Just Wait...It'll Pass
by : Willow
takes place after the first half of 'the end of the world'.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. That's why I am poor and have to scrounge up pennies to occasionally buy my daughter a new shirt or pair of pants when we go to WalMart.
Meredith Grey's POV
I knew today was going to be a bad day. I knew that I should just stay in bed. But did anyone listen to me? No. Izzy and George just called Christina and she came and literally kicked me out of bed. I had a feeling but no one listened and now here I am with my hand inside a man's chest. And not in a cool surgical way. In a way that means if my fingers tremble or twitch I could blow up. And not just me. Everyone around me could blow up too. Because my hand just happens to be inside a man who built a replica WWII bazooka and then preceeded to shoot it off. Only when the gun didn't work properly he went and stood in front of it and then it worked properly and shot him in the chest. So yes one of my fingers is plugging the hole in his heart so he doesn't bleed out but dammit the rest of my hand is covering an unexploded live bazooka round. Oh and did I mention it was homemade? I knew I should have stayed home today.
Burke and that guy Dylan are talking in hushed whispers at the door again. I hate it when they do that, it is so irritating. Like I can't hear them from five feet away. I know what they're thinking too. Poor Meredith, we should try not to upset her by telling her the truth about her chances. And of course both are such friggen cowards anyways. I didn't see either of them over here trying to calm Hannah down. And when she ran what did they do? They hit the ground like somehow that would save them. Not me. I slid my hand in as Hannah slid hers out. I took her place under the guillotine so to speak. Oh god, what did I do. I knew I shouldn't have come in to work today.
Burke already asked Christina to leave. She didn't want to. I think she wanted to stay to support me as much as she doesn't want to leave him here alone with the bomb. But he told her he couldn't do the surgery with her nearby so she left. He doesn't want her to get hurt. It's really sweet and I'm not jealous, really I'm not. But I wish I had someone like that with me still. Someone who cared if I got hurt. If I died. Why did I come into work today?
Burke and Dylan approach me and I try to organize my jumbled thoughts in order to listen a little bit better. They are talking about moving me and the patient to another operating room. Why do we need to move? Granted Shepherd's team is next door but the explosion wouldn't be that big if it went off, would it?
"Why do we need to move?" I ask Burke slowly.
He takes a seat in a swivel chair across the patient from me, "This operating room is right above the main oxygen line. That means we have to move in case the worse should occur."
I shake my head. "I don't understand. Well okay I think I do but I think I'm wrong because what I think can't possibly be what you mean." They are both staring at me silently so I continue on very slowly. "Because what I think you are saying is that if the bomb goes off here and blows the oxygen line then the whole hospital blows up. But that's just crazy right?" The two men just stare at me unblinking. Oh god. I am right. "Who builds a hospital like that?" I mutter under my breath.
Doctor Burke smothers back a smile and starts to get up out of the chair when my next words stop him for some reason. "Why did I let Christina kick me out of bed this morning?"
He stops at the door and turns back to me. "That thing Christina had to do this morning was to kick you out of bed?"
"Yea. Why?" I reply a bit distracted as I watch the bomb squad leader Dylan Young get down on his hands and knees on the floor. "Excuse me, but what the hell are you doing?"
He doesn't even look up as he answers me. "Well in order to move the two of you the brakes on this damn gurney have to be taken off."
"Grey. Why did she need to wake you up today?" Burke asks from the door.
"I was already awake." I say looking at him. "She just had to kick me out of bed."
He looks at me questioningly, "Why?"
I lower my eyes to where my hand disappears beneath the skin of the patient's chest. "Because I had this feeling that I shouldn't come in to work today."
"You're an intern. Even if you're sick you are supposed to come in to work."
"I wasn't feeling sick." By now Dylan is getting up and about to interrupt us to bring us back on track. "I felt like I was going to die today if I came in to work." I say softly as I bite my lower lip and look up at them.
The bomb squad guy is just staring at me a strange look in his eyes. Burke is frozen in place for a moment and then he starts to back out of the room towards the hall muttering something about getting the other room ready for the operation. Dylan leaves to get the other members of his squad I guess and I am left alone. Always alone. Only I am not sure what is worse. Being alone in a crowd of people who are all talking and laughing like usual or being alone in a room with my hand on a bomb. Both will eventually destroy me. But maybe one won't hurt as much as the other would.
Dylan is back with three guys. One of them takes the oxygen bag from me and steadily squeezes it as the others take their place around the stretcher. Dylan stands next to me and we begin our procession out of the room and down the hall. He talks to me as we go reminding me to take it one step at a time and to go slowly. Not to mention to keep my hand absolutely still inside the patient's chest. A door opens in front of us and Christina comes out into the hallway still wearing her sterile surgery jacket, cap and booties.
"Where are you going?" she asks staring at me.
Dylan's harsh command cuts her off from coming near us. "Get over there by the wall. Now."
She complies and as we continue to walk forward the man at the head of the stretcher with the oxygen bag pushes the door she came through completely open and flush with the wall so it won't get in my way as I slowly put one foot in front of the other.
"We're moving to a more remote location for, well, everyone else's safety." I say as I automatically move my feet slowly forward while I watch her.
Dylan however has to open his mouth. "I thought Burke told you to leave."
Christina gives him a cool look that would make most men pee in their pants and I feel like laughing for a moment as she answers him. "Well, Burke's not here now is he?" Dylan shuts up and I look at her. "What?" she asks me when I don't look away.
"Tell me something." I ask her.
"Like what?" she asks as she watches our slow procession past the open doorway.
"Christina I have my hand on a bomb that could go off at any moment and kill everyone in the hospital. And most importantly I have to pee. Tell me anything." I beg of her. A noise behind me in the open room catches my attention and I turn to see what it was but Christina catches my attention with what she quickly blurts out.
"Last night Burke told me he loves me."
The sentence seems to catch even her off guard. "Burke loves you. That's good."
She nods almost frantically. "Yeah. He thought I was sleeping but I wasn't and I heard him."
I smile at her. "So are you going to say it back?"
She shakes her head, "No. I can't. He didn't say it to me. He said it to sleeping me." Her gaze wavers from me to Dylan beside me and even though I don't turn to see his expression I can guess what it looked like when she tells him to mind his own business.
Suddenly the entire stretcher jars and stops. A tense silence fills the hall as we almost all hold our breath. Dylan tells us all to push forward nice and slow and we do and as soon as we're over the tiny carpet connector we all breath deep in relief.
We're almost around the corner when Christina calls out to me one more time, "Which O.R. are you going to?"
I look at Dylan for an answer and he finally agrees to my silent plea. "We're going to the observation operating room."
As we take the last bit of the hall to the room I look back one more time at Christina and she nods before she disappears back through the open doorway. I return my mind to the task at hand as we slowly make our way to the operating room that I have so often sat above. We enter and Burke and his team are already there waiting for us with everything in place. We take our place, and as Dylan gets down on his hands and knees again to put the brakes on, the other members of the bomb squad start to file out of the room making a line down the hallway to what I presume to be the elevator hall.
The two scrub nurses who stayed are laying out the medical implements that will hopefully save this incredibly stupid man's life. If we get out of this alive then I am definitely having this man and his friend sign a contract that says they will never do anything this stupid again. I shift my weight carefully trying desperately to squash the need to pee.
All necessary needs fly out the window five minutes later as Burke picks up the scalpel. I barely notice as he explains that he is widening the gap so that it will be hopefully easier for me to pull the bomb out. I want to throw up. Dylan is talking to me. I guess he's trying to walk me through it. I can't think. I can't breathe. I want to throw up.
"Izzy and George shouldn't have to move out of the house."
"Meredith, you don't need to do this." Dylan says.
"They shouldn't have to move out of the house. No matter what they should stay in the house."
"Meredith, look at me. I know you hate me right now but you need to listen to me. I don't care who you imagine me as but just find what you need inside yourself to do this." Dylan's harsh voice cuts through my muddled thoughts like butter.
My mind is suddenly clear. Crystal clear. I close my eyes. In my mind it's just us. Just Derek and me, no one else. No surgical team, no body, no bomb. Just us. He's standing there walking me through the procedure and all I can think about are his lips and suddenly I realize I can't remember the last time we kissed. I rack my brain but I can't find it. The one memory I want to die with and I can't picture it.
Burke says something and I look up. He has the clamps and is moving around to my side of the patient. I look around confused. While I had been concentrating on remembering Derek my mind had gone into automatic and had slowly pulled the bomb out according to Dylan's instructions. I'm not dead. I'm not floating in the air in a million pieces. I breathe a sigh of relief and back away from the patient slowly until I'm flush against the corner of the room. My knees give out and I collapse into a puddle.
There's a loud noise from down the hall but I don't even register it. I'm too exhausted. The door to the room opens and a familiar scent catches my attention. Familiar arms encircle me as I look up and smile weakly. In this moment he's mine. In this moment he's not married. In this moment he's my McDreamy.
The End
Yes I am still working on my other story. I just had two one-shots that were in my head and I needed to get out of the way first. Hopefully I will be able to tie up "Losing Everything and Finding Yourself" soon because the finale put me in an itch to write my version of the next step. But I'm going to be sure to finish it before the next season starts though because otherwise it becomes confusing...especially if the season doesn't start the way you hoped for. Like for example Meredith picking Finn instead of Derek. I will cry really I will cry until there is no liquid left in my body.