A/N: Hello! Thanks for reviewing! Seeing that it was requested, I am going to make this chapter into Envy's POV! I don't do a lot of those. Edward will still have his journal entry, but after that it goes into Envy's perspective.

Warning: Brotherly love, language, and depression.

Entry #5

Journal Entry 5- June 17: I really hate my life. Yesterday I was being irrational; I don't love Envy. I got the emotion confused with kindness, or something along those lines. Envy is my brother, and does care about me. I don't wanna be lonely, I don't wanna die lonely, but I know I will. No one could ever love someone like me; someone who could end up killing them. No matter what people say, I'll never get better.

Envy's POV

I finally wake up, and look over at the sleeping figure next to him. I'm still not sure why the hell I agreed to this, but what's done is done. I had come over last night, one thing led to another, and well, I got screwed quite literally. I sit up and stretch, showing off half of my naked body. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I began to recover my clothes. In doing so, I felt an arm wrapped around my waist.

"Where ya headed?" he said in a husky voice.

"Home, now let go Roy. You've done enough."

Roy let go of me, and I continued to put on my clothes. Once that was done, Roy snaked his arm around me again, and pulled me against him.

"I didn't know that you were such an animal." He purred.

"Neither did I."

"It's amazing what a little alcohol can do." He said in a teasing tone.

I pull away from him, and got up. Stretching once more, I try to get my sore muscles to loosen up.

"Now all I have to do screw your brother."

"If you ever touch Ed, I'll kill you." I said in a low and dangerous tone.

He put his hands up in a defensive way. I scowled, and headed for the door. I still hated Roy, what we did doesn't change the way I feel about him. That was nothing but a fling, a stupid and non-meaningful fling. It was my first time, but it wasn't all that great. Yeah, I did get a little wild, but hay, wouldn't you if you were drunk?

I fumbled around in my pocket, and pulled out me house key. Once the door was open, my mother rushed over, and took me by the hand, leading me up the stairs. She looked very concerned about something, but I didn't need to ask what it was, I already knew.

"Where have you been?"

"Just out." I said.

She shook her head, and led me up to Edward's room.

"I was looking for you! Edward's having another episode. He won't listen to me."

I opened the door, and saw Edward in the corner of the room. He was sitting on his knees, hunched over. From what I could tell, he was holding his torso. His head was pressed again the floor, and from the way he was shaking, I'd have to say that he was crying. I started to approach him slowly, making sure that I didn't startle him. As I got closer, I noticed that there were little blood stains on the rug. I kneeled down, and saw that Edward had cut his lower arms.

"Ed." I said softly.

He looked up at me, with a terrified look on his face. I could now see that there was a knife in his hand; dammit Ed, what happened?

"Ed, please put down the knife."

He dropped it, and latched onto my shirt. He buried his face into my chest, and sobbed. I hated seeing him like this. Even though we're not related by blood, I really care about him, but I feel like everything I do, has little effect on him.

"I hate this, I hate everything." He sobbed out.

"I know Ed."

I wrap my arms around him, and hug him back. I felt him tighten his grip.

"Ed, why did you cut yourself?" I asked

His words were muffled, but I could make them out. He said that, 'he wanted the pain to stop.' I held him closer.

"I do too Ed."

I sighed

"I really do."

I heard footsteps coming toward me, but I didn't bother to see who they belonged to.

"Envy, can I talk to you outside for a moment." She asked.

I nodded, and Edward let go of me. I stood up, and stepped out of Edward room. My mother didn't have a happy look on her face; I was more of a mix of, concern and slight disappointment.

"Where were you really last night?" She asked.

"I already told you, I was-"

"Envy, I can smell the alcohol on you." She cut me off.

"It's not what you think."

"Then what is it? Please, don't tell me that you got drunk last night."

I think for a moment. I really didn't like lying to my mother, but I just could tell her about what happened last night.

"I was out with some friends, and they got dunk, not me. I was out all last night, because one of the guys let me crash at his place."

I just couldn't break it to her that I was bi; I'm not sure how she would take it. But, she bought my story, and sighed.

"Just tell me if you're going to be out that late, so I won't have to worry."

I nod once again. She crossed her arms, and shook her head once again.

"Edward was looking for you last night. Seeing that you weren't there, he just climbed into your bed, and stayed there for the rest of the night."

Great, now I feel even worse about myself. Not only did I make mom worry, but Ed had to deal with Pride alone again. I'm such a terrible role-model.

After I had bandaged Edward up, I decided to go out for a little. My mother was still pretty unset about me being out all night, so she made me take Ed with me. I didn't really mind though. Edward was nice to have around, even if he does get a little too silent sometimes.

"Envy."

I looked over, and see Edward wearing a long sleeve shirt, most likely to cover up the bandages.

"Where are we going?" He questioned.

I shrugged.

"I don't know; I just wanna get out of the house."

"But, you were out all night." He pointed out.

I just shrug again.

"…Where were you last night?"

I really didn't want to tell him that I was sleeping Roy, but then again, Edward was good at keeping secrets.

"I was with Roy." I answer truthfully.

I could see that he was getting pale; I think he might be getting sick. He took a step forward.

"What did you two do?"

"Well, Roy got me really hammered, and apparently we had sex."

Thing were silent for a moment, then I saw Edward place his hands over his ear. Like someone was….shit. I quickly get up, and rush over to him, grabbing him as he fell. Edward had closed his eye, as tears began to run down his cheeks.

"Shut up! It's not true Pride!" He yelled.

"Ed, don't listen to him!"

I embrace him tightly, once again. The next thing I knew, Edward went limp. I pick him up, and carry him over to my bed. Placing him down, I brush back loose strains of hair, which had fallen to his face. Why did it have to be him? Why must Edward go threw so much pain? I just wanna take all the pain away. I felt a small tear ran down my face.

"Honey, is he alright?"

My mom stepped in, and walked over to the two of us. I cleared my throat, so that I didn't sound horse. But it didn't work.

"I-I don't know."

I couldn't control myself any longer, and began to sob. Mom wrapped her arms around me, and I cried into her chest.

"I-I hate seeing him like this." I cried harder.

"I do too Honey." She said in a soft voice.

Edward was my little brother, and it was my right, no, it was my job, to make sure he never got hurt. And right now, I feel like I just got yelled at by the boss.

"Are you okay?"

Edward had finally woken up. For some reason, he refused to look at me. And was he…blushing? Man, he must really be coming down with something.

"I'm sorry." I finally say.

"What for?"

I wrap my arm around his shoulder. I don't know why, but he tensed up.

"I wasn't being a good big brother, and I'm sorry." I say.

Edward looked up at me, FINALLY! I smile at him, and he just sighed.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

I say nothing. I reach over, and yank his hair tie off. Edward gave me the 'what the hell!' look, and I give him the 'serves you right' look. Edward HATES having his hair down, even though it does look better. He says it's because it 'doesn't suit him'. But I think it's because, its makes him look like a girl. He got up, and headed for the door, but not before he growled at me.

"Oh come on Ed, it looks cute down!" I say in a teasing voice.

He just walked faster, as well as flip me off. Once out the door, he slammed it shut, causing one of the pictures to fall off my wall. I suppressed a laugh. I fall back on my bed, and sigh. I didn't have the guts to tell him, but last night I had a weird dream about him. Ed would probable strangle me to death, if I told him that I had kissed him in it. But, oh well.

A/N: That it for this chapter! Review please!