Quinn, Alexandria

Another sleepless night. I was tossing around in bed. When I almost fell asleep for short periods, I always had nightmares. I saw Negan bashing Glenn's head. I saw Maggie shooting Negan in the head. Every time I woke up panting, sweating.

I got out of bed when I saw the first rays of the sun.

I got dressed and hurried outside. I walked the streets of Alexandria once again. Nothing.

When I walked past by Daryl's house, I saw his motorcycle. No Daryl, no Carol. They're probably inside, I didn't want to interrupt if anything was going on. I was just relieved Daryl was back.

I heard the noise of hammers, people already started working on houses. I headed back home. I tried to eat something.

…

Negan was behind a house, working on it. He chose that one because he knew he would be hidden. One of the two people he wanted to avoid of course walked right past by him. Maggie was walking with Hershel, singing a song, staring at him with despise and hatred. Negan turned his back on them. Carol watched the scene from her window, then she hurried downstairs, to Negan.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asked. "You know that Quinn is going crazy because you left without a word? She thinks she'll never see you again."

Negan turned around to face Carol.

"I need a little time. To be alone. To figure things out," he said.

Carol examined him with her eyes, thinking.

"Come on then. I'll take you somewhere," she said.

"Where?" Negan frowned his eyebrows.

"Somewhere."

Negan put down the hammer and followed Carol.

"You trust me easily," said Carol as they left Alexandria. "I could just kill you."

"Whatever. Doesn't change anything," growled Negan. Carol looked at him surprised. She already heard something similar before.

"You are not suicidal, are you?" she asked, examining Negan with her eyes again.

"I'm not brave enough. I would have done it two days ago, but I just couldn't."

"Are you kidding me? That would break Quinn," Carol stopped, Negan stopped to face her.

"This is not about Quinn. It's about me and my mistakes."

"You can't be serious," said Carol. "Look, I don't particularly like you, but I don't want to see Quinn falling back into depression because of you. It was really hard to get her out of it. If only one thing would keep you here, among the living, then think about Quinn, please. Just stay. For her. You could make her happy."

Negan listened closely to every word Carol said. He nodded in agreement.

"I don't want to leave her. I'll go back, I just need some time," he growled.

"Okay."

They continued walking.

"Thanks for getting me out of there, by the way," said Negan.

Carol took Negan to a safe house she knew, it was close to Alexandria.

"You can stay here as long as you like," said Carol.

"Thanks… Can I go back to Alexandria after I'm ready? Or am I banished?" he asked seriously.

"I don't know," said Carol genuinely. "Just stay here and if you come back, we'll see about it."

Negan nodded. Carol left him alone and headed back to Alexandria. She went straight to Quinn's house. She banged on the door.

…

"Quinn, it's me, can I come in?" Carol asked.

"What's up?" I asked as I opened the door.

"I found Negan," she said.

"Where is he?" I asked excited, worrying.

"He is okay. He wants to be left alone. He said he needs time and will come back when he is ready," she said.

I exhaled sharply, felt tears stinging my eyes, my mouth winced. I was relieved but at the same time, I felt sorry for him.

"Does he feel that bad?" I asked quietly.

"I guess," said Carol. She decided not to mention that Negan considered committing suicide.

"Where is he?" I asked again, wiping away my tears.

"He asked me not to tell you. He said he'll come when he's ready," said Carol quietly, patting my shoulder. I nodded.

…

After I worked hard on the wall all day, I got back to my house in the evening. I saw Daryl sitting on the fence of his porch, tinkering with his arrows. I glanced around, no Carol, no Negan. I headed in Daryl's direction.

"Hey," I said.
"Hi," he glanced at me, then he continued tinkering. As he was sitting up there I walked up next to him.

"What's up?" I asked. He glanced at me again, shrugged his shoulder.

"This doesn't work," he said.

I knew he was talking about Carol, not the arrows. I sat on the fence in front of him.

"Why? " I asked gently. He exhaled sharply and looked me in the eye.

"We ended up at Leah's house, while hunting…" he said, then stopped. I didn't want to force every word out of him, so I just nodded and ended his sentence.

"You got confused," I said. He nodded slightly.

"Maybe. I dunno," he said and continued tinkering. "Haven't seen her for years."

"You still have feelings for her?" I asked, referring to Leah.

"Kinda," he said. Not really talkative, but what else did I expect? I was happy that he said even this much.

We were just sitting there for a couple of minutes, without talking. I glanced around, maybe Negan would walk past by us on the street, but I knew it wouldn't happen. I turned my eyes to Daryl's hands, I was watching how he made arrows silently.

"Where's that asshole?" asked Daryl suddenly, without taking his eyes off of the arrow.

"No idea. Carol knows where he is. He got upset because he saw Maggie and Hershel, and he left. He said he needs time."

"Good," said Daryl simply. I frowned my eyebrows. I knew he hated him all along, but it was still a bit harsh. He glanced at me. "Sorry."

"I got used to it. And it will be even worse with Maggie being here."

"I'd rather have Maggie here, than him," said Daryl to his finished arrow which he held up to check.

"I know. If things get out of hand… I'll leave with him," I said gently. Daryl put the arrow down and looked me in the eye.

"That's not gonna happen," he said.

"Things getting bad or me leaving?" I asked, frowning my eyebrows.

"You shouldn't leave," he said simply. I leaned my head back against the wooden pillar behind me.

"It would be easier for everyone," I said.

"You belong here. You want to leave Carol and Jesus? Judith? Henry? Eugene will come back too," he listed.

"And you," I finished the list. He nodded. I shrugged my shoulder again. "I want to be with him. And it's not going to work out if 90% of Alexandria wants to kill him all the time."

"No one's gonna kill him," he said and started to make another arrow.

"I know it's early to think about something like this… but… I was just thinking about the future… I'm not sure how Maggie would react if... maybe… we had a child someday."

Daryl jerked up his head and chuckled disbelievingly.

"You barely met a week ago and he is avoiding you right now and yet you are planning your future children?" he summarised.

"He is not avoiding me, he just needs time. And I'm not planning, I'm just thinking about what-if scenarios," I said.

"Well, you have time to think about that when it's happening. It's not happening yet, right?" he asked unsurely, checking me out. I couldn't help myself but giggle at his reaction.

"I'm not pregnant, Daryl," I said still chuckling, then I continued seriously. "I was just thinking about what would happen. How Maggie would take it."

"Okay," he said, relieved. He turned his gaze back at the arrow in his hand. After a couple of minutes, he looked at me again. "Stay here and we'll see how everything goes. You have family here. Don't just run off."

"Look who's talking," I said mocking him.

"I'm talking, because I know what it's like," he said seriously. I stood his gaze.

"If you ever leave Alexandria again, or Carol leaves… I will leave with Negan too. I don't want to stay here without you two, with Maggie," I said. "Jesus is happy, Henry and Judith have a whole lot of family and Eugene… Maybe he won't come back, once he finds his radio girlfriend."

We looked each other in the eye, then Daryl said:

"Deal."

I smiled, he smiled slightly too, then he continued tinkering with his arrows.

I gathered myself and headed back to my house while watching the sunset.

…

Two days later, in the afternoon

…

I was by the wall with Carol and Maggie, working silently. Carol and Maggie were talking occasionally, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to talk to Maggie, she pretended I wasn't there, anyway. Carol glanced at me from time to time.

Suddenly Maggie froze, Carol turned to see what was going on. I turned around too.

It was Negan. He came back. I gasped. Our eyes met for a long minute. Maggie stared at him with hatred. Carol glanced at me and Maggie, and when she saw neither of us moved, she walked ahead to approach him. I was breathing heavily. I glanced at Maggie, she was looking at me curiously. I didn't want Maggie to be here. After Carol talked to Negan, he headed to our house. I followed him. Every step was hard to take.

When I entered, I closed the door behind me. He threw his stuff on the couch, then turned to me. We were staring at each other silently for minutes. I was still breathing heavily, I was about to cry again. He took a step towards me, then stopped.

"I'm sorry I left. I needed to figure things out," he said gently.

"Did you?" I asked. He nodded.

"I know I said I won't leave you alone, but I knew I would come back, so…" he said.

I turned my gaze away. He stepped closer to me, he was just a step away. He hesitated.

"I tried to make peace with myself like you said," he said gently, in a comforting tone.

"How are you feeling now?" I asked, I looked him in the eye again. I didn't want to, because every time I looked him in the eye I fell under his spell.

"I'm trying. We stay here, see what's going on. If it doesn't work, we leave. You and I, together. Would you still come with me?" he asked unsurely.

I nodded this time.

"Of course, I would," I said. He let out a sigh of relief. I continued. "Maggie pisses me off so much. Why did she have to come back?" I asked frustrated. I knew it sounded bad, but the others started to accept Negan, and now, she was fuelling their hatred.

"She has every right to be here. It's me, who doesn't belong here," he said in the same gentle tone.

"I wish the whole thing never happened," I said while a tear rolled down my cheek, I couldn't hold it back. "We should have met you when all this started. You would have been a member of our group and not the enemy."

Negan flashed a sad smile.

"I wish that too. But it turned out like this. I am the villain here. Your enemy."

"Not mine," I said. "I was their enemy, I was living in a town, similar to the Sanctuary. I joined them after our leader got defeated by them."

"You never told me this before," said Negan frowning his eyebrows.

"I didn't kill any of them, but in a sense, I was their enemy too"

"Not like me. I murdered their friends and fought a war against them. Sounds like you just didn't know you were on the wrong side," he said.

"I think that could be said about you too."

He shrugged his shoulder.

"I messed up in every fuckin' way it was possible. There's no mercy for me," he said, he accepted his fate. "I can't bring them back."

"Probably we should leave Alexandria now."

"No. We have to help them first."

"You want to help them after all this?"

"Yeah."

"I'm scared for your life. I couldn't take it if something happened to you," I said. "I don't trust Maggie."

Negan stepped closer to me, closing the gap between us. He caressed my cheek.

"If something goes wrong, we'll leave. Together."

"I hope it won't be too late," I said quietly.

We looked each other in the eye for a long minute. I got lost. He leaned closer very, very slowly and kissed my lips. I slipped one of my hands on his chest and the other one on the back of his neck. He wrapped his arms around me. When we parted, he put his forehead against mine.

"We'll figure this out," he said quietly in the same gentle tone he used previously.

"You got me so worried again," I whispered.

"I'm sorry."

Our foreheads were still against each other, I felt his warm breath. My heart was pounding crazily. I slowly kissed his lips again. I couldn't get enough of him. He kissed me back.

When we parted once again he took a step back.

"It's getting dark. We should go to sleep soon," he said. I nodded. I prepared to go to the shower, but then I stopped and turned back to him.

"You won't go anywhere, right? You'll be here when I come back," I asked. He nodded while sitting down on the couch.

"Yeah. Not going anywhere."

I nodded. I quickly showered, then I heard he did too. He was about to head downstairs to the couch when I stopped him.

"Would you please sleep next to me?" I asked, I felt my cheeks were going red. I felt like a teenager once again. I looked him in the eye. "I want to know that you are next to me and not vanishing by the time I wake up," I said. He nodded.

"Okay."

We went to bed together, we turned on our sides, facing each other, while it turned completely dark outside. We couldn't see each other anymore. I fell asleep holding onto his hand. I didn't want him to leave me ever again.

…

Author's note: Listen to "No saving me" by Philmon Lee once again. It fits so perfectly. ❤

Also, listen to "The Cure" by Lady Gaga. ❤

Thank You for reading! ❤