Chapter 11

Bella POV

(TW: Character Death, Blood, Being Tied Down)

Oh, Merlin, shit, there's that pain again, deep in my chest, the thrum that was always there roared whenever my thoughts of him or his family gained too much detail. This can't be healthy, after everything I've been through and I'm almost falling apart because of some boy. Well admittedly not just "some boy", I'm not sure that a 100-year-old vampire can really fall on the same 'Stupid Boy Scale' as the kids from Hogwarts. Harry was a solid six, Ron sitting about a seven, I would put him at either a one or ten (thousand) however you wanted to look at it.

When did this happen? I asked myself. I tried to pinpoint the exact moment I couldn't live without him. As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself I think it was the moment that I first saw him. 'Love at first sight, yeah right, I didn't want to believe it could be true, that it was actually possible to know someone is your everything the minute you laid your eyes on them. But I did, I saw those wonderful eyes of his for the first time in the cafeteria and I knew that I had to be able to look into them for the rest of my life. There was no way I could live, knowing for certain that I would never see him again. I was frightened of him, of course, I was, I wasn't supposed to use magic and I was sitting next to a clearly hungry vampire. But a part of me knew, even though every other piece of me screamed at that part to get out, that I needed him. I could almost feel, somehow, that he needed me too.

I rolled over again, attempting to get back to sleep. I wanted to be up, doing something but Hermione had insisted that we take the night off (I know right, when does that happen), something about we needed a break because none of us were getting any sleep and it was bad for our mental health blah, blah, blah. And anyway, that woman has the hearing of a hawk and there is no way that I could get up and she wouldn't hear me, with her sleeping 5 feet away and all. I'm not sure why I agreed that we share a room. Yeah, you do the voice in the back of my head supplied you have fewer nightmares when people are in that same room as you. Like I didn't already know that, I simply wasn't acknowledging that fact, my stubborn side taking over even when I was talking to myself, you're going crazy, why was she singing now, oh my Merlin, I really am going insane. Think of something else! Anything else? Yeah, come on!

Luna.

Fuck.

Why?

Why does that keep happening to me?

I can't think about her, that's almost as bad as thinking of Ed-him.

Luna, Luna, Luna, Luna.

The nightmare I had a week ago sprung into my head at the repetition of her name my inner voice was so unhelpfully supplying.

Flashback (Nightmare)

"Bella, Help!"

"Help me please!"

"PLEASE!"

Her tortured voice was killing me. STOP HURTING HER PLEASE!

I attempted to shout again but just like the last 100 times I tried, I couldn't make a sound. I couldn't even open my mouth, it was like it was sewn shut. I was tied down to a chair, I could feel ropes digging into my wrists, my ankles, my throat was being restricted by something also, my breath slightly short from the pressure on my windpipe but it didn't feel like the rough fraying rope that I knew was around the lower ends of my limbs. None of that particularly mattered to me though. At that moment all that was important was that I couldn't get to her. She was right across from me in this room, well I think it's a room, it's very dark and I don't see any walls, the only light in the room focusing on the blond parallel to me. She was tied down as well, though it didn't look like she had the strength to stand anyway, she was covered in cuts, bruises, curse scars, and blood. Dear Merlin the blood. I didn't even know that magic could leave behind that much of the sickening red substance. Her hair was matted like she hadn't brushed out the white tresses in far too long, well white wasn't really the word anymore, the hair I had once adored so much was covered in dirt and even more of that damned red liquid. She looked terrible.

But the worst part was the pleading.

The entire time had been sitting here, I wasn't sure exactly how long it had been, it felt like an eternity. She hasn't stopped, yelling, begging, someone, anyone to save her, though most of her pleas were directed at me. It killed me every time my name left her mouth. It made me double the effort of my struggling, which I wasn't sure was even possible at this point, but alas, I guess it was though, I thought as the rope dug even deeper into my skin as my body thrashed as much as it could in an attempt to get free. I glanced down briefly, I wasn't sure if I was shocked or not by the blood that had started flowing around my wrists from my struggles.

I couldn't see who was doing this, more and more marks just kept appearing on her skin, seemingly having no physical origin. I knew better, I'd seen the many joys of magic, and the many pains, this was one of those pains. Once again I tried to close my eyes, I knew that I could think better about how to get her out of this if I didn't have to see her tortured eyes that never seemed to focus on me. I couldn't seem to do it though, my vision of her remaining unobstructed, I had tried this before, it didn't work. I really wasn't sure if it was some work of magic keeping my eyes wide open or my own twisted, guilty fascination.

"I know you don't love me anymore but please help me!"

Oh, Merin, I do, I do, forever, how could you ever think I didn't still love you?

"BELLA!"

Please! Stop! Please!

"I'M SORRY!"

That's one I hadn't heard yet.

Her apologizing broke something in me that hadn't been broken before.

'I'm sorry' meant she thought she had done something wrong.

She hasn't.

Ever.

I screamed. Not for the first time. But something about this time was different. I felt an enchantment give way, it no longer had me in its grasp. The scream was heard, for a moment it was so pained that I almost didn't know who it came from. You. My head supplied. Me. That sound was coming from me. Me. Finally, I could make a sound, finally. When my vision cleared I looked at her again, but something was different, she was looking at me too. For the first time, her eyes focused on me.

Thank Merlin! Finally sh-

No!

No!

Nononononononononononononononono!

NO!

I watched, unable to move an inch, as she gained a new wound from the invisible foe.

It started out as a thin red line. That didn't scare me much, she had been gaining those the entire time.

The location is what took my breath away.

Straight across her neck.

I knew I started screaming but I couldn't hear it. I could feel that burn in your throat you get when you're straining your voice more than you should.

I saw her lips move as her eyes grew vacant. I couldn't hear what she said over the ringing in my ears.

I woke up as her eyes lost all focus.

It was one of the few scream-inducing nightmares I've had.

I didn't calm down until morning.

I haven't thought about it since then. I couldn't. She died. Not really, I know. But she did. Right in front of my face.

Somehow I knew exactly what she'd say to me.

"I'm right here, I'm fine! It wasn't your fault."

Wasn't it though? That stupid inner voice remarked.

She would continue to reassure me. Using that infuriating nickname that I somehow loved because it was just hers. She wouldn't stop telling everything was okay (that is a lie nothing is okay) until it finally felt that way.

I was struck for a moment with guilt, this was in no way a new feeling for me in terms of Luna, as his pale face filled my mind's eye. Should I really still be that in-tune with her? No. Now that I was in love with E-him? No. Is it okay for you to know two people that well at the same time? No. I knew that I didn't love her still, not in that way, he was my light, he is what made me see in that gloomy town I was sent to. But even though he made the world brighter than it had ever been before, so did she. Everything was so dark in the first years of my life, Harry sparking a match that lit up just enough of my world for me to see. When we came to school everything took on a glow, brighter than ever before but still, I knew that this wasn't the extent, there had to be a brighter future, I saw that future in people's eyes, I knew they could see more light than me, and I longed for it. When I met Luna, when I fell for her, I was blinded. I never knew that the world could be this beautiful, this bright, every time I saw her it was like I had stared at the sun for a little too long, even when I closed my eyes I could see her still, lingering on the back of my eyelids. I thought that was it, that was the brightest it could ever possibly get, more light didn't even exist, I just couldn't imagine anything better than how I felt with her. And then I met him, to this day I'm still not sure if anyone else sees this much light or if it was just special to my vision with him. It was double any brightness I had ever experienced before. Somehow I knew that if the world ever got any dimmer at all that I would go completely blind. If I lost any of my light, I would be left with none at all. I needed him, but I knew that I needed her to get to him.

Merlin, there is no way I was getting back to sleep tonight.

—-

Yeah I know I haven't posted in like 12 years (I've done my waiting! 12 years of it! In Azkaban!) but I'm like just now getting motivation for this (or any) of my stories again so updates might be extremely sporadic but I do not plan to give up on this story in any means!

There isn't an Edward POV or anyone but Bella in this chapter but I do plan to get back to them soon! This chapter was really just an insight into dear Bella's head. I know she's getting a bit OOC and I'm kinda sorry, kinda not, I never really had plans for her to act tons like Twilight Bella because even though I love Bella in Twilight, I hate her at the same time, and she just not how I usually write my characters.

Okay, so Luna? Just have at it pls!

I'm really liking Bella's kinda inner voice thing, cause Harry kinda has that in the books, and (while I know this may sound crazy, get over it) I talk to mine sometimes, between my mental health issues, my introverted-ness, and my maladaptive dreaming, it's kinda just part of the package.

If you have any questions or suggestions please review, they make me very happy to read thank you for reading!

P.S. I do not support J.K. Rowling or her transphobic views. If you do, I would kindly ask you to leave my page and any of my stories.