"I can't believe Soda said we'd go to that youth thing tonight." Ponyboy whispered to me once we were heading back to the school. The two of us sat in the back seat while Steve and Two-Bit sat in the front. I watched as Ponyboy lit up a cigarette.

"Maybe it won't be so bad." I told him. "Besides, didn't you used to go to church a lot?"

Pony glanced at me. "I did. And it was okay. It's just, I keep remembering how Soda and those two acted when they came with me and Johnny that one time. I haven't been back since. And well, the thought of going to a church reminds me of Windrixville and..." His voice trailed off as he looked out the window.

I knew he was talking about Johnny and the fire. He rarely mentioned it and when he did, he never could finish what he was saying. He'd just look away with the same pained expression he had now.

"You don't have to go." I said. "If it's too hard for you, the two of us could go do something else."

Ponyboy gave me a small grin. "Thanks Chris. But you should go. Maybe Darry and I can toss the football around or something."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "I don't have to go to the church."

"I'm sure, Chris." Pony insisted. "Besides, we have all afternoon to do something."

I nodded. By then, we had arrived at the school. Two-Bit and Steve both turned to look at us. "You two aren't backing out on us, are you?"

Ponyboy sighed. "I think I'll do something with Darry tonight. Chris will still go."

Steve grinned at me. "I hope you're still going. This searching thing was your idea."

I laughed. "Okay, I'm still going."

Two-Bit was eyeing Ponyboy carefully. "You're thinking about Johnny aren't you? Is that why you don't want to come with us?"

"Yeah." Pony sighed. "I just don't think I'm ready to walk into a church yet. Not after what happened up in Windrixville."

The rest of us nodded as we all got out of the car and walked towards the school. I was kind of disappointed that Ponyboy wouldn't be coming with us to the youth group that night, but I understood. Losing Johnny and Dally had been hard on all of us. Especially Ponyboy. He was doing better than he had been, but sometimes, it still hurt him. Johnny had been his best buddy. And I guess losing him was like losing a brother. I hated to think of how he would be if something had ever happened to Darry or Soda.

"See you two later." Two-Bit said as he and Steve turned to go to their shop class.

I watched as they walked away before falling into step next to Ponyboy. We walked in silence until we got to the door of Pony's English class. Then, Pony looked at me. "I hope you're not too disappointed that I'm not going with. I just don't know if I could handle it."

"Pony, I understand." I said.

Ponyboy nodded as he stepped inside the classroom. I then walked to my math class, wonderingwhat that night had in store. I also thought about what Pony and I could do that afternoon after school let out. Maybe the two of us could find out what the searching thing was all about. Or at least think of things socs and greasers could both be searching for. I dodged a few socs as I entered my math class and took my seat, still wondering what it was people searched so hard for but couldn't seem to find.