Quinn, Alexandria

When I got back to the street, I saw Ezekiel escort Henry to Michonne's house. Carol was standing there watching their backs. She was waiting for me. I locked eyes with her as I approached.

"Did you talk to Daryl?" she asked.

"Don't worry, I didn't slap him this time."

Her cheeks went red, she was clearly worried about me attacking Daryl again. It felt good. I continued.

"I'll tell you the same thing I told him. Stop being reckless, because you pose a threat to Alexandria."

"What are you talking about? I'm trying to save Alexandria!" she snapped immediately.

"By pushing Alpha? She might send her horde on us in any minute, because of what you did."

"You're right. That's why I'm looking for her horde, to destroy it," she said, standing my gaze.

"Oh? Really? Well, good luck with that, but count me out."

"Are you really doing this? You're upset like a little kid, you can't put aside your personal feelings to help save Alexandria?"

"You are not one to talk to me like that!" I pointed my finger at her, threateningly. "I put aside my feelings when I came to Alexandria and when I talked to Daryl and now as well! So shut the fuck up about my feelings! You have no idea how I feel! You can go and play the hero while risking Alexandria's safety, but I'm not going with you! I'll stay here in case my friends need me. And I'm going to protect Henry while you are AWAY," I pressed the word "away", so Carol would feel the weight. "How will you protect Henry while you are out in the woods and Alpha would show up in Alexandria? Huh? You are so afraid and worried and yet, instead of staying with Henry, you keep leaving him alone! Alexandria is not safe anymore as that Dante guy illustrated it! So just go and do whatever you want in the woods. I'm staying here to protect what's left."

Carol listened to me without a word, visibly confronted, then left me, without saying anything.

I rolled my eyes and headed to Michonne's house, to find Henry.

As I entered, I saw him curled up in a ball on the couch. Ezekiel came to me.

"How is he?" I asked quietly.

"He is very upset. And worried about Lydia. It's really hard to keep him here, he wants to go out and search for her," Ezekiel pushed me to the kitchen, so Henry wouldn't hear us at all. He pulled a syringe out of his pocket and handed it to me.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Sedative. Now, listen to me, very closely," he said in a suppressed voice. "You have to stop Henry, whatever it takes, to go after Lydia. He is blinded by love, he can't think clearly. If he gets out of hand, you have to sedate him to keep him here. Even tie him with a rope, I don't care, as long as he is safe here."

I slowly took the injection and put it in my pocket. I looked Ezekiel in the eye.

"Alright. I'll do whatever it takes. I don't want any more dead friends, either."

Ezekiel nodded.

"Thank you, Quinn," he squeezed my shoulder a little then headed back to the living room. He sat next to Henry and patted his back.

I sat down by the kitchen table, spaced out in front of me.

…

Soon, we learned that Gabriel killed Dante. Jesus was with Aaron, and Eugene kept Rosita company.

…

Ezekiel stayed with Henry all day.

Of course, Daryl and Carol left to play the heroes. I stayed at Michonne's house, because mine was really dusty, as no one entered since I left.

When the night fell, I was preparing to go to sleep, but I just couldn't. I was rolling around in bed, then I got up and got dressed.

I was acting without thinking.

I headed downstairs… to the cell.

I knew exactly that Negan wasn't there, but my heart still started to pound in my ears. I slowly put one foot after the other, step by step until I faced the empty cell.

I started sobbing instantly. I grabbed the iron bars with both of my hands and sobbed. I could see him in my memories so clearly. Everything rushed back to me. How he mocked me in the beginning, how he started to become friendlier… the night of the storm when he made my panic attack go away. I felt his hand holding mine. I felt his hug. Our first kiss… and our last.

As I was going through these memories my tears fell endlessly.

After I cried for who knows how long, I tried to get myself together. I had to go back, to watch out for Henry. I gathered myself and headed outside. I went back to Michonne's house, locked the front door, checked all the windows, and then, I went back to the guest room. I fell asleep while my tears were still pouring.

…

The next morning, I was at the kitchen table, having breakfast with Ezekiel, Henry, and RJ. When we finished, Ezekiel said goodbye to Henry, then turned to me.

"Protect my son," he said.

"I will"

Ezekiel continued in a suppressed voice.

"I have to go back, I can't stand being around Carol. And Hilltop needs me."

I nodded understandingly. Just as Ezekiel left, Judith arrived from Oceanside, alone. She greeted RJ and Henry, then told us that Michonne left because she wanted to investigate something. I had no idea what would be so important to leave her kids alone, but I trusted her. She was more logical than Carol right now. I glanced around the kids.

"Feels like I'm a nanny right now," I said.

"You are," said Judith, giggling. She pulled RJ away and they went playing in the other room. I turned to Henry, he was very gloomy.

"I know exactly how you feel," I told him quietly. He glanced at me.

"You do?" he frowned his eyebrows.

I nodded.

"Negan's out there, just like Lydia. And either of us can't go out to look for them."

"Why can't we?" said Henry, getting excited. "If that's the case, we should head out together and look for them!"

"No. You are safe here. Do you want to end up on a spike?" I asked him strictly. Henry fell back to the gloom.

"No. But Lydia and Negan might be in danger."

"I know. But we can't do anything right now. I'm sorry. We have to wait," I said, then I continued when I saw him falling back to depression. "I don't think Alpha would hurt Lydia, by the way. And if she doesn't want to hurt her, then her followers won't either."

He looked at me, with a slight hope in his eyes.

"I really hope you are right," he said.

"Yeah… Negan has a bigger chance of being killed."

Henry patted my hand.

"I wouldn't be scared for him, he is smart," he said. I knew how hard it was for him to say that, because of his brother, so I took his hand.

"Thank you. Henry, please, promise me you won't go after Lydia. Please… I don't want to lose more friends," I said, almost begging. Henry nodded understandingly.

"Alright. I'll stay here," he said, then after a while, he continued: "I'm sorry about mom. I have no idea what got into her."

"It's not your fault, you don't have to apologize for her actions."

"I'm serious. She never acted like this before," he said concerned.

"She is really worried about you. She wants to end this whisperer situation fast, so you would be safe again."

"She didn't even care about Lydia…"

"She does care about Lydia, I think she just wasn't expecting her to run away. But also, I think she would be on the same page as me, about Alpha not hurting Lydia. She is not that worried, because she thinks she is not in danger."

"You're probably right, but still... she ran away because of her."

I slowly stood up and headed to the kitchen to prepare lunch, Henry followed me and helped me out. I was thinking about what to say to him.

"Henry… you probably don't know, but… Carol had children, before you."

I looked him in the eye. Henry's eyes widened.

"What?"

"I had a feeling you don't know about this. She had children before you, she had one on her own and later she adopted two girls…"

Henry was staring at me taken aback.

"They're all gone…" he said quietly. I nodded.

"She lost them all. No one wants that. Definitely not her, she had already experienced it. That's why she is crazy now, about your safety. And I don't know how to help her, how to calm her down. Not to mention that I'm really pissed off because she lied to me."

"I had no idea," said Henry thinking hard. "That she lost so many children… It must be hard for you too, dealing with her. Maybe she will calm down, once she knows you are protecting me."

"Maybe, maybe not. I hated when she guarded me because she was afraid, I'll try to kill myself again, and now I have to guard you. I know it sucks, but I know it's effective too."

"Yeah, it sucks, but I know everyone is doing this to keep me alive."

I nodded in agreement. We prepared lunch and called the kids to come and eat.

I was trying so hard to stay strong in front of them, but on the inside, I was dying.

I kept thinking about Negan's empty cell… It hurt so much to see it…

…

Listen to "Hold on tight" by Britney Spears.

Thank You for reading! ❤