"Did Deidara confuse coffee and cappuccino again?" Sasori asked.
"No, no that's not it…this is much more serious. I know it's our last day at the beach and everything and I know that Itachi and Deidara spent around $3400 dollars at the outlet mall yesterday…but I just heard Itachi compliment Deidara on his hair." Kisame blinked like 50 times. Everyone else stared at him in utter horrow.
"I…ita…ita…Itachi NEVER compliments Deidara on his hair. He would never admit that Deidara actually has nicer hair sometimes. You're right we have to do something." Sasori started to get up.
"No, no Sasori….there's more. They are both in the bathroom with the door closed listening to my Paula Abdul mix tape…" Kisame was still in a dumbfounded state.
"Oh shit…you don't think they're experimenting…with salon wax again do you?" Sasori asked.
"Fuck no…the last time they did that Deidara cried for 47 minutes and Itachi nearly ripped his eyebrows off." Zetsu said.
"You have a Paula Abdul mix tape?" Sasori questioned.
"Yeah, 'the leader' made it for me. I use it when I work out." Kisame answered.
"The leader does make good mix tapes." Zetsu said.
"Okay, okay…we have a situation. Itachi is never complimentary to Deidara….guys…we're going in there." Kisame said. The three of them approached the bathroom door only to here the chorus of Paula Abdul's 'Straight Up'.
"I normally do crunches to this song." Kisame said. Sasori tentatively opened the door. It was worse than any of them had expected…
"Holy shit…it's like what 10:30 in the morning?" Zetsu said. What they found was Deidara and Itachi cutting tags off $3400 dollars worth of new clothes. What they also found was Itachi a very very very drunk and emotional Itachi.
"What the hell are you two doing in here? Why is he so drunk?" Sasori demanded.
"Oh Danna…I bet you're wondering about the mix tape, yeah?" Itachi at this point was crying…no bawling on Deidara's shoulder. But no one could say another word.
"Deidara! Deidaaaaara! I love you man! I mean you are like….my hottest friend!" Itachi had to stop talking because he was crying too hard. "I…I…I…I…I hang out with Kisame and he…he…he…he…he…I'm just so much better looking then him!" Itachi dried some more.
"Did you let him into that Bailey's Irish Crème…you know he does this every time he hits the Irish crème!" Zetsu said. At this point Itachi was squeezing the hell out of Deidara and Deidara was patting his back vigorously to try and get him to stop crying all over him.
"Deidara! Deidara….you…you can wear my Ralph Lauren jeans….they…they…they fit you better anyway." Itachi wailed. Deidara looked a little perplexed. Itachi caught sight of his three friends taking in the sight in the bathroom. They couldn't figure out how Itachi had gotten Deidara into the bathroom…they assumed Itachi was going to kick Dediara's ass for taking the last condom and it somehow turned into this fiasco.
"Oooooh Zetsu! Zetsu! You're such a good friend! All those good times we've had." And then he started crying harder.
"Sasori! Ooooooh Sasori! You…you...you…you have always been there for me…when Deidara is being an idiot! And you're a great cook!" Itachi's eyes were blood red from crying and his cheeks were bright pink…damn he was really drunk.
"Kisaaaaaaame! My partner! My friend! Ooooh, Kisaaaaaaame…hold me….you're so cool…and…and…and…you're right I shouldn't always hide the condoms from Deidar ...and my brother is small for his age…and my mom was definitely hot…and…and…and….ooooooh Kisaaaame, I love you like the brother I hate!"
"Okay, Itachi. You're just very emotional now. Why don't you go lay down and rest and when you wake up you'll be insanely jealous of Deidara and you'll want those jeans back." Zetsu said unclasping Itachi from Kisame and talking to him like he was 5. Zetsu kept talking to Itachi and led him down the hall to put him to bed. Deidara stopped Kisame's mix tape.
"You're sober…start explaining." Sasori said.
"Well Danna, Itachi found his black Prada shirt and I told him he might need some stain stick for that, yeah. Itachi got pissed as usual and took his rage pill, yeah. Then he went to the fridge because he got even more pissed when he went into the bathroom and discovered that I used the last condom, yeah. So, he got out the Bailey's and started screaming at me, yeah. I don't know why you didn't hear it, yeah. Then he told me I don't look good in red but I think I do look good in red but he says that red should only be worn in the winter and I said that I like wearing red during the fall months and he said that red changes my skin tone that I'm more of a cool tone and that red makes it…
"Deidara!" Kisame and Sasori yelled
"Oh yeah, Itachi, okay. Then after that he started crying and he put on this mix tape and closed the door, yeah. Then he asked me if I wanted to cut tags off our clothes and he was still crying, yeah. Then you 3 showed up!" Kisame and Sasori looked at each other. They heard the door close and Zetsu came back down the hall. They shrugged their shoulders.
"Yeah that sounds like something Itachi would do." Kisame said and Sasori agreed. "Hey let's all go to the beach and let him sober up." Everyone agreed…it was the first time on the trip Deidara got to wear swim trunks that he packed in his suitcase without Itachi getting to them first…