Quinn & Negan, Alexandria ❤

The warm rays of the sun fell on me through the window. We woke up at the same time, I got out of bed.

"Where are you going so early?" asked Negan.

"We have to start packing. The horde is coming, remember?"

"Right," he said and turned around in bed, not getting up. I chuckled and left him to rest a little more. I went to the kitchen, drank water, ate a little, then I headed outside. I wanted to sit on the porch and sunbathe a little in the morning sun. As soon as I stepped out, I saw Carol on the neighbor's porch. Michonne's house was right next to mine. She glanced at me, she heard the door when I came out.

"Hey," I said, she nodded, I headed towards her. She was smoking a cigarette casually. It was a bad sign. She was only smoking when she felt down. I sat next to her on the porch, she turned towards me.

"Well?" she asked, with a twinkle in her eye. I smiled.

"We didn't do anything," I said quietly. She frowned her eyebrows.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"We were both tired and I don't know… it's just not time for it yet. I don't even know what's going on between us. We haven't seen each other for years."

"You're saying you stopped loving him?"

"Of course not. I still love him, it's just… it's like we have to start all over again. Step by step. I don't even have enough bravery to kiss him. I'm always waiting for him to do it."

"You're an idiot," said Carol, while exhaling smoke.

"You are not one to talk to me, how many years it's been you and Daryl are beating around the bush? You could have been together for so long and you didn't care you almost died several times, you're still not going for it."

"Okay… okay…" she said, backing off. "You're right. Maybe it indicates it's serious."

"It's serious from my side. I don't know what he is feeling or thinking. He thought I was dead and probably mourned me… maybe he stopped loving me."

"Well, we'll see sooner or later."

"I'm really happy that I could meet him again and I'm proud of him, for killing Alpha. I told you, he was a good man."

"I only let him out, because you said that," she said, taking a sip of her cigarette.

"I said it when we were drunk, I didn't think you remembered."

"I did. Also, Judith's behavior convinced me. I was just hoping you two were right about him."

"Seems like we were. I'm still in love with him, I'm just waiting for him, you know… to process that I'm alive."

Carol nodded understandingly.

"Daryl's still sleeping?" I asked to change the topic.

"Yeah," she chuckled. "But before that, we got into a fight again, last night," she said, then exhaled sharply.

"Why? What did you talk about?" I asked, frowning my eyebrows.

"Nothing, basically. I asked him if he really doesn't hate me, then why won't he talk to me and he said he doesn't have anything to say. Just like that."

"Jeez, you finally have the opportunity to be with him and yet he is pulling away."

"Because of his forest girlfriend and because of Connie… I'm starting to think he has… had… a crush on Connie as well. He doesn't have feelings for me… even if he did, in the past… he doesn't anymore."

"I don't know. I'll talk to him. He was still in love with you when we went looking for him in the woods. When we were taking Henry to Hilltop. That was after his forest girlfriend and still, he said he loved you back then."

"I don't think that's the case anymore. I gave up everything, made myself available and he wanted to be with Connie," she said, staring at the cigarette in her hand.

"We cannot know that. He is not a man of words, most likely we will never know."

Carol shrugged her shoulder and kept smoking. She looked me in the eye.

"What about Negan? Given he talks nonstop, he must have courted you all night."

"Nope. We were sleeping. And he is only talking a lot when he is nervous or when he wants to perform in front of people. We were talking casually. And he wasn't courting me, he was still taken aback by the shock that I'm alive."

"I'm surprised to hear that. Maybe it's serious from his side too," she said, then breathed out smoke. She examined me with her eyes.

"What about Daryl?" she asked.

"What about him? Oh, come on… You don't mean…? You know exactly I don't have any feelings for Daryl anymore, for quite a long time. We're just friends. And not in a way he is friends with you. I don't even understand how you came up with this."

"He is still hurt and grumpy because of having a fight with you. And he doesn't like seeing you with Negan."

"Carol… he doesn't have feelings for me, don't get jealous, please. He was never attracted to me. I'm with Negan now and I'm not going to leave him ever again. And Daryl's not fond of the idea, because of Negan's crimes."

"Okay…" she said.

"I wish Daryl would make a move on you. You would calm down finally. But it doesn't help when you have random occasions with Ezekiel…"

"That was a mistake… I thought we were going to die and I was sad and he was kind and comforting…"

"Uh… Stop. It hurts to listen. I didn't think you were a girl like that."

"Girl like what?" she snapped, exhaling smoke sharply.

"Bitchy," I said mocking her.

"It's the end of the world… we should do whatever the hell we want," she said, smiling.

"True. So you should make a move on Daryl."

Her smile faded away, she became serious again.

"Daryl's different… he is important."

"He is too important, so you don't get together? What does that even mean?

"I don't know. I get shy, like a little girl, when I'm around him. I guess it's enough for me to know that he feels something. However, I'm not sure anymore if he still does."

"You are hopeless. I give up," I stood up. "You shouldn't sleep around anyway."

"I'm not sleeping around, it was just one person and one occasion," she snapped.

I rolled my eyes, and as I turned away I saw Daryl by the window, our eyes met, then he turned away.

"Oh shit… I think Daryl was listening by the window," I said. Carol jerked up her head.

"What?!" she sprang to her feet.

"You should talk to him… I thought he was still sleeping."

"I thought so too!" said Carol and hurried inside.

Drama. - I thought, then I headed back to my house. I hope Daryl won't go even grumpier. He was a disaster when we met yesterday when he attacked Negan. I took a deep breath, then I went back inside my house.

Negan was sitting on the couch all laid-back. He lifted his head and looked at me as I approached.

"Did you eat?" I asked him.

"Yep. Where did you go?"

"I just talked with Carol on the porch," I said, he nodded. I sat next to him and looked him in the eye. He looked so good in that white tank top, his hair all ruffled.

"So… what Alexandrians do on an average day?" he asked with a slight smile.

"I used to tend to my garden, but it's a ruin now and we will leave in two days so there's no point in doing anything with it now. I still have some food, we can cook lunch later, if you're up to it."

"Of course," he said smiling.

"What about pizza?"

"Pizza's good."

He seemed to be gloomy all of a sudden.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing. I'm just… having some memory flashbacks," he said.

"I'm sorry… I didn't want to remind you of the past."

"It's not your fault, it's mine. And I remember it every day, even if no one mentions it," he said in a low voice, I saw how much he was struggling. I hugged him. "I don't deserve your kindness. I never did," he said.

"That's not true," I said.

"I did worse things than you can imagine and you don't know about all, not even half of them."

"I don't care about what you did to stay alive. I care about what I see now. You are not that person anymore."

"I'm not sure. I keep hurting people."

"Why do you say that?"

"There's always someone who gets hurt," he said grumpily. I didn't understand what he was talking about, I just wanted to change the subject and distract his thoughts. Or mine.

"Okay, I'll go get the ingredients for the pizza. I'll be right back," I said and left in a hurry. What the hell was he talking about? I had a feeling there was more to it.

I grabbed the ingredients from the stock and headed back. It wasn't going to be a modern world pizza, just a cheap imitation from a couple of ingredients, but that was all I could do. When I stepped through the door, he was still sitting the same way on the couch deep in thoughts. I headed to the kitchen and started preparing. He stood next to me.

"Can I help with something?" he asked, he was still gloomy.

"You can chop up tomatoes," I said. We prepared lunch in complete silence. I had no idea what was going on. When we finished, I headed upstairs to wash my face, I was sweaty. I felt something was wrong. We ate pizza in silence too. When I finished I stared at him.

"Negan… what's wrong?" I asked, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear his answer.

I felt something was off, but I couldn't point a finger at what it was. I looked at Negan, frowning my eyebrows. He had a strange expression on his face.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked. Uh-oh… if a conversation starts with that sentence it's going to be trouble.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"There's something I would like to tell you…"

Jesus Christ… Carol and Daryl are going all drama next door and now I get this too? I just got Negan back and he is ruining it right away?

"What?" I asked, I felt like anger started to build up inside me, I had no idea why. "Negan this is what we longed for, both of us. We are finally together, why are you ruining it?"

"Because there's something you should know," he said very seriously.

"Alright. Spit it out," I said, I sat down on the couch and waited for his reply. He sat into the armchair, laid forward, and looked me in the eye.

"I tend to make wrong decisions. My priority is always staying alive. I had to do some things at Alpha's command to stay alive…"

I didn't like this at all.

"What kind of things?" I asked strictly.

"I had sex with Alpha."

…

Author's notes: Listen to "The Reason" by Hoobastank.

Negan is making Quinn cry once again. Jeez, that man… :D

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