attack you again. I'll leave that for Negan. If he gets back alive…" I gulped again and continued. "What's going on with you and Carol?"

He seemed surprised by the question. I continued:

"I've known for a very long time that you have feelings for her and you admitted it at your camp. So tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"I know Carol is going crazy, because of worrying about Henry. But what's going on with you? You two are putting others in danger. That whisperer you brought here… Alpha could attack Alexandria because of it. How could you do that?"

"I just wanted to help Carol. I try my best to make her feel safe, but she keeps worrying about Henry, she locks him up and guards him, like a golden egg. And now Lydia ran away, because of her."

"Lydia ran away because of Carol?" I frowned my eyebrows.

"She used her, to force a whisperer to betray Alpha."

I spread my arms then let them fall back down.

"What the actual fuck? And are you okay with that?" I asked, shocked.

"How would I be? I argued with her."

"You are trying to save Carol from herself," I said, thinking out loud, looking him in the eye.

He stood my gaze and nodded yes.

"You should think about the residents of Alexandria too," I added.

"I'm tryin'."

"I know," if I wasn't so pissed off, I would feel sorry for him, because he was really trying and he was so troubled, but then I was a victim too, so I stood my ground. I crossed my arms in front of me. "I heard you are heading out, what's going on again?"

"Aaron might have made a deal with a whisperer…"

"Here we go again…" I said rolling my eyes. "Look… I tried to be your friend, but you disappointed me very much. Now, I'm trying to help you for the sake of my friends. I don't give a damn about you or Carol or Alexandria residents, because of what you did to me and Negan… I'm doing this for Jesus and Eugene and Judith and Henry. That's it. And if you pose a threat to them, I'm going to do what it takes to keep them safe."

"Why would I and Carol be a threat to them?" asked Daryl disbelievingly.

"Because of your reckless decisions. You should wake up and stop Carol. I'll try to talk to her too, but I already know it will be in vain, she is too stubborn."

We stood there in silence for a moment. I avoided his eyes this time, but I felt he was staring at me.

I nodded bye and left Daryl, but he grabbed my shoulder.

"Quinn, I can't stand you hating me like this," he said. I looked at him.

"You should have thought about that earlier."

"I was upset," he raised his voice slightly. "I was really mad when you tried to take away your own life. I wanted Negan to suffer as much as I did."

"Why would you suffer?" I confronted him. "You never gave a shit about me!"

"You are family and you are my friend."

"I'm not your friend anymore. Nor Carol's. And when the moment comes that I'm not needed here anymore, I'll set out and go look for Negan. Just so you know. Oh, and you lied to me several times, what kind of friend does that, huh?"

He didn't answer, just looked me in the eye, silently. I left him there. I tried to clear my head before I talk to Carol, but it was hard after a conversation like this.

I strolled across the street and sat down on the pavement. I took some deep breaths.

I tried to breathe out everything I felt, but it didn't really work. After a while, I slowly gathered myself to go and face Carol.

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Take a bow" by Rihanna.

Thank You for reading! ❤