"Caradoc, mate, you've got an iron pair on you," said Sirius bluntly as he pumped Caradoc's hand.
It was a wonderfully purple dusk and the Quidditch stands were empty. Emmeline and Caradoc had lingered in their own little space on the pitch after the match, with people running up to congratulate them or kiss them on the cheek or smack them on the shoulders. Professor Sprout had gifted Emmeline with a shapely sanguine orchid that fit neatly into her luscious hair. Professor Flitwick had squealed happily and trod all over Caradoc's feet, forgetting the loss of the Cup.
Although they had taken place before, this was the first school engagement in Lily's year and everyone was terribly abuzz. Dorcas and Marlene and Lily had waited around for Emmeline, and if Lily was there then James was, and if James then Sirius, Peter, and Remus. Benjy and Mafalda were there as well. Benjy had known Caradoc's intent all along; he was already promised to be the best man.
The girls had moved far ahead by now, grouped into a gaggle of exclamations and cooing and sobbing and hugging. They moved along with the electric energy centered on Emmeline's special glow and the diamond with the light that pulsed softly on her left ring finger. The boys were walking slowly behind with Caradoc, who almost floated along.
"I still don't know how you could do it," Sirius was saying. "In front of the whole school, the most important game of the year, after you lost…"
"Well, one of them had to lose," interjected Benjy. "It's probably better—for them, at any rate—that Emmeline didn't."
He turned to James.
"And don't think for a minute, Potter, that we'll let you forget about our offer for a private rematch. Me and Caradoc and you and whoever—"
"Black, I don't know that you understand," interrupted Caradoc joyfully. Obviously he was two steps behind, and he seemed to have just caught on to Sirius' question. "I love Emmeline. I do. It's the funniest thing in the world, but I do. She's so much to me now for so many reasons."
Benjy groaned.
"Caradoc, I was talking about Quidditch. We don't need another ringing affirmation of your love for Emmeline."
Caradoc only chuckled. He managed to keep quiet for another two minutes.
"I think it all began earlier in this year, though I've always fancied her a bit. On and off, like. This spring I was bawling on the lakeside when my favorite cousin was killed—"
"One bloody minute!" cried Sirius alarmedly. "We didn't hear anything about—"
"It's because she's a Muggle," Caradoc replied. "It wouldn't be in the Daily Prophet. Meggie was killed when Rabastan Lestrange magicked that bus near Liverpool."
"I'm sorry," said Remus gravely. "We didn't know."
"And you shouldn't have," waved Caradoc dismissively. "But thank you. It's still a little painful to talk about.
"Anyway, Emmeline didn't care that I was supposed to be the big man and all. I hardly did either because I was sobbing just the same. She only wanted to me to feel okay. That was all she cared about. And she didn't do the usual shit about 'I-understand-and-your-loss-is-regrettable-and-accept-my-condolences' and all the other rot that makes people feel better to say. She sat there with me, all afternoon, apparently skiving off Transfiguration and Charms. The only other person who's ever skived off McGonagall for me would be this wally right here," he said with a faint smile. Benjy bowed with a dutiful flourish. The Marauders looked at each covertly. This they understood. No one skipped out of McGonagall's class lightly.
"I just can't get enough of her," Caradoc continued, almost fumbling into a shrub. "She's so different and caring and stupid in these little ways that I…well, that I love. It's like having a best friend in a girl way, like you want to be near them but you also have to be…does that make any sense?"
"A bit," said James quietly. Only Sirius picked up on that underlying string in his voice and he looked at James with sharp eyes. James stared straight ahead, gazing interestedly at a wildly attractive patch of grass. Caradoc looked at James with approval, as if he had taken off fuzzy glasses and seen James for the first time.
"I guess you would know, Potter. But getting back a bit, I realized I just had to propose. I had to let her know what she means to me before something happens. Before we're not safe anymore because we're out of school. People die all the time. They ought to know that you love them."
Caradoc was quiet for a moment. Each and every boy was thoughtful, because every family had a hole where a cousin or a mother or a brother or uncle ought to have been.
A lump formed in James' throat and the most uncertain and passionate feelings that he had ever known flew from his heart right to his head. For some time now, he had been cleverly trying to excise the "M" word from his vocabulary. Marriage was something for adults, for people far older and surer of themselves than he, James Potter, was. Caradoc had gone and ruined that argument. James' insides were not liking the new arrangement.
"And it's mostly for the dumbest reasons!" Caradoc exclaimed. These ardent outbursts were very much out of character for the normally easygoing Ravenclaw. Benjy seemed resigned to them. James wished (only very slightly) that Caradoc would shut up. "Emmy sleeps too long and she can't cook. The biscuits she sent me over the summer choked a squirrel or two in my backyard when I left them under the bird feeder.
"She doesn't care if she's late to anything, and I always need to be early. She's loud but she's secretive and she doesn't cover her mouth when she burps. She spends far too long fixing her hair. And she actually can't walk in a straight line without shuffling every now and then, because she always walks to the left."
Sirius gave a sidelong look to James, clearly indicating his idea of Caradoc's psychological instability. James, however, did not catch that glance. James was hanging on painfully to every word that Caradoc said, knowing deep, somewhere, that he was aching to say things along these lines as well.
"But it doesn't matter. Her breath is always nice and whenever she says something flirty she means it, even if it comes right after a comment about how I should be kicked out of Ravenclaw because I can't match my socks properly." Caradoc took a strong breath and his eyes dreamily followed the dark outline of Emmeline somewhere ahead. "When I'm with Emmeline, I feel really good. Better than good. Like I've been naked in an igloo and I've just tumbled into summer."
"Caradoc, for Merlin's sake, don't write your own wedding vows," groaned Benjy. Caradoc actually blushed, his cheeks looking bloody in the fading light.
"That was awful, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, mate, it was," replied Benjy easily. "But you meant it, and that's supposed to be all that matters."
All that matters, thought James, watching the girls in front of him in the way Caradoc had.
…
"Emmeline, this is brilliant!" said Dorcas for the umpteenth time. Usually chatty, Emmeline had been rather quiet since the Quidditch match. Her expression alternated between numbed shock and dazzling happiness. All of her Gryffindor girls were delighted for her, as they had professed over and over again while they all lay in their beds after dinner.
"And just think, you'll be in your dream wedding now!" said Marlene for the trillionth time. "Then you'll go off and live with Caradoc—"
"—in your nice manor house with that damn pony you've always wanted—"
"—or in that swanky Diagon Alley apartment with a unicorn motif—"
"—and you'll have your own family—"
"Do you know what Diagon Alley flats are going for now?" asked Emmeline dryly. "We'd be lucky to live in one of their smaller skips."
"You could wait until after you both have jobs," suggested Lily, piping up for the first time since they had gone to their room. Lily was the calmest. Lily was sensible. Lily said everything she had to say once and she was done with it. Emmeline appreciated that and she smiled at Lily gratefully.
"We'll manage, though. I suppose we'll have to reserve a place for the ceremony anyway, and we'll plan from there—"
"Remember, Emmeline, you don't have to settle for anything," reminded Marlene. "It's your day."
"Your big day!" interceded Dorcas. Marlene nodded.
"That's right! Why, if you want roses, then by Merlin you'll—"
"—have the bloody roses," finished Emmeline. "I know all that. It's just…strange when it's happening, you know?"
"You don't know what to do first?" asked Lily. Emmeline nodded again. Emmeline, at least, knew enough not to mistake Lily's level-headedness for a lack of enthusiasm.
Because Lily certainly was happy for Emmeline. Yes, she was. She had been outwardly excited earlier in the evening. However, Lily knew that a wedding was not some intangible possible future occurrence. It was real. It would come and it would happen and it would pass. Somehow, Lily understood that better than Dorcas or Marlene. And Emmeline knew it. Maybe it's because only the two of us have ever…Been in love.
What was so wrong with that? Well, all right, she was in love. Been in love. Lily shivered. She had been keeping that part of her heart quiet for quite a long time. Now she had grown up. Lily had admitted it to herself. I am entirely in love with James Potter.
A ponderous warmth settled over her steadily. With a heartfelt logic, Lily realized that she would marry James Potter or no one at all. It was sort of peaceful, really, to know that now and forever. But should I tell him?
"What color d'you think would look nicest foe Emmeline's bridesmaids?" asked Dorcas, trying to draw Lily back into the conversation.
Lily blinked. Was it not obvious to Dorcas that she needed time to herself? To mull this all over? Aren't revelations like this supposed to make you cry and shout and jump?
No, it was not a revelation. Lily had to correct herself. It was acceptance, that was all. The revelation aspect had taken place far earlier in the year, when she had first allowed James to kiss her and she kiss him back. That moment was tense and exploding and electrifying. This was therapeutic. Lily dreamily unwrapped a sherbet lemon and popped it into her mouth. She savored every sweet memory as she sucked at the candy.
But Lily still wanted time to herself. This was not the kind of thing someone found out everyday. Marlene's alarm clock rang out, and it was time that Lily did not have. Ten o'clock. Patrols.
"Lily, are you all right?" asked Marlene worriedly. Lily stood up and smoothed her robes mechanically, fighting internal panic. She was going to meet Evan Rosier now.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You're white as a sheet, Lil," said Emmeline mildly. "Wha—"
"Nothing, nothing," Lily said hastily. By her friends' faces, Lily knew her assurances were doing more harm than good. She took a deep breath and managed a shaky smile.
"Well, I've got to go."
"Are you fighting with James or something?" asked Emmeline, hawk-like in her perception. Lily shook her head. How could she tell these three, innocent girls about a meeting with Rosier and the Marauders in the dungeons? Lily wanted—above all else—for this whole meeting to just be a prank. A joke. A stupid, stupid joke. She knew it would not be.
"I…I just remembered something I should have done," Lily lied softly. "And goodnight, you three. I'll be back later."
"Of course you will," said Dorcas off-handedly. "Why wouldn't you be?"
She picked up two, brightly-wrapped sherbet lemons and tossed them to Lily. Lily caught them smoothly and stuffed them into her pocket.
"One for James and one more for you," smiled Dorcas.
"Thanks," answered Lily with real warmth. She opened the door. The red common room seemed chilly tonight.
The Marauders were waiting by the Portrait Hole. Sirius was glaring ferociously at Mallory Twiddle, daring him to ask why three Gryffindors were accompanying the Head Boy and Girl on patrols. Twiddle's ears were quite red over the top of the homework parchment which he held in front of him like a shield.
"All ready?" asked James brightly. He was doing his best to look buoyant and unaffected. Sirius was disdainful. Remus was worried. Peter simply stared at the floor as if imploring it to gobble him up. Lily wished the same.
She linked arms with James and put on her best attempt at a smile. Her boyfriend's returning grin was all teeth.
"Ready."
As they climbed out of the Portrait Hole, Lily wondered what James' plan was. Her heart was beating rather badly again and she stole a quick look at the Marauders. Remus caught her glance and Lily knew precisely what he was about.
James made it no secret where they were going. He struck out in front as the obvious leader and took purposeful steps toward the dungeon. He's looking for his fight.
They reached the dungeons all too soon and James simply opened the door and dropped Lily's arm. He stepped inside, followed by the rest of the Gryffindors. The Slytherins were waiting.
Evan Rosier sat behind Slughorn's desk, lounging lazily and looking up through his pinched brows at them. Regulus Black stood behind Rosier chewing rapidly on an old piece of gum. He did not look at Sirius. Wilkes sat on a desk next to Travers, who leaned casually against the side. His eyes wordlessly followed James as they made their entrance. Lily had the unmistakable feeling of being marked by a group of Acromantulas for dinner.
"Ah," breathed Rosier. "Excellent. You've all come." He flicked his wand. The door closed and snipped shut.
"Just what the hell is your game, Rosier?" shot James, firing up immediately. Rosier held up a hand. He looked like he was enjoying himself immensely.
"Potter, you're just such the arse. Sit down first. Get comfortable."
James clenched his teeth but Lily overrode him before he began on a vicious swearing spree.
"We'll stand, thanks. This shouldn't take too long."
"Evans, you amaze me. You're a Mudblood with no talent who thinks that the heroic James Potter can do whatever he likes whenever he feels—"
"Incarceous!" cried James, leveling his wand at Rosier. Rosier half fell out of his chair and lay bound with thick cords. Even though she knew Rosier was just being petty, Lily still winced at his mean words. He probably would have loved it, thought Lily pensively, if I had cried. I don't know what he thinks of me but I know that I wouldn't cry for him.
"Untie me," Rosier said calmly, but his face gave itself away. He had very transparent expressions, and his nose and mouth were twisted with anger splotchy.
"Like hell," said James flatly.
"Why should he?" demanded Sirius, stepping forward. "You're all a lot of scum—"
"Black, stop," said Travers deadpan. "You'll regret this if you don't."
"What if I bind you up right now?" suggested Sirius venomously. "But then we'd just have to do a load of pretending and say this meeting wasn't another excuse to hurl your envy at us. I'll trot you down to Dumbledore and see what he makes of all this rubbish—'
"He can't do anything about us!" burst out Wilkes unexpectedly. Every face turned towards him. A slow, pulsating anger beat under James' skin.
"Explain." It was not a question. Wilkes took a step back, like a rabbit might hop from an eagle. James took a step forward.
"Prongs, don't," called out Remus. "That pillock has nothing to do with it." He eyed the fuming Rosier. "Let's ask this one." Wilkes crumpled like a dry flower and slumped back into a subjugated pose against the desk. Lily's nose wrinkled at his spinelessness.
Sirius pointed his wand and Rosier suddenly dangled, still bound, in the air by his ankle. With a casual swish, Sirius moved him to the very center of the room.
"Talk."
"Not like this!" spat Rosier, angrily. As Sirius had interpreted correctly, Evan Rosier hated being made the fool. He hardly looked majestic while spinning slowly in the air by his ankle. "Put me down, Black! I swear the Dark Lord's revenge—"
"Dark Lord?" cried out Lily and James in unison. Lily shouted in horror while James was in triumph.
"Ah hah, Rosier!" James pointed animatedly. He had managed to verbally pin down Rosier. "So you admit to these dealings with Voldemort and the Death Eaters!"
"What are you, their gopher?" sneered Sirius. Rosier paid him no heed as the blood rushing to his head filled his cheeks. His malicious eyes focused only on James.
"Admit it? Why, of course, I admit it. I am a Death Eater."
Silence. An artery squeezed on its way from Lily's heart. Her tongue was dry.
"You're…you're a Death Eater, Rosier?" she said, remaining as nonchalant as she could. Lily might have had an easier time dealing with the sentence if not for the nouns.
The noxious fire in Rosier's eyes was hardly to be believed as his lips drew into a pernicious smile. A drop of blood flecked the floor. His nose had begun to bleed.
"Evans, you wouldn't believe some of the things I've done," he said softly. "What I've done, or what I've said, or even what I've thought…"
Sirius wordlessly dropped Rosier to the ground with a swish of his wand. Rosier got up quickly and brushed off his robes, faint lines of crimson on the front from where he had hit the small blood puddle on floor. Blood was in his teeth now, and when Rosier wiped his face with the back of his hand the redness smeared along his lips. It was a twisted impression of a half-smile.
"You see, I had a very happy Christmas," Rosier whispered as he reached for his sleeve. "The Dark Lord is interested in my loyalty, and my usefulness to him as a liaison to Hogwarts."
Rosier pulled back his robes with a bestial noise of satisfaction. There, squirming on his forearm, was a symbol that burned into Lily's mind. A snake. A skull. Together, just as they were joined in the mark that lit up the black and white skies shown in the Daily Prophet. Lily heard Remus' intake of breath.
"I met him, you know," continued Rosier. He was speaking quickly and in a very raspy voice. "He decided that I was ready, that I was committed. The Dark Lord wants to take followers straight out of Hogwarts. He gave me a prized gift to bring back with me here, to help us in our efforts—"
"An Invisibility Cloak," murmured Lily. "That's how you bullied the first years." She had known since she saw the glitter of silver at their previous meeting. James was shocked and evidently pained.
Rosier evidently did not like this announcement on Lily's part. His lip curled up snidely.
"Yes, Evans," he hissed. "Good enough of a guess. The Dark Lord entrusted me with this equipment for my mission, to spread his message of fear right under Albus Dumbledore's crooked nose—"
"And how did that work out, Rosier?" said James hotly. "You made yourself invisible and pretended to be Slytherin's ghost? Is this your recruitment plant, making potion bottles rattle? Is Arkie Philpott joining up with the Death Eaters now? Did Voldemort know that you'd be using his toy for some play yard games with kids younger than you? D'you think he'd be proud to hear about—"
"Don't say that name," said Travers through gritted teeth. James rounded on him in a flare of indignation.
"Voldemort. And look at that, Travers? He didn't need to give me a stupid robe to make me feel important—"
"He entrusted us with a mission!" shrieked Rosier. "He knows that we are his loyal followers! His powers are on our side—"
"Voldemort doesn't trust anyone!" Lily fired back.
"He's using you," said Remus.
"Before he kills you," added Sirius spitefully. Rosier howled in rage.
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" He pointed his wand first at Remus, then at Sirius, and he swiveled to rest it on James. "Don't think he'll spare you, Potter, or your Mudblood bitch. He'll kill you all, you'll see it too late to stop him—"
It might have been the Muggle-born in her, but Lily did not even think to do magic when Rosier raised his wand to James. Magic was second nature to her, but still only second. The first nature was for instinctive violence. Lily knocked Rosier's wand from his hand and slapped him in the face, being sure to leave scratches from her fingernails. She furiously stomped his wand underfoot and the wood cracked satisfactorily, revealing the magical innards. Lily pointed her own wand at Rosier as he clutched his eye.
"Not another word, you putri—"
"Cr—"
"Petrificus totalus!" cried James, blocking Travers' curse before it left his lips. Travers thudded to the ground as Rosier staggered upright while squinting through his right eye. What he might have done next was uncertain, but Wilkes certainly backed away as the Marauders made a move towards him. Regulus Black stepped forward.
"No, Sirius."
"Regulus," snarled Sirius venomously. Lily somehow thought that—in Sirius' eyes--Regulus' involvement was the worst part of the whole affair.
"Regulus, how thick could one person be?" he demanded in a rigid voice. "D'you buy all of this rot? Have you come here thinking that Evan Rosier is going to protect you? Is he going to give you power? Are you thinking that Voldemort is going to offer you a lifetime position as his secretary? Or maybe he'll reveal a bit of Dark Magic that will allow you to remove your head from your arse, since the one part of your body is just as useful as the other?"
"Sirius, don't you dare tell—"
Lily gasped and covered her mouth as Sirius hit Regulus with a Stinging Hex. Regulus stumbled and held his arm painfully.
"Siriu—"
Sirius took another step and did it again. His expression was impassive and James was looking away. Regulus backed into the desk. He was genuinely surprised, and for a moment he looked quite young.
"Sirius, I'm your own brother!" Regulus cried in horror, and whether he was pleading or snarling Lily never could tell. He seemed to be working on regaining control of himself.
"But if this is the end then you're as good as dead to our family!" Regulus' voice rose again in a clamor. "Mum and Dad support me—not you—me. We won't be brothers any longer! You'll be alone again, like you always are!"
"I have a brother," said Sirius in a deadly voice, "and he's standing right here next to me."
Regulus flinched visibly and turned his face away. The fight was over. The Marauders had won. Lily did not quite know how she knew it, but she did. James clapped Sirius on the shoulder; Sirius was as tense as stone.
"We'll leave this rubbish to take care of themselves. Let's go home, mate."
"Of course," he answered mechanically. Lily slipped her arm through Sirius' on the other side. He looked at her with a strange expression, raising one slim eyebrow.
"James is right. Let's go."
Remus pushed Wilkes out of the way. Peter opened the door. Lily and James both knew where they were going, and they led Sirius there. Straight to Dumbledore.
Well then okay. I think we're about three or fewer chapters away from the end of the year, folks. I am not sure if this chapter is good or not but it definitely is long. If anything is still unclear, please ask. And I know Snape wasn't there, but that's the point isn't it? He's very ambiguous about everything because he's smarter than the others. Happy Easter for those who celebrated.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND REVIEWING