Quinn and Negan, Alexandria

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think straight. No one has control over their feelings. No one.

Negan just took my breath away. Every heartbeat I produced was because of him. He was the cause of the redness on my cheeks and he was the reason I smiled. Negan was everything. We spent another day just like that. Eating, talking, and making love. A lot. I think we wanted it for a very long time and finally, we had the opportunity so we took our chances. But at the same time… it popped into my head that I should talk to Daryl. About what happened during our last journey. And I should say thank you to Jesus for searching for me. He really didn't have to do that. And yet he was always there when I was in need. I can't just spend all my days in bed with Negan. However good it felt.

"You're very quiet," Negan pointed out while we were having breakfast.

"I really love spending all this time with you, but… I should talk to Jesus and Daryl, and start saying goodbyes soon," I explained. Negan put the fork down and leaned back in his chair.

"Okay," he said.

"I'll talk to them today, all of them and then we can pack our stuff tomorrow," I said. Negan nodded approvingly.

"Sure, do that. Just be careful," he said.

"You should be careful. Stay inside, please. I don't want you walking around in Alexandria and getting into trouble," I said.

"I could say the same thing, but you're going out anyway," he said grumpily.

"Negan… I'll come back soon. I'll be back for dinner at the latest," I said as I put my hand on his hand.

"Okay. Be very, very careful," he said.

"I might have to go out, I think I can only talk to Daryl if he goes out hunting," I explained.

"Awesome. Cool."

"Are you mad?" I asked. He let out a sigh.

"Trying not to be. We promised we won't leave Alexandria without each other."

"I'm not leaving, I just go for a walk with Daryl, then I come back, today," I reassured him.

"I hope you do," he said, his beautiful eyes were shadowed by a little grumpiness.

"I'll come back," I stated. I stood up, put the dishes into the washer, kissed Negan's cheek, and went upstairs to get dressed, then I left. I headed to Carol, I knocked on the door.

"Hey," she said. "Done finally?" she asked referring to our past days with Negan. Of course, she figured out what we were doing, it was pretty obvious.

"Is Daryl here?" I asked, changing the topic, smiling embarrassedly.

"He just headed out. If you're quick you might catch him on the road," she said.

I thanked her, then I hurried towards the gates, walking with long, fast steps. I saw Maggie and her bunch by the wall, still fixing and mending and strengthening it, but I didn't even look at them. Aaron was on the post today.

"Hey, Aaron. Can you let me out?" I asked.

"Where're you going?" he asked suspiciously.

"After Daryl. Wanna talk to him," I said glancing up at Aaron on the post. He nodded convinced and opened the gate. "Thanks!" I said as I hurried outside. I started running and after I turned around the corner I saw Daryl's back in the distance.

"Daryl!" I called after him. He stopped and turned around, waiting for me. I slowed down and walked up to him.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," he said looking at me with confusion, but then smiling slightly.

"Can I join?" I asked.

"You don't even know where I'm goin'" he said.

"Probably hunting," I guessed.

"Yeah, fishing," he nodded.

"That's cool," I said. After this awkward exchange, we continued our journey together, walking to the river.

"Got bored with Negan?" he asked.

"No. I just wanted to talk to you," I said.

"About what?" he asked glancing at me as we stepped off the road and headed into the forest.

"About our last journey. And how you felt after it," I said, trying to be delicate about his feelings.

"There's nothing to talk about," he growled.

"Daryl…" I said. I had a feeling he was going to clam up. Probably I waited for too long after we got back. "I can't just forget how… how emotional you were before we came back to Alexandria. You can't just close all those feelings inside."

"It's okay," he said simply.

"Did you tell Carol everything?" I asked.

He hesitated for a second, then answered.

"Not all of it."

I let out a sigh this time. We were walking for a little while in silence, listening to the birds. The sun was shining brightly, it was a beautiful day.

"What about you?" he asked suddenly. "What was that cryin' on the ground in the forest all about?"

I looked at him.

"Changing the topic won't make me forget about the original topic. But I'll answer," I stated. Maybe if I open up he will open up too? "Maggie's friends were bullying me. I didn't take it well. And Negan was acting strange so I convinced myself that he didn't feel the same way about me. Also, there was the adrenalin and exhaustion after the journey. All the stress came out like this."

Daryl stopped and looked at me.

"I'm sorry about Maggie," he growled gently. "But I just can't wrap my head around it how can you love that asshole this much."

We continued walking.

"He's nothing like we thought. He was acting all along. This was his way of trying to survive," I tried to explain.

"Didn' feel like he was actin', when he locked me up," he said grumpily.

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Sorry for his actions or sorry for having feelings for him?"

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"That's the point, Quinn. It didn't just happen to me. He did it," said Daryl becoming even grumpier. This conversation wasn't going the way I imagined. We reached the river, Daryl set his stuff down and got his spear ready. I sat down on a log and watched him.

"So you won't talk to me?" I asked. He didn't answer. "Did you tell Connie?"

Now he stopped and looked at me.

"What? No," he stated simply and walked into the river. I watched him trying to catch a fish.

"Okay… I am going to sit here until you talk to me," I stated.

"Little bit childish, don't you think?" he asked rolling his eyes.

"Clamming up is childish. You said you'll talk to me once we get back. You would feel better. You're destroying yourself from the inside like this," I was trying to get him to talk, but to no avail.

"You're scaring the fish away," he growled. I stayed quiet, waiting for him. I was listening to the birds and the gentle sound of the river. It was so peaceful out here. No wonder Daryl loved coming here. Suddenly there was silence in my head. Nothing bothered me. Everything felt good. The sunshine, the breeze, the sound of the birds. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I watched Daryl as he launched his spear into the water and pulled it out with a fish on it. He came out of the water and put it into his pack.

"Nice one," I said. He glanced at me.

"Pff," that was all he said and headed back into the water. After a while, he caught another one and came out to put it away. This time he stopped for a second, standing next to me. "You should get to know Connie. You would like her," he said.

"I don't know sign language," I admitted.

"I can teach ya," he said as he sat next to me on the log.

"Okay," I said as I straightened my back. Daryl held up his hand.

"This is "hi"", he said and showed it to me. I copied his movement. "Yeah, good. And this is "nice to meet you"," he showed me that too. I did what he did. "My name is Quinn," he said and showed me that one too. I repeated. "Good. Now do the whole thing again," he said. I did everything he taught me. "Good, nice," he said and I got a barely visible half smile.

"Thank you. Next time I see her I'll do it," I said. He nodded approvingly.

"I think you would get along well," he said, thinking out loud. He stood up, rummaged about his bag a bit, then sat back next to me and handed me a book about sign language. "Found it in an old library. I got most of it, so you can have it," he murmured in his low voice. I took the tiny book and looked at the cover.

"Thank you," I said as I put it in my pocket. Daryl nodded, then we watched the river in silence for a couple of minutes.

After a while, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I don't wanna talk about it because it doesn't matter anymore," he said referring to Leah.

"Why?" I asked.

"It's over. Hopefully never gonna see her again."

"You did get a little bit confused, didn't you?" I asked. He looked at me and nodded slightly. "And I didn't make it easier by tormenting you about cheating," I just realized what I did. "I'm sorry."

"You just wanted to protect Carol," he said. This time I nodded.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He looked me in the eye and nodded yes.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I told everything else to Carol. I didn't want to tell her this one."

"I get it, don't worry. I won't say a word. You know… After I saw you… when everything ended… I just knew you didn't cheat on her. And I felt so sorry for you," I said honestly. "I hope you're really fine now because back then… it hurt to see you like that."

"I'm fine," he said reassuring me. "I was wrong about her. It was the first time my instincts let me down," he explained. "I didn't get confused like I wanted to go back to her. I was more like… disappointed in her. Disappointed in my own judgment."

I nodded understandingly.

"I see."

"Thank you for asking though," he smiled at me. He took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Of course. I don't want you to feel bad," I said. We were sitting like that for a little while, then he stood up and went back to the water. I lie down on the log which I was sitting on, watching the sky, listening to the river and the birds. Daryl caught two more fish, then he packed his stuff, so we could head back to Alexandria. It felt good to be with Daryl, even if we weren't talking most of the time. Somehow, I felt calm with him. Like my crush on him happened ages ago. Or in another life. As we were walking back to Alexandria I turned to him with my questions again.

"What happened between you and Negan?"

"I didn't cheat on Carol with him," said Daryl smiling, making fun of me. I chuckled.

"You idiot," I smiled at him and pushed his arm with my elbow gently. "I mean when he tried to leave."

"Oh, so he grew some balls."

"About that, you shouldn't say that, because I bet you still didn't tell Carol how you feel," I stated.

"I kissed her and we're together, so I think she knows," he said.

"Yeah, yeah sure, but it's different when she hears it from you," I said. "You should grow those balls, not Negan," I smiled at him. This time he chuckled.

"My balls are just fine," he said.

"I don't care about your balls. Just tell Carol how you feel," I chuckled.

"Okay, okay," he waved it off.

"Back to the original question… Are you okay?" I asked.

"Hah!" he chuckled sarcastically. "You think that asshole beat me?" he asked as he stopped, glancing at me.

"Well… you made his lip split," I stated.

"Oh, poor pretty boy," he said sarcastically. "Nah, he can't hit so hard."

"He didn't want to hit you," I emphasized the words " didn't want".

"Well, I wanted to hit him. And it felt good," he stated, then he added quickly. "Sorry."

"Okay, whatever. I was just trying to find out if you're okay," I said still waiting for his answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered the question finally. He gently pushed my shoulder with his shoulder as we were walking, both of us smiling.

"Pretty boy," I repeated, still smiling. "I like that. Suits Negan perfectly."

"Pff," he said. "I take it back. Asshole suits him," said Daryl. I shook my head disapprovingly, still smiling. As soon as Aaron saw us at the gates he opened them for us without question, so we walked inside Alexandria. But just as we stepped through the gate, our smiles vanished in an instant. We heard someone yelling. we hurried in the direction of the noises. As we got closer I recognized her voice… it was Maggie. My heart skipped a beat.

Negan.

…

Author's notes: Listen to "Refuge" by Skillet.

I think this song is about God originally, but I like to think it's what Daryl thinks of Quinn and their friendship.

Thank You for reading! ❤