Part Twenty-Five: The One With the Storm
Regina was lying on the bed staring blankly at the wall as she had been throughout the night ever since she numbly fell on top of the mattress.
Hearing every shard of her heart break into a small piece and then another piece and then another over and over and over again.
Her own soul was agonizing, screaming and pleading for Regina to find the only one who could mend it.
The only one who could make her better.
The one she could never have.
The storm was heavy outside, knocking violently against the window, the wind howling like a wounded animal and thunders so loud one could swear it was the fury of a God.
Regina didn't move.
She didn't feel scared.
She didn't want to allow herself to feel anything.
She just wanted to stare at the wall until the pain went away…
Regina fell heavily to the ground after Gold left her alone beside her tree.
Her knees collapsed against the grass and earth, scraping her skin, while Regina gasped for air, her eyes moving desperately from one side to the other as every detail of everything that happened ever since Emma arrived in Storybrooke flashed behind her eyes.
The rain started to pour heavily above her, soaking her clothes and flesh, the wind assaulting her cheeks like lashes as leaves and branches started to fly around her.
She couldn't move.
The words that came out of Gold's venous mouth kept replaying over and over and over again from this world and then the other.
That night when Regina paid him a visit in the dungeon where the Chamings had trapped the Dark One.
The night when she still was The Evil Queen.
Nothing can stop the darkness. Except, of course, their unborn child. You see, no matter how powerful, all curses can be broken. Their child is the key.
Did you know that Miss Swan was found just outside the Storybrooke area twenty-eight years ago?
Regina thought back about the night she enacted the curse, twenty-eight years ago.
The baby she lost.
Snow White and Prince Charming's offspring.
The Savior.
Emma!
"No," Regina whispered her tears mixing with the raindrops as they left her eyes "No, please, please, please, no. Please! Please, no"
Regina's voice was barely a whisper thrown in the wind, muffled by the sound of the water falling.
Her heart was heavy inside her chest, cracking like the most fragile of glasses thrown at the floor.
Regina put her hands on the ground sinking her fingers inside the earth, desperately to hold on to something, anything that could possibly keep her stand.
But the sand filled her hands and then dissolved into the water, washing away from her, never to be part of the foundation she had destroyed.
Gone!
It was all gone.
She was dissolving just like the earth she was holding between her fingers.
Never to be the same.
Never to be a whole again.
Regina sobbed, the tears falling uncontrollably from her eyes.
She was breaking.
Her heart, her soul, her essence.
She could feel every inch of her breaking.
And the more she broke the more she wanted to look for Emma.
Her Emma.
Her Partner.
Her True Love.
Regina looked to the side and saw the apple Gold had thrown her way, the bite turning black around the yellow flesh and red peel of the apple.
Black and rotten, just like the venous man that had destroyed her life.
Regina took the apple between her fingers, squeezing the fruit like she used to do with the hearts she ripped.
She wished it was his heart.
She wished she could squizz that apple until it was nothing more than ashes washed away by the rain along with the memories of what she had just discovered.
But the apple did not crush.
It remained a whole, tainted by the venom of that man's deeds.
She was defeated.
Regina threw the apple in the air, a brutal scream of pure rage and pain leaving her lips.
She screamed until her voice failed and her lungs burned.
And then she sobbed, pleading for the wind to take her away and the rain to wash her pain.
But they didn't.
And Regina just stood on her knees as the rain soaked her body and she trembled with pain.
"Please," Regina sobbed another piece of herself breaking "Please, no"
But each time she begged it felt like her heart was been stabbed by something old and cruel laughing in her face by her foolishness.
She once tainted everything she touched too.
She did not deserve to be this happy.
Could Gold have lied to her?
Could he want simply to destroy her for whatever wicked game he had set his mind to?
Could Regina dare to have a thread of hope that he was lying to her?
Regina breathed fast, her mind working into making thousands of connections at the same time.
In the end, there was only one way for her to find out.
Only one place where she could find the truth.
She had to start at the beginning. She had to look for her answer inside the one thing that initiated this whole thing.
What made Henry run away and bring Emma to Storybrooke.
What made Henry go out there and bring the other half of her heart home.
She needed the missing pages of Henry's book.
Regina rose from the ground, her legs barely supporting her body.
She was soaking wet, the cold had finally enveloped her body, and every bit of Regina's skin was shivering.
Her legs protested as she walked to her car, every step heavier than the other, her heels sinking in the grass and earth beneath her feet and her knees threatening to give in again at every second she moved.
But Regina fought against all of that, she fought against the knot inside her stomach and the nausea already burning in the back of her throat, she fought against the cold and the way her bones trembled the way her skin was aching, the way her heart was breaking.
She fought against everything at each step she gave for that thread of hope that none of this was true.
Regina reached her car, opening the door at once, the key already plugged inside the ignition. She hadn't bothered locking the car, she was only supposed to pick up her fallen apples and then be on her way home to Henry.
Regina turned on the engine and maneuvered the car in the direction of the mansion.
She didn't turn on the heater or bothered about the fact her Mercedes was now completely wet.
She only gripped the steering wheel and moved her fingers far enough to turn on the windshield while she drove.
Regina reached the mansion, parking outside the house.
She left the car in a hurry, barely putting any effort to close the door, and ran inside the house.
Regina entered the house, walking up the staircase, a wet trail dripping behind her at every step she took.
She walked the hallway, and stopped, staring at the light coming out of Henry's ajar door, her legs now unable to give those last steps.
Regina closed her eyes, the tears falling desperately in a cascade of emotions down her face.
Part of her just wanted to fall again and cry until there was nothing left inside of her.
But the other part of her forced her legs to give one step and then another and another until she was silently pushing Henry's door open, barely registering the concerned look on her son's face when he looked back at her.
"Mom?" Henry said looking at Regina "Mom, are you okay?"
"Henry," Regina said, her voice barely a whisper. Her throat was dry and cold at the same time and the choked feeling struggling her throat made it hard for her to force the words to pass through her lips "I need… I need the missing pages from your book"
"What?" Henry asked.
"Henry, please," Regina choked voice said again, fresh tears falling down her face "Please, Henry. Please. I need to see the missing pages"
"Mom," Henry said his voice slightly choked "What happened?"
"Please," Regina whispered "Please, I need to see the pages. Please, Henry"
Henry nodded at Regina, his eyes widened and full of concern. He walked to his closet moving things inside that Regina couldn't see because doing so was much more effort than she was capable of at the moment.
Henry left the closet, the pages slightly shaking in his hand. He stopped in front of Regina and stretched his arms, the pages neatly folded as Regina took them from between his fingers.
Regina opened the pages, tears, and raindrops falling softly on top of them.
The first page was an image of her as The Evil Queen inside her carriage about to enact her curse.
The second page was an image of Snow White and Prince Charming while she gave birth.
And the third page was the page that made the rest of Regina's heart break and that last thread of hope burn into smoke and ashes. Regina lifted her finger to the page, sobbing while she trace her fingers around the one word written there.
Because there, on that page, there was a baby wrapped in a blanket in front of a wardrobe with the name Emma majestically written in it.
"No," Regina whispered her fingers tracing the name over and over and over again on the page.
"Mom?" Henry called for her "Mom? What's going on?"
"Why did you bring Emma here?" Regina asked, her eyes fixed on the image "When you ran away to look for Emma, was it only because you wanted to know who your birth mother was?"
"No," Henry shook his head "I brought Emma here because she is the only one who can break the curse. Because Emma… Emma is the savior"
Regina closed her eyes, tears falling down again as her arms dropped to the side of her body, the pages falling from her hands.
"Mom?" Henry tried again "Mom, please? What happened?"
Regina opened her eyes, another stab hurting her in what was left of her broken heart.
Henry looked scared and concerned and Regina could see something silver glowing behind his eyes.
"Go to sleep, Henry," Regina said "Make sure your window is locked"
"Mom, please, tell me what happened," Henry pleaded.
"Everything is okay, Henry," Regina said automatically every breath of air was an effort to produce half words "Sleep well, honey"
Regina left the bedroom, ignoring Henry's call as she walked to her own bedroom.
She felt numb now.
Just a ghost of herself.
She walked to her suite, stripping out of her clothes, every movement on autopilot as her soaked clothes piled up carelessly beside her feet.
Regina entered the shower, the warm water warming her skin but her soul never felt colder.
She could hardly stand.
Regina stayed under the shower only long enough to clean her body from the dirt before stepping out.
She dried her body automatically and then walked back to her bedroom, going inside the closet, and putting on the first set of pajamas her hands could reach.
And then she fell on her bed, pulling the covers to her chin while staring at the wall numbly, hopeless, lifeless.
Regina heard her bedroom door being pushed open and then small steps coming in her direction.
And then Henry hopped on her bed, lifting the covers slightly and snuggling beside Regina exactly how he used to when he was younger.
That was all it took for Regina to break again.
She held Henry inside her arms while she sobbed, her heart bleeding inside her chest and tears soaking his hair.
He didn't say a word.
He just stayed with Regina until the tears stopped until there was only the sound of the rain and thunder coming from outside until his eyes finally gave in and he slept inside her arms.
Regina blinked her eyes, another thunder lightening the bedroom before the loud noise echoed.
Henry shifted inside her arms, turning in the direction of the same wall Regina had been staring at since he fell asleep, the warmth of his body the only indication that Regina was still capable of feeling something.
He was the only thing holding Regina together right now, the only reason why Regina hadn't disappeared into a smoke of oblivion or burned this place to the ground for its unfairness.
How could fate be so cruel to her?
Another thunder echoed inside the bedroom, louder this time, making Henry shift and blink his eyes open.
He took a deep breath in before his eyes roomed around the bedroom as if trying to make sense of where he was. Then he turned to Regina, his eyes full of concern boring into her lifeless one.
"Hi, mom," Henry said softly.
Regina forced herself to smile at Henry, kissing the top of his head and fighting back the tears that started to form behind her eyes.
"Good morning, honey," Regina said.
"What happened?" Henry asked.
"Nothing," Regina whispered.
"Mom, please," Henry said "I don't like seeing you like this"
"It will be okay, Henry," Regina said, her voice failing "It will be okay"
"What will be okay, mom?" Henry asked.
Nothing!
Nothing would ever be okay ever again.
"Are you hungry?" Regina asked, trying to distract both herself and Henry.
"I can make breakfast if you want to stay in bed," Henry said.
Regina smiled genuinely at Henry unable to keep the tears behind her eyes. She kissed his hair again and rose from the bed, walking straight to the bathroom.
A few days ago she looked at herself in the mirror barely recognizing the smooth features of her face and the smile that never quite seemed to leave her lips.
She was so happy.
Now Regina was looking at herself in the mirror barely recognizing herself for the exact opposite.
Regina washed her face and then took care of her morning business before tying the robe around her waist.
She walked back inside the bedroom, Henry still comfortably snuggling under the sheets and opened the door.
Then she walked the hallway and then down the staircase in the direction of the kitchen, taking this and that out of the fridge and cabinets in a dance so automatic that for the smallest of seconds, Regina feared for the consequences herself.
Emma dropped heavily on top of the chair in the Sheriff's office, every bone of her body welcoming the break.
Emma had been on edge the whole night.
She still was.
Her stomach had turned into a knot a desperate heavy feeling sinking deep into her heart and then spreading like a weed tangle.
She felt like her heart was breaking, her own soul was singing in sorrow.
She had no idea what that was.
It all started about a few minutes after she left Regina at her apple tree, small at first and then spreading like wildfire.
At first, she thought it was something she ate.
Now, she just wanted the pain to stop.
"Still feeling sick?" Graham asked, sitting on the chair behind the desk next to Emma's.
They had been working the whole night, putting on signs on the streets only for them to be carried away by the wind and rain a few seconds after and answering calls from worried citizens.
Emma rubbed her heart, something tightened again inside her chest as if the pain had just been awakened or reminded of its existence.
"Yeah, I think so," Emma said.
"You should go home, Emma," Graham said "Get some rest"
"I could say the same about you," Emma said pointing at Graham.
"One of us needs to stay here," Graham said tiredly.
"Then you should go home," Emma said "I'll take the first half of the shift"
It wasn't like Emma didn't want to go home, because God, she did.
Every bone in her body was begging her to go home and get some sleep.
But if she took the night shift she wouldn't be able to see Regina later at night and snuggle between the sheets with her and that thought alone was more than enough to make Emma endure a few more hours blinking her eyes awake.
"Are you sure?" Graham asked.
"Yep," Emma said "Go home, get some rest. I think it's better if the Sheriff is up for the night shift anyway if this storm keeps coming at us full force"
"It is hell out there, isn't it?" Graham asked "I don't remember ever seeing a storm like this here in town"
"Maybe it's an omen of something that has just woken up," Emma laughed.
"Like what?" Graham asked seriously.
So seriously that Emma frowned at him.
"It's a joke, Graham," Emma said.
"Of course," Graham laughed "So, how are things with your secret lover?"
"Excuse me?" Emma blinked her eyes.
"I'm still wounded that you decline to go on a date with me," Graham said lightly "And I am yet to see you with this new guy"
"Who says it's a guy?" Emma challenged him.
"What else could it be?" Graham laughed.
"Really, Graham?" Emma tilted her head to the side "Can't you figure it out?"
"I don't get it," Graham said looking puzzled at Emma.
"Of course, you don't," Emma sighed "There is no guy"
"Oh," Graham exclaimed "Things didn't work out?"
"No, they did," Emma said "There is just no guy"
"I'm so confused," Graham scratched his forehead "Perhaps I should indeed go home and get some sleep"
"Yep," Emma said, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes.
"Alright," Graham said, putting on his soaked jacket "I'll come back later and take the rest of the shift"
"Please do that sooner rather than later," Emma said.
"I will," Graham laughed "Get some rest inside the jail cell, hopefully, you won't have anyone to share them with today"
"Thanks," Emma said "I'll see you later, Graham,"
"I'll see you later, Emma," Graham smiled before leaving the office.
Emma reached for her phone that she had discarded on top of the desk when she arrived at the station and tapped her password.
No new notifications.
It was so strange that she hadn't heard from Regina since the night before. It was so unusual of them, Emma had grown used to texting Regina and being with her for almost every spare moment, and seeing the conversation box with only the last three texts from Emma completely unanswered made that knot twist again inside her stomach.
She supposed Regina could still be asleep, with the rain pouring outside and the fact they didn't catch any sleep the night before but somehow, Emma was finding it hard to bite her own justification.
The heavy feeling in her chest was growing every second almost as bad as the night before when Emma felt like she couldn't breathe.
She had to support herself over a tree and then endure Graham's lection about how one should never lean against a tree during a storm but Emma couldn't bring herself to care because if it wasn't for the tree she was sure she would have fallen.
It came to a point where the feeling took her whole and Emma wanted to cry her heart out as she desperately tried to hold on to this invisible force that was taking something away from her.
Something precious. Something she knew she would always guard with her life.
She called Regina immediately.
But she never answered her.
So, Emma texted her.
One time,
Two.
And then three.
Now it was the beginning of another day and Regina hadn't answered her yet and that was making Emma impatiently, tapping her foot against the floor while staring at their chat box, that knot getting tighter and tighter inside her stomach.
Emma tapped her fingers against the screen, composing a text.
"Hi, morning!
I hope you slept well. I'm dead, by the way, seriously, what a night.
Let's not have another storm any time soon, shall we?
Call me when you wake up?
I miss you!
Emma"
Emma pressed send, staring at the screen waiting for an answer. She looked at the time on top of the chat box and then the conversation and then at the time again.
It was eight in the morning.
Maybe her phone had died.
Emma pressed the icon to leave the chat box and then pressed the phone icon, typing Regina's home number.
She was just about to press the green icon to connect the call when suddenly, the noise of the Sheriff's Station telephone made Emma jump on the chair.
Emma grunted as she put her cell phone down and picked up the station phone, hoping it was some sadomasochist telephone marketing person calling at that hour in the middle of a storm.
It wasn't.
It was Archie desperate on the phone saying Pongo had got scared because of the thunder and ran away.
And apparently, it was Emma's job to go out there in the middle of an epic storm while her heart was bleeding and her stomach turned into a knot of nerves, to look for a lost dog.
Regina was in her study, staring at the cell phone vibrating on her desk, Emma's name flashing on the screen.
She had been calling Regina the whole day.
And Regina had been ignoring her phone calls just as fiercely.
Regina's heart ached when the phone stopped vibrating and a second later, a text followed.
She didn't have to open to know what was written.
It had been the same trough out the day.
Are you okay? Call me when you get this!
But what could she possibly say?
Regina closed he eyes, soft tears falling down her face.
It hurt.
Everything hurt.
Her heart was broken. Her soul shattered.
Regina rose from her chair and walked to her liquor cabinet, pouring herself another glass of whiskey.
The alcohol didn't do anything to make her forget.
If anything, it increased her sorrow.
But she supposed she deserved that.
Regina sipped the whiskey, the bitter taste prickling on her tongue and then burning her throat on the way down.
But Regina had barely acknowledged the taste or the numbness of her body.
She could still feel when all she wanted to do was forget.
She wanted Emma so desperately, that it hurt.
Regina looked around the study, the room completely dark and silently, except for the howling of the wind and rain outside.
Just like her heart.
Dark and full of stormy rage.
Except, for that point of light that was Henry and Emma.
They had changed her.
First Henry, her son.
Then Emma, her true love.
She wasn't the same anymore, and part of Regina wished she was.
At least her old self wouldn't feel pain.
But she wouldn't have felt love either and Regina couldn't tell which faith was worse.
No, that was a lie.
She knew exactly which faith was worse.
Regina walked to the window, sipping her whisky all the way there, pulling the curtain to the side.
It was so dark already.
She had been hiding in her study the whole day, away from Henry's prying eyes.
She couldn't stand the look of concern on her son's face.
And she couldn't keep telling him she was fine.
She wasn't fine.
She was heartbroken.
She was devasted.
She was broken.
Regina closed her eyes, soft tears running down her face.
Would this ever go away?
Would this long for Emma, this intense need to go after her and simply fall into her arms, reach for her face and kiss her lips ever go away?
This ache on her soul begged her to find the only person who could make everything better again, the heart to which her own heart belonged, would this ever go away?
Regina smirked as she looked outside, the rain fogging the window and the view from the outside world.
No!
This would never go away.
She was cursed now.
A curse worse than the one she cast upon this town.
She was cursed with the one thing she truly feared all of these years.
She was cursed with love.
"Mom?"
Regina's body stiffed as her hands flew to her face, cleaning the tears.
"Henry, I'm working," Regina said, trying to mask her heartbroken voice.
"No, you are staring out the window," Henry said behind her.
"I was just taking a break," Regina said back.
"Mom," Henry sighed "It's darker inside your study than it is outside"
Regina sighed, pressing her forehead against the cool glass of the window.
"Is there anything you need, Henry?" Regina asked.
"Why is our landline disconnected?" Henry asked.
Regina had unplugged the phone from the living room and her study, to avoid the noise of Emma's phone calls echoing in the house.
"Because of the storm," Regina lied.
"I'm getting scared, mom," Henry said in a choked voice.
"The storm will be over soon," Regina said, tears prickling behind her eyes again.
"I'm not talking about the storm," Henry said "Stop hiding from me and tell me what happened"
"Nothing happened, Henry," Regina sighed tiredly.
"Yes, it did," Henry said.
Regina turned around, watching Henry in the middle of her study. Even in this dark, she could see the silver line burning behind his eyes and the expression of fear and concern adorning his face.
She hated that.
She hated that she was responsible for this.
Regina's phone started to vibrate against the wooden surface of her desk, the noise choking the air in her throat.
Her heart squeezed inside her chest in that painful familiar way, her stomach instantly dropping and then turning into a knot.
She knew who it was.
Regina stared at the phone, eyes widened, unable to move, hardly breathing, gripping the glass with force in her hand.
"It's Emma," Henry said in a cheerful voice.
And only now did Regina noticed that Henry had moved. He was no longer standing in the middle of the study, but right beside her desk, his fingers reaching for the phone vibrating loudly on top of her desk.
"Henry, don't!" Regina shouted with an authoritative voice.
Henry looked at Regina with his eyes slightly widened and gave a step back.
She was rudder than she had imagined.
And the look on Henry's face was just another stab Regina didn't know she could still feel.
"I'm sorry," Regina cleared her throat "I didn't mean to raise my voice at you"
"Why you don't want to answer Emma?" Henry asked "I thought you were friends"
"I'm tired," Regina said.
She walked to her desk and wondered if she should pour herself another glass of whiskey but decided against the decision with Henry in the room.
Regina put the empty glass on top of the desk and then reached for her phone. It had just stopped vibrating and when Regina held it inside her hand, the soft beep of the text tickled her fingers.
"I'm going to sleep now," Regina said.
"It's not even nine yet," Henry said, looking up at Regina.
"I had a long day," Regina said, her voice on the verge of breaking "Don't stay up late"
Regina walked to the door but before she could go through, Henry's voice made her stop.
"Mom?"
"Yes, honey?" Regina said, tears threatening to fall while she tried to swallow them.
Henry was quiet for a moment and when she turned around to face her son his body collided against hers as Henry launched himself on Regina, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"I love you, mom," Henry said griping Regina's waist with force "I love you and nothing will ever change that. Whatever happens, I'm on your side. You are my mom! You are my mom and I love you"
And just like that, Regina fell apart again, holding Henry inside her arms, tears soaking his hair while her heart bled inside her chest.
Emma was walking from one side to the other inside the Sheriff's office while pressing the phone hard against her ear.
The phone rang and rang and rang until it went straight to voice mail.
Emma didn't bother to leave another message this time.
Emma had been on the verge the whole day, her heart aching inside her chest, and her stomach turning into a knot.
She felt like her own soul was sinking.
The pain Emma was feeling was crawling under her skin, burning every part of her intensely.
All she wanted was to talk to Regina and hear her voice telling her everything was okay.
Just the sound of Regina's voice would be enough to calm her aching heart.
But instead, Emma was met with nothing but silence.
And she had no idea why.
Everything was going well between them, every moment they spent together only brought them closer, made them share something deeper.
Emma wanted to share her whole heart with Regina.
She had given Regina her whole heart and right now it felt like Regina had run away with it, leaving only a hole full of pain inside.
Emma sat down heavily on the chair, tears falling down her face.
It couldn't be happening again.
She couldn't have fallen in love with someone who didn't love her back.
Emma rubbed her chest, the pain inside increasing making it hard for her to breathe.
No, that wasn't it.
She could feel Regina as if they were one.
Her heart was the same as Emma's.
They were in love.
Emma was sure of that.
Emma cleaned the tears from her face and then pressed the power button on her phone.
It was nine o'clock at night.
Where the hell was Graham?
He was supposed to be at the station for the night shift.
Emma couldn't stand staying inside the Sheriff's Department anymore, she had to go after Regina and find out what the hell was happening.
Because she couldn't handle this pain anymore.
It was killing her.
It almost felt like she was breaking.
Emma's phone rang and vibrated on top of her desk, startling her.
She reached for her phone and let a desperate puff of air out of her lips when Regina's name flashed on the screen.
"Regina!" Emma said desperately, pressing her cell phone against her ear "What the hell happened, where were you?"
"Emma, it's me. Henry"
"Henry?" Emma asked "Henry, is everything okay? Where is your mom?"
"Something is wrong Emma," Henry said and only now Emma could hear the choked voice coming from the other side of the line "Something is wrong with my mom"
Emma's heart beat fast inside her chest, her stomach dropping into a cold pit of nerves.
She could feel her hands trembling.
In fact, her whole body was.
"Henry, what's going on?" Emma asked.
"She is sad, Emma," Henry said "She is sad in a way I think I'm far too young to understand"
"Henry…"
"She is breaking, Emma," Henry said and Emma could nearly hear his tears falling "She is breaking and I don't know how to help her"
Emma swallowed dry as a fresh wave of tears fell down her face.
She understood what she was feeling now.
The weight inside her chest, the ache in her soul.
She and Regina had always felt like they were one, at least when things were too intense.
It wasn't her feelings, they were Regina's.
And the thought of that only made Emma hurt more.
"Henry," Emma said trying to keep the fear out of her voice "You are home, right? You are calling from your landline?"
"I am," Henry said "Mom disconnected the phones but I plugged one in to call you"
"Okay," Emma said "Listen, I'm coming over, okay? I'll be right there"
"Please, hurry," Henry said, "I think you are the only one who can make my mom happy again"
"I'll be right there, Hen,"
Emma finished the call and rose from the chair, cleaning the tears from her eyes before reaching for her jacket on the back of the chair.
Emma put on her jacket and then shoved her phone inside her pocket, picking up her keys from the desk.
"Hey, Emma,"
Emma turned around to see Graham, completely soaked, dripping water everywhere.
"You are late," Emma said seriously, already moving out of the office.
"Sorry, the storm is really heavy out there," Graham said before pulling Emma back by her elbow "Emma are you okay? Are you crying?"
"I have to go," Emma said, pulling her arm back.
"Emma?" Graham said following her "Emma, what's wrong?"
"I have to go," Emma shouted.
It was all she was able to voice before starting to run out, the rain outside soaking her to the bones before she could even reach for her car.
Regina was under the covers, staring blankly at the same wall as the night before.
She didn't even bother to change out of her clothes before dropping onto the bed, after breaking in front of Henry again.
Tomorrow things would be different.
Tomorrow Regina would put on a face, she would dress up and smile until her facial muscles hurt, she would fake until there was no doubt, or fear in Henry's face anymore.
It didn't matter how much it would kill her.
For him, Regina would do it.
Regina closed her eyes, hoping that the empty darkness would somehow consume her whole.
But instead, images of Emma flashed behind her eyes, moving with Regina, every touch like a rehearsed dance they had been dancing their whole life.
Together.
Always together, like two intertwined souls.
When Regina opened her eyes, the pain of losing Emma was already cutting her to the bones, ripping her insides.
A rumble of thunder echoed outside, the light illuminating the bedroom one moment later.
Regina didn't even flinch!
The thunder echoed again, followed by a muffled voice by the wind.
It was longer this time, almost like a bang that happened over and over and over again.
"Regina!"
Regina blinked her eyes, before sitting up on the bed.
It wasn't thunder.
Regina pulled the covers to the side and rose from the bed, walking out of her bedroom.
Her heart was racing inside her chest, Regina could almost feel it in her throat as she walked the hallway, and then she stopped dead on the tracks, when she saw Henry, already halfway down the staircase.
"Henry, don't open the door," Regina said, not caring about the coldness in her voice.
"Mom, it's Emma," Henry said "She is here to help"
"Go back to your room," Regina said.
"Mom?"
"For once in your life, Henry, do as I say and go back to your room right now," Regina said, looking deadly at Henry.
Henry looked between the door and Regina, biting his lower lip.
Regina was already dreading having to pull Henry away and then ground him in his room but she would do it if she had to.
No matter how much that would rip her apart.
She was already shattered anyway.
But to Regina's surprise, Henry walked up one step and then another and then another until he was standing right beside Regina.
"I love you, mom," Henry said.
And then he kept walking up and then entered the hallway, and one minute later, Regina could hear his door closing.
"Regina!" Emma shouted "Regina, open the door"
Regina looked at the door, tears falling heavily down her face.
She didn't move.
She couldn't move.
"Regina!"
The bangs on the door became louder and more insistent, each knock reverberating against her broken heart.
Regina turned around and ran back to her bedroom, closing the door behind her before falling to the ground, her back pressed against the door.
And then she cried.
She cried tears she didn't even know she still had inside of her.
Each knock of Emma's fist against the door, every unanswered shout for her name was ripping away a piece of Regina's soul.
She could almost feel it in her skin, the ache for the one she wanted, her soul wanting desperate to go find Emma, ripping itself apart due to Regina's stillness.
By the time the knocks stopped, Regina was already devasted.
Regina stayed on the floor, her back pressed against the door, crying.
She supposed she should feel relieved now that Emma had finally given up.
Then why did she feel emptier than she was before?
"Regina!"
Regina was startled when the sound of Emma's voice combined with a bang on the window echoed inside the room.
Regina blinked her eyes, lips slightly open, not quite believing her eyes.
Because there she was, Emma in all her stubbornness in the middle of a storm hanging just outside her window.
"Regina, open the window," Emma shouted.
Regina swallowed dry, getting up from the floor, and cleaning the tears from her face.
"Emma go home," Regina said "You are going to get yourself hurt"
"Open the window, Regina," Emma shouted again, completely ignoring Regina.
She was crouched in front of the window, completely wet, gripping God knew what to support herself there.
A thunder echoed again, much louder this time, startling both Emma and Regina.
Regina gave one step back while Emma…
Emma's form suddenly disappeared from the window, a scream of pain escaping her lips.
Regina ran desperately to the window, her heart racing inside her chest and hands trembling while she pulled the window up.
If Emma was hurt because of her….
Regina couldn't even dare to think about what would she do if anything happened to Emma.
Regina put half her body out of the window, the wind and rain whipping her face.
And when she looked down, there was Emma, hanging by one hand while trying to push her body up again.
"Give me your hand," Regina shouted, stretching her arm in Emma's direction.
Emma never even hesitate before grabbing Regina's hand.
Regina pulled Emma up, the water and rain threatening to knock them down on the ground.
It was slippery and Regina held on to Emma hard, as if she was holding on to her own heart because, in reality, she was.
Emma was her whole heart.
Emma and Henry were her whole heart.
Regina grabbed Emma's jacket, sinking her fingers into the fabric as Emma gave an impulse with her feet.
And then both of them fell on the floor of Regina's bedroom, Emma on top of Regina, both of them completely soaked.
It was so comfortably familiar to have Emma's body on top of hers.
If only Regina's sorrow hadn't been just replaced by the agonizing pain of seeing Emma in danger.
Emma pushed herself up, smiling cheekily at Regina.
"Hey,"
"What the hell were you doing?" Regina said, her voice rippling with anger and pain "You could have got yourself killed"
"I wouldn't have to do that if you had just opened the door," Emma said, her voice full of anger too.
Regina rose from the floor and walked to the window, closing it.
"What happened?" Emma asked behind her.
"Nothing happened," Regina said, without turning around.
"Regina, what's going on?" Emma asked, "Why are you ignoring me?"
"Emma, please," Regina said.
She couldn't do this right now.
Not now, not ever.
"Is this because of what happened yesterday?" Emma asked.
"What?" Regina turned around, facing Emma.
How could she possibly know about what Gold told her?
"What we said to each other while we were in bed," Emma said.
"Emma…" Regina shook her head "You and I… we can never be"
"What are you talking about?" Emma asked the hurt in her voice stabbing Regina.
"Emma…"
"No!" Emma said "I know what this is"
"Trust me, you don't," Regina said, unable to hold the tears.
"You are freaking out," Emma said "You are freaking out and trying to push me away. Do you think I don't recognize the signs when I see them? I practically invented them"
"You are better off without me, Emma," Regina said numbly.
"No, I am not," Emma shouted "I am never better without you. But I do recognize that I made a mistake"
"You didn't do anything, Emma," Regina said.
"Yes, I did," Emma said looking at Regina "Here is the thing, Regina, you and I, we are the same. I made you promise that you wouldn't let me run away but I should have made the same promise to you. So here it is. I am not letting you do this. I am not letting you run away"
"You don't have a choice," Regina said, her voice breaking at every word that escaped her lips.
"You think I am not scared of this too?" Emma asked "You think it's easy for me to let my guard down? To let someone in?"
"Emma, go home," Regina said.
She walked past Emma, determined to reach the door but Emma's cold fingers wrapped around her arm, pulling her back.
"You said we were real," Emma cried "You said… You said we were real"
"I'm not good for you," Regina said, tears falling softly down her face.
"You don't get to decide that on your own," Emma said back.
Regina put her hand on top of Emma's, her heart wanting to bring them to her lips, kiss her fingers, warm her skin.
But instead, Regina slid them down her arm and then turned her back to Emma.
"You are mine and I'm yours," Emma whispered behind her "You are mine and I'm yours, that's what you said. I am yours, Regina. I'm yours"
Regina closed her eyes, the tears falling uncontrollably down her cheeks now.
She crossed her arms bracing herself, for what she needed to do, begging any superior force to give her the strength she knew she did not have.
But when Regina turned around, everything changed.
Regina didn't think there was anything left of her heart to break until she saw Emma, on her knees crying in front of her.
It shattered her soul.
Pierced her lung.
Crushed her heart.
Regina's blood roared, demanding her to go to Emma.
She couldn't do this to her, she could never do this to her.
It was her Emma.
Her true love.
Regina would rather die than let a day go by without Emma knowing what she truly meant to her.
Regina walked to Emma, kneeling in front of her.
She held Emma's face between her hands, looking deep into her eyes, wanting to leave no doubt about what she was about to say.
"I am yours," Regina cried "I'm yours, Emma, every inch of me, every bit of my soul, with every breath I take, I am yours. Completely"
Emma pressed her forehead against Regina's, grabbing her shoulders to bring Regina closer.
"Then why are you trying to run away?" Emma asked.
"Because there are things about my past that you can never know," Regina said between tears "Things that you might never forgive me for"
"Then don't tell me," Emma whispered "I don't need to know. Whatever it is, I don't want to know"
"Emma…"
"Do you think I want you to know every shitty thing I've done in my past too?" Emma asked, looking into Regina's eyes "The past is the past, Regina, and we should leave it there. The only thing that matter is here, this moment, is moving forward"
"You wouldn't say that if you knew what I did," Regina said.
"If this is the reason why you are trying to push me away then I don't want to know," Emma said "I never need to know"
Emma pressed her lips against Regina's, her body finally finding a moment of peace.
Regina kissed Emma back, her lips moving desperately against hers as every fiber of her being coming back to life again, her soul stopped agonizing, her heart mending itself again.
She was surrendered to Emma.
There was no escaping her, escaping this, they were one, they shared one heart, one soul, one life, and one breath, they were made of the same material and forged to be together on this life, and any other life there was to come.
Regina loved Emma.
And Emma loved her.
She would think of the consequences later.
Because right now, she needed to fix the only thing she truly care about having broken.
Regina broke the kiss, smiling softly at the noise of protest that escaped Emma's lips.
She pressed her lips softly against Emma before standing up and walking to the bathroom.
Regina reached for the towel and then walked back to the bedroom, her heart nearly breaking again at the relief expression that crossed Emma's features.
She never wanted to see Emma heartbroken again.
Because that destroyed her more than losing Emma ever did.
Regina stretched her arm to Emma who quickly took her hand, getting up.
Regina dried Emma's face gently, then her hair, and then she stripped Emma out of her wet clothes, before doing the same to herself.
When they were both naked, staring at each other, Regina intertwined her fingers with Emma's and walked with her to the bed.
Regina lifted the sheets, getting under them, Emma following her.
Then they intertwined their bodies, Emma's skin so cold and slightly shaken, holding on to Regina as if she would run away if she let go an inch of her.
But Regina could never do that.
Regina ran her hand softly on Emma's face, her heart finally calmed when Emma smiled at her.
Then she pressed her lips against Emma's, their kiss slow and gentle, cherishing more than exploring until Emma's eyes dropped and only soft air left her lips.
Regina nuzzled her nose against Emma's, her eyes feeling heavy too.
And when the last thunder echoed outside, making the earth shake, Regina closed her eyes not caring about everything she was about to risk.