Beloved Misery

I'm glad that some of you are not disappointed about the whole rape thing. It's sort of an inspiration to keep going. I love writing drama and I guess you can call me a drama queen in a way. I'm not in person, but in my stories I write down all of the dramas of the world. That way I can get them out of my system.

Warnings: Sexual Content; Extreme Violence; Offensive Language

Rating: M for Mature

Good to know: LEMON means sex.

LIME means just the basic kissing and hugging

Disclaimer: I DON'T own Inuyasha or any of the characters associated with the series. I do own this storyline.

RECAP: Kagome didn't exactly know why she wanted him there. He was just so comforting to her and she cared so much about him. He was the only one who healed her wounds.

"I'm happy..." Kagome mumbled half asleep. Inuyasha tensed up a bit. He didn't know if he had ever felt so nice. She had said she was happy! After all that she had been through, she was able to say she was happy. END RECAP

Chapter 4: Harsh Memories Replaced With A Tender Moment

HALF OF A MONTH LATER

Kagome had hidden her secret and only her and Inuyasha were aware of the truth. She kept on a cheery face for everyone, but from time to time felt saddened by the bitter truth. The only person she could open up to was Inuyasha and that wasn't just because he was the only one who knew the truth.

Inuyasha wore Tetsusaiga closer than ever now. He was always only inches away from Kagome's side. He was very protective of her. He had also given her time to explain that she was considered his mate by other demons, because he had taken her innocence, so if any demons mentioned something like that she should just ignore it.

At the moment Inuyasha was sitting on the a rock, facing away from a hot spring that Kagome was bathing in. Things seemed to be a lot different between them now. Inuyasha didn't allow Kagome to bathe with anyone else and that included Shippo and Sango. Kagome didn't really mind, since she didn't want them to face her scarred body.

Kagome didn't fail to notice Inuyasha didn't allow any others to touch her, unless it was Kaede or Sango trying to clean her wounds. She understood that his demon made him naturally protective of her, because she was after all considered his. She knew he didn't mean to act like she belonged to him, but some times it just came out.

"Kagome..." Inuyasha's voice held the same quilt and tenderness it had half a month ago. It was one of the many things that made her feel warm around him. "The others are waiting for us." It was pretty late and they probably just wanted to go to bed, but she had been bathing for like an hour. She figured they had stopped paying attention to what she was doing and went to bed on their own, so she wasn't really to worried.

"One more minute." She mumbled. It was so comfortable in the warmth of the springs. It was a pretty cold fall night, so being in the heat was soothing her muscles.

"Alright." The truth was Inuyasha was worried. He had accidentally left his Tetsusaiga back with the others when he had rushed to come with her. He had only just realized it now, but could not just leave her to go get it. Her scent was arousing him like crazy, considering she was in heat and all. He just didn't know if he could contain himself and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her the way he had the other night. He would just have to be patient.

At the sound of another one of Kagome's soft moans of pleasure he clenched his teeth and the burning in his veins. She was the only one who could do this to him and it worried him.

"K... Kagome... we need to leave."

"A little longer."

"Now."

"But, Inuyasha..." That was it. All he could handle. Her calling his name just seemed to throw him over the edge and he growled as his eyes flashed. He would not let this happen. He couldn't. If he did that to her again he could never hope for her forgiveness. He was luckier than the gods to gain in the last time.

Inuyasha's claws grew out and his eyes became a blood thirsty red. His hanyou yelled out, trying to fight, but his hanyou was no match for his demon.

"Now... you're mine again." The demon turned and jumped over the rock into the spring. Kagome's eyes widened as she turned towards the demon Inuyasha. At first she was confused, but then noticed that same lustful look in his eyes that he had had back then. She clasped her heart as the memories flashed through her head and she started to whimper.

"No, not again..." She stepped back in the water, instinctively covering her upper part and allowing the water to shield her lower.

"Good you're already undressed. Saves me the hassle." Kagome's fear became greater as the demon marched closer, but she continued to walk back. Till suddenly this anticipation was to much and she turned and went to run, but like last time her arms were yanked back and she was slammed into the demons form. She sobbed out, begging him to let her leave, but he wouldn't. "Mine. Mine to have whenever I please." He whispered into her ear. Her stomach swirled and she tried ripping away, but it seemed pointless.

"Stop! You're hurting me!" She cried. Inuyasha turned her quickly to face him and leaned down, nibbling on her neck. He bit into it, marking what he had marked once before.

"Don't act as though you don't want it, because you know you do. I can smell your arousal."

"No! I don't want to be forced to feel that. It's not pleasure, it's pain. So stop! Stop it now!" She cried out, slamming her palms into his chest and trying to pull away. Suddenly the grasps on her arms turned to light holding. She slowly and reluctantly looked up to see Inuyasha. His eyes were amber! He had changed back.

"Kagome, I'm sorry!" He quickly let go over her and stepped back. Kagome's whole body was trembling. That event had caused some harsh discord of memories to come out. She wanted to turn and run, but without Inuyasha she really had no where to run to.

"It's alright..." Kagome found herself saying. It was and then it wasn't. He had actually done nothing to bad, only caused her to fear, but she could handle that. She could handle it as long as it went no farther. "Didn't you say it was time to go back?"

Back With The Others

Walking in the hut ahead of Inuyasha, Kagome was the first one the others noticed.

"That was quite a long bath." Miroku commented with a perverted grin. As soon as it was said he regretted it from the sorrow that engulfed Kagome's eyes. Sango bashed him over the hand with a fist for his insensitive comment.

"Kagome, your arms!" Shippo said quickly jumping over to her. Everyone turned their attention to her bloody arms. Kagome hastily covered them up with her pajama sleeves and smiled, reassuringly.

"Oh, that? I just fell and cut them on some branches." As an expert demon slayer Sango was aware that branches had not caused those marks, claws had, but who's? Inuyasha would surely protect a demon from getting to her. Even if it was a demon, why was Kagome going the extra length to hide it? Sango then noticed something else. Inuyasha's claws. There was a small trace of blood. Her eyes widened. Was Inuyasha the one who caused those marks? Why would he have done something like that to her and why would she still seem so calm around him. Sango realized she would have to look a little farther into the situation to find out the truth.

"Are you ready to go to bed, Kagome?" Shippo asked. looking up at her as he wagged his fluffy tail around in anticipation. Kagome gave him the biggest smile she could muster and nodded her head.

"Yeah, I'm tired." She walked over to her sleeping bag with Shippo behind her and they both lied down. Inuyasha watched the scene and sighed to himself. He felt a little envious of the kitsune at the moment. He wanted to be able to sleep beside Kagome, as he had that first day he became a hanyou again after hurting her. She had wanted his comfort then, but now he knew she would not. How could she? He had probably lost a lot of her trust. He should have never forgotten the Tetsusaiga. It was so irresponsible of him.

"Kagome..." Inuyasha began slowly. The others were all beginning to lie down now as well. Kagome turned over and looked at the hanyou, waiting for him to continue. "Could you come outside for a second?" He made sure she noticed him grab the Tetsusaiga from the wall, so she was sure she was safe around him.

"I think she's tired, Inuyasha." Sango said for her friend, but Kagome sat up anyone.

"It's alright, Sango. I'll only be a little while." Since Sango and the others knew nothing about the events of half a month ago Kagome had to wonder a little why Sango would try and help her stall.

Getting up Kagome followed Inuyasha outside. As soon as they were out the door Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's waste and jumped into the air and unto Kaede's roof top. Kagome gasped at the sudden movement.

"Inuyasha!" She warned. "Don't surprise me like that."

"Sorry..." As soon as Inuyasha apologized Kagome felt a little guilty for yelling at him. He seemed to be apologizing about a lot of things lately.

"Why did you bring me up here?"

"I needed to say something." Inuyasha took his hand and placed it on Tetsusaiga. Kagome looked at the sword and then at Inuyasha's face in curiosity.

"What is it?"

"Here." Inuyasha picked up the sword and sheath and held it out. Kagome stared at it.

"What do you mean?"

"Just take it."

"But..."

"Please..." Kagome didn't recall ever hearing Inuyasha say 'please', so she could not resist the request. She gulped and took the sword in her own hands.

"Alright." She held it and stared at Inuyasha, wondering what this was all about and hoping for some sort of explanation.

"What I did... I can... I can't think of anyway to make up for it, but... I'm so sorry Kagome..." Inuyasha leaned his head down and his bangs shaded his eyes. "I...I..." Kagome never knew that Inuyasha could tremble in such a way. She had never known him to be afraid of anything, but he was afraid now, more than ever. "I never wanted to hurt you and lose your trust, but I did and I can't make up for that. I understand, but... I can try to control myself without my sword, like I am now. For you." He stopped to take in a breath. Kagome wondered if he was going to cry. She imagined - for someone like Inuyasha - that sort of guilt was unbearable. "I love you, Kagome. I want you to know... even if you hate me now."

There was a long moment of silence now and Kagome felt something in her take a hold and just make her feel in such a way that she had never felt before. The last thing she would have ever expected Inuyasha to do was to tell her something like that. He must really be sorry, but she had known that all along. She knew, but had Inuyasha known?

"Oh, Inuyasha... I could never hate you." Kagome smiled at him. A smile that had felt to be long forgotten. She wiped a happy tear from her eye and moved forward, wrapping her arms around the shaky hanyou. He felt like a lost and lonely child that could never be at peace with themselves for the manslaughter they committed.

"Please stop hurting." Inuyasha wrapped his arms around Kagome and held her close to him. The thing Inuyasha didn't seem to understand was that what he was doing now was actually making the hurt all seem to disappear. In his arms she felt such calmness that nothing compared, not even the mass sorrow in her soul...

Important to know:

I would like to let you all know about Inuyasha's personality this chapter. I know that at the end it seemed a little off, but I mean think about it...If you were in his position how would you feel, or if those girls out there - like me - did something that horrible, like killing someone you cared about on accident... How would you feel? Basically anyone's tough exterior would crack under that sort of guilt and that includes Inuyasha's of course, considering he seems to get overabundances of guilt a lot.