Quinn, Alexandria

I couldn't sleep at all. I was lying wide awake, waiting for him to come home. Morning came and Negan spent the night somewhere else. I was wishing so hard that he didn't leave Alexandria. I was hoping with all my heart that he hasn't left me here.

I headed out to help Carol fix the wall. It was early morning, but a couple of people were already working by the time I got there. Carol glanced at me.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Negan saw Hershel…" I looked Carol in the eye. "He was devastated. He cried all afternoon then he left, I have no idea where he went. Have you seen him?" I asked. Carol shrugged her shoulder and shook her head.

"Sorry, I haven't," she paused for a moment, then continued. "You know… He should have thought about this before he smashed Glenn's head…" said Carol quietly.

"I know, I know what he did was wrong… but he felt threatened and wanted to keep his own people safe from us. I know he was wrong, I know he made a mistake, but I can't stand seeing him in so much pain."

"Well… I'd say he deserves it, but I don't want to hurt your feelings," said Carol genuinely. I nodded understandingly. We saw Daryl going out with his motorcycle. Carol watched him.

"I have to talk to him," she said. I nodded. "See you later."

"Bye," I said bitterly and watched Carol hurry after Daryl.

I glanced around, searching for Negan. I couldn't see him anywhere.

I was working for hours on fixing the wall. I had a couple of breaks when I drank water, but then I continued. I was struggling with a larger metal piece when Jesus appeared next to me.

"Need help with that?" he asked.

"Yeah. Thanks," I said. Jesus stepped next to me and helped me lift the metal.

"What's going on?" he asked. I let out a sigh.

"Negan saw Hershel and… he realized what he did. He was really down. Then he disappeared."

"Really?" asked Jesus. "I haven't seen him either. I'm sorry to say, but I think you would be the only one who would miss him."

"I know," I said bitterly. "If he doesn't come home tonight, I'll go out to look for him."

"Aaron and Gabriel just went out, maybe they'll spot him somewhere."

"I hope so. How are you and Aaron?" I asked to distract my own thoughts.

"We're fine, thanks. We don't run around yelling we're a couple, but we're happy."

"You're so cute together."

"Wish I could tell you the same, but… it's Negan. I'm just happy you're happy."

"Thanks," I smiled at him sadly.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he'll come back. Aaron told me what kind of rampage he made when he thought you were dead. He loves you so much, I can't imagine him leaving you."

"I hope you're right and he's coming back."

"Don't worry," he said with a slight smile and patted my shoulder. I smiled at him sadly.

"Thanks for trying to lighten up my mood," I glanced at the wall," I think that's it for today.

"Yeah. Tomorrow we'll finish it up," said Jesus examining the wall.

"I have to go. I need to find Maggie," I said. Jesus nodded.

"There she is," he pointed in Maggie's direction. I nodded, said goodbye and left him. I decided to talk to Maggie. I couldn't wait anymore, because she will find it out from someone else. And since Negan wasn't around, she can't kill him right now, so… I felt my heart was heavier with every step I took towards Maggie. I was more scared of her than I was of the whisperers. I tried to gulp down my fear, as I approached her.

"Hey, Maggie. Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked.

"Sure," she smiled at me.

She was so kind, but I knew she won't understand me. She will be so angry in a minute.

"Can we talk in private? I don't want anyone to hear," I asked. I knew she will be yelling at me. She frowned her eyebrows but nodded.

"Okay. Let's go to Michonne's house," she said. I followed her. I was playing sentences in my head, trying to figure out what to say to her. I closed the door behind me and faced her.

"Maggie… I don't even know how to start or how to say it. I just want you to hear it from me," I gulped down my fear once again as she was examining me with frowning eyebrows. I looked her in the eye. "I fell in love with Negan."

Her smile disappeared instantly.

"What?" she asked. I nodded reassuringly.

"I got to know him. He has changed," I said looking her in the eye the entire time. She wasn't happy at all.

"He will never change," she said very seriously.

"He did. He regrets everything. And he helped us a lot. I know that won't change what he did, but the only reason we could survive the whisperers was that he killed their leader for us. He saved Judith during the last winter. She likes him too."

"So that's the reason," said Maggie seriously, thinking out loud, her eyes piercing right through me," Carol, Daryl, Michonne, Jesus, Aaron… they are okay letting him out, because of all this. You were all fooled by him.

"No. He is serious. He is trying to help."

"I don't believe it. I don't believe a word he says. I don't even know what to say. That's one thing that the others seem to be accepting him or ignoring him or whatever they're doing… but you… You love him? Are you out of your mind?"

"I got to know him. Like no one else does. I know things about him you don't and I know how he feels. He was really down after he saw you and Hershel… He didn't know you were pregnant."

"That doesn't change anything!" yelled Maggie, her patience was gone. "That doesn't change what he did!" she said through gritted teeth.

"I know. And if you are not willing to live with us here, I will leave Alexandria with him. Just say it."

She shook her head disapprovingly, taking a couple of minutes to think it all through, then she looked me in the eye.

"I don't know. Every time I see him… I see Glenn and I see what he did to him."

"Maggie…"

"I cannot forget what he did. Hershel will never know his father because of him."

I nodded understandingly.

"I'm only asking you to let him live. You don't have to accept him or like him, just ignore him."

"That's all you're asking, right? Glenn wanted to live too. He wanted to raise his son with me," she said very seriously. I stood her gaze and stood my ground.

"I won't apologize for my feelings. It just happened. And like it or not, you don't know anything about him," I said every word slowly to make her feel the weight, but still in a polite manner. "You are judging him for only one thing, which is a terrible thing, I know that. But that's not all who he is."

Maggie stood my gaze, shaking her head disbelievingly.

"I can't believe this…" she said. "How could you two fool even Daryl and Jesus?" she asked.

"We didn't fool anybody. Daryl is my family and Jesus is my friend."

"So they're ignoring him to make you feel better?" she asked with despise in her tone. I still stood her gaze, not giving in.

"Negan earned his place even before me. He was helping and saving people several times when I wasn't even here. It is complicated."

"Then make it simple," she said seriously.

"Daryl and Carol took me away from Alexandria, they tried to force me to forget about Negan. They even told him that I died. But I couldn't forget about him and when things went bad, I was allowed to come back. Michonne let him out of the cell even before that, because he saved Judith. A lot was going on with the whisperers, so Alexandrians didn't see Negan as a threat anymore, because he proved he is not."

Maggie listened to me closely, despise and disapproval all over her face.

"I don't know what to say," she said finally. "I won't promise you anything. I will see for myself first. Maybe I will try to ignore him. But it's not easy. Glenn should be here and be happy, not him," she said with slight aggression.

"I don't ask you to like me or like him. Just ignore us," I said seriously.

"We'll see about that," she said. I nodded and turned around to leave Michonne's house.

I felt like I didn't get closer to solving the situation. I was heading to my house with a heavy heart. I wasn't even sure if I should worry about Maggie or not. What if she goes nuts overnight and tries to kill him?

I passed by Jerry, he snapped me out of my thoughts as he called my name.

"Hey, Quinn!"

I turned to him curiously.

"Hey."

"Carol's back. But she is not in a good mood. Probably better to leave her alone. Just wanted to say, she's back," said Jerry.

"Okay. Thank you," I said frowning my eyebrows. "What about Daryl?"

"He didn't come back."

I frowned my eyebrows even more. What the hell was going on again?

I headed in the direction of Daryl's house. Yeah, he had one that he barely ever used, I thought Carol might be there since Michonne's house was a little bit crowded. As I was approaching, I heard some crashing noises from inside, I walked faster.

"Carol?" I called. I found her on the floor, everything was a mess. "What the hell?"

"There's a rat," she panted. Daryl's dog was watching curiously.

"Ooookay," I said frowning my eyebrows. "Where's Daryl?"

"We are never, ever going to be together," she said very seriously as I helped her up from the ground. Her eyes were filling up with tears. "We went out hunting, accidentally ended up at Leah's house, then he told me Connie's death was my fault and he was all cold and strict, I've never seen him like this before. He is definitely not in love with me anymore, if he ever was."

"I'm sorry," I said. "And for the record, Connie's death was an accident."

"Accident, caused by me."

"Magna got out, maybe Connie too, they just got separated," I said.

Carol shook her head.

"I don't think so," she said quietly. "Daryl won't forgive me. Probably he moved on because he realized we are always in danger and there's no time to be angry at each other but… he won't forgive me. And I found a letter in Leah's house that Daryl wrote to her. He said he belongs with her," as she said that her mouth winced and she avoided my eyes.

"That was years ago. Maybe he changed his mind. He tried to kiss you the other day!"

Carol shook her head again.

"Maybe I just imagined it. Probably it was just a usual hug."

"No, he seemed strange after it, I'm sure there was something."

"Don't try to explain everything, Quinn. Things just happen sometimes. He was glad to see me after we fought the whisperers, that's it."

I shook my head disapprovingly.

"I give up. Officially," she said.

I let out a sigh. Carol examined my face.

"What's the matter?" she asked to change the topic.

"I told Maggie, that I love Negan. She didn't take it well. She said maybe she will try to ignore him, but I'm not sure she will. She is so full of hatred. Which I understand."

"Yeah, that's reasonable," said Carol.

I shrugged my shoulder.

"Whatever, anyway, he may have left without me. I have no idea where he is."

"These men are making us go nuts," she said.

"Yeah. I'll just leave you to your rat hunt then. I'll take a walk around Alexandria, maybe I'll find Negan."

"Okay," said Carol and she already started searching for the rat again with her eyes.

I left her and went on the walk.

There were some people still working on houses. I saw Jesus tinkering with something. I saw Maggie playing with Hershel. I avoided her eyes. I saw Rosita too. I still couldn't find Negan. When I finished going around, I stopped and glanced around once more. One more place came to my mind I haven't checked… I went down to his cell. He wasn't there. It felt so strange to be there though. A lot of memories flashed inside my head. I touched the iron bars and let out a sigh, then I headed upstairs.

Maybe I should look outside too.

I decided to check, I headed outside through the gate. It was already dusk. I walked around Alexandria. I took out two walkers. I couldn't see Negan anywhere. By the time darkness fell I headed back to Alexandria. I was so worried that I was about to cry. When I entered my house I looked around, maybe he came home while I was away.

He didn't. My tears started to fall again.

Where are you Negan?

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Big Girls Cry" by Sia.

Thank You for reading! ❤