Disclaimer: Squaresoft's.

Author's Notes: This chapter will largely write itself, I think... Also, there's a slightly more graphic sex/rape scene (well, in a sense) than in the past, but I've believe I'd managed it well enough so that it stays rated R. I was actually not going to do anymore, but with the way the last chapter ended I felt it necessary... And arg, why must I always forget that Auron wears those dark glasses? Ok, one last thing. I use the word "natter" here, but I'm using it in its original meaning of "fret, grumble" rather than what it means today. Just something I've always done.

Further
by: butterflie
sequel to Break
chapter four: forsaken

He lay there long after Seymour left, very still because he thought if he did so long enough, he could will himself away from this place. Not just Guadosalam, but Spira.. the world. Any world. All worlds. He wanted to not have to exist. Because he didn't want to remember. Because it hurt too much. Because he'd betrayed Auron. Because he hated himself.

It didn't matter that he had no choice; it was humiliating. Seymour had ruthlessly taken advantage of that fact, and seemed to take great pleasure in breaking him. And he couldn't protest, as much as he'd wanted to. He didn't want to take the chance that Seymour would have Auron hunted down. Oh, Auron was unsent, he knew that, but it didn't guarantee him immortality. Nor did it keep the rest of their group safe. For their sake, he'd had to do what Seymour wanted. No matter how much it hurt him.

Tears welled in his eyes as he remembered all over again just what that had been. Seymour carrying him back to his room, to the bed he'd come to despise so much.. Laying him down gently on top of the blankets, undressing him almost.. tenderly it seemed. It made Tidus want to gag, the odd way Seymour almost seemed to care about him at times.

His own clothes had been next to go, and Tidus had shut his eyes at the sight of Seymour before him, knowing what it inevitably meant and what he would be expected to do. What he'd promised to do.

He was pathetic...

"Open your eyes, Tidus," Seymour commanded softly. "Look at me. I want to see your face."

Tidus did so tentatively, reluctantly, eyes slowly unsqueezing shut to look at Seymour's face hovering above his. He was startled to see Seymour smiling. Not that Seymour smiling was anything new, but for once it wasn't a menacing or amused smile. It wasn't a smile brought about by the pain of others. It was almost..tender. Gentle. Caring. It wasn't suited to Seymour at all. Tidus only felt more sick.

"Good," Seymour murmured, still speaking in that same soft voice. "After all, you gave your word.."

Tidus nodded; he had. "I know," he said hoarsely. He felt Seymour's growing desire pressing against his stomach, and he had to fight hard the urge to twist away from it. His body twitched slightly, everything in him screaming in protest. No, he couldn't though. Couldn't move away. He had to prove to Seymour he'd been serious. He didn't want Auron and the others hurt because of him.. He'd do whatever it took to keep them safe.

Seymour's mouth was upon his then, pressing down insistently, demanding, wanting. He couldn't go away this time. Couldn't slip away to Zanarkand until it was over like he'd done in the past; no, this time he had to respond. He swallowed; then, arms shaking, he wrapped them around Seymour's neck hesitantly, pulling his head down closer as he kissed Seymour back. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but stubbornly refused to let them fall.

Auron, he told himself. Think of Auron. Pretend it's Auron.. It didn't really work. He was all too aware of Seymour on top of him, and no amount of pretending could fool him into thinking it was Auron.

He tried to think of that one night he'd shared with Auron, at the travel agency in the central area of the Calm Lands. Tried to remember how it had been between him, what they'd done. The only thing that came to mind was Auron trying to comfort him as his mind had flashed back to Seymour.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do, didn't know what would keep Seymour satisfied enough so that he'd stay away from Auron. By his consent, he'd had sex one time. He was inexperienced, and that fact was making itself painfully clear now. If it had been Auron, he would have been content to let instinct take over, to just explore and learn.. but he didn't want to do that with Seymour.

Seymour moaned against him then, hips grinding down, his hardness pressing upon Tidus' flaccid length, which he thankfully didn't notice. He shifted his attention lower, hardly aware that he was murmuring "I want you" over and over. It made Tidus want to scream. Or be sick. Both, maybe. Both sounded good.

He had to respond. He didn't know what to do. Was he supposed to just lay here and let Seymour do whatever, or was he supposed to do something too? It was embarrassing. Why couldn't he remember the night with Auron better?

The decision was taken away from him when Seymour grabbed his hand and wrapped it around his hardness, using it to stroke himself roughly a few times. Tidus just barely managed to keep the tears from falling; he understood all too well what Seymour wanted.

He did it, somehow, doing his best not to think about just what he was touching, trying to ignore the way Seymour groaned his name, trying to ignore everything.

He wasn't able to stop the tears when Seymour eventually entered him. But he ignored them too, wrapping his arms around the half-Guado and clutching him as Seymour rode him, his thrusts deep and fast and impatient. He didn't pretend to enjoy it, he'd promised Seymour nothing of that. Only that he wouldn't fight anymore..

He held the man close to him throughout Seymour's trembling aftershocks, still crying but not finding it in himself to care anymore. Seymour lifted his head up and kissed his tears away before capturing his mouth once more. The kiss tasted salty, from his tears no doubt.

"That was not so bad, was it?" Seymour whispered. Tidus didn't answer him. There really wasn't anything to say. It had gone way beyond being 'not so bad' days ago.

After awhile longer, Seymour left.

--x--

"Yunie.." Rikku said.

Yuna gave them all a weak smile. "It's okay," she said. "We'll still get Tidus back." She didn't mention that Tidus might never be the same by the time they would.

"You said they were leaving?" Lulu asked, focusing on the more practical aspects.

She flicked her eyes over at Auron very briefly before nodding at the mage she considered her older sister. She hated to lie, but.. "Yes. Well," she reflected after a moment, a thought hitting her suddenly, "that's what it looked like. Seymour could have been going to a room to hide. They might still be at Guadosalam." She added in that last bit so Auron would understand why she'd changed their story slightly. Because Seymour and Tidus had indeed still been at Guadosalam when they left, and that's where they'd all need to look first.

"Why didn't you go after them, ya?" Wakka demanded. "If you saw them, why didn't you save Tidus?"

She hesitated then, not sure how to answer that. Thankfully, Auron spoke up. "We were surrounded by Guado. Seymour and Tidus had disappeared by the time we could get away."

"Aw man," Wakka said dejectedly. Everyone went silent for a bit before Rikku spoke back up. "Will you tell us now what's wrong with Tidus?" she asked. Auron merely shook his head. She sighed, exasperated.

Eventually, with nothing else to do and Cid not there with the airship yet, they settled down for sleep. It was growing dark besides, and none of them felt much like talking. Auron least of all.

He lay there on his back on the ground, staring blankly up at the sky, not really seeing it. He couldn't stop thinking about Tidus. Wondering where the blond was, what he was doing. If he was okay, or if he was scared or in pain. If he wanted Auron. It hurt to know that he hadn't been able to save him. Instead, Tidus had saved him.

"Do what I ask, and...I'll be yours. If you let them go unharmed, I'll stay with you and do whatever you want. I won't fight it anymore."

Hearing Tidus say those words had been worse than awful. Nothing could compare to the way he'd felt just then, not even the helplessness of ten years ago facing Yunalesca. He felt so goddamn useless. He wanted to rip apart Seymour from limb to limb. He wanted to hurt Seymour the way Seymour had hurt Tidus, to let him see just how it felt to be on the receiving end of that pain for once. A thousand deaths he wanted for the hateful half-Guado maester, and not a one of them would be good enough.

He actually physically ached to get up right then and rush back to Guadosalam and get Tidus away from there, away from Seymour and all the pain he inflicted. Knowing he couldn't only made it hurt worse.

He tried to reassure himself with the knowledge that it wouldn't be forever. That they'd get Tidus back soon enough, and then Tidus would be safe where Seymour couldn't ever hurt him again. But it was little comfort, knowing that. Because Seymour had already inflicted so much damage.. it had changed Tidus. That carefree blond blitzball star he'd admired back on Zanarkand would never be back. It would take Tidus a long, long time to heal and he'd never go back to the way he once was. Spira had forever changed him, shown him the harsh realities of life he'd been sheltered from the first seventeen years of his life. And losing Auron once this was all over would not help him. He hated that, that he wouldn't be around to help Tidus through it all, but what else could he do? He'd been on borrowed time for far too long. It wasn't his world anymore.

The next morning, they all headed to the travel agency Rin had built at the edge of Macalania Lake, intending to stock up on much needed supplies. As usual, Yuna was so indecisive about what to get that it took her forever. Eventually, Auron took over. He got most of what they needed, though the place didn't sell Holy Water. He supposed they'd have to head back to Mt. Gagazet for that. Or perhaps Rin had some, if they came across him. Idly he wondered where that other merchant was, the one that was always harassing them to lend him money. O'aka something or other. He was annoying, but he always had the latest in everything.

He realized he was nattering over little worries that didn't much matter instead of focusing on his worries about Tidus. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Of course it wasn't good to spend all his time worrying about Tidus, but if he didn't he felt oddly like he was betraying Tidus. It was a ridiculous feeling, but it was there all the same.

"Auron?" Rikku spoke up tentatively. Auron just refrained from glaring at her. He was sure she'd ask about Tidus again, but to his surprise she said, "Do we have everything we need? My dad is here with the airship."

He took a last quick inventory of their stock, hoping it'd be good enough, then he just nodded at her. He didn't really feel up to speaking, and she seemed to understand this. Nor did he feel like being around the others, and when he lingered behind slightly as they all filed out of the travel agency, not one of them gave him a backwards glance. But he knew he couldn't avoid them forever, and so reluctantly he walked out after them, approaching the party as Rikku was saying "..and so we want to look in Guadosalam first, Pops. Can you take us there?"

He was forgetting something. Something.. what was it? Of course.. the deal. The damned deal. It was important as hell, but he could no longer remember if that deal had included anything about their returning once more for Tidus. It didn't really matter though. Even if they had promised to stay away, he'd go after Tidus no matter what. He kept seeing Tidus' face in his mind, that half-terrified half-pained look as Tidus had stared across the room at him, a small hesitant smile twisting across his face for a moment, meant to reassure Auron though it hadn't in the least. It had taken all the self-control he'd possessed not to run Seymour through with his sword right then, and then it hadn't mattered because he'd lost control only a few minutes later.

"Sir Auron?" Yuna was looking at him. Her face was calm enough, but he could see the worry in her eyes. "We're leaving now."

--x--

The morning only brought a haze of painful half-remembrance. He blinked his eyes rapidly as he woke, trying desperately to fixate on some other subject. But with Seymour awake and watching next to him, he was failing miserably. Especially when Seymour reached out a hand to touch his cheek, his fingers trailing lightly down the side. Tidus swallowed, and tried not to flinch. It was the moments like these that scared him the most, for it was these moments when Seymour acted the most human Tidus had ever seen him. At other times he seemed to be a sadistic bastard who got his kicks out of exerting his power and control over Tidus, but when he did stuff such as he was now, it was like...

No. He refused to complete the thought. Seymour was sick and perverted, and there was nothing else. He wished Auron were here.

"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are, Son of Jecht?" Seymour murmured then, startling him. He shook his head, knowing Seymour had meant the statement rhetorical. "You are, you know," Seymour continued in that some soft tone, so different from the firm and commanding voice Tidus was used to hearing. "I knew from the moment I saw you that you were mine.. There exists nothing more beautiful than you, and me, and I knew you were going to belong to me.. That you already belonged to me."

He was crazy. He had to be. "I belong to no one but myself, Seymour," he said, voice shaking a bit. As much as he hated to admit it, he was less sure of that statement than he had been last week.

"Oh, but you do." He sat up suddenly, staring down at the blond below him with such an intense look on his face that Tidus felt more afraid than before, if that were possible. He said nothing as Seymour continued his steady gaze, but Seymour said nothing either. For a moment he thought Seymour wanted him again, but after another minute Seymour stood up abruptly, giving his prisoner only the barest of attention. "Don't get too comfortable. We're to be leaving in a few hours."

"Leaving?" The word caused Tidus to sit up as well, and he stared at the maester in surprise, trying to ignore the frightened pounding of his heart. Leaving? They couldn't leave... Auron hadn't come back after him yet. How would Auron know where to look? How could Auron find him if they left Guadosalam?

"Yes." Seymour glanced back at him briefly as he walked towards the door.

"Wh-where are we headed?" Please let it be somewhere near. Somewhere obvious. Somewhere Auron can find me.

"Well. You'll just have to see once we get there, won't you?"

He stared around him in disbelief, taking comfort in the familiar surroundings and delighting in the fact that Seymour had chosen the most obvious place of all. "Here?" He followed Seymour inside the temple, noting that there seemed to be less people here praying than previously.

"I have some things I must take care of," Seymour said absently. "You're to wait in that room there," as he nodded to a room off to the left of the entrance to the Trials. "We'll most likely be here at least a day, maybe two."

Tidus nodded, accepting it because he had no other choice. He started towards the room, thinking he was glad that for once Seymour hadn't felt it necessary to lecture him, but just then Seymour turned back towards him partially, speaking somewhat over his shoulder. "Please, don't even think of running," he said mildly. "Hunting your friends down and killing them now would be a big inconvenience." He gave no indication that he heard, just continued on into the room, pleased that no one was in it and he could be alone. He flung himself down on one of the beds in there, face down.

Would Auron think to look for him at Macalania Temple? It was such an obvious place, what with Seymour being a high priest here. Surely Auron would come here once he didn't find Tidus in Guadosalam. The question was, would he get here in time? ...Would it matter, if he did? It was clear Seymour thought he owned him. That whole business about belonging to Seymour.. that had been really weird. It unnerved him greatly. And he'd seen Seymour's face as he spoke. Seymour had been completely serious. He'd believed what he was saying, that Tidus belonged to him. He wasn't going to just hand Tidus back over without a fight, another unnerving thought. What if Auron didn't win that fight?

No. He'd do anything to keep Auron alive. Even if it meant giving himself up to Seymour completely. He'd do it. Even though it was humiliating, and painful, and wrong, and... "Don't think about," he whispered to himself, but it was too late. Even just indirectly thinking of what Seymour had done to him.. all the memories came flooding back and he whimpered, pressing his face tighter into the pillow beneath him. Trying to shove the memories back out of his mind. As he'd done in the past, he tried thinking of pleasant things, things that had nothing to do with Seymour or Spira.

After awhile, the memories did lessen, and the pain along with them. He hadn't forgotten them, but thinking of other things helped, and he didn't hurt so much. He was able to sit up, taking a deep breath to reassure himself. He got back up out of the bed, bored. Seymour had said they'd be here at least a day and maybe even two days.. On one hand, he was glad because it gave Auron more time to get to him. However, it meant he was stuck here for awhile with absolutely nothing to do. He certainly didn't want to think about things, and he'd slept so much at Guadosalam that he felt he'd never need sleep again. He wanted to leave the temple to go outside and look around, but he knew Seymour wouldn't let him, that Seymour would just think he was trying to get away.

With nothing else to do, he left the room and sat down just outside the door, his back to the wall. One of Seymour's Guado guards glanced at him as he came out, but said nothing, and looked away again when all Tidus did was sit down. The blond looked around the temple, studying the large statues that almost seemed to be looming over the place, glaring down at him. It made him a little uncomfortable, and he looked away. He spotted Seymour over near the entrance, standing calmly and talking with someone, clearly being the charming and delightful high priest everyone thought he was. It surprised him somewhat, to see Seymour this way. The man had so many different sides to him, so many different personalities he'd adapted to fit whatever the situation called for. Watching him chatting pleasantly with the man, one would be hard put to see Seymour as a person who could also take such pleasure in so brutally breaking a teenage boy, and a person who could be completely ruthless in doing whatever it took to make things go his way. If Tidus hadn't lived through it himself, he might not have believed it either.

Wait. Right. Don't think about that.

He wondered where they were going next. Were they returning to Guadosalam, or was Seymour planning on heading somewhere else? He had no clue, because the maester rarely ever spoke to him unless he was threatening him or telling him how beautiful he was. Any attempts at finding out just what Seymour had planned had been met with silence or something similar. And he was afraid to ask again, afraid to really speak to Seymour because he could never keep the fear out of his voice and he knew it aggravated Seymour to hear that fear. So he mostly just spoke little and remained in the dark about any future plans.

--x--

"Shit!" This word was followed by a long string of similar words, and the others all stared in complete shock at the man swearing before them.

"Uh.. Sir Auron?" Wakka said hesitantly, unsure if he should say something or just let the guardian continue his unlikely fit of anger. He just wanted Auron to stop, seeing the usually stoic man be so expressive was a little... scary.

It seemed to work well enough, though. Auron stopped cursing and took a deep breath, feeling a sudden rush of embarrassment as he realized everyone was staring at him. But he only stared back at them, making his face unreadable, hiding behind his glasses and collar as usual.

Yuna was the one to break the uncomfortable silence settling over the group. "Where should we go now, Sir Auron?"

He grunted, trying to think. Despite what he and Yuna had told the others, about 'seeing' Seymour leaving with Tidus, he hadn't really expected the maester to go anywhere. They had their deal, Seymour had gotten what he wanted in Tidus, what reason was there for him to run now? Had he expected, or known, that Auron wouldn't give up so easily, that he'd come back for Tidus again? It was frustrating. Where would Seymour go? The only other place he could think of was Macalania Temple, and he didn't really think Seymour would hang around there long, if indeed he went at all. Still. They had to look. If it turned out Seymour went there and they never checked, and then something happened...he'd never forgive himself. He could hardly forgive himself for the way he was letting things turn out now. "We head back to Macalania," he said at least."To the temple."

"You believe Tidus will be there?" Lulu asked.

"No," he said bluntly. "But we must look."

"Yeah! And maybe Tidus will actually be there!" Rikku said cheerfully, throwing a fist up in the air for emphasis. She hopped around a little bit, excitedly. "We will get him back, I know we will! Don't give up hope, everybody!"

end chapter four