The cold, grey chill of a wet cloud hung over Hogwarts on the following morning. It seemed to Lily—who had been denied of sleep—that Dorcas opened her curtains just as her eyes closed. Lily had lain still as a stone for hours, days, years, maybe even centuries that night, with her eyes unwilling to close.

Werewolf, she thought on the way to breakfast that morning. I just can't believe.

Lily had gone over every facet of this new information the night before. She had pondered everything and thought it all out, but to no advantage for her. It was like the unraveling of a sweater: leading only to more questions and more loose threads. How could she have never noticed? Obviously, Remus had been a werewolf for quite some time. He was sick (now that she considered it) at about every full moon. Shouldn't his illnesses have fomented an idea in her head before now? I wasn't looking for it, she thought desperately. I thought they were playing! Joking! I never dreamed—

And that led to further inquiry: did James and Sirius and Peter know? The resounding answer to that was of course they did. It seemed like it was flung at Lily from every curtain of every window on the way to the portrait hole, as if it was written in letters upon every flagstone in the corridor. Lily had declined Dorcas' invitation to wait for Emmeline that morning; she had had to get away for a little. Marlene had understood, bless Marlene, thought Lily. She always understands—Did Marlene know?

No, no, thought Lily quickly. Lily had been over all of this in the wee hours of the morning. She wouldn't have known or I'd have realized something was up. Remus surely wouldn't tell her after only two months, especially if James never told—James. That's right. This brought Lily back to her original realization: When the Marauders went out together, they went with a full-fledged werewolf in their midst. Were they crazy? Lily bit her lip at the thought of what spells or devices the boys would have had to use to protect themselves. And others. And what about Peter? Lily couldn't help but feel that he certainly wouldn't be up to the task of fending off a blood-hungry animal—

No, shut up, Lily told herself harshly. It's still Remus. He's no different now than he ever was. It's obvious that he takes precautions of some kind, so—

Does Dumbledore know? The answer to this must have been yes without question. Lily doubted that even the Marauders would have been able to conceal such a vital secret from their twinkle-eyed headmaster. But how many of faculty knew? What about other students? What a mess this was.

He might have told me, thought Lily tiredly, taking her seat at the Great Hall and discovering that she had no appetite.

He couldn't have though, it would have betrayed Remus. What should I do? Lily knew that she had to talk to James about this; a small corner of either her heart or her mind pointed out that the reason Lily was so shaken up was because James had—for months now at least—been practically tied to a werewolf once a month.

The barrage of the implications of Remus' condition pelted her like hail as she dutifully loaded her plate with sausages and toast. This balloon of information was swelling up inside Lily; she had to talk to someone before she burst.

As her pals filed in, Lily made all the correct sounds and motions during the meal. Besides eating, that is. Or speaking. Or really even meeting anyone's eye. The only reason that Lily wasn't pressed outright as to why she was so quiet was because of the contents of the Daily Prophet. A wizarding boy of ten had magically dropped a wheelbarrow on two Muggle children while suspected to be under the Imperius Curse, and that boy was the younger brother of a Slytherin prefect. The prefect wasn't at breakfast.

Caradoc and Benjy had come over during the meal to insinuate with Sirius that it was not the Imperius Curse that made the Slytherin's brother go bad. Discussion became so heated that the rats' nest in Lily's stomach was able to go virtually undetected throughout the entire meal.

James knew, however. Knew that something was wrong at least. His gaze was unmistakable, like a brand on Lily's shoulder, even though she refused to meet his eyes. Lily pointedly avoided it while Sirius flung hash brown everywhere in his argument with Remus over the news clipping. Lily could not look at Remus either; because she was unwilling to draw his attention to herself. Somehow, she couldn't shake the feeling that her new knowledge was outwardly visible, like a mole or a bruise. Professor Slughorn roused up further disturbance by handing out his little ribboned invitations to another Slug Club dinner and bustling off with a cheeky wink, just as James opened his mouth with a distinct look at Lily. His jaw snapped shut as he tossed the ribbon onto the table and unfurled the parchment.

"I can't," said James abruptly, reading the time. "Quidditch practice."

"Damn," said Emmeline lightly. "I wish I could have tasted some of his pineapple. Or maybe, Caradoc, since you won't be practicing, you could sneak a little parcel—"

"You want me to turn thief for you?" asked Caradoc amusedly. "How about I just buy you some in Hogsmeade?"

"How about you just walk me to Defense Against the Dark Arts first period?" Emmeline retorted. Caradoc smiled.

"Brilliant."

Lily was relieved as everyone rose to go on their ways, with Dorcas pausing only to send off her owl with a roll of parchment attached. James stayed.

"What's on your mind, Lily?" he asked. Privately, James hoped it had nothing to do with that immeasurable arse Rosier, and he hoped even more that she wouldn't blow him off. Therefore, he was surprised but not displeased when Lily answered slowly,

"James, we need to talk. I have a free after D.A.D.A. Can you be in the Astronomy Tower then?"

"Sure," he said slowly, a foreign flicker of nervousness kindling in his mind. Lily managed a grateful smile.

"Thanks," she said. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah…" he answered, standing up, "but you didn't have anything to eat."

"I ate before you got here," she lied, grabbing her satchel. James put his hand on Lily's and she briefly looked up and met his eyes. James knew she was lying of course, but there was some strange electricity that signaled just how far a lie went for either of them. He sighed and put his arm around her as they left the Great Hall.

Just as they stepped over the threshold, a shriek erupted from the Slytherin table. James smiled. He and Sirius had placed Grow-Your-Own-Warts ingredients in Rosier's pumpkin juice.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was lively and involved Professor Marsh's idea of fun: wizard duels with all of the spells from the fifth chapter of their spellbooks. Even the faint welts on her arms could not stop Lily from hurrying straight off to the Astronomy Tower while James went to make his excuses before joining her. This gave her a few extra minutes to shiver at the top of the frosted tower, which was many uncomfortable meters away from the nearest burning fireplace. Stomping her feet to keep warm, Lily realized that a cloak might have been a good idea just as one was tossed over her shoulders. She whirled around; James was standing there, smug in his own black cloak, and pulling on his thick gloves.

"Forgetful much, Lily?" He grinned. Lily tried to grin back, and it did not succeed. She felt like she might vomit.

"James, we really need to talk. I… I don't quite know how to tell you this but—well, we can't be overheard." Fiddling with the hem of her cloak, Lily gave a perfunctory glance to the trap door and kicked it once to be sure it was totally stuck in place. A slight click confirmed her first fears, but only opened the floodgates of conversation.

"Lily, what are you on about?" said James gently, taking a step towards her and suddenly, pausing almost as if struck in the face. "Are you ending it?"

"James, no. It's not like that, it's not you," she said hurriedly, not allowing herself to warm at his obvious relief. He ran his hand through his hair.

"What could it be then?" James grinned, arrogant once more. "I can't see anything else that would show a serious problem—"

"James, I know," Lily said, and it was almost a sob. She had rehearsed numerous and graceful discussions, in which she would eloquently display her recognition of Remus as a werewolf and James would simply tut-tut and refuse to do his homework as usual. None of those came to mind now. "I know I shouldn't've, and I wasn't trying to snoop, but it just sort of formed in my head and I had to know—"

"Wait, wait," said James, waving his hands and no longer smiling, "You know what now? What's got you in a twist, Lily? What do you know?"

"Remus," she said softly, and James blanched. His face was truly white, like snow or sugar. James opened and closed his mouth, then opened it again, but no sound emerged except a strangled kind of croak. His breath whooshed out and he said sharply on the uptake,

"You're talking about…?"

"Yes," she replied in a small voice. "He's a werewolf—"

"Lily!" shouted James, horrified. He latched onto her shoulders. "Who else knows? Did you tell Marlene, or Emmeline, or—"

"No," she said forcefully, restraining herself. "I…I just figured it out for myself—" James let his hands fall slowly, slowly. He ran his hand through his hair once more and paced a few steps back and forth before exhaling loudly, standing on the opposite side of the battlements from Lily.

"Why did you do it, Lily?" he asked quietly, looking defeated rather than angry. "Why d'you need to think about it at all?"

"I didn't mean to!" she cried while trying not to cry. "It clicked when those prints came up in Care of Magical Creatures! And I don't know what you lot do during his transformations, but it seems like he's certainly tangling with a lot of great beasts in the Forbidden Forest—"

"Lily, no," said James hurriedly, trying to halt this tidal wave of painful accusation. "Just stop, okay? Look, I've got to talk to Remus about this—"

"About this? Me finding out? I dunno if I'm the only one James!" she said on a near scream. Lily was not quite sad anymore, although she was not quite angry yet either. Yet how dare James lose his cool at a time like this? She, Lily, needed answers and explanations and comfort and he was not giving in at all— "By the looks of things, it seems pretty damn fair to say that Snape and Rosier and those goons know about it too—"

"SNAPE KNOWS," shouted James, grabbing Lily's whole attention, "because Dumbledore had to tell him. Because of… of us I guess. Snape saw him, a little too close really, and…well…" He ended awkwardly, no longer loud. Lily's mouth was open in horror and sadness; she knew how much it would've hurt James to have Snape hold this secret of his fellow Marauder. And how dangerous and miserable this entire enterprise was. And although it was not the first time, Lily felt a little sorry for James and Sirius and Peter, a lot sorry for Remus.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking away over the lake. "I realize that this is probably private, and that it must hurt very much—"

"Lily," said James pleadingly, "let me just talk to Remus, okay? I swear, swear, that I'll answer some questions. As many as he lets me. You understand that, don't you Lily? You have to."

Lily cast her gaze reluctantly to James. He was pleading, he was begging, with his eyes and hands as much as with his heart. To let her understand, to let her be satisfied, to let her keep their secret. Lily knew what was expected of her, and she also knew that if Remus explained his situation, her life (and her life concerning James) would never be the same again. He doesn't look like a boy, she thought faintly. I think, somewhere along the line, while I was looking the other way, James Potter grew up.

"Fine," replied Lily finally, "no problem. Take all the time you need." James took three long steps and caught Lily up in his arms, holding her as tightly as he had ever held onto anything. Lily buried her head in James' cloak and gave a quiet, muffled noise of emotion. A virtue of a hug was that one didn't need to confront the other's face.

The blow up of Lily and James is over. Resolution and afterwards is the next chapter. I typed a whole lot of this chapter in one sitting, so pardon any grammar or spelling. I tried to get it out quickly.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READS AND REVIEWS!