A Love Born From Steel

Chapter 16

"Whaddya want for supper?" Jack asked.

"I dunno, something simple," said Ennis. "I ain't really hungry."

Jack nodded and opened the refrigerator, rummaging around. "How 'bout some soup 'n sandwiches? I could make grilled cheese."

"Ya mean toasted cheese?" said Ennis.

Jack smiled. "Toasted cheese? That's what ya call it?"

"That's what my mama called it—y'know, make a cheese sandwich, butter the bread, toast it in the pan."

Jack poked Ennis gently in the ribs. "Same thing, but my mama called it grilled cheese." He turned to the cabinet and looked at the assortment of Campbell's soups. "We have chicken noodle, cream of mushroom, vegetable…"

"Which is the one with the alphabets?" asked Ennis.

"That's the vegetable," answered Jack.

"Let's have that, then," said Ennis. "I always liked alphabet soup."

Jack pulled the can off the shelf and took the can opener from the drawer. He handed both to Ennis. "Here, open this and put it in the little saucepan, then add one can of water. We'll get that heating up." He took a loaf of bread from the breadbox and lined the squares of bread up on the counter, preparing to make the sandwiches. "You want tomato on yours?" he asked Ennis.

"On my sandwich?" said Ennis. Jack nodded. "Oh, fancy. Toasted cheese and tomato. Wow."

Jack laughed. "I could make it really fancy and add tuna. How 'bout that—a grilled cheese-tuna-tom."

"What?" said Ennis, not understanding.

"Grilled cheese-tuna-tom," said Jack, his voice getting softer. "I had a friend who used t'order 'em that way in diners. 'Grilledcheesetunatom,' he'd say, like it was all one word. The waitresses never knew what he was talkin' 'bout, since they usually called 'em tuna melts, not grilled cheese-tuna-toms…" His voice drifted off.

Ennis looked at Jack. "What friend was that?" he said, trying to imagine Jack in a diner ordering a sandwich with a friend.

Jack shook his head. "Never mind, I shouldn'ta said anything. Forget the tuna, but do you want tomato on yer sandwich?"

"Tomato is fine," said Ennis, "but who's the friend?" he asked, persistent.

Jack sighed. "I could lie, but I won't. It was the guy I told ya 'bout, Ray. My rodeo buddy." Ennis nodded, not saying anything. Jack continued. "Don't get mad, En. I shouldn'ta brought it up. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad, Jack," said Ennis. "And it's okay t'bring it up." Ennis stood there, trying to sort out his feelings. "I dunno, I can't imagine you with another boyfriend…" He paused for a second, thinking. "Alma had other boyfriends…"

"Ya mean before you?" asked Jack.

Ennis nodded. "Well, maybe not boyfriends, but dates. She went out with other guys. She finished high school, so she went t'dances and stuff, dated other guys. I never did any o'that shit."

"How d'ya meet Alma, anyway?" said Jack. "You never told me."

"My sis fixed us up. She knew Alma's family through the Methodist church." Ennis paused for a minute, thinking, then continued. "When my brother decided t'get married, I think my sis was worried 'bout me, thought I needed t'hook up with someone so I wouldn't be alone. So, she introduced us…" He gave Jack a funny smile. "I never really dated anyone before, was never really interested in girls."

Jack smiled back. "Told ya."

"What?" said Ennis, not following.

"Yer gay, En," said Jack.

Ennis gave a soft laugh. "That I am. Mebbe it does go all the way back…never thought o'that." He paused. "Alma fell for me like a ton a'bricks and I figgered that was what we was supposed t'do, so I asked her t'marry me. She couldn't say yes fast enough."

Jack laughed. "What is it 'bout you Del Mar, you just sweep people off their feet? I better not take ya out in public, some guy's liable t'take you away from me."

"Never happen, cowboy," he said, coming up behind Jack and putting his arms around his waist. "Didn't happen in thirteen years of us barely bein' together, ain't gonna happen now that we're ranchin' up. And now you can keep a close eye on me."

Jack turned and smiled at him, and gave him a little kiss. "Grab a coupla plates, willya? These sandwiches are just about done."

Ennis took two plates and two soup bowls from the cupboard and put them on the counter. "We have any chips t'go with this?"

"I think so," said Jack. "Look in the breadbox."

Ennis pulled out the bag and poured the chips into a bowl. He tasted one. "Blech, they're soggy. I hate soggy 'tato chips."

Jack laughed. "I'll get some fresh ones tomorrow. We need t'go t'the grocery store anyway." He motioned towards the dining room. "Looks like we're all set for supper. Grab two beers, willya?"

Ennis did as he was asked and joined Jack at the table. He looked down at the sandwich and soup in front of him and then, suddenly and unexpectedly, started crying. He pulled out his handkerchief and held it to his eyes. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm actin' stupid."

"You ain't stupid, En," said Jack. "What is it? You grievin' Hal?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, not Hal…well, mebbe. But it is more, the sandwich and the soup brought back a memory."

"What's that?" said Jack. "Tell me."

Ennis wiped his eyes and gave Jack a shaky smile. "It was a long time ago…I was really little…mebbe 'bout 4 years old. We had a really big snowstorm and school was cancelled so K.E. and Cecilia stayed home. The three of us played out in the snow all day long…made a snow man, built a snow fort, made snow angels…just little kid stuff but it was so much fun…and then after, I dunno, it seemed like hours, we went inside and we were all frozen and wet, and my mama got me undressed, and bundled me up in a blanket, and we all sat 'round the woodstove warmin' up…then, for supper, this is what we had," he said, pointing to the plate in front of him. "Toasted cheese sandwiches and alphabet soup," he stopped, for a minute, tears gathering at his eyes, "I feel like I ain't got many happy memories of bein' a kid and this meal, it's bringin' it all back 'cause my mama fed me the same damn thing." Ennis started crying again as he said this, looking embarrassed and wiping his eyes with his handkerchief. "I loved my mama," he said, his voice a whisper.

"And I'm sure yer mama loved you," said Jack, smiling at Ennis and covering his hand with his own.

"I wonder what she'd think t'know her little baby boy grew up t'be a queer," he said, trying to compose himself by picking up his sandwich and taking a bite.

"Well," said Jack, "I don't know for sure, o'course, but I bet she'd be okay with it."

"Ya think so?" said Ennis. "She was married t'my daddy and I told ya what he thought 'bout queers."

"Ya might be right," replied Jack, "but I like t'think that what mamas want is for their children t'be happy." He paused. "Yer happy now, ain't ya, Ennis?"

Ennis smiled at Jack. "Ya know I am, babe. Happier than I've ever been in my life."

"Well," said Jack, "that's what I think yer mama would see—that yer happy. The queer part wouldn't be so important."

Ennis wiped his eyes again and picked up his soup spoon. "That's a nice way t'think of it," he said. "Mebbe that's how my mama would be."

They ate in silence for a few minutes, then Ennis looked at Jack. "What's the plan for the next few days, anyway?"

"That's a good question, I'm glad ya brought that up." He paused for a minute. "Let's see…day after tomorrow, Thursday, Tom thought he'd be arrivin'—said early. I 'spect his sister will get here on Thursday, too. I think he wanted t'have the wake on Thursday afternoon and the funeral Friday mornin', then bury Hal right afterwards."

"Anyone stayin' here?" asked Ennis.

Jack shook his head. "No, Tom said they'd stay at the motel. But I offered t'get some food and beverages for folks who might stop by—mebbe we could plan on lunch on Friday or somethin'."

"And what 'bout tomorrow?"

"Well, I guess we're on our own for tomorrow. Need t'get groceries, like I said."

Ennis nodded. "And we should do some cleanin' if folks are gonna be stoppin' by. The bathroom needs a scrubbin'." He paused for a minute, then gave Jack a smile. "Y'know what I'd like t'do tomorrow, if we have time?"

"What?" asked Jack.

"Spend the afternoon down by the river, like we did on July 4th. Skinny-dippin' and drinkin' beer, just you 'n me." Ennis chuckled softly. "Between the girls visitin' and then Hal bein' here, we haven't had much time for sunbathin'. I think my tan's fadin'."

Jack laughed. "That sounds like a perfect way t'spend the afternoon, En. Give us some motivation t'get our chores done early."

Ennis noticed that they had finished eating. He stood up and started clearing the empty dishes. "Whaddya want t'do now, babe?" he asked Jack.

Jack looked at his watch. "It ain't that late, but I'm exhausted. Want t'go t'bed early?"

"I was hopin' ya'd say that," said Ennis, with a smile. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck." He put the dishes in the sink and turned on the faucet.

"Leave those," said Jack. "I"ll wash 'em in the mornin'."

"No," said Ennis, "I'm washin' 'em now. I know ya hate a sink o'dirty dishes."

Jack smiled at Ennis, then picked up a towel and started to dry the plates as Ennis washed them. "Hal was so right," he said.

"What?" said Ennis, turning to look at Jack.

"Yer one of the best," replied Jack, "and that's why I'll love you forever."

The next morning, they were standing at the sink, cleaning up after breakfast. This time Jack was washing and Ennis was drying, when the phone rang. Ennis looked at it, then looked at Jack. "Answer it, willya?" said Jack. "My hands are all wet."

For some reason, Ennis was loathe to answer the phone. But he walked over and picked up the receiver, reluctantly. "Ennis Del Mar, Lazy L Farm." He listened for a minute, then said, "Yeah, Jack's right here. Hold on a minute, please." He put his hand over the phone. "It's for you," he said, pointing the receiver towards Jack.

"Do ya know who it is?" asked Jack.

"Yer lawyer, I think," replied Ennis.

Jack wiped his hands on a towel and took the phone. Ennis walked out to the porch to give Jack some privacy and lit a cigarette. He was standing there, looking towards the stable, when Jack joined him by his side. "That's it," he said. "I've got my court date. A week from Friday, I'll be a free man."

Ennis laughed. "You ain't free, bud—it's more like, a week from Friday, you won't be—what's it called, those guys that got two wives?"

"Bigamist?" answered Jack.

"Yeah, that. You won't be one a'those after next Friday."

Jack chuckled, "Yeah, 'cept En, you ain't a wife in no way, shape, or form."

Ennis looked at him, a little suspicious. "You teasin' me, Jack Twist?"

"Not at all, lover. You are what I want—100 percent man."

Ennis laughed and blushed a bit. "Well, I guess I should say thanks t'that. So…ya work out all the details?"

"Yup," said Jack. "Looks like I'm gonna get a bit more money than I expected…'bout $22,000."

Ennis gave a low whistle. "Ya got t'pay child support?"

"Nope. Lureen works and her daddy has tons o'money."

"Lucky bastard," said Ennis. "I feel like I got a noose around my neck with those damn payments."

They heard the phone ringing again in the kitchen. "Shit, what now?" said Jack. "This place is like Grand Central Station. 'Scuse me for a sec," he said, as he headed back into the house.

Ennis was still standing by the rail, smoking another cigarette when Jack came back out. "Well, fuck," he said, "there goes our plan o'drinkin' and screwin' by the river."

"Why?" said Ennis. "Who was on the phone?"

"That asshole Norm Crocker—from the bank. Our loan application has been reviewed and he wants t'talk t'us 'bout it. We have an appointment at 3."

"What the fuck?" said Ennis. "Today?"

"Yep, and I don't like his timin' at all. He knows we're buyin' the Lazy L and he must know that Hal died yesterday—today of all days t'have a meetin'. Fuck." He looked at Ennis. "Ya got another smoke?"

Ennis nodded and took the pack from his pocket, shaking a cigarette out and offering it to Jack. "So what's the plan?" he asked.

Jack looked across the field. "Well, I guess nothin's really changed…still need t'get the groceries, still need t'do some cleanin'…" He looked at Ennis. "If it's okay with you, I'd like t'go t'the store this mornin'—I don't know how long the bank will take and I'd rather not leave the food sittin' in a hot truck."

"Fine with me, babe," said Ennis. "I ain't particularly fond a buyin' groceries anyway, you know that."

Jack smiled at him. "I never was either, 'til I started learnin' how t'cook. Now it's sorta fun."

"We are a pair o'deuces, ain't we?" said Ennis with a smile. "You cookin', me cleanin', who'd a believe it?"

"It's called housekeepin', lover, buildin' a life together…and that's what we're doin'. Let's just hope Norm Crocker sees fit t'help us with our plan." He crushed his cigarette out in the ashtray. "I'm gonna go make a list. Anythin' special ya want from the store?"

Ennis nodded. "Chips. And mebbe some more o'that champagne."

"Champagne?" said Jack.

"Yup," said Ennis. "I'm thinkin' positive. We're gonna be celebratin' tonight."

Three o'clock in the afternoon, they were at the Quanah Savings and Loan and were immediately ushered into Norm Crocker's office. No cooling their heels in the waiting room this time.

They had managed to squeeze in a swim, but no beer drinking and no sex…just a few chaste kisses. Jack had pondered what they should wear. Ennis went with his usual—cowboy shirt and jeans—but he ironed the shirt and polished his boots. Jack looked a little dressier with a pair of black pants, denim shirt and bolo tie. They had both bathed and shaved and Ennis had even combed his hair back. "You look cute like that, cowboy," said Jack.

"Don't tease me," said Ennis, his face mournful.

"I ain't teasin', lover," said Jack. "Just tellin' ya, you look good."

Norm stood as they came in, offering his hand. "Mr. Twist, Mr. Del Mar, thank you for coming in today."

Jack shook his hand but Ennis just stood there. "Thanks. We've been lookin' forward t'hearin' from ya."

They sat down in the padded chairs across from Crocker's desk. Norm arranged his hands on a manila folder in front of him and looked at them, pausing for a minute. "Well. Unfortunately, I am afraid I have bad news. Your loan was not approved."

Ennis looked at him, his face a mask. Jack started. "Not approved?"

"No, I am sorry to say, the committee reviewed your application carefully and declined to make your loan."

Jack looked at him. "But we want t'buy the Lazy L. We want t'keep it as a farm. We want t'be a part of the Quanah community."

"I understand that," said Norm, "and the committee thought about those issues. Still, they found that you did not meet the criteria to be first-time borrowers from our institution."

The three of them sat there, staring at each other for a minute, then Ennis looked at Jack. "I guess we should leave, bud," he said softly.

"No," said Jack, "I'd like an explanation. Mr. Crocker, can you tell us why we didn't get the loan?"

"Certainly," said Norm. "I was going to anyway." He opened the folder in front of him. "The Quanah Savings and Loan lending policy is based on three criteria: credit, collateral, and character. Our borrowers are assessed based on each of those." He paused, then continued. "Let's start with credit, and let's start with Mr. Del Mar."

He looked at the papers in front of him. "Now as far as I can tell, Mr. Del Mar, you moved to Texas from Wyoming three months ago. In Wyoming, you never had a credit account, you never had a loan—not for a truck or a mortgage or a credit card. In fact, it appears that the first bank account you have ever had is right here with us—and as of this morning, it contains the princely sum of $1284.23."

Ennis looked at him, realizing that it was more money than he had ever had in savings in his entire life, but also realizing that in the scheme of things, it was a fairly paltry sum.

"So, based on that," continued Norm, "the committee did not feel that Mr. Del Mar was credit-worthy. For that, they discounted him as an applicant." He turned to Jack. "Mr. Twist—you have a bit more credit history. You do have some money in savings, and you did have a mortgage with the bank in Childress. It was noted that that was paid on time and has been successfully paid off. However, all of your savings appear to be committed to Tom Lawrence as a down payment on the Lazy L—once that happens, you will have no reserve, no cushion to fall back on. So, in that view, you are also quite a risk when it comes to credit."

Jack looked at him, trying to make his expression impassive.

Crocker gave them both an oily smile and let his words sink in. Then he made a small nod and continued. "Next is collateral. You are buying the Lazy L, which has not been an active farm for many years. You plan to transform it into a horse farm, an operation that is not common here in Hardeman County. Although the committee appreciates the fact that you want to keep it as a farm which is important in this area since we are primarily an agricultural community, they did not believe that your plans were well documented and did not represent the highest and best use of this property."

"But…" Jack said, trying to interrupt the flow of words, but Norm waved him off.

"You also do not bring to this business enterprise any experience as business owners. Mr. Del Mar," he nodded in Ennis's direction, "appears to have a spotty work history as an itinerant ranch hand at a variety of insignificant ranches in Wyoming. You, Mr. Twist, have been selling farm equipment for the past ten years. The committee did not believe that selling equipment translates into knowing how to successfully run a farm."

Jack and Ennis just sat there, not looking at each other and trying to get through the moment. Norm took a deep breath, sat up straighter in his leather chair, and once again, rearranged the papers in front of him. "Shall I continue?" he said. Neither Jack or Ennis said a word. He took their silence as an affirmation.

"Well then, last is character. Occasionally, the bank will approve a loan based on the strong character of the borrowers, even if they have deficiencies in credit and collateral. Let's talk about character, shall we?"

No, let's not, thought Ennis to himself, wishing he could be anywhere besides where he was at that moment.

"Mr. Del Mar, you are divorced and have abandoned a wife and two daughters in Riverton, Wyoming."

"I didn't abandon 'em," said Ennis, his voice a low growl. "I'm payin' child support and my daughters was here for three weeks, visitin'."

Norm looked at him through narrowed eyes. "The point is, Mr. Del Mar, is that you have been a lifelong resident of the state of Wyoming and for whatever reason," he paused, as if to emphasize his words, "you have decided to move to Texas and leave your family, 1000 miles away."

"She's my ex-wife," said Ennis. "It ain't family anymore. A man's got a right t'start new."

"That's true," said Norm, "you certainly do. But that doesn't mean that Quanah Savings and Loan needs to lend you $35,000 for this little adventure of yours."

Ennis glared at him, but didn't say a word, afraid of totally losing his temper.

Norm turned to Jack. "You, too, Mr. Twist, have made the decision to get divorced. You have been married for ten years and from what I understand, it was a happy and loving marriage. Suddenly, you decide to up and get divorced, leaving a wife and young son."

Jack didn't say anything, just looked at Norm Crocker.

"And then, on top of all this divorce and unhappiness, you two decide to become business partners. It was not clear at all to the loan committee how you two…" he paused, as if for effect, "decided to get together."

"We've known each other a long time," said Jack, "I think we know we can work together."

"Well," said Crocker, raising his eyebrows superciliously, "maybe you know that but the bank doesn't."

They paused for a minute, all looking at each other, planning their next move, as if it was a chess game. Finally, Jack spoke. "My wife—Lureen Newsome Twist—said she'd co-sign for the loan—if that'll make a difference."

Crocker gave Jack a malevolent stare. "She is soon to be your ex-wife," he said.

Jack glared back at him. "We're still friendly, even if we're gettin' divorced," he said. "She's behind our business idea, said she'd co-sign the loan."

"It doesn't really matter, does it, Mr. Twist?" said Crocker, once again arranging the papers in front of him and moving them into a neat stack. "Your soon to be ex-wife is a lovely woman, but I know for a fact that she really has no assets for co-signing a loan—her father owns the business, doesn't he?"

Jack didn't say anything, just tried to stare Crocker down. Norm continued, his voice like a steel knife. "As a matter of fact, I know LD Newsome, and I happen to know he feels the same way about you that I do…" he paused, then corrected himself. "I mean as the loan committee does…a divorced man with no roots in the community, deciding to move in with another man," he nodded at Ennis as he said this, "has no moral character and frankly, is not the type of risk that Quanah Savings and Loan thinks we should take on at this point in time."

Jack looked at him, his voice a whisper. "You can't fuckin' be sayin'…" he said.

Norm Crocker didn't say a word, just rearranged the papers in front of him.

Ennis could see the veins in Jack's neck throbbing like ropes, his face flushed and his nostrils flaring. Ennis touched Jack's elbow, "C'mon bud, let's get outta here," he said, softly, and then, screwing up every bit of self control that was contained in his body, he turned to Norm Crocker and said, "Thank you for yer time."

They turned and left the office. Ennis felt as if every eye of every teller and customer in the bank lobby were boring right through him, but he focused his eyes straight ahead and guided Jack towards the door, his finger barely touching Jack's elbow.

They rode back to the farm in stony silence. Jack pulled up and parked, and when he got out of the truck he began kicking the door in wordless anger. Once again, Ennis guided him away. "C'mon, bud."

A hail of expletives exploded from Jack's mouth and rained down on Ennis's head. Ennis wasn't surprised but he managed not to respond in kind. "I'm goin' up t'get changed. I'm thinkin' 'bout goin' for a ride. Wanna come?"

"Fuck that, Ennis, I just wanna get drunk."

"Suit yerself," said Ennis, going into the house.

When he came back out, Jack was ensconced in one of the chairs on the porch, whiskey bottle in one hand, a cigarette in the other. He gave Ennis a defiant glare, as if to say, "Don't talk t'me 'bout drinkin."

Ennis didn't say anything, just turned and walked towards the stable. He looked across at the horses in the field, grazing peacefully. Although he had mentioned a ride, he wasn't sure that was what he really wanted to do. He needed a more physical release. He was angry, just as angry as Jack—perhaps more so—but he realized that drinking wouldn't solve the problem, and getting into a fight with Jack was even less of a solution. Trouble was, the way Jack was acting, both of those outcomes seemed to be likely.

Instead of taking a ride, Ennis decided to give the stalls a full and thorough cleaning, complete with disinfectant. He mucked out the dirty hay, putting it in a wheelbarrow and carting it down to compost pile behind the barn. Then he filled a bucket with water and bleach, and washed the floor on his hands and knees, scrubbing the cement as if he wished to remove forty years of grime. When that was finished, he scrubbed the water and feed pails, then hosed everything down, including the walls. He laid a fresh layer of hay on the floor, filled the water pail, and poured some oats into the feed bucket.

He went out to the paddock, glancing up at the house as he walked towards the gate. Jack was still on the porch, head down, and, Ennis imagined, still glaring.

He gave a low whistle and both horses looked up and trotted over. "Hey Twist," he said to the big black stallion, feeding him a biscuit. He was equally affectionate with Sioux, rubbing her nose and holding out his hand. "I've got a carrot for you," he said, leaning in for a little nuzzle.

He opened the gate and led both horses back to the stable. "Nice and clean, like it, bud?" sort of wishing the horses could talk and that he would get an answer. He closed the doors of the stalls behind them and headed back up to the house.

He walked up the steps of the porch and over to Jack, looking down at him. "Drunk yet, cowboy?" he asked.

"Not yet, but I'm sure as hell tryin'," said Jack, offering Ennis the bottle.

Ennis took a swig and put the bottle down on the porch railing. "Too drunk to get it up?" he asked.

"What the fuck?" said Jack, incredulously.

"You heard me," replied Ennis.

"You want to have sex?" Jack said, and Ennis nodded. "Now?" Ennis nodded again. "What the fuck for? I just want to sit here…"

"You just want to sit here and get drunk and be pissed and angry," Ennis completed the sentence for him. "And then when you're good and shitfaced you'll get into a fight with me. You really want t'get in a fight with that goddamn asshole Crocker but since he's not here and I am, you'll take the next best thing, right?"

"Ennis, what the fuck are you talkin' 'bout?" said Jack.

Ennis sat down and pulled his chair around, so he was facing Jack. "Listen, bud, I know how you fuckin' feel, 'cause I feel the same fuckin' way. Right now I think that that goddamn banker is the stupidest fuck on the planet. If I see him on the street, I'm likely to punch the livin' fuckin' daylights outta him, so I'm thinkin' I shouldn't go t'town for the next coupla days."

This last statement evinced a little smile from Jack, and Ennis smiled back, and then continued. "He may think that you 'n me lovin' each other is wrong, and he may think that we ain't got—what was his words—'no moral character'—but he's wrong. I know that now."

Jack leaned forward. "Whaddya sayin', En?"

"I'm sayin', Jack, that I had a lot of fear, for a lot of years, and I was fearin' guys like that asshole. And I look at him and see what a small minded fuckin' jerk he is and I realize that all that fear was a fuckin' waste of my energy and time. There ain't nothin' wrong in what we're doin', in fact, it's only right."

Jack looked at Ennis, waiting for him to continue. "Every mornin' for the past three months I've woken up, thinkin' this must be a dream because nobody could be as happy as I have been. Then I look at you sleepin' next t'me and I know it's not a dream." He paused, then continued. "We've got friends, Jack, friends who know us as a couple and don't have a problem with it. Unlike that asshole Norm Crocker, who doesn't even know us."

"What friends?" said Jack, still petulant in his anger.

"Oh, c'mon, Jack, you know what friends. Jill, Jeanie, Bob, Hal, Tom—hell, Jack, sometimes I think we should invite Tom to have sex with us, it sure seems like what he wants to do." At this, Jack finally laughed. "The nurses at the nursing home, they figgered it out, didn't seem t'care. Lureen's okay with it, and our kids. Junior told you enough times how happy I looked. You were with me when Jenny learned 'bout us. And look at her picture—obviously she's okay with it. And Bobby—look at him now, learnin' t'ride and all. How he smiles at you, proud that yer his daddy."

Jack looked at Ennis, waiting for him to continue. "Jack, things are better for me than they've ever been. I have a bank account with money in it—even though that fuck Norm Crocker acts like it ain't much. But for me, I'm not feelin' like I'm two fuckin' bucks away from the poorhouse, which is the way I felt all my life 'til we came here." At that, he turned and waved his arm towards the field. "And look what we've done here, fixin' this place up. Look how pretty the house is, all painted rose, and the fields all mown and neat. There's animals in the stable and hay in the barn. We've brought this place back to life."

"Well that's the point, En. Fuckin' Norm Crocker just wrecked this part of yer little dream. Without the money, we ain't gonna be able to buy this place, and our whole fantasy of runnin' a horse farm has just gone down the drain."

"Maybe the fantasy of this horse farm," Ennis said, "but that doesn't mean we can't find somethin' else. Yeah, we were lucky with this place, but that doesn't mean we can't be lucky again. Or maybe it's not just luck." He picked up Jack's hands and looked closely in Jack's eyes, "What I've learned this summer, Jack, is t'believe in myself. I ain't ever believed in myself before and I ain't ever got ahead before. But havin' you lovin' me has made me realize that I can do things—if we want to own a farm, or a ranch, or somethin' else, we will." He stopped, and gave Jack a smile.

Jack smiled back. "Ennis, when did ya get so fuckin' smart?" he asked.

"I ain't smart, Jack. I just got a powerful love from a good man that's guidin' me," he said. "And that's why I ain't gonna let that asshole Norm Crocker try to tell me it's wrong. There was a time when I would've believed him, but those days are over. Now I know that lovin' you—bein' with you—is where I'm meant to be. If that asshole banker wants to live in his narrow minded little world, fuck him, I say. It's his problem, not mine."

"It's a shame we wasted thirteen years figgerin' this out."

"That's water under the bridge, Jack, no need t'talk 'bout that," said Ennis. "In fact, some days I think we—or at least me—needed that time apart, t'fully 'preciate what we got now." He paused for a minute, looking deep into Jack's eyes. "I'm not gonna let the assholes of the world make me think anythin' but good 'bout us. That's why I don't want to fight with you, Jack. Bein' with you is too important to waste it with fightin'. It has taken me a long time to learn that. Do ya know what I mean?"

"I know what ya mean, En. And I don't wanna fight with you, either." They sat there, holding each other's hands, looking at each other, silent for the moment. Then Jack pulled his hand up and traced his fingers along Ennis's jaw. "I love you, cowboy."

"I know you do. And I love you too." Ennis reached over and held Jack close in a tight embrace. They sat there like that for a few minutes, feeling their hearts beating through their shirts.

Finally, Ennis broke away and stood up, pulling Jack to his feet. "So, whatchya want t'do now?"

Jack looked up him, "Ya said somethin' 'bout sex before…?"

"Yeah, I did. Actually, let's have some supper and then we can go to bed early and screw our brains out. That sounds like fun." He nodded to himself as he said this.

Jack replied, "Yeah, but we gotta figure out what we're gonna do, with Tom, and the money and ev'rythin'."

"We don't need t'do that tonight," said Ennis. "We've got the wake and funeral t'get through for the next two days. Let's worry about that and then deal with this other shit afterwards."

Jack nodded. Ennis was right, and Norm Crocker's timing had been all wrong.

"Right now, this cowboy is gonna cook ya a mess o'beans for supper," he said, as he turned towards the door, still holding Jack's hand. "And then we'll get down to some serious fuckin'."

"You say so, boss," said Jack, as he let himself be pulled into the house.