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The familiar sounds of the office had never been so
comforting. Limping through the cubicles, listening to the inane
chatter and clacking of keyboards, I felt some semblance of
sanity. This is normal. These are normal people, doing normal
things. I just want to be one of them. Being a "special
interest" for Madlax was turning my life upside down. I'd
barely slept the night before,and my answering machine had some
message from my mother, but I couldn't hear what it was, she was
crying so hard.
Even though it was hard to concentrate, I
relished the chance to work, answering e-mails, listening to my
messages. Deleting them as I went, I finally got to the last one.
Sunday night, eleven PM.
"Strange." I muttered,
and hit the button.
"I miss you." Madlax's voice was
unmistakable. "Wait for me, Vanessa Renee."
I dropped the
phone into my lap. In a rush, all the normalcy of the day
disappeared. Shaking, I picked the phone up and placed it back
onto the receiver, fighting the urge to listen to her voice
again. I'll deal with all this later. I won't let her take
over my thoughts now.
A knock at the door startled me and
I tipped over the trashcan I was using to prop up my foot. Tony
frowned and gave me a quizzical look as he came in the
office.
"What's wrong with you? You seem kind of jumpy
today. Is it those pain pills?"
"Oh, those- no, I'm not
even taking them. The ankle feels better." I ducked under my
desk and propped my foot back up. He sat himself down on the end
of my desk and scooted conspiratorially over to me.
"I have
to tell you. You- something's not right with you, Vanessa. It's
like you're not yourself lately." He shrugged. "I don't
know how to say it, really- just…you're different."
"In
a good way or bad way?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know,
really.
"Just a strange way. Is it- are you in some sort of
trouble?" his voice and face showed he was truly concerned for
me, and suddenly I felt like crying. I looked at the phone, still
blinking with the message from Madlax. I felt so alone in this,
and I fought back the lump in my throat.
"Tony, have you-
have you ever felt like you've gotten deep into something way
over your head?"
Tony sighed and ran his hands through his
hair. "Hell yeah. It was a nightmare."
"What do you do,
when that happens? What do you do, Tony?"
"There's only
two things you can do when you're in the deep end." He
squared himself back up and looked at me. "You can swim like
hell and hope you make it, or get the hell out."
I put my
hand up to my mouth. Walk away. Just walk away, pretend it
never happened, and live a normal life.
Tony leaned over
and rubbed the top of my head.
"From the looks of you, I'd
say you need to get the hell out."