The next morning Sasori was in the living reading 'Better Homes and Gardens'. Kisame and Zetsu were eating breakfast in the kitchen and trying to watch soccer…of course neither of them understood soccer…they were just trying to be cool.
"So where's sexy and sexier?" Zetsu asked Sasori. Sasori looked up from his article titled 'Making the Most of Your Scented Pine Cones'.
"You're implying that Itachi's the sexier, aren't you?" Sasori asked.
"Yeah." Zetsu said pouring some coffee.
"Well, they went outlet shopping. They insisted on hitting the Kenneth Cole outlet this morning." Sasori said returning to his article.
"So, they'll be back soon won't they?" Kisame asked.
"No, after they hit Kenneth Cole they'll probably go to the Nautica outlet."
"And then they're coming back?" Zetsu asked.
"Hell, no after that you know they won't leave without going to DKNY Men's." Sasori told them. Zetsu and Kisame looked at each other.
"Okay, but even if they go to all those places, won't they be back by noon?" Kisame asked.
"Most likely…no. Because you know you can't keep those two out of Sak's Off Fifth, the discount Sak's Fifth Avenue or Armani Exchange. It's a good thing 'the leader' doesn't get pissed when they go out and spend a shit load of money." Sasori said.
"Damn it, well I'm not waiting on them to get back to go to the beach." Zetsu said.
"Dude, you don't have to, I'll come with you, you don't have to go alone, I know you have issues with being on the beach alone." Sasori said. It was at this point that Sasori picked up his cell phone that he hadn't looked at all weekend. "What the fuck? 37 missed calls?" He started scanning them. "Orochimaru, Orochimaru, Orochimaru, Orochimaru….Orochimaru, Orochimaru…Orochi fuckin maru! God! I am going to kick Dediara's ass. He has called him when he was drunk and now Orochimaru and Kabuto want to call us and try to be cool. God, they are such losers!" Sasori said.
"Yeah, it's a good thing 'the leader' hates his ass so much. Remember the time Deidara and Itachi maxed their credit limit at Express Men's and they blamed it on Orochimaru? God that was hysterical…'the leader' blamed the fact that Orochimaru likes purple on the folks at Express." Kisame said. Zetsu and Sasori laughed.
"Yeah and remember when I was drunk and I forgot to put the lid on the blender for the bloody mary's?
"Orochimaru!" Everyone said in delightful unison.
"Damn, our ceiling looked like a fucking slaughter house." Zetsu said.
"Okay, let's hit the beach." Sasori said putting his magazine aside.
24 minutes later
"Oh my god! Oh my god! What the fuck do I do! I stepped on a fucking jellyfish! Oh god it burns! It's burning! You sorry ass fucker! Oh my god!" Kisame was completely spazzed at this point. The three of them had walked onto the beach and didn't completely pay attention where they were walking and Kisame stepped right on a super stingy jelly fish.
"Okay, calm down…we'll de-jelly you!" Sasori proclaimed. "Zetsu! Get…get….uuuuh…get some sun block!" Sasori demanded. Kisame was now lying in the sand.
"Right!" Zetsu said running off to get sun block from a tourist. He came back and slathered the sting up in sun block…it was an unusual way of handling things.
"Alright, Kisame, breathe, breathe…that's it breathe! Zetsu! I need…I need….uuuuummmm…oh! Ice from a cooler! Hurry!" Dr. Sasori said.
"Ice from a cooler, got it!" And Zetsu hurried off to get a beach goer to give him their cooler. He promptly returned and Sasori poured ice all over Kisame's stung sun block covered foot.
"Any better?" Sasori asked.
"Yeah, it's hurting less." Kisame said.
"Okay, well finally I need…calamine lotion!" Sasori declared and Zetsu ran off to find calamine lotion. It's hard to imagine that a tourist would have calamine lotion and that they would actually give it to a guy with a plant head….but nonetheless Zetsu took it back to Sasori. Sasori smeared it all over Kisame.
"There, how's that?" Sasori asked.
"Aaaah, much better. Sasori, you know your stuff." Kisame said. Even though Sasori's jelly fish sting treatment was…questionable he was able to get Kisame to stop yelling.
"Okay, Kisame you stay here on the beach, Zetsu, you, me, ocean now." Sasori said. They had drug the rafts from the pool down to the ocean with them. Zetsu had the pink raft and Sasori had the blue one. They were floating over the waves keeping an eye on Kisame.
"Is it really smart to use that cell phone out here in the waves?" Zetsu asked Sasori.
"If something happens to it, first I'll blame Deidara because you know…I can, then Deidara will blame Orochimaru then 'the leader' will collect the insurance on this one, then poof! New Motorola Pink RAZR phone!" Sasori said.
"Aaah, so you have it all planned? Smart man Sasori." Zetsu slapped hands with Sasori.
"Do you think 'the leader' will ever catch on that it's really us doing the stupid shit all the time?" Zetsu asked.
"No, he's knows Deidara is a complete dumbass and that Itahci is overly dramatic and that Kisame is constantly breaking stuff and that you sometimes spill household cleaners and that I lose shit….so I'd say we are completely covered." Sasori reassured him. Sasori and Zetsu didn't notice what was happening behind them…a massive wave was forming and getting ready to break right over them. Zetsu looked up.
"Sasori….Sasori….Oh shit! Sasori….hurry! Swim!" Zetsu said as they both paddled furiously into shore. They were too late…the giant wave broke right over them sending them into sand and seaweed…so much for the cell phone…